Tuesday, July 31, 2007

weird girl

* Do you ever hide chocolate (or other forbidden items) around in hard to get places so that you can save them up for a really rainy day (ie: for when you're about 10 seconds from committing suicide using a blunt butter knife and a bobby pin). But about 1 day after you bury the forbidden item in the perfect place you find yourself excavating the site and like some woman gone wild suddenly you're ripping the wrapping off a bar of cadburys with your TEETH and making weird sounds that may or may not belong in a wild baboon tribe?

* Is it sad to actually feel a *real connection* with your pet fish Moe and truly believe that he recognises you when he comes to say hello each morning? Is it weird to make squishy lips at said pet through the glass bowl while he wags his tail like a dog and makes squishy lip faces back at you?

* Is it wrong to refer to a 10 year old as an arsehole? If so what would a GOOD alternative be that gives the same sense of satisfaction while saying it?

* Is it highly suspect to get into arguments with random internet people whose name you don't even know just for the sake of getting into an argument because you're feeling a little feisty?

* Do you ever talk to the television? What about the computer? How about your car? A tub of ice-cream? What I really want to know is do you ever talk to real people who aren't actually with you at the time that all this talking is going on?

* When bored do you decide your going to give yourself a makeover and spend 3 hours totally styling your hair using heated utensils and then going through every bit of make up and tool you own until you look like a cross between Marilyn Monroe and a drag queen?

* Do you ever buy tickets to bands you're not sure you can be bothered going to see because it's a school night and all you want to do is bury yourself under the covers with your latest excavation and a trashy book?

Just checking

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Sunday, July 29, 2007


A month or so ago I was reading the newspaper when I came across something that reminded me of the power of blogging. That's right, you know what I'm talking about: Lionel Ritchie is coming to Melbourne!

For those of you who are confused to why this little piece of news reminded me of the power of blogging I cast your mind back about 8 months ago to a Musical Monday in November of 2006 where you, yes YOU my friends voted Lionel Ritchie the winner of my first ever Musical Monday SHOWDOWN, against the awesome power of Billy Ocean.

check it out!

...and now he's coming to Melbourne! That's right - you voted for him on my blog and now he's bringing his tour down under! Do you see Billy Ocean coming to Melbourne and playing a bunch of wineries and a stadium and perhaps making an appearance on Rove Live and that morning show with Kerri-Anne Kennerly? Nope, you don't. Billy, dare I say it is still stuck somewhere living in a cardboard box in England perfecting a slight Caribbean accent for his comeback single which will surely not even make it to #1000 on the billboard charts (made up fact). You guys certainly picked a winner last time but I'm wondering if you are one trick ponies or ...can you do it again?

Get your thinking hats on kids because this one's a toughie. I've got two absolute CLASSICS here for you today. When it comes to songs that heal and songs and enrich you can't go past these two. Indeed, when it comes to making choices between songs these two always get me confused. I can't decide between them. I can't decide which one is just that little bit more fantastic.

Don't Go Breaking My Heart V Love Will Keep Us Together

In one corner you have a flamboyant piano sittin', flared pants wearing, awkward dancing pair of knuckleheads and in the other corner you have a .....flamboyant piano sittin', flared pants wearing, awkward dancing pair of knuckleheads. Hm...

How can one decide between them? It's like picking your favourite child - Both songs are poppy. Both songs climbed to the top of the mainstream charts in the summer months of the mid 70s and stayed there forever. Both songs are simultaneously hated when sober but when you're drunk it's like "Oh man I looooooove this song" (err...could just be me).

It's impossible to pick! I hear you scream, but no folks the fact of the matter is - every parent has a favourite child. Every parent picks one child to pat on the head while they lock the other under the stairs and shovel gruel through the food flap at them (could be a bit of exaggeration here).

Oh yes folks, I'm making you decide the impossible. Which child are you going to feed gruel to? Elton and Kiki or Captain and Tennille? Please vote. Pleeease, just make a choice. Even if you hate both songs surely you hate one a little less than the other - it's impossible to like or hate both THE SAME. COME ON!!!

Which is your favourite? Listen and Decide.

Don't Go Breaking My Heart - Elton John and Kiki Dee

Love will Keep Us Together - Captain and Tennille

Don't be Switzerland. Make a choice!


Meanwhile two exciting things in media land:

1) Zach the lovable gay guy got through to the final of Big Brother! Even though I did sort of... kind of get a bit teary seeing typical Aussie bloke Travis so happy to see his son after being evicted I think it's high time another kind of male was celebrated in Oz culture. woo. A gay man/woman final. Have we entered the twilight zone or what?

2) Stardust, a novel (and graphic novel) written by Neil Gaiman is coming to the big screen. It's one of my favourite quirky fairy tales about a man who discovers love in an unlikely place and in the form of a fallen star (yes, like night sky star). I highly recommend the book for lovers of all things slightly left of centre.

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Thursday, July 26, 2007

issues meme

Totally stole this off Roselle.

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?If you think Jesus had any room for pockets and wallets in his robe thingy you've got another thing coming. Besides anyone who thinks that getting into religion isn't paying in one way shape or form is kidding themselves :P

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt a new name..what would it be?
Boris Yeltzin

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?JUST ONE? okay haha I'm funny. I mean..um Nebraska - what the hell goes on there anyway? Or maybe one of the Carolinas - why do they need two of them? What a bunch of show offs.

4. You wake up as the opposite gender. What's the one thing you wanna do?masturbate - nice to know I'd be doing something different from my everyday happenings. ha!

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Han Solo - it's Harrison. He's adorable! Also, it's quite evident that underneath the cad type exterior his heart is in the right place.

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?
Ken (wasn't allowed). Dolls house (too expensive). A set of *real* paints - not the water colour kind (I begged and begged but was always told no - too messy I guess). Now I play with paint everyday - so there!

7. What was the worst thing you ever ate?Tripe. oh my god that is the WORST food EVER!

8.The last time you laughed until your stomach hurt?
The other night - during dinner with the girls.

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
hm - Wolf Creek probably. That movie is an absolute horror!

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
I'm always putting my foot in it and saying stupid things. Plus this blog is a good example of all that.

11. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution: what do you want to eat?
Probably something really hearty and that holds lovely memories like mum's rice and meat stuffed whole artichoke soup. It's sooo good and I swear better than it sounds. Just yummy.

