[Miscellany]

It's nearly the end of the school year and everything seems to be piling up on me. I'm desperately trying to finish off my program, while keeping the kids happy, clean up the art room, put up new displays, assess the art work, write reports (hahahaha) and think about the orientation program I have to teach for the next 5 weeks. Meanwhile everyone seems to be having a birthday lately, or is holding a dinner I'm required to attend, or I'm dealing with urgent family business dramas while also house hunting. My plate is a little full, and since everything is piling up I feel like I'm rushing everything I do.

This is all important as today in between finishing late at work and going out for dinner with the girls I found myself in front of the mirror with only 5 minutes to tidy up my eyebrows. I was in so much of a rush (yes, okay I was already late) that I accidentally ripped off half the bloody hair on my right eyebrow! I just stared at my hideous reflection in the mirror with my mouth gaping open and no sound coming out. I look like fucking Vanilla Ice. I HAVE THE EYEBROWS OF VANILLA ICE! I always wondered what kind of people draw in their eyebrows. You know what kind of people they are? Unco Vanilla Ice kind of people who can't control a wax wand, that's who!

Fark.

Labels: dumb entry, news, the price of beauty, women

posted by M at 11:42 pm 20 comments

Dear Red Ferrari driver who sped off in a roar from corner of Wellington and Alexandra Parade on Sunday afternoon,

Sorry to hear about your penis.

Love,

Girl who laughs at men who drive sports cars.



Dear little Prep girl in my class yesterday,

No, food dye isn't "something that kills food" but you saying that totally made my day.

Love,

Laughing Teacher.



Dear Hay Fever inducing thingies in the air.

FUCK.
YOU.
!

Love,

Sneezy McSneeze.



Dear Prin,

When you come into the Art Room saying nice things I know you want to borrow something. That's okay but last time I had to break into your office and steal back my staple gun using stealth methods. Please return the good wire cutters soon... or else.

Love,

Employee.



Dear People at Big Brother,

So you have given host Gretel the boot. Who you really should be giving the boot are the selection panel. Here's a tip - next year, no promo models, no breast implants, no ocker speaking metrosexual truckies (is it supposed to surprise us that he's in a macho profession but looks after his hair? pfft), no one with an IQ under 100, someone of a race OTHER than having an ancestry of colonial British settlers or Euro back 3 generations - in fact MORE than one token Euro would be nice. Please block any body who wants to pose for a men's magazine in the near future. If they want to do porn they should leak a sex video of themselves onto the internets just like everybody else.

Love,

Viewer.



Dear Teacher at School who has found the man of her dreams,

You look so happy that it makes me happy, even though we are not exactly friends.

It's lovely when you hear romantic stories that are not in a Mills and Boon.

Love,

M.



Dear Grade 6 class in the room next to mine,

I've seen you tearing up and down the corridors this last week. You're shouting, you're counting down to the bell at the top of your lungs and generally acting like dickheads.

I'm not looking forward to teaching art to you tomorrow. I might end up shanking one of you in the back if you're not careful.

That wouldn't be good for my criminal record.

Love,

Not Amused.



Dear Bro,

I'm sorry you had to sit though my photography class the other day. Everyone else said they were bringing a model to class... Everyone else apparently lied. I realise I owe you BIG TIME. Now, I'm a little worried about what you'll make ME do in return.

Love,

Sis.



Dear New Art Teacher,

I'm thinking about next year and not being there. I'm thinking about how much work I've put into organising the shelves and all the cool new stuff I've bought. It kind of KILLS me to give it up to you even though I know you'll do a fabulous job.

Love,

Thinking

Labels: dumb entry, letters

posted by M at 12:01 pm 18 comments

Remember Opera man? I loved him. He always knew how to make newsworthy items that would otherwise bore us to death into a work of supreme art. Not to mention accessible to all. With the Australian election looming on the horizon we're being bombarded with so many electoral promises that it's hard to really know what they're going on about.

