Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Dissection

When I finally had the opportunity to sit down with MVOR to talk about my operation I told her it was bar none the worst experience I've ever lived through.  She seemed a little surprised since I've had quite a few bad experiences and asked me to explain why I thought that.  I told her that it was a painful, horrible experience and I didn't think that any perceived benefits from the op were going to be worth dealing with what I've already been through.  So we dissected it further.  We talked about why it was so traumatic and what effect that had on me.

We talked at length.

It soon became apparent that despite the physical pain there were a lot of positives that came from it:

- I learnt to congratulate myself on my achievements.  When I swallowed a piece of food I'd be proud and by proud I mean I'd give myself a little clap, just like the Special Ed kids.

- I let go of some of the resentment I have towards people in my family.

- I realised that I had people in my corner, on my side, working with and not against me.

- I not only allowed people to help me but I welcomed it.

- I put myself first.

- I faced my vulnerability without being defensive about it (for once).

- I encouraged myself to think positively, not because I was told to but because I wanted to.

While I wouldn't advocate anyone ever going through a tonsillectomy I realise now that the physical trauma I went though forced me to deal with issues I had otherwise ignored.

Hooray, me!