12. What's something that most people do that you've never done?Where do I start? Have a life I guess.

13. Before you die you want to go to...?
Travel the world with someone I love (and whom loves me).

14. What's the last thing you ate?
such a boring lunch - lettuce and cheese melted sanga, small packet of sultanas and a little tub of strawberry yoghurt.

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?Lion. Honestly I'd want to cuddle up in his mane. Also that sense of he could eat me alive but might not because he loves me is cool.

16. A drug you'll never try?I'm not into any hard drugs especially not something like heroin. Besides the fact that I've seen what it can do to someone long term - I also happen to hate needles.

17. If you were an animal, what would you be?
platypus. Quirky, many different and wonderous attributes, does their own thing, hermit-like.

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12, who would it have been?
I wrote about it once..last year sometime. *I* - I think I refered to him as.

19. What's something a lot of people don't know about you?
I'm a total romantic. I love sweetness.

20. First celebrity crush?
Tom Selleck. Oooo lala, he was HOT! Shuddup!

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?
Sling shot. More naughty than totally destructive. Can use it anywhere. Can't always see it coming. Easy to miss the target and annoy the wrong person. oops. Always..oops.

22. Best flavor of runts?
I have no idea what runts are.

23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...).
Eggs florentine with hollandaise on sourdough bread with side orders to suit my mood at the time. And coffee - good coffee.

24. Favorite movie?
That is not a good question for a girl like me whom is a huge movie fan. Too many to name - plus I'm eclectic in my tastes. I love Roman Holiday but also love Pulp Fiction, The Goonies, The Sound of Music, Say Anything, Life of Brian, Cinema Paradiso, The Blues Brothers, The Virgin Suicides, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Indiana Jones, Rocky films, Star Wars (original trio ONLY the new ones are SHIT), Rear Window, Ferris Buellers Day Off, Valley Girl, His Girl Friday, This is Spinal Tap, Grease, The Big Lebowski, Heathers... too many more to name.

25. Worst way to die?

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
There was this child at school who had a rash and she kept scratching the rash until her legs started streaming with blood. eww.

27. The worst injury you've ever had?
Twisted ankle. I'm not really big on the injuries.

28. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?
That while one culture feigns thanks the other mourns something rudely taken away. Just kiiiiiiidding - we don't have that here.

29. Sport you hate the most?
Greyhound racing. Sorry, it's the most bogan thing I've ever heard of in my life! I hate the culture surrounding Australian rules football as well. The players can do no wrong - when actually about 90% of them (made up stat) are absolute pigs.

30. What state in the US do you want to visit?NY, Washington State.

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?Music.

32. Favorite Actor/Actress?
Audrey Hepburn, Alan Rickman..okay I can't get started on this...

33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?
"think positively" UGH, you are a grand idiot.

34. What makes an awesome party?
Good friends. Great music. Alcohol and not having to drive.

35. What's your favorite material possession?
I have this little gold watch that used to belong to my grandmother. It totally doesn't work and isn't valuable at all - except spiritually I suppose. Also this tiny, tiny duo of two gold hearts entwined that my dad gave me for my 11th birthday.

36. What's something that most consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you?
You're quirky. I'd hate to be normal.

37. Favorite kind of dog(s)?
Lab. They help out. They're cute. They're loyal and seem friendly in a melancholy sort of way. They don't yap (I hate yappy dogs).

38. Favorite carnival food?
Hot jam donuts! Who's with me? They are yum.

39. Morning or night person?
Night. Absolutely.

40. What's the worst part about taking the bus?
Missing the bus. I always miss the bus. Also the freaks that tend to take the bus is a big drawback to actually taking the bus myself.

41. Weirdest Ebay purchase?
An egg shaped small suitcase. I love those hat box suitcases but couldn't find that so I bought this. In case you hadn't already figured it out, it also happened to be a stupid purchase.

42. Who's your man/woman crush?
At the moment it's Alan Rickman because Harry Potter just came out.

43. Its Saturday at 3am.?
Dream land. Are you kidding? I'm almost 30, girlfriend needs her beauty sleep.

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?
It really depends on my mood. M if we're going to be dancing. E if it's about watching a band. G if it's casual because she's hilarious. Also Bro. I like funny people.

45. Worst job you've ever had?
Waitress. It's not that the job was really that bad it's just that the sexual harrassment that went along with it fucked my shit up for the rest of my life.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
Watching crap reality TV. I *always* get made fun of for this. lol.

47. Favorite cereal?
Cornflakes. I know, I'm traditional. I also love porridge but it has to have all the right condiments in it.

48. Book you could read repeatedly?
The Bell Jar and Bridget Jones' Diary. How's that for two opposites?

49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
Please don't judge me harshly. It is seriously the worst thing I've ever done but when I was in high school a friend and I wrote a valentines letter to a mutual friend and signed it anonymous (guy). It was a lovely, soppy letter but her hopes were so raised and then when she found out it was us it was horrible. I felt bad immediately and though it was 16 years ago I still think about it occassionally. It was a crappy thing to do to a friend.

50. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
I'd ask if I could fire the cannons. Hopefully that would get me transferred to the mental health ward where I could play checkers all day.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

What Women Want

I have this little issue getting up in the mornings. I hate the alarm, you see. So instead of the alarm beeping I have the radio come on instead. The problem is that when the DJs have something interesting to say I end up staying in bed and listening to them instead of getting ready for work. Lately I've been pushing that "late" button to work because the last week or so has seen Hughsey and Kate (I know, I KNOW I hate the music too - please someone stab Fergie and that Umbrella (ella, ella, ella eh eh eh) chick with a blunt butter knife!) talking about "what women want".

The whole discussion started with Hughsey arguing that women are too hard to figure out, they ask for too much and they've got it so good. Meanwhile Kate's angry schpeil on the radio show says it ALL about what we DO and what we PUT UP WITH when it comes to men in relationships. Sometimes men have no idea about these things that go on, even when they are IN the relationship! You need to go listen to it (ignore the interview with Kevin Rudd in the first few minutes).

Hughsey and Kate Podcast

She also goes on to say that we realise when we're loved by men but that it should be demonstrated because a lot of what we do IN relationships IS demonstrative of our feelings. Obviously we realise that there are men who do the right thing but they're not in the fat part of the bell curve at all. They're in the skinny end that tapers off around the 10-15% mark - just like the really horrid ones lay at the OTHER end in the bottom 10-15% mark. Just like we women are. So put down the angry "but you said that ALL men..." remark. I said nothing of the sort. :P

They've continued the discussion throughout the week with many a woman AND man ringing to confirm the truth of what goes on in relationships between men and women.