Where is Opera man when you need him?

La Mr Ruddy
Has a tax plan for me
it means the richies
give up some money.

I like it a whole bunch
rich folks have far too much
we should be spending
..on ed-u-cating



La Mr Ruddy
the working class' buddy
even HE will paaaaaaayyy
more tax to us plebs.

more tax to us plebs.

yaaaaaaaaaaay, tax for the plebs!




Bushy eyed leader man
says Rudd stole his whole plan
except that big bit about
rich folks going without




Under the Liberals
everyone gets a cut
of course that means for you
less roads, health, schools and food.

La Mr Howard
is good at tax breaks.
that last tax break weeeeeent straaaight
...to the petrol tank

...and interest rates.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT WAS SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Labels: dumb entry, money, music, political musings, silly rabbit

posted by M at 7:04 pm 15 comments

* I hate hay fever. For many years I've been the person that scoffs at people who have hay fever. You feeling sniffly? Have runny eyes? An itchy throat? Well BUILD A BRIDGE buster. Wah, wah, waaaah - get over it. How bad can it really be? That was typical of back when I didn't get hay fever - aka: the golden years. Now that I'm afflicted with it I take those sentiments back. I take it all back 10 fold. I've decided that spring is an evil season filled with horrible hay fever inducing elements and I hate it! Hay fever feels like having a permanent cold. It's ridiculous - I pretty much look like someone has punched me in the face every morning. mmmm Attractive. Claratine does nothing for me either. Is there some way short of cutting out my sinuses that will actually relieve my symptoms?

* School has started once again. Monday was fabulous! No water in the AR. We were doing clay which would have to be the worlds worst activity to do when you don't have water on hand. I had to supply 4 grades of preps with latex gloves so that their hands didn't get dirty. Have you ever tried to get 25 children put on adult sized latex gloves simultaneously? Yeah, it wasn't the best.

* Another one of my friends recently gave birth to a baby. Almost all my friends have given birth to sons. It's interesting to see what names people pick. It's widely thought in teaching that boys with J names end up having issues - it might be behavioural or learning difficulties or social difficulties. I've gone through all the J boys I've taught - freaks, all of them. There was the kid that I couldn't understand. Then there was the kleptomaniac. Then the kid who pretended to read by just saying random words and then the one who had depression. There have been a lot of maladjusted J boys in my life. I think the freak factor balances out in later life but it IS a bit of a weird phenomenon. I've since gone back and realised that pretty much all the kids I've taught are pretty freaky. Maybe it's not just J boys after all.


I've been tagged by Girlabout to produce 7 interesting/weird facts about me. I pretty much think that everything about me is weird but anyway here goes.

1) I have no middle name.

2) I'm messy but pedantic when it comes to certain things. For instance, I'm on staff room duty this week and driving everyone crazy because yes I have to put all the white mugs together and all the coloured mugs together and all the flowery mugs together and if they don't go together then I break out in a sweat. Meanwhile my desk is so messy I can't even use it to lean on so I can write a note.

3) I keep letters from children that say nice things like "you are the best teacher in the world!!!<3<3<3" (which is a letter that all teachers receive at some point in their career). I've got a lot of them. They're sweet.

4) I love getting into my pjs and sipping hot chocolate from underneath my bed doona. I do it often.

5) Sometimes I just get tired of talking and want to be silent. It annoys me when people try to engage me in conversation when I feel like this. In fact I've been known to get irrationally pissed off at people for talking to me when I don't want to talk back.

6) I'm in one of those moods right now.

7) I don't think teaching is in my distant future.

Labels: dumb entry, meme, random, soppy bloggy stuff

posted by M at 2:01 pm 18 comments

I am oft asked about what brings people to my blog. Of course they always ask in a mildly condescending and amused way - like as if they don't quite believe anyone comes here at all. Well..okay fine who needs readers anyway? Especially that is when you have search engine stats to answer when you run out of real entries to write.

