Thursday, June 27, 2013

Totally Boss.

The so-called leaders of this fair country Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd have been playing a kind of perverted pass the parcel with the top job over the past few years.  Quite frankly I think I can safely say that we're all rather sick of it fuck you very much.  I hope this is the last we hear of it.  Particularly as this guy:

is about to take over the top job.  Surely we have bigger things to worry about eh Australia?

Having said that, I've spent the last couple of years both mystified and pissed (pisstified is what I wanted to write to be honest) at how the media and even just the Australian public has treated our first lady PM.  I hated it how the Australian media (and other politicians in fact) would refer to her as Julia rather than Prime Minister or Ms Gillard.  What's up with that?   It was despicable how it was deemed okay to comment on her clothes, her body, her face or her posture, particularly when it was clear that she was there to get policies happening.  It was down right disrespectful how her boyfriend's sexuality was questioned TO HER FACE.  I felt sick to my stomach every time the not only unnecessary but downright sexist taunts happened.  I'm not even a fan of hers!

Seriously, why DID this happen?

My feminist roots scream at me from deep down "it's because she's a woman" and I can't not listen to them.

Another part of me thinks that this all harks back to the Delilah Effect, namely women, bringing down great men and the fear this strikes in "mankind".  Let's not forget that it was Eve that tempted Adam into giving up paradise and brought sin upon "man".  And what about that little scamp Delilah, who seduced Samson, told his secrets and brought him down?  Ummmahhh.   Likewise, the public never quite forgave Julia Gillard for taking over the PM role and turfing old Kev (you see what I did there?) out.

She's Eve.  She's Delilah.  She's the knife in the back of powerful men.

I have a problem with the general public hating her for this.

When Kevin Rudd was in the job (the first time around) he was a mess.  The party (the men behind the scenes if you like) overthrew him, not just Ms Gillard.  Now he's back and are we happy?  No.  Of course we're not.  Most of us remember how shit he was at the time and know that something needed to happen.  Julia happened, and unfortunately she made a bunch of mistakes in her time as PM that made it hard for us to warm to her.  Regardless, it was never going to go well. The damage was done before she was even sworn in.

You know, I'd much rather condemn her for not supporting gay marriage than the fact that she had balls enough to take over the top job from an egocentric, rageaholic and make it her own.

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Sunday, June 23, 2013

Youtube Killed the Video Star.

I can't remember the first video clip I ever saw.

I do remember watching Madonna writhing on the road in Burning Up and Michael Jackson making the floor light up with every precious step in the clip for Billie Jean and I remember bouncing on the couch until it broke while watching Mick Jagger sing Start Me Up on Countdown.  But... I don't remember my first ever video clip.  Video may have killed the radio star but I was in favour of this kind of cold blooded murder.  I couldn't get enough of watching music on the TV and though I was never really given free reign over the remote I found a way to watch Countdown in between breaks on the nightly news.

When I was a teenager, as most Australian teenagers do I started watching Rage - a music video program that ran all night on the weekends. In fact, I approached this venture in most nerdological (made up word) fashion by taping each overnight show and then watching them in full the next day. I was fascinated by what musical artists picked as their favourite video clips and took note of the artists they sighted as influences for their own music.  If I liked that musical artist I'd make it my business to explore their musical tastes.  It fascinated me that Trent Reznor listened to Erykah Badu and that Perry Farrell was partial to The Geraldine Fibbers.  I explored these connections and I drew musical family trees in my head that remain intact to this day.

I've always wanted to program Rage for a night.  I guess the beauty of owning a blog and having access to YouTube means you can kind of program your own 

So, here you go, my favourite video clips.