I think it was Hughsey who proclaimed "well what do women want anyway?" and that prompted the making of a list of "what women REALLY want" from men.

You want the list? I think it's pretty good. It's not filled with money, bling, and bullshit either - and it's endorsed by the women who rang up and the radio station.

What Women Want*

* Acknowledgement for what we do
* To be looked after when we're sick.
* The abolition of slavery (ours)
* To be listened to when we talk
* To be romanced (pash us passionately)
* Affection (without promise of result)
* Honesty
* Equality
* Security - to love and be loved without doubt
* Respect.

All these were discussed in a lot more detail on the radio shows and all were brought up as points that we feel there is room for improvement. What do you think? Is this what you want? Is the list complete? I think it's spot on. It's not shallow or tongue in cheek. It cuts right down to the heart of the matter. We want you to respect us, acknowledge us, love us and treat us preciously. Shouldn't you?

Guys what do you think? Are you the perfect guy or is there room for improvement? I wonder what a list of "what men want" would look like? Really, what DO you want? How can we please you?

* I didn't explain earlier that this is NOT a list about what women *look for* in a man before they get him. So not just a random guy. It's about what we want WITHIN a LONG TERM relationship that already exists!

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Monday, July 23, 2007

you get so emotional baby.

Last year I wrote a post about how disgusted I was by the rape and subsequent posting of that FILMED ASSAULT of that young girl on YouTube and then the selling of that DVD to the local High Schools.

For those of you who didn't click on the link above let me outline this for you.

A young girl, with developmental delay was lured into a clearing by a group of boys where she was filmed being penetrated, urinated upon, SET ALIGHT, spat at and laughed at (ie: tortured).

The movie given a title Cunt: The Movie was then distributed and sold by those boys to students in local high schools for around $5 in the community where that girl lived.

That film was then posted on YouTube where it was viewed thousands of times.

This didn't happen in Iraq or Afghanistan by the way, it happened in Melbourne's western suburbs.

The boys were apprehended, after a search - some even dobbed in by their parents. The boys pleaded guilty.

Well, this week the verdict is in.

What do you think they deserve? They pleaded guilty. They are guilty. They are disgusting.


Nothing. They get off. Well the ones who have already faced court have anyway.

Oh right, yes they need to attend a course which deals with how to treat women with respect but apart from that little is done by way of punishment. I'm sure handing them a shiny present like escaping punishment will really teach them a lesson.

I'm just at a loss for any real way to convey how horrified I am by the light hand being dealt these boys. PARIS HILTON WENT TO JAIL FOR DRIVING WHILE HIGH, these boys RAPED A GIRL, FILMED HER TORTURE and then SOLD IT. They PLEADED GUILTY and they are let off.

Should they be rotting in jail? Yes.

But why aren't they?

How can guilty men NOT be convicted justly in a court of law? A court of law which is set up supposedly to protect men as well as women. Not just men.

And I have to ask the real question - how can women EVER trust in our system of law (and law enforcement) to keep us safe from crimes such as rape and aggravated assault when it's evident that even the guilty don't get a conviction?

Already we are too scared to report these crimes in the first place. Statistics show that the number of rapes that are reported only indicate a VERY SMALL fraction of those rapes that actually DO OCCUR. Furthermore even when the crime is reported not many convictions seem to happen or if they do, they aren't ever long enough or harsh enough. After they get out, many rape again, and again. Indeed according to recent article in The Age

CONVICTION rates for rape in Victoria may have fallen below 1 per cent of all rapes committed, based on an examination of police records combined with government surveys and courts data.

Why is this happening?

Do women matter so little in this world that crimes committed TOWARDS us (as yes, I am personally affronted by this, and you should be too) are swept so carelessly under the carpet? This is something we need to address.

Is the case for women so hopeless that we've stopped fighting? No one says anything - are we scared or scarred? Furthermore, why aren't our fathers, brothers, husbands and people who love us, publicly up in arms about it? Why is it that of the few voices that speak out - almost all of them are those of women? Sorry to be overly cynical but if we're not being heard in the court room then certainly we're not being heard in the public arena. Obviously these are not just a women's issues anyway. These are issues that people should TALK about, both men and women - but sadly no one ever wants to.

This shit has gone on long enough - this is not a girl being overly emotional and hysterical here. We are being wronged.

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Friday, July 20, 2007


Last night I was out to dinner with the girls when E brought up a cardinal sin she had made that made her husband give her the silent treatment. Hubby is a reasonable, lovely, responsible, man with a good sense of humour. He's an Aussie bloke but not in the offensive ocker manner. So she's telling the story of her downfall while I was sitting there hoping she hadn't done something too stupid - girls do stupid things all the time you see - but when she finally revealed the truth of the situation I just sat there dumbfounded.

She borrowed his best stubby holder (his bucks night stubby holder), took it to a house party and accidentally left it there. A stubby holder (for the uninitiated) is a cylindrical piece of wetsuit type material that you put around the base of a bottle of beer (a stubby) so that when you hold it;
1) your fingers don't get too cold
2) your beer doesn't get too warm.
Apparently Australians spend a lot of time with beer in hand so ..yeah it's an essential part of Aussie life. Hubby was NOT happy when he found out about this and told E in no uncertain terms that she was to get it back immediately. When her brother in law found out he also gave E a serve about it. When E brought it up at dinner last night the girls all made that ooooooooooooooooeeeerr sound that means "you're in trouble, baby".

I, was the only one who had no idea what everyone was in such a tiz about. I do realise that blokes love their stubby holders and how useful they can be when it's a cold winter night and you don't want your hand to freeze off (beer hand) but I had no idea to the depth of man-love for this simple invention! I just assumed that stubby holders were things that bogans were obsessive about but that the rest of normal society wanted to distance themselves from as much as possible (in the name of good taste). Apparently not my dear M, apparently not!

C said that her partner has a collection of stubby holders that he would never let anyone he didn't like or "trust" use and instead bring out the the cheapo ones for the plebs. L said that one bloke she knew would hide his "good" stubby holders when he was having a house party so that they wouldn't get stolen. E added that her hubby had a collection as well.

Well, blow me down with a feather. I am completely shocked about this facet of Australian bloke-land that I had no idea about.