Do men find breast implants attractive?

I don't know. I take it that boobs in the presense of men are attractive so in that case, yes they do. Then again 99% of implants LOOK like implants. I find boobs attractive (yes, I do) but as soon as I can pick an implant I'm put off - so maybe men are too.


melbourne teen fuck

..but I thought Mark Philippoussis was in living in the US.


bow wow wow blogspot.com

I hate it when dogs have their own website.

what women really want anyway?

Ultimately? - A guy/girl who actually loves us so much they want to be with us forever instead of just one night (or even just appreciation)

Immediately? - chocolate.

I think we both might be just as unattainable I'm afraid.

I've been thinking about this. What an interesting concept - I wonder if being unattainable is a state of mind that exist within the unattainable or whether it exists in the mind of someone trying to attain them?

bucks night surprise stories.

surprise, the stripper has a penis!

art melbourne blog.

haha, wrong place.

small chested blogspot.

err...wrong place.

do guys love inverted nipples?

When it comes to nipples guys are known for either being a) perverted b) picky c) grateful d) all of the above. But let's ask them. Do you?

I don't want to haggle.

Join the club.

miscellany.

story of my life


do men like fake boobs.

definitely not on strippers with surprise penises.

Labels: dumb entry, questions, random

posted by M at 8:19 am 17 comments

* Do you ever hide chocolate (or other forbidden items) around in hard to get places so that you can save them up for a really rainy day (ie: for when you're about 10 seconds from committing suicide using a blunt butter knife and a bobby pin). But about 1 day after you bury the forbidden item in the perfect place you find yourself excavating the site and like some woman gone wild suddenly you're ripping the wrapping off a bar of cadburys with your TEETH and making weird sounds that may or may not belong in a wild baboon tribe?

* Is it sad to actually feel a *real connection* with your pet fish Moe and truly believe that he recognises you when he comes to say hello each morning? Is it weird to make squishy lips at said pet through the glass bowl while he wags his tail like a dog and makes squishy lip faces back at you?

* Is it wrong to refer to a 10 year old as an arsehole? If so what would a GOOD alternative be that gives the same sense of satisfaction while saying it?

* Is it highly suspect to get into arguments with random internet people whose name you don't even know just for the sake of getting into an argument because you're feeling a little feisty?

* Do you ever talk to the television? What about the computer? How about your car? A tub of ice-cream? What I really want to know is do you ever talk to real people who aren't actually with you at the time that all this talking is going on?

* When bored do you decide your going to give yourself a makeover and spend 3 hours totally styling your hair using heated utensils and then going through every bit of make up and tool you own until you look like a cross between Marilyn Monroe and a drag queen?

* Do you ever buy tickets to bands you're not sure you can be bothered going to see because it's a school night and all you want to do is bury yourself under the covers with your latest excavation and a trashy book?

Just checking

Labels: dumb entry, questions, weird little happenings, weird things, wonderings

posted by M at 8:20 pm 26 comments

Totally stole this off Roselle.

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?If you think Jesus had any room for pockets and wallets in his robe thingy you've got another thing coming. Besides anyone who thinks that getting into religion isn't paying in one way shape or form is kidding themselves :P

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt a new name..what would it be?
Boris Yeltzin

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?JUST ONE? okay haha I'm funny. I mean..um Nebraska - what the hell goes on there anyway? Or maybe one of the Carolinas - why do they need two of them? What a bunch of show offs.

4. You wake up as the opposite gender. What's the one thing you wanna do?masturbate - nice to know I'd be doing something different from my everyday happenings. ha!

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Han Solo - it's Harrison. He's adorable! Also, it's quite evident that underneath the cad type exterior his heart is in the right place.

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?
Ken (wasn't allowed). Dolls house (too expensive). A set of *real* paints - not the water colour kind (I begged and begged but was always told no - too messy I guess). Now I play with paint everyday - so there!