Okay, this is by far my favourite clip of all time. It's a masterpiece of popular culture.  It's funny.  It's vibrant.  The song is just brilliant.  The album this song comes from is one of my favourites and I can never watch it just once.
Buddy Holly - Weezer

Chris Cornell has the voice of an angel.  That is, if the angel was screaming his head off.  I remember when this video clip came out.  I happened to be into surrealist art at the time and this video clip fit right into my idea of what was beautiful and meaningful. It was on high rotation in my household until it drove everyone nuts.  Love the creepy Stepford wife feel of it.  The song stands the test of time.  Soundgarden rock.
Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden

Laurie Anderson is a crackpot.  I pick this video because it's hypnotic and beautiful in a performance art kind of way.  Conceptual performance-artist cracker jacks need love too you know. You have to admire a woman who is going to go completely left field with her art.  She totally makes this work.  Who knows what the fuck it's about?  Who cares?  It's great.
O Superman - Laurie Anderson

Oh Billie Jean.  For many years I dreamt of a house where I could have tiles that lit up when I stepped on them.  I asked for it numerous times but my parents weren't buying it.  I'm still dirty on the fact that it never happened.  I practised doing the moonwalk up and down the corridor until my legs hurt.  This video clip is marvelous.  The song is even better.  I love everything about it.
Billie Jean - Michael Jackson

I love Deborah Harry. She's both crazy and beautiful.  What a combination in a woman.  I love the jazz hands in this video.  In fact I pick the video based purely on the jazz hands.  Looking at this now, it seems like it's very dated but somehow it still works.  Even the very, very VERY bad attempt at rap is absolutely awesome.  Thus is the power of Blondie; they can make bad rap sound brilliant.
Rapture - Blondie

When this clip came out it was the talk of the town.  It's still funny.  Not sure if I still love the song but the clip is great.
Praise You - Fatboy Slim

I've been sitting here for a while trying to think of something coherent to say about this song and this clip.  It's difficult because there was (and is) such controversy about Courtney Love, her famed drug habit, her accused Yoko Ono type role in the demise of Kurt/Nirvana.  Although Courtney Love was one of the greatest train wrecks of the 90s you can't take your eyes off her in this clip.  It's beautifully shot and I think really typifies the grungy aesthetic typical of that time - and particularly of Hole.  The lyric - I want to be the girl with the most cake...  I mean, wow.  It's a beautiful song.  Great clip.
Doll Parts - Hole

I love a bit of a musical war.  You can't miss the intent in his video clip.  If Chris Cornell is the most angelic male screamer then Kat Bjelland is his female counterpart.  She is flawless in her anger.  Apparently she's quite a soft spoken sweet woman in real life but you'd never know from her music.  I love how blatantly obvious this clip is.  Basically... eat shit Courtney?  Would that be fair to say?  I love Babes in Toyland.  They were a great band.
Bruise Violet - Babes in  Toyland
Click for Clip

This isn't my favourite Sonic Youth song (that honour goes to Teenage Riot) but this is definitely up there.  Kim Gordon is truly one of the best women in rock and I love Kathleen Hanna's guest role in this clip.  Are they poking fun at Hole?  Looks like we'll never know.  Kim Gordon produced Hole's first record and Kathleen Hanna hated Courtney with a passion (likewise Courtney).  It's a little awkward when your friends hate your friends, eh?  Love this song but I love the video clip more.
Bull in the Heather - Sonic Youth

Yes, we all wish would could be as cool as Kim Deal but it looks as though Kim Deal wanted to be as cool as Kim Gordon and sought her out especially to direct this film clip (alongside Spike Jonze) for The Breeders.  I remember listening to this song ad nauseam when it came out.  It's STILL EXCELLENT.  Love the Cannonball rolling down the street.  I hope no one got hurt.  Love it.
Cannonball - The Breeders

He ambles along.  He bumps into people.  He sings stony faced.  What's not to love?
Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve

Ahhh Kurt.  What can I say? What a beautiful, troubled man.  All Nirvana's songs are gorgeous but mostly full of pain.  How can they not be?  Sure this song is no exception but you have to smile when watching the clip.  I get a big kick out of the retro variety show vibe.
In Bloom - Nirvana

