Sunday, April 28, 2013


My friend, B collected me and took me to the local Ashram in a last ditch effort to get me to partake in either spiritual enlightenment (for the regulars), codswallop (for the uninitiated) or utter confusion (me).  My last dalliance with Eastern dogma was in 1994 when my cousin was active in the Hari Krishnas.  Personally I didn't think they were as cute, cuddly or as dance-y as they made out but perhaps I was being narrow minded.  My cousin eventually came to the same conclusion and left the HKs and became a nun.  Now she isn't even that... anyway, that's another story for another time.

I can't say the Ashram is a place of dogma or religion per se but people were extra nice to me, which is something that always puts me on guard in that "special way" that religion usually does.  In my experience, people who don't know you aren't really that nice unless they really want something from you.   In any case - the greeter did his job and I was suitably charmed as hopeless, depressed people who have been in the dark for a long time often are by surprising acts of kindness from strangers.

The chanting started and I initially if not unconsciously resisted the pull into the vortex of swimming words and dancing sounds.  My default is to resist and I do this without thinking.  It's a protective mechanism that has both worked wonders and made me incredibly unhappy.  I made a conscious decision right then, as I did a couple of weeks ago coming out of the worst birthday I've ever had that it was time to rebirth and forget the past.  My answer, for my own survival, needed to be a yes.

So I dove right into the swirling melody and let go the wandering, wondering mind and the disbelief and became at one with the mass of people from all walks - business men in suits, teenagers, yogis, wannabees, stoners and crones.  I felt the noise envelope me in a spiritual hug and felt myself lift as if pulled by pure vibration humming upwards and inwards and all around at once.  I felt the room swim and felt myself swim with it.  With energy abound and heat exploding everywhere around me I understood for a brief second what it was to be part and whole at the same time... and then like a light switching off, it was gone and I was back in the hall with mere mortals again as if it never happened.

I may or may not go back but all I know is that at 17 days old, for a second and a half, I finally connected.