7. What was the worst thing you ever ate?Tripe. oh my god that is the WORST food EVER!

8.The last time you laughed until your stomach hurt?
The other night - during dinner with the girls.

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
hm - Wolf Creek probably. That movie is an absolute horror!

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
I'm always putting my foot in it and saying stupid things. Plus this blog is a good example of all that.

11. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution: what do you want to eat?
Probably something really hearty and that holds lovely memories like mum's rice and meat stuffed whole artichoke soup. It's sooo good and I swear better than it sounds. Just yummy.

12. What's something that most people do that you've never done?Where do I start? Have a life I guess.

13. Before you die you want to go to...?
Travel the world with someone I love (and whom loves me).

14. What's the last thing you ate?
such a boring lunch - lettuce and cheese melted sanga, small packet of sultanas and a little tub of strawberry yoghurt.

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?Lion. Honestly I'd want to cuddle up in his mane. Also that sense of he could eat me alive but might not because he loves me is cool.

16. A drug you'll never try?I'm not into any hard drugs especially not something like heroin. Besides the fact that I've seen what it can do to someone long term - I also happen to hate needles.

17. If you were an animal, what would you be?
platypus. Quirky, many different and wonderous attributes, does their own thing, hermit-like.

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12, who would it have been?
I wrote about it once..last year sometime. *I* - I think I refered to him as.

19. What's something a lot of people don't know about you?
I'm a total romantic. I love sweetness.

20. First celebrity crush?
Tom Selleck. Oooo lala, he was HOT! Shuddup!

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?
Sling shot. More naughty than totally destructive. Can use it anywhere. Can't always see it coming. Easy to miss the target and annoy the wrong person. oops. Always..oops.

22. Best flavor of runts?
I have no idea what runts are.

23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...).
Eggs florentine with hollandaise on sourdough bread with side orders to suit my mood at the time. And coffee - good coffee.

24. Favorite movie?
That is not a good question for a girl like me whom is a huge movie fan. Too many to name - plus I'm eclectic in my tastes. I love Roman Holiday but also love Pulp Fiction, The Goonies, The Sound of Music, Say Anything, Life of Brian, Cinema Paradiso, The Blues Brothers, The Virgin Suicides, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Indiana Jones, Rocky films, Star Wars (original trio ONLY the new ones are SHIT), Rear Window, Ferris Buellers Day Off, Valley Girl, His Girl Friday, This is Spinal Tap, Grease, The Big Lebowski, Heathers... too many more to name.

25. Worst way to die?
painfully.

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
There was this child at school who had a rash and she kept scratching the rash until her legs started streaming with blood. eww.

27. The worst injury you've ever had?
Twisted ankle. I'm not really big on the injuries.

28. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?
That while one culture feigns thanks the other mourns something rudely taken away. Just kiiiiiiidding - we don't have that here.

29. Sport you hate the most?
Greyhound racing. Sorry, it's the most bogan thing I've ever heard of in my life! I hate the culture surrounding Australian rules football as well. The players can do no wrong - when actually about 90% of them (made up stat) are absolute pigs.

30. What state in the US do you want to visit?NY, Washington State.

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?Music.

32. Favorite Actor/Actress?
Audrey Hepburn, Alan Rickman..okay I can't get started on this...

33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?
"think positively" UGH, you are a grand idiot.

34. What makes an awesome party?
Good friends. Great music. Alcohol and not having to drive.

35. What's your favorite material possession?
I have this little gold watch that used to belong to my grandmother. It totally doesn't work and isn't valuable at all - except spiritually I suppose. Also this tiny, tiny duo of two gold hearts entwined that my dad gave me for my 11th birthday.

36. What's something that most consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you?
You're quirky. I'd hate to be normal.

37. Favorite kind of dog(s)?
Lab. They help out. They're cute. They're loyal and seem friendly in a melancholy sort of way. They don't yap (I hate yappy dogs).