This song is uncomfortable to listen to.  We've all sung it, (mostly drunk) but have you really listened to it?  It's not exactly ...flattering.  Although he's cleaned up his act now and looks more like an ad for healthy living than as the skinny coke head that wrote Closer, Trent Reznor was truly a force during those "Downward Spiral" days.  He's still remarkable of course. This video clip is confronting and magnificent on many levels.  Why should things be comfortable and G-rated all the time? I'd much rather see this kind of perversion than an under-age Miley Cyrus writhing on my screen any day.  Let's get serious.  This is a masterpiece and a beautiful, disturbing, horrifying visual feast.
Closer - NIN

It's the dance.  The dance is brilliant.
Thriller - Michael Jackson

I was still a 10 year old Catholic when this clip came out.  It rocked my world.  If anyone could bring a saint to life it was Madonna in a black slip dancing in front of flaming crucifixes.  The controversy this clip produced was mammoth at the time.  Condemned by the Vatican!  That basically means it's awesome.
Like A Prayer - Madonna

Love it when a video clip tells a story.  This is gorgeous.  The song is magnificent and the clip is like a mini movie.  Kate Bush was inspired by a memoir written by Peter Reich about cloudbusting (rain making) with his father Wilhelm Reich.  It's a hypnotic clip.  Kate Bush plays the son and Donald Sutherland plays Wilhelm. A beautiful creation.
Cloudbusting - Kate Bush

Sometimes you come across a video clip that is so absolutely perfect for the song.  This is it.  Love the slightly chaotic camera work.  It sets the perfect mood for teenage hedonism.
1979 - Smashing Pumpkins

Every. single. lyric. is pure joy.  Love the Bobby Brown references.  Jimmy Fallon has got some moves.
Idiot Boyfriend - Jimmy Fallon

Okay, so this is not exactly an official video clip but I just love it.  Sesame Street is so clever with the play on words here.  Love it how the U keeps attacking and groping Smokey.  It's a little creepy, but what's not to love?
U Really Got a Hold on Me - Smokey Robinson (Sesame Street Version)

Generally speaking TWS make great video clips but this is my favourite and perhaps even my favourite song of theirs.  How long must it have taken to create such a lego-tastic delight?  Love the colours and the fun of it.
Fell in Love with a Girl - The White Stripes

Ohhhh, how I love this video clip.  It's sad, it's funny, it's sweet.  How can you not fall in love with the anthropomorphic dog-man?  It's beautifully shot and after all that rejection you just want him to get together with that lovely girl.  Alas, not to be.  *sob*
Da Funk - Daft Punk

If Buddy Holly is my favourite video clip this would have to be a very close second.  Everything about it is flawless.  Love the Starsky and Hutch feel of it.  The song is incredible and the action is riveting. Is there anything that Spike Jonze can't do?  He's a master in under 4 minutes.
Sabotage - Beastie Boys

Simple.  The lyrics are masterful (it's Bob, duh) and when you have good lyrics you just need to write them down and the point is made.  Yep.
Subterranean Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan
Click for Clip

Best choreography since Thriller.
Here it Goes Again - OK Go

This clip is just weird.  Love the spasmodic clapping and dancing.  The ending is a true WTF moment.  That's what I like in a video clip!
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

The song is brilliant but the clip just adds that extra dimension of crazy.  It's funny and creepy at the same time.  I laughed my head off the first time I saw the pregnant man put a pineapple up his wahoo.  As for the disco dancing down the supermarket isles... Genius!
Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction

Speaking of genius.  Foofighters always had it (Big Me, anyone?) but Everlong takes the cake as one of the strangest "funny videos" of all time.  Love it when Dave Grohl goes back into the dream and emerges with the lady log legs.  You'll see what I mean when you watch the clip.
Everlong - Foofighters

I love a bit of politics in my music and this is pretty fearless as far as promoting a message.  Directed by Michael Moore, this clip caused the NY Stock Exchange to lock its doors, fearing they would be stormed by angry rioters. Splicing the clip with images from the "Millionaire" game show highlight the division between rich and poor.  What is art if not a reflection of life?
Sleep Now in the Fire - Rage Against the Machine