What say you? Do you (or your bloke) have a stubby collection that they/you are obsessive about? Do stubby holders exist outside of Australia or is there some other irrational bloke thing that men in the Northern hemisphere are obsessed with? Girls, what do you think of stubby holders - Friend or fashion crime-Foe?

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Tuesday Trio on a Wednesday

* Matthew Newton beats his girlfriend, is arrested for it, IS actually guilty and ..oops no sentence. Wow, doesn't that just make me feel oh so confident in our justice system when a known offender is let off the hook because apparently 'the media has already given him a serve. For Fucks Sake - a serve would be getting a beating from someone named Bubba while doing time in a cosy cell for two. What Matty got from the media was at best an endorsement for his next movie and at worst ruffle of the (floppy) hair. And hey, isn't this outcome a real win for all those women who have thought twice about reporting physical and sexual abuse to the police because you know..they get off anyway. No reason to keep on thinking that now, is there?

Question: is a lynch mob the best way to deal with matters that never actually get handled properly legally?

* One of my oldest friends has just announced her pregnancy. It's all very good news since she has really been clucky for a while now. It's nice that I get to be Auntie M again but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by just how many of my friends are breeding right now. It's getting scary. Guappo my fake adopted Somalian baby just isn't cutting it anymore. I was talking to #1 the other day and I let it slip that I felt like I didn't belong any more. She was devastated that I felt that way but I couldn't believe I even SAID it. UGH! It's a dumb thing to say. It's not really about me, is it? I hate it when I make people feel unnecessarily bad for something that is pretty much out of their control. sigh.

* I had this whole post planned about a discussion I had heard on the radio about how women LIVE their men whereas men just live their lives. They weren't saying that women feel more than men etc - but instead just saying that when it comes to everyday life women live their men (not necessarily FOR their men - live them. It's different). I can't be bothered recapping the discussion so I'm just going to ask a question that I've always wondered..

Girls when it comes to men, do you do the remembering of the birthdays (ie: you remember your husband's* mother's birthday) and/or do you buy presents for your husband to give to the women/kids/little nieces/nephews in his life? I *know* that 99% of all my friends partake in these kinds of shenanigans (the other 1% just nag their man until they are forced to do it WITH them, ahah). Hell, I actually do it now, even in the tumbleweed years (TM) - I will either buy Ma a present from both Bro and I and wrap it and write the card OR I will kick him in the guts until he comes with me (rare). It's dumb and I'm not going to ever do it again. I have to say I very rarely hear about it happening the other way around.

Why the hell DOES this happen? They can handle so many things, like leading the world, so it's not like there is any excuse for them ever forgetting a birthday/anniversary or anything. So why then when they get to couple-land (or even just having a woman remotely nearby) it's like CA CHING I don't have to go shopping ANYMORE woo! (Or even better "yes ohhhhhhhhhhh kay, I'll go but you just KNOW I'm going to end up buying my sister's 3 year old girl a power saw from Bunnings")

Men are you guilty of the old 'you get the present darl'? Or do you buy your wife/gf/etc present for HER mum and wrap it and write the card from both of you?

Is this a gender thing, or is it a lazy thing?

*doesn't have to be a husband..

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The way you move is a mystery

It seems that when I got home from work today I fell straight into a deep coma - induced by me losing my will to live - and have woken a couple of hours later to find myself afloat in a drool puddle and with a big pillow crease on the side of my face. Mmmm Attractive - I just don't understand why I haven't been snapped up by someone special yet!

Anyway, in all the excitement of being back in the thick of things at work I totally forgot about my Musical Monday today. I had given it some thought during the week and wondered whether I should go with the tried and true or whether I should go with something different. I decided on different.

Justice - D.A.N.C.E

This, I feel will divide the masses - either you love or hate this one.

I came across the song a few months ago on the radio of all places (I know, is anyone even listening anymore?) and it made me stop what I was doing to turn it up. I have to say, I was a cross between mildly amused and impressed that first time I heard it and immediately and wanted to hear it again. I felt the same way when I first heard Too Young by Phoenix. Interestingly they are both French bands (lately there has been a lot of great electronica coming out of France). Of course these days back announcing songs is a lost art so it took me quite a while of Googling lyrics before I found it again.

I have a feeling that this song might get old in a few months - not because it's a bad song but because it has elements of that are a little derivative. At the same time, what it borrows from other songs (ie: Jackson 5-esque kiddie voices, Michael Jackson string instrument sound) is exactly what makes it such a fun piece in the first place. In the end the song is a supposed to embody a bit of Michael Jackson in it so you can't blame it for being what it is - which is essentially a tribute piece. In fact I like it for being that.

I've heard a few other songs by Justice and they're quite good overall, but this song is probably the most commercially viable and the video clip is awesomeness!

I might be sick of it in a month (which makes it a risky Musical Monday) but hey that's what happens with songs sometimes. Right now, though I'm loving it.

I might have created a cardinal sin by posting a YouTube video on the journal but hey it's a great video clip. Forgive me but watch it anyway.

D.A.N.C.E - Justice

Oh okay...here's just the audio.

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Saturday, July 14, 2007

Guest Post!!!!


My name is (allegedly) Mark Philippoussis, but you may know me more commonly as The Poo. No idea why people call me that, apparently there's a double entendre in there somewhere but I don't know what that means either.

I went to school at some famous College in Melbourne. It's basically a private school for people who have more money than brains and where a lot of drugs are bought and sold (allegedly). Aces! Not that school mattered much to me, mind you. I always had one vision, one goal, one dream and that dream was to become the world's greatest casanova.

Dad thought I should have a fall back career so he coached me right into the Australian Open Tennis Championships. I told dad it was a no-go but he wouldn't have any of that crap. He wanted me to have a good career, one that would be stable and see me through to retirement. Professional tennis is not very demanding and therefore perfect for that so I reluctantly agreed. Soon I was winning tournaments but it was distracting me from my true goal of (allegedly) romancing young teenage girls so I picked up my game on that instead. At first this was okay because, I too was a young teenager - but now that I'm 31(ish) I find it hard to explain my (very alleged) love for the young ones. No one is buying "I just tripped and my (alleged) penis fell into her (alleged) vagina" anymore. Mostly because it's alleged or sumthing.

When I won my first few big games at the open I bought myself a Lamborghini and a Hummer. People wondered why I would need a car like a Hummer in Melbourne, but these people obviously don't know what a rugged terrain it is out there. It's jungle and crocodiles everywhere! And I mean EVERYWHERE!