38. Favorite carnival food?
Hot jam donuts! Who's with me? They are yum.

39. Morning or night person?
Night. Absolutely.

40. What's the worst part about taking the bus?
Missing the bus. I always miss the bus. Also the freaks that tend to take the bus is a big drawback to actually taking the bus myself.

41. Weirdest Ebay purchase?
An egg shaped small suitcase. I love those hat box suitcases but couldn't find that so I bought this. In case you hadn't already figured it out, it also happened to be a stupid purchase.

42. Who's your man/woman crush?
At the moment it's Alan Rickman because Harry Potter just came out.

43. Its Saturday at 3am.?
Dream land. Are you kidding? I'm almost 30, girlfriend needs her beauty sleep.

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?
It really depends on my mood. M if we're going to be dancing. E if it's about watching a band. G if it's casual because she's hilarious. Also Bro. I like funny people.

45. Worst job you've ever had?
Waitress. It's not that the job was really that bad it's just that the sexual harrassment that went along with it fucked my shit up for the rest of my life.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
Watching crap reality TV. I *always* get made fun of for this. lol.

47. Favorite cereal?
Cornflakes. I know, I'm traditional. I also love porridge but it has to have all the right condiments in it.

48. Book you could read repeatedly?
The Bell Jar and Bridget Jones' Diary. How's that for two opposites?

49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
Please don't judge me harshly. It is seriously the worst thing I've ever done but when I was in high school a friend and I wrote a valentines letter to a mutual friend and signed it anonymous (guy). It was a lovely, soppy letter but her hopes were so raised and then when she found out it was us it was horrible. I felt bad immediately and though it was 16 years ago I still think about it occassionally. It was a crappy thing to do to a friend.

50. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
I'd ask if I could fire the cannons. Hopefully that would get me transferred to the mental health ward where I could play checkers all day.

Labels: dumb entry, meme

posted by M at 4:15 pm 16 comments

News hitting the headlines: Police find fugitive crime boss Tony Mokbel living it up in Greece. I have only one thing to say - WHADDUP WITH THE WIG? The man is worth many many millions of dollars in drug money, lives a ridiculously lavish lifestyle and yet he cannae afford to buy a decent wig to protect his own identity while ON THE RUN! I hope I don't get offed for writing this but he looks like a joke. I'm just confused by the whole thing. Is someone having a lend of us or something? He was seriously found wearing this? I had a better wig in my Barbie showbag in 1987! It was one of those tinsel ones.

*************

I'm getting the distinct feeling that my friends are worried about me. We have this dinner club going where we each get a choice of restaurant to go to each month. Anyway, the last couple of times I've been busy on that allocated night but the night has been changed in order to accommodate me. This is lovely and all except that in the past other people have also had things on but we've always gone ahead and had the night anyway.

The big clue in that something was going on was L inviting me to a trivia night earlier in the week. When I didn't respond to the text message (because I was busy - also because I'm pretty much crap at returning any kind of messages) she sent a message that simply said "pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Miss M! You *have* to". This is a big clue as I am not exactly the best addition to a trivia team. You can pretty much count me out for sport, politics, history, current affairs and geography. I think my friends are trying to get me to be ..you know, normal. I appreciate it but am also feeling a bit socially retarded because of it.

*************

I'm having lots of thoughts of quitting my job and just going on a really long holiday. I always say this - I know. I do have long service leave coming up in a year or so (you get it after 7 years here) and wondering whether I can hold out that long. I'm thinking that when that comes up I take a longer holiday on top of it and have a LOT of time off. I feel like I'm totally burnt out and I'm way too young to feel that way. It's a worry. In a practical sense I really cannot just quit my job and go travelling. I need the money and I want a sense of security but at the same time I just don't care about any of that. Maybe I'm not going to live to 80 anyway. Maybe I'll die alone at 30 and my last thought will be 'you should have quit that job and gone to New York, Cuba and Egypt just like you always wanted to'.