Does having a baby momma who is an airhead undercut how hauntingly beautiful this clip is?  Yeah, it kind of does.  ...but it's a great clip.
Runaway - Kanye West

Why can't this happen to me?  Take note Mr Darcy.
Take on Me - A ha

I was a big Queen fan growing up (still am) - Freddie Mercury is masterful in this video clip. There is no hint of irony here. He is splendid in pink and the song is glorious.  Just another suburban day waiting to dawn where a humdrum domestic goddess dreams of a better life. Don't we all?
I Want to Break Free - Queen  

Jarvis Cocker is sublime in everything he does.  This clip is no exception - garish and stark.  The song is funny and tragic all rolled into one.  Love the lyrics. Love Jarvis.
Common People - Pulp

From the moment the opening lyric excuse me but can I be you for a while is uttered you know it's going to be a goodie. It's heart-wrenching and beautiful.  I love the image of the little girl climbing over the piano and Tori in a box.  The clip has an 'experimental' feel to is and Tori seems kind of awkward.  This of course adds to the brilliance.
Silent All These Years - Tori Amos

If Freddie Mercury showed us how to be a domestic goddess from one side this is the story from the other side of the tracks.  This clip is no  "Sabotage" with its punchy action. Instead it meanders gently from scene to scene like a neverending flowing stream - as Badu does, from room to room ...on and on.  It's worth the 5 minute investment you'll make.  Brilliant song.  Thoughtful clip
On and On - Erykah Badu

Et vous?

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Friday, June 21, 2013

High Definition Life

Due to extensive sessions with MVOR I've turned a sort of corner (I say 'sort of' because I'm not sure if I have or haven't) and so I'm seeing life in ultra high definition at the moment.
It's not altogether a positive experience.
Sure, while I'm constantly amazed by the vibrancy of this new vision in which I view my life I'm also more painfully aware of my shortcomings than I ever was before.  Every pixel is screaming to be noticed and it is.

Never more apparent was this than during my visit with E today, who brought her little pumpkin round to say hi.  Well, Pumpkin is absolutely adorable as you would expect of a happy, healthy, vibrant young child and while E and I talked about this and that we were entertained by Pumpkin's little antics as she fell back on the pillows, or giggled at no one in particular or waved at her reflection in the Piano.   Pixels screaming.  I notice.

Since I'm still staying with Mum while I recoup it was inevitable that she walk into the house to find E, whom she hasn't seen since probably early University days and who now has a young child.  Mum was absolutely besotted with Pumpkin and I saw her go into full on grandmother mode.  That is, grandmother mode in full HD.  Pixels screaming.

And in that moment there as she played peek-a-boo with Pumpkin, I saw exactly what she had been missing, which is what I hadn't given her; a grandchild.  Indeed, it was what I haven't yet managed to give myself.  I felt the weight and sadness of that bittersweet moment in full blown HD for both of us, but mostly for Mum, whom I realised would be a great grandmother given the chance and who would just cherish that role so much.

High Definition life kind of sucks sometimes.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Dissection

When I finally had the opportunity to sit down with MVOR to talk about my operation I told her it was bar none the worst experience I've ever lived through.  She seemed a little surprised since I've had quite a few bad experiences and asked me to explain why I thought that.  I told her that it was a painful, horrible experience and I didn't think that any perceived benefits from the op were going to be worth dealing with what I've already been through.  So we dissected it further.  We talked about why it was so traumatic and what effect that had on me.

We talked at length.

It soon became apparent that despite the physical pain there were a lot of positives that came from it:

- I learnt to congratulate myself on my achievements.  When I swallowed a piece of food I'd be proud and by proud I mean I'd give myself a little clap, just like the Special Ed kids.

- I let go of some of the resentment I have towards people in my family.

- I realised that I had people in my corner, on my side, working with and not against me.

- I not only allowed people to help me but I welcomed it.

- I put myself first.

- I faced my vulnerability without being defensive about it (for once).

- I encouraged myself to think positively, not because I was told to but because I wanted to.