Anyway, dad was (allegedly) getting angry that I was spending all my money on cars and girls so I fired him as coach. Then I started losing games and my knee went to shit. But I'll give you the hot tip - even though I was already a washed up tennis has-been (at 26ish) I was already primed for my true calling of casanova. Aces, I was loving myself sick!

I (allegedly) admit that I may have been a shithouse tennis player with a lucky serve but if there's one thing I'm good at, it's treating the ladies fine.

Ask any of my girlfriends and they'll tell you what a catch I was (and still am). Don't ask Delta Goodrem though. I know she had cancer and needed "support" from me at the time because I was her "boyfriend" and "one true love" but dude, PARIS HILTON wanted to have (alleged) skanky anonymous SEX with me. I'm talking PENIS and VAGINA. Would you pass that up? Girlfriend is fiiiiiiine (and totally classy). No idea how the media got a hold of that one.

Then I (allegedly) got involved with a...err ...girl but kept it on the down low up until she turned 18 and then it was ON. Suddenly we were all set to get married and have a big fat Greek wedding except ..it didn't happen. She wasn't even Greek!

I was a bit sad about that. She was perfect for me. I mean, she was just out of high school..but she was still perfect for me. Come to think of it, I didn't really know that much about her - but she was HOT, SMOKIN' HOT! My friends are like, 'Poo, you need to settle down with women who have substance and start looking for qualities in a girl that go beyond the superficial' and I'm like "It's not just about their cha-chas man, I totally care about what they wear too, I care about their hair, and hot sex. I'm the least superficial guy I know. I live in Las Vegas guys. I'm totally about keeping it real". They just shake their heads and feel sorry for me for some reason.

The truth is, I really *don't* get why I haven't married and settled down yet. I'm TOTALLY open to falling into true love with a girl as long as she's young and hot and an 11 out of 10. I may be a (allegedly) a bozo with a crap personality and a washed up career with nothing to offer a prospective wife and future mother of my children, but I deserve a hottie, dammit. I just don't get why I don't get everything I ask for. It's soooo unfair!!!

Anyway, I was playing with my new little puppy a few months ago when I got a call from my manager. He said "guess what the Age of Love is?" and I'm like (totally made up) "Bazza, mate I have no idea..what? Is it.. like 15 and a half?" and he's like "not over the phone Mark... And no, it's the new television show you're going to be staring in! We're going to find you a wife!".

I was sooooo excited I squealed.

After we taped the first episode of the show the producers explained how the show is going to have me picking through two important demographics of women. Young hotties and old hags. I'm thinking "this is going to be sooo easy". They were like "the first group consists of women who are over the age of 40 and the second group are in their 20s" "Sounds good" I said..."That's the old ones taken care of but what about the young hotties?" They explained that the 20 year olds ARE the young hotties! Whoa...what? WHOA.

This sounds like it's going to take a bit of getting used to. Wish me luck!

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Thursday, July 12, 2007


I have become the unhinged woman

I tell this to a friend as I watch the cars piercing through the cold night. Taillights reflecting off the wet black road.
The Saturday night club-babies stand outside on the wet pavement and smoke their fags. Their laughter and conversations are just a strange mime from this vantage point.

I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown - but didn't - and now I think I'm dealing with the inevitable hibernation that comes with not wanting to face reality.

I want to forget I exist.

G is sympathetic, relaying a story of her own brief dive into madness - the lack of decision making ability, the feeling of helplessness, the constant anxiety.

I feel anxious too. I feel like the world is closing in on me and that being on holidays is a welcome relief but soon it will all be back to reality.

Quit, stop, be happy.

She says, as though it's that easy.

You have a husband, security and support - you have other things you can do. You can quit, stop and be happy. I live in a different world where stopping and quitting means drowning.

It's different. You're speaking from an ivory tower.

I think the last bit.

Did you quit, stop and be happy when you were becoming unhinged?

I say that part.


Ahh. I see. Easier said than done, right?

Okay, I see your point but you're going to get into trouble if you keep going like this.

I pick up my coffee cup, bring it to my lips and blow into the chocolate coloured mixture below until the steam billows towards me, warming my cheek bones and nose.

It's not the what.

I say slowly.

I know exactly what to do. What is easy. It's the how that is hard. And the 'what if' that scares me. I need tangible answers to my dilema and I don't know how to answer them myself. If I did, it wouldn't have come to this. It annoys me when people give me a what and then stand back wondering why I haven't just done it. Maybe I just want to vent. Maybe I just want the support of knowing that I have friends who don't need to be saviors they just love me enough to want to be there for me. Why would they be frustrated if I never asked for their opinion in the first place anyway? I just want their ears.

Because they're arseholes.

We laugh.


I'm sorry, you're actually right. I remember when I was in rut I had a lot of people telling me what I needed to do, but not many people were there to actually help me though that when it came down to it. There are a lot of people out there who will tell you something to make themselves feel like they're 'helping'. when really, they're self serving "oh look, I try so hard to help but they just don't listen - what ELSE can I do?.

G gives a mock angelic look.


M. I don't know about "the how".

I look up - half smile and half sigh.

Neither do I. And thanks for admitting that. It's a hard one to know.

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Monday, July 09, 2007

I'm paid good money not to be ignored

I'm about to admit something here: I don't hate Courtney Love. I know, isn't everyone supposed to hate her?

Sure, she's a completely delusional, lipstick smeared, liposuction loving, botox injecting, peroxided to the shithouse, bitchy, slutty, fame-whoring, Lying, over opinionated, messy, allegedly talentless crackhead. But I don't hate her.

I can't say I love her either but I sit somewhere between appalled and fascinated on Courtney Love. I get this distinct feeling about her that for a lot of people she's the girl you fuck but don't ever tell anyone about. As a big Nirvana fan the pairing between Kurt and Courtney seemed a little strange to me - she was always so volatile and explosive in her pain and lashing out at anyone who would listen whereas he was contemplative and kept the pain in his stomach. Maybe they each complimented that side that each of them lacked. I don't know.

I remember reading Kurt say this

They actually tried to beat us up. Courtney and I were with the baby in the eating area backstage, and Axl walked by. So Courtney yelled, "Axl! Axl, come over here!" We just wanted to say hi to him--we think he's a joke, but we just wanted to say something to him. So I said, "Will you be the godfather of our child?" I don't know what had happened before that to piss him off, but he took his aggressions out on us and began screaming bloody murder. These were his words: "You shut your bitch up, or I'm taking you down to the pavement." [laughs] Everyone around us just burst out into tears of laughter. She wasn't even saying anything mean, you know? So I turned to Courtney and said, "Shut up, bitch!" And everyone laughed and he left.