Maybe I use lack of money as an excuse because I'm actually chicken shit. I do sort of wish I had a partner in crime to share these kinds of longings with. Does anyone else just wish they could quit their job and do nothing but be self indulgent for a loooong while? Has anyone actually done that?

*************

Big Brother - oh lordy. Every time I turn it on I feel like I'm watching high schoolers in action and whom is the bitchiest of them all, oh mirror mirror? Yes, Emma. Okay the girl is like a twig with balloons stuck on her chest, hair peroxided to the scheizen and a fake, corrosive personality to match her fake assets. When I first caught a glimpse of her (ie: before she opened her mouth) I thought she was attractive - but as I've watched her on BB and seen how bitchy she can be I can't even view her as attractive in a visual sense anymore. In my eyes she has nothing lovely about her - she's ugly inside and out. Yes, and outside too. I just assumed that everyone recognised how ugly this girl was and wanted to see her get her comeuppance just like me, but then I had a conversation with T.

T, a bloke, thought she was a bit of an alright. But she's a biiiiiiiiitch. Don't you want to see her shanked? I whined. Yes, he knew she was a bitch but didn't care - it didn't take away from the fact that he thought she was hot.

Is this how all men (or women) think? How can you still find someone attractive when their personality is a black pit of festering horror? Don't you just find them vomit worthy after they've shown their true colours? I don't understand how anyone who has watched even 5 minutes of the show doesn't think she is feral.

Labels: crime doesn't pay, dumb entry, friends, men, school, TV, wigs are cool, women

posted by M at 9:41 am 16 comments

It finally happened, thank god, my dreams have come back. Perhaps it's been the loud music infecting my brain of late that finally unclogged the drain. Of course, it was a school anxiety dream. I have a lot of these. I'm back teaching in the classroom with the lovely preps but I'm wondering who on earth has taken over the art room. In a fit of pure idiocy I decide that the class will be okay for a few minutes on their own while I run across to the other side of the school to check it out. In the art room they've put the world's most incompetent know it all. You know the kind of person I'm talking about - talks a good game but that's about it. She's not even doing art, she's just doing craft projects with an educational slant. I am standing around watching her teach when suddenly I see Prin walking towards the art room. Damn, I'm not supposed to be here, I should be teaching my class.

cue mission impossible music

I'm jumping over fences, peeking around corners, army crawling my way back to the classroom all while trying to pretend I'm not actually in a hurry. I beat Prin back by about a second.

Then I wake up.
With a huge headache.

Meh, not much but at least it's something

**

I've been thinking a lot about how I must be crazy or insane. Hear me out. I've always thought I was a normal everyday kind of girl. I think thoughts that real girls think. I do things that real girls do. I'm a girl after all. But in the past year or so I've felt like I'm so very different to other women. I don't think I've ever felt this way in such a marked form as when I've started reading blogs on blogger.

Suddenly so many women are amature porn stars who drink cum for breakfast and think that high heels and g-strings are waaay more comfortable than normal cotton undies. High heels are sooo comfortable and men are always and ONLY really really nice to women and women are always really bitchy to men (except me, of course except me I'm never bitchy to men ...just the rest of the women in the world are bitchy to men ALWAYS).

Do people make shit up for the benefit of an audience or is this for real?

In my everyday experiences with women it's a lot more normal - in that I know E for instance wears heels everyday and loves to do so and yet also feels like she must do that in order to be taken seriously in what she does - she's honest about this and I can appreciate that. She also does it because she knows that men like to watch women who wear heels too and that it changes the way she walks and she knows that men like that. She's honest about it. She also knows that she has foot problems that have developed in the past couple of years (25 year olds take note, it happens in your late 20s) and that she knows are a direct result of wearing heels everyday. She's not going to stop wearing heels but she's not walking around saying they are the best and most comfortable shoes either.