While I wouldn't advocate anyone ever going through a tonsillectomy I realise now that the physical trauma I went though forced me to deal with issues I had otherwise ignored.

Hooray, me!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

A short note about hipster beards

Dear Men of Melbourne,

If you insist on sporting this look:

Then we have no choice but to counteract with:


The Women of Melbourne.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Part 2


Post-Op Day 8

I had a couple of visitors today.  Look at me being all civilised and human!  I tried my best to doll myself up.  Until now I've been living in socks and a blanket with a hot water bottle tied to my stomach.  Wearing clothes was a big step forward.

 I didn't bring your breakfast, because you didn't eat your din-din!

I feel my efforts, may have missed the mark.
Slept for about 1/2 an hour.  A good day.

Post-Op Day 9
Sleep deprivation is starting to get to me.  Yawning is completely out of the question due to raw flesh RIPPING at the back of my throat and yet once I've stifled one I feel like I'm trying to hold back on 10 at once.  How can one master the art of yawning by not yawning?  Why hasn't anyone figured that one out, huh?

I accidentally find myself falling asleep on the couch.  I wake in a puddle of drool, gagging and in pain.  This will not do!  It's time to get tough - if sleep doesn't happen at night, then it can just forget it!  We'll see who comes out on top.

Snap out of it!

I spend the rest of the day listening to Carole King and contemplating the deeper meaning of life (I had the answer... but forgot), thanking Xenu I don't have to deal with a wet day timetable at work and weeping silently because of the pain. 

Post-Op Day 10

I visit Dr Wink-Dimples today. I've become obsessed with the image of him prancing around living a normal family life after inflicting such damage on me.  I consider packing a prison shank (a shiv?) to take with me to give him a taste of his own medicine.

He winks hello and then proceeds to vacuum my nose.  I feel this is the way forward for humanity from now on.  This is our next step in human evolution.  This is what the ENTs have been using while we've been battling with Kleenex.  I almost ask for the model number.  By the time he finishes off I've completely forgotten to shank him in the tonsils.  You'll live Dimples, you'll live.

open up.

I've noticed that the more I can speak... the less amicable my relationship with Florence Henderson is.  Now that I have a voice I can argue that for instance, driving over two lanes of traffic on Victoria Parade isn't the best move...  That may be a foolish conversation starter on my part though.  I may have a voice, but I'm still pretty much an invalid and we wouldn't want a bad situation to develop, would we?

It's the swearing, Paul. It has no nobility.

Perhaps had I talked less and been in delirium more often my teenage years would have gone a lot more smoothly.  Food for thought.

Post-Op Day 11

Today I make my first trip into the outside world with normal everyday humans.  My boss is getting married and there fore it's time for me to crack open the Revlon Colour Stay.  I look a treat.

Of course I feel fine.

I feel okay.  I can talk.  I can move.. I carry around a water bottle and sip from it annoyingly every 30 seconds.  I am almost human now and yet people seem surprised to see me.  Perhaps it's the make up.  I'd have to be dead not to turn up, seriously. I survive until the dizziness ensues and then make my hasty exit.

Sleep is still the main area of my life that is no happening.  I'm afraid to do it because it's painful and I wake up with drool everywhere.  Confession time folk, I have taken to wearing a bib while sleeping.    It's the only way to protect my sheets from the Niagara Falls like deluge that escapes from my mouth every night.

no more whoopsies!

I may not be very attractive right now but I am nothing if not prepared.

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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

My Lovely Tonsillectomy!

You know what I did last week?  I had a Tonsillectomy/Septoplasty!  What a fun time for me.  Let me give you a (quite rare these days) insight to my life over the past 7 days.

Operation day
The bastard very nearly didn't happen.  It turned out my temperature was a couple of degrees elevated.  Looking back I now realise this was a direct message from The Gods to pack it the fuck up and get out of there while I still had my wits about me.  Doctors (surgeons in particular) have a God complex, of course and went ahead with it anyway.  Mistake?  You decide.