That was of course, about the run in between Kurt and Axl Rose at the MTV Music Awards. I remember reading that and thinking that Kurt and Courtney sounded sort of like a team - which is cool. Then of course there are the rumours that she stole his songs, cheated on him and had him killed. You can't win.

When Kurt died she both crumbled and then built herself up out of the ashes like a Phoenix. If you were paying attention around that time the whole thing was utterly heartbreaking and amazing at the same time. Did she exploit his death? Yes probably, but I don't know if it was all her choice either - not even Kurt could get away from the media (try as he might) as they, (he so eloquently put it) 'raped' him. The spotlight was always going to be on her post-Kurt. Perhaps Courtney raped them back, or held up a mirror so her spotlight reflected brighter than ever. In any case she was both crucified and revered by the media - they simultaneously praised her and then stabbed her until the bile came out..then they praised her again.

I was entering my mid teens when she exploded everywhere and I guess you could say I was angry at the world. The same year that Kurt died my own father died too - and the music around that time was shall we say - appropriate - to feed my own feelings of displacement and anger at life. Courtney Love was nothing if not relevant.

I listened to and enjoyed Hole's early albums Pretty on the Inside and Live Through This (rather crassly released a week after Kurt died) as well as My Body the Hand Grenade. I read her interviews in various Rock magazines trying to piece together a coherent picture of her, and of Kurt I guess. I just couldn't - she was too random. Sometimes she was eloquent and clever and other times she was just a mess. A complicated woman to enjoy. Maybe it was just easier to hate her - she was oft accused of being ugly or fat, or a feminist or a plagiariser, or talentless, an exploiter and annoying. Yes, much easier to hate her but ...I couldn't.

She was too interesting to hate. Always falling apart and then sewing herself up again. She said what she thought and to hell with who heard about it. I've lost count of how many people there have been that deny they had anything to do with Courtney, but there she was again, spilling the beans on everyone. Plus, she never seemed afraid of being 'un-lady like' (try writing whore and slut on your arm and see where it gets you in the lady stakes) - except when she put on a suit and let Barbara Walters interview her. Soon after that, the hair became more natural looking, the makeup applied properly, she started crossing her legs and keeping her boobs in - and of course, lost about 20 pounds. That's when she came across as afraid.

This is interesting about those messy women - not being feminine means being loud, obnoxious, messy, opinionated, out of control, ugly and fat - all of which Courtney, pre-Barbara interview was accused of being. And of course, all of which could be used to describe a great deal of male rock stars. There is an incredible double standard which Courtney herself has addressed on numerous occasions. For a girl, not being feminine will get you laughed at, or worse infamous instead of simply famous. The double standard is never more apparent when someone like Courtney goes from a mess to a prize. Suddenly no one had a bad word to say about her - she was Milos Forman's IT girl and Vanity Fair wanted to do nice interviews with her for once. It didn't do her persona any harm mind you and she knew what she was doing. Musically she was nothing at this point, in my opinion she lost it when she put on the suit - but then again, finally she was accepted,even if it was only for a short time.

But musically speaking there's another can of worms...

There aren't that many women who can delve into rock music without sublimating their guitar holding with pristine femininity. The accepted kind of female rock musicians look like Hollywood starlets - think Gwen Stefani, for instance - now there is also the look gritty in 3000 dollar jeans look. Love conquered and addressed this with a kind of whorish child image (Kinderwhore as it was termed) - too small dresses, ripped panty hose, mis-applied make up, turned in feet. She looked like a 3 year old who had gotten into mummy's drawers but acted like a male rock star - maybe she was just drug fucked and it wasn't intentional at all - though much of Love's antics did seem intentional.

She held her guitar like it was her penis - that is she held her guitar like male rock stars hold a guitar. She totally eclipsed her male co-writer Eric Erlanderson in presence and voice. I remember her saying once, to explain her behaviour that her gynecologist diagnosed her as having too much testosterone. Granted - that's how she acted it's just that she was held more accountable than her male co-horts. The one big difference between her and any male rock musician out there was that she wasn't afraid to be political when it came to gender.

Hole's first LP Pretty On the Inside was IMO loud, messy, confronting and brilliant. Kim Gordon produced it and I have a hell of a lot of time for Kim Gordon. Then she took up with Kurt and was accused of stealing Kurt's music to write the album Live Through This. Again, another confronting and brilliant album (no matter who wrote it). Post-Kurt, Hole was busy on the touring bandwagon etc, and so they released My Body, The Hand Grenade a collection of b-sides, covers and rare tracks - eclectic and enjoyable (also The First Session and Ask For It). Then she took up with Billy Pumpkin (again) and was accused of not writing her album Celebrity Skin. Personally I think if you don't want to be accused of writing an album then this would be a good one to be accused of not writing, Billy is credited on many tracks but except for a few great songs, it's a stinker. Then there are her solo efforts. I can't say I've bothered with them. I've been disappointed with her for a while. What can I say? I miss the volatile mess.

She's been linked with people like Michael Stipe, Billy Corgan, Evan Dando, Alex Cox, Edward Norton, Evan Dando, Trent Reznor, Rodney Bottum, Kim Gordon, Jennifer Finch, Kat Bjelland. Some of those people *hate* her with a passion some of them will defend her forever. There must be something about her, eh?

Currently she has botoxed and lip suctioned her way into oblivion. She's been trying on that conforming cloak again but it's not working - she is now absolutely the kind of mess that isn't going to work at all. It's a different kind of mess to the one she started out with. It's like she has no idea who she is anymore. Or maybe I have no idea - in any case - I can't connect. Lots of people hate her but I don't. I can't say I enjoy her current musical flavour though but once upon a time she was really exciting. It's hard to believe now, I know, but I guess you just had to be there.

Teenage Whore - Hole

Violet - Hole

20 Years in the Dakota - Hole

click for song

Drown Soda - Hole

Click for song

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Saturday, July 07, 2007

The attack of the Viper Woman

She's that girl no one trusts with their boyfriend. Even she will even admit that girls don't like her but I just don't know why. I'll tell you why. She's the Viper Woman. You probably know her. She's competitive when it comes to men, she'll flirt with your boyfriend, hell - she'll flirt with any man you say you're interested in and in fact at a party she pretty much ignores all the women and makes a beeline for the men. She thrives on the attention. It would be fine if she wasn't such a destructive person. Bottom line - she's only in it for herself.

A few bottles of red into the evening conversation turned to her. We had already exhausted those well worn topics like: What the hell do men really want in a woman - and does she really exist? (more perplexed than ever), 'Why the hell don't they just ring when they say they will?' (The answer is fuzzier than ever), Where do they go when they disappear? (Narnia?), Stupid shit we've done while drunk (am incredibly good and never done anything stupid) and the ever glorious 'Why best girlfriends are so great' conversations - so it was inevitable that after we got onto friends that talk would quickly turn to enemies soon after. This is where the Viper Woman came in. The conversation took the dangerous journey into 'women you can't trust' territory. ooooo

*cue flash of lightning, thunder crash and spooky organ music*

C turned storyteller for a while leaning right forward into the Tim Tams as she related the tale of her ex-best friend. I grab a slightly melted Tim Tam (...for the road). The making of the Viper Woman started with simple game playing. C and her friends would walk into a bar and soon after Viper woman was making a beeline for all the men C happened to be interested in. I take a sip of my wine - the warmth filling my mouth (and mind). This is beginning to sound familiar, you relate a tale of a girl you know that did something very similar. C sits back and picks up her wine glass at the blub, she takes a gulp and then licks at the trickle of red on her lips. I always knew I couldn't trust her she says measuredly but I never thought she'd do it to me.

The story goes on, C explains how Viper Woman emerged when the men were around. She never talked to her friends when they went out together - she had a goal; men - lucky them, but not so lucky for the friends. After a while C began picking men at random in the bar and casually mentioning she thought they were lovely - even if she didn't think so - it was a test you see. Cue Viper Woman. Soon Viper Woman had slept with every boyfriend of all her so called best friends. She justified it by saying that if those men had been "good ones" they wouldn't have been tempted. Perhaps quite true, but that doesn't make her any less of a bitch now does it?

Before she slept with C's boyfriend Viper Woman made sure she told C exactly what was going to happen. After a night out together (VW, C and the boyfriend) she strolled up and told C that she was going to go home with him. C remarked that if Viper did this then she would be down a friend. C said that she would never speak to her again. Viper smirked, turned around and walked out of the club. C was true to her word. She never spoke to her again.

The last C had heard Viper Woman was unhappily married to a man who she was paranoid was sleeping around on her. Obviously a girl like this has no girlfriends to confide in and be supportive, and while the men loved her once upon a time, they only did so because they wanted to screw her - so no friends found there either.

C finished her tale and I am still holding the same Tim Tam that I was when she started. I take a bite and chew. So, these guys.. Did they have any idea of what a bitch she was? C shrugs, I doubt it, of if they did they certainly didn't care.


Have you ever been friends with or stung by a Viper Women? Are you one yourself?
Men: do you notice Viper Women in action, and do you actually care?
And is there a male equivalent of a Viper Woman*?

*I mean apart from Rick "Jesse's Girl" Springfield

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

banal entry about BB

So we've come to the business end of Big Brother - the home stretch, the last month, the big hooray, the...something something. Yes we've come to that part of Big Brother where pretty much all the interesting housemates have gone, leaving behind the last generic and typical archetypes that always seem to be present in almost every year the show as been on the tele. I'm past blaming the voting public. I don't vote anyway (I just watch and bitch thanks). But it's apparent that if the producers didn't pick the bland boring ones in the first place then we wouldn't need the hosts of BB complaining about how we always keep them in till last weeks. Maybe, just maybe if they had chosen quality housemates to go INTO the house in the first place, then there wouldn't be any boring ones left at the end yo! I Woo, go channel 10 sock it to us!

Anyway despite all that you know by now that I'm not a subscriber to the patronising philosophy that high brow culture is the only culture worth learning anything off.

Yes, I've got a lot from BB over the years - probably because I'm open to viewing it less as a show and more as a study of human behaviour - which is basically what it was supposed to be (before it went up shit creek - thanks Kris Noble, you suck). I'm fascinated by watching how people act, and while the situation may be a tad contrived it's evident that human emotion and action in it's raw form is not - despite the circumstances of its framing. While people may "act" in the house some of the time, it's those moments where they're not that you get a rare glimpse of the mechanics of society. The way people act in the house says a lot, the way people vote says a lot, the way people do or don't interact with BB and discuss it says a lot too. Folks, I've come to the conclusion that life itself is not pretty.

Anyway, the whole point is that I come from the Birmingham School of cultural studies rather than the Frankfurt. Adorno and Horkheimer can eat my shorts (man). People can create intelligent meaning from all kinds of cultural leanings - whether they be popular or high art. Popular culture is not the downfall of society.

Having said that this entry has nothing to do with intelligence. It's a bitchfest pure and simple. What? Oh I'm allowed.

The final housemates:


He played it smart by hooking up early with the cute little fluff bunny of the show. You can't hate a cute little fluff bunny, and so why would you hate her boyfriend? CA-CHING! He was doubly smart by not being overly affectionate with his ex-girlfriend who was also on the show. You might remember her as Godzilla.

I can sum him up with only two words; no balls. Where was he when his little fluff bunny got into a screaming match the other night? Looking scared in the corner and diplomatically refusing to get involved that's where. What a champ! I wish he was *my* boyfriend. I'd love someone to treat me like sometimes girl (at night when no one's looking) and then pretty much act indifferent to me during the day. Look how far he's come in the show though? Oh wait, he's white, he's blonde, he's a male and he's so boring you forget he's there half the time. He's a Ken doll. That's all the boxes ticked right there.


Intruder. Brazillian. Woman who is a size 12 (-that's size 8 US and about 10 UK I think) - oh nos (I bring it up because she felt the need to defend it herself before even going into the house by laughing off how she liked her body..really). For my money I think she has the hottest bod out of everyone who has been on the show this year! Mostly she's an outspoken female and she was the only housemate who actively campaigned against the boys' club that was forming amongst housemates. You know what this means: he's a fucking GONER! Mark my words.