Coming out of the Anesthetic I thought, “gee, I’m going to hurl”. Little did I know this would be the single most coherent and insightful thought I’d have for the next 7 days…  I'm going to hurl said it all.  I wasn’t breathing well and they put me on O2 – which was not great for the dry throat thing one usually tries to avoid when dealing with an open wound at the back of your throat. I had a septoplasty/turbs done at the same time so all my airways were compromised. I kept seeing the nurses kept giving me and each other worried looks. This is not a good side from where I was laying.

My mother, bless her, was like a champion by my side literally feeding ice chips into my mouth.  A regular Florence Nightingale (or was it Henderson...maybe both).  As predicted about 5 hours later I hurled my guts out. Ate zero. Drank a little. I was just so dizzy. The only medication I could take was panadol and anti-nausea through IV. I barely slept a wink.

Post-Op Day 1
They, being the nurses, accused me of not eating, drinking and amazingly of not breathing (!!!) and so the Drs kept me in the hospital for a second night.  Time to ask for bed pans and sponge baths I think! As miserable as I was it was the best thing that could have happened as I was not in a good way though. I decided to make an effort to eat and drink even if I wasn’t feeling like it. Plus, I hadn’t been to the toilet for #2s and this was the big talk of the town on Floor 4, let me tell you now! I felt a little better today. The pain was pretty bearable and I was taking regular Panadine forte and Endone as well as my antibiotic. Slept maybe 2 hours total.
Post-Op Day 2
Home day! ...But I woke up nauseous.
They kept feeding me anti-nausea meds through my IV until it was time for me to go home (about midday). Pain in my throat was getting worse by the second. By the time I got home to Florence Henderson/Nightingale I was feeling constantly dizzy and ill. I keep trying to down my meds as I know it is the one thing that will get me through. I realise after gagging for the third time that I cannot swallow the Panadine forte and after a big battle with my better judgement I make the executive decision to switch to Panadol Soluble instead. Panadol Soluble is what you feed kids and I was in adult pain.

Sleep, I realise is overrated, when I wake up weeping from the pain from only 1/2 hour of it. This is despite my humidifier being on. I watch the clock like a hawk waiting for my Med times. I need them an hour before they are due.
So much pain.
Post-Op Day 3
I didn’t think the pain could get worse but I was completely wrong it does and did! So does the dizziness and nausea. I’m trying hard to eat, knowing that eating keeps me as well as can be expected but at the same time eating makes me feel sick. My ears start chiming in with co-pain to my nose and throat. I just sit and cry as it seems to me the most constructive thing I can do.  My crying is quite hysterical.  It consists of me sitting in a silent scream and then slowly letting out a wail.  Tears prick up and fall but in slow motion - then about 30 seconds later I realise I can't hold this position without inflicting permanent damage on self so I pull it together and stop.

Still no poop.
I've come to think of night time as, that total waste of hours between 8pm – 8am. Sleep is too difficult, painful and an extreme punishment after what is already a punishing experience.  I try to remember what I've been told about sleep deprivation and illness recovery but I'm too tired to care.  My objective is to stay awake at all costs.

I just try to bide my time until daylight and activity. Every so often I’ll fall into sweet sleep but wake up with razor blades down the back of my throat.

To make matters worse at 4am – I throw up everywhere.  I think we need something a little more hard core than Florence Henderson...

Post-Op Day 4
Realising that my precious stash of (good) Meds are going to run out I ask my Florence to place a call to the ENT about getting me some more of that particular kind. He seems reluctant in the way that only people who hold ultimate power over lesser beings is. Also, as it is the Queen’s birthday holiday weekend he’s about to head off on a holiday. Eventually the guilt hits you as it always tends to when speaking to Mum and he agrees to come and see me at home. A home visit!

He breezes in, all dimpled, clean running shoes, crisp blue jeans and what looks like "weekend leisure wear" and from what I can see in this deep delirium I'm in, a picture of perfect health. I want to kill him. I can’t believe there are people doing normal things, while I wallow in blackened depression and self pity. I decide this is my last day of wallowing. He tells me that Day 5 is usually the worst and that while it may not get ‘better’ it won’t get too much worse after that. This does not sound comforting to my painful ears and with a wink (yes), he's gone. I imagine him doing whatever people do with soccer balls and their kids.  Damn him.

Later on in the day I hear the song “My Sweet Lord” (G.Harrison) on the radio and cry my eyes out. It’s like I’ve discovered this unique gift I have, which is that I understand everything at a deeper level than everyone else now. Everything is sad and everything is horrible but also beautiful and tragic.

Oh that's right, I wasn’t going to wallow.
While I am so grateful to Mum for looking after me (she is a champ) I look over at her meal tonight and have never felt so jealous in my life. It’s crispy skin roasted chicken with crispy baked potatoes and yummy pumpkin. I have the same… blended into puree. I feel so sad. At 10pm I throw it all up, which doesn't look much different from when it went in – so dizzy. such pain. I decide I need a break from the Meds because I am so ill. I know I can’t make it pain wise but I will try… Still no poop.
Post-Op Day 5
I sleep a little (maybe 3 hours) and awake in agony.
Dizzy – check,
Sick – check,
Stabbing pain in throat – check,
Midget miners in my ear canals with picks – check.

Oh good, just wanted to check and see if the status quo was up and running…chhhhhheck.. Decide the ENT was right, definitely the most painful day. I can barely eat and I’ve decided at this moment to see how long I can survive without Meds. That’s right. NO MEDS. NOOOOOOOOO MEDS. I’m still dizzy. I’m still sick. I’m in so much pain.. Feel like I have no choice though. This day is pure hell. Sleep about 30 minutes. Seriously, what’s the point? This no pooping thing is really getting me down.

Post-Op Day 6
The dizziness slowly disappearing. I’m hungry… But of course I’m in so much pain that I can’t eat what I want. Remember I’m on no Meds at this stage so I’m just on survival. My nose keeps feeling funky. I try to ignore it most of the time because it clearly plays second fiddle to the star on stage – my tonsils. Sometimes though, it’ll chime in with a sympathy pain and sears through my head… juuuust letting me know it’s there. Yeah, thanks buddy.

I performed a little home operation on my nose.  It was satisfying but I'm sure I'll get into trouble by winking, dimple guy but at this stage I've realised that I'm a bit like Rocky fighting the Russian here, I'm down and out but I'll give anything a go. Plus, I gave birth to a poo baby, you have no idea how happy and proud I am.

My friend gives me the idea to eat aloe vera, known for it’s healing properties. I mash some up into a green juice. Now, before I went into this operation I thought to myself that I would stick to my normal healthy lifestyle… lots of green. Green juice daily. Organic, no sugar, no wheat, no refined carbs, no preservatives etc. That went out the window on day 1. It’s been jelly and ice blocks everyday since this shindig went down. Today was the first day I had a green juice. I was so happy. The aloe was blended into it and tasted good. It took me a long time to drink but I was so proud of myself that I did.
2 hours sleep. :(
Post-Op Day 7
Still persevering with no Meds. Green juice again. My hunger is back but I’m still pureeing everything. I don’t know how the post-tonsillectomy internet community is eating things like toast. I can do soft bread and honey but that’s as far as I get. I still get regular stabs of white hot poker pain as well as the normal horrible swallowing pain. I look at the back of my throat ... it looks like a creepy snow cave in there.

Today is the first day I feel kind of human. I’m still crying at all the sad songs on the radio and to be honest I weep when eating a bit too. In fact I cried when the ad came on about ending battery farms, then again when Brooke betrayed her sister on Bold and the Beautiful and again when The Voice was on (just because they sounded like angels) and then again when the news about those kids that made their own home made moonshine and died drinking it.

Then I think – far out I am STRONG – I am doing the worst days on no pain Meds whatsoever. I am so amazing.

Meanwhile... it's 11pm, what am I going to do with the rest of my night while I avoid the big S?

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