This is where I find BB most interesting. She is FAR from perfect but she's certainly no worse than anyone else on the show. In fact, although she's backstabbed a couple of people (namely Aleisha by nominating her after explicitly saying she wasn't going to nom any girls), she's still probably the one housemate on there who actually says what she thinks and is pretty consistent. She's also beautiful and she's smart. You'd think considering everyone is a bit of a backstabber and an idiot in there that she'd stand a chance. Nope. Lucky for her she won Friday Night Games the other night and was able to save herself from an earlier eviction.


He snagged the role as funny guy but god knows how. The man ain't funny! He's just a typical non-confrontational bloke who has been watching Big Brother long enough to know that the funny guy goes a long way on the show. And wait a minute - lookey here - week 10 and he's still on the show. Funny that. Well, not *that* funny actually.


Thiso is what mates thinko ofo wheno theyo thinko ofo Ostrayla(o) - Steve Irwin without the brains. FOR FUCKS SAKEO! He nominates with rocks! Australia thinks this is endearing apparently. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? Let me repeat that one: He nominates with rocks! He's a metrosexual truckie. He has taken Australian colloquialism to a whole new level (the level of retardedness). No you flaming Galahs, these traits not something he came up with on the spot - it's a PLAN to make him more appealing and memorable to the Australian public! I'm also sick of him adding o to the end of every word he says.

This would be of course, our winner for this year. He's white, he's male, he's non-controversial, he's a larakin. Just write him a farking check already! Hoo roo.


If I had to spend time alone in a room with him I'd make sure my mobile phone had reception and someone knew where I was. That is all.


Too gay to function? Maybe.. but I LOVES him <3. He is quite frankly the only male left in there who knows how to form complete sentences. This is truly a good thing. Sure, we can't procreate with him but it gives us hope anyway (he might turn!).

Zach, listen to me - don't fuck it up by bitching. The downfall of the gay man in BB is that he starts bitching about other housemates. I have no idea why this is a bad thing considering EVERY SINGLE PERSON that has ever entered the BB house is a big bitch but according to history it's worse if a gay person does it. If you had entered the house as a housemate and not as an intruder you'd be gone by now, so I doubt you'll last until the very end but at the moment you're really the only housemate who I don't want to shank and I would love you to win the whole deal.


Hoi, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucking hell, YOUSE R THE BIGGEST BOGAN HOUSHMATE EVA. FOR REAL! I'M SHCARED OF YAS. FUCK.


This would be the fluff bunny I mentioned earlier. So cute. So blonde. So young. So what! She's responsible for treating a lot of housemates badly, especially earlier in the season. She's also can't take what she dishes out. I remember her bullying Jamie until he started crying a few weeks ago - and now everyone feels sorry for her because Bogan Bitchface (one up) gave her a serve. Don't get me wrong if Michelle had a go at me I would seriously start shitting my pants and crying too but Fluff bunny has a short memory about it all. She's a total phoney who has been hiding behind her idiot boyfriend (See; no balls) for too long.

Something else interesting about her is that she has come out and said that she likes it when people underestimate her - this is despite the fact that she appears to have a brain cell or two in there. 'Scuse moi? I have never in my life ever heard of a man who would say something like that. This is probably why they are making headlines as leaders of the free and not so free world while girls are busy wondering if their hair looks okay. Yay, girl power! woo.

If Travo the wonder-ocker doesn't win then Fluffy will. Both are blonde, extremely white, display a sense of "oz" in a Reggie Bird kind of way and are generally non-offensive people who will look good on the cover of a magazine. Winnah!


Not a housemate, but boy do I wish I could vote her off. Over the years I have defended this woman all over town for her hosting of BB but she's lost whatever made her so good. I always liked the edgy, witty, confrontational and outspoken interviewing style she had - mostly because she was fair. If a housemate was a right bastard then she would hammer into them like a power drill until they hid for cover. I like that in a host. I think people should get their just deserts thank you very much. But this season she's been all backwards about it. She's nice to the ones she wants to shag (even if they are idiots) and mean to the nerdy ones (ie: normal humans). She's no longer edgy, witty and confrontational - she's just a total bitch.

And there is my banal entry about Big Brother.

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Monday, July 02, 2007

When you believe in things you don't understand

He's blind. He's won about 80 thousand Grammies and other awards. Plus...He's... BLIND! I dunno I can hardly get from point A-B without bumping into a few things and I'm only slightly short sighted (err, is that the one where you can't see long distances?). Anyway, here's this guy conquering the musical world and he can't even see the notes! Makes me feel a BIT of an underachiever but what else is new?

I think I spent most of my life hating Stevie Wonder. I Just Called to Say I Love You was a big joke in the playground at school and then later on Stevie himself became a butt for all the blind jokes going around. When I was a teen I was more interested in harder edged stuff than Stevie and when I got to uni I was slightly appreciative of his early work but didn't really care much beyond what I'd catch on the radio.

I can't even remember how it turned out that I gave him a chance but it's only happened in the last few years. He's classic: That's all I can say. Most of all I love the 1970s funky stuff (big fan of funk) but also the Motown connection is a huge one for me since I love the Motown records sound too. How could I not notice him before? In my early days I only knew him for that soppy sound he was so famous for in the 80s and never bothered to search below the surface. The motto is, and is true for all facets of life I'm sure - things are not always as they seem and Don't judge a book by it's cover etc. A golden rule for life discovery and maybe discovery in music too.

I have quite a few favourite Stevie songs - Uptight, Signed Sealed Delivered, Superstition, I Wish, Part Time Lover, Master Blaster, For Once in My Life, Higher Ground and also a few NON-favourites like You are the Sunshine of my Life, Ebony and Ivory - Lord what was he thinking!

The three songs I've chosen *always* put a smile on my face though.

1) Superstition - Stevie Wonder

Which has probably the BEST ever base line in a song (I think I've said this before..heh) and a horn section you can almost sing! Amazing, amazing, amazing! Overplayed, yes, but there's a reason for that: It's awesome.

Master Blaster (Jammin') - Stevie Wonder

I'm not a reggae fan. I do not think that Bob Marley is the best thing that ever happened to dread locks. My friend went out with a Reggae DJ (and nut) for many years and even though I respected him I couldn't get into it. Despite this I absolutely LOVE this song. It's a great tribute and a beautiful, soulful and funky song.

Higher Ground - Red Hot Chili Peppers

This song is a masterpiece but it's actually the RHCP version that I love more than Stevie's. The Chilies did everything right to this song. They gave it a harder edge, they sped it up, made it danceable and they added some much needed intensity. Love the lyrics.

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