I compare that with statements on internet blogs about heels which go something like this: I love wearing heels. They make me feel sexy. I wear them for me.

I don't think I've ever actually read that on a blog ENTRY but I have read it on a shit load of comment boxes, usually answering a question posed by a male blogger. I find the whole thing both interesting and preplexing.

Is this true - women say one thing for the benefit of men and say another when in the company of only females?

Nowadays there's the old fall back that I hear women using a lot "I do this for me". I realise that we MUST say this in order for us to have any credibility at all. What are we going to say instead? I do it for men? I do it for my mother? I do it for my boss? What can we say? Exactly - now you know what I mean. Sure, there fore "I do it for me" works in that context.

Do you know what I do for me? I have a bath and stuff my face full of chocolate or something absolutely disgustingly fatty or sweet. I watch shitty movies until I cry or laugh. I am thinking of entering the self-love olympics (I shall bring home gold!). I daggy dance to disco while wearing my ipod when no one is around. I read a book. I go to the movies..sometimes alone. I wear my pjs all day and no bra or undies or make up, or shoes! The stuff I do for me I do because no one else is going to see it. I have done a few dodgy things TO myself, that's for sure but when I did those well let's just say there weren't any men around then (or possibility of if you know what I mean. lol) - but now that I look at those things I wonder if I truly did them for me or because of curiosity - perhaps more the later, who knows? It doesn't have to be that way but it often is. Hey, this is why I'm writing this right now - I'm beginning to think I'm so far removed from womanhood that it's not funny and I need some perspective. Am I so very different from you?

Everything is a bit more normal with the real life friends. We talk frankly about when we are treated nice or treated badly by men. We talk frankly about our experiences on the town, our experiences of being a woman. We never say it's all bad, nor is it all good. Being a woman means that we experience things that men probably do not. A few times I've had conversations with men and realise that they have never given a thought to what it's like for a woman in certain kinds of situations. I understand that from men. Maybe it's a case of they don't live it. They don't know.

I don't know if it's just women that blog that only have these weirdly skewed experiences about being a woman (like living the life of what sounds like Bettie Page's) or whether everyone tells lies in order to keep up with the Jones' but sometimes I'm reading a comment on a blog (and it's more the comments not the actual entries that do it) and thinking that is absolutely nothing like me and then because everyone comes in and agrees with that person "yeah, I LOVE wearing sexy underwear everyday" and really think hang on! WHAT? EVERYDAY? WHAAAAAT? In any case sometimes I read about how women act and then all these other women agree with that or someone is applauded for finally "being honest" and I wonder how my experiences and thoughts can be so different from those women around me. How can I not be being honest when evidently I am being honest?

I am not a fembot. I am a real woman. I am not trying to be sexy 24/7 and most of the women who blog that I read aren't trying to be sexy 24/7 either - they're just real. But sometimes I read comments on other blogs - comments written by women - and it sounds like they're ALWAYS being sexy or ALWAYS trying to seduce and be coquettish or ALWAYS feminine. I do want to make clear that I'm not really thinking so much about female bloggers I read and comment on - this is more about a lot of female bloggers whom I don't necessarily read but who comment on male blogs that I do read. How can all this hyperreal femininity be manifest on blogs and not in reality? Men realise this is not reality for a woman to actively be sexy all the time, right? That's not reality. You may find us sexy but that doesn't mean we are ALWAYS trying to be sexy. Right? Maybe I'm wrong. God I'm so confused I don't even know what's right anymore.

I just love those posts where women admit to being daggy (tragically uncool) or they just do embarrassing stuff. It's normal. Doesn't everyone MEN TOO just get up, put their stuff on, go to work, have a day and then do other stuff? Why is it women then, that always say "ohhh I'm feeling so sexy today because I was wearing my g-string". I admit, some days I feel sexier than others but who cares? Why aren't men blogging about how they feel sexy when they shave, or when they grow a mo or when they wear Ralph Lauren? When do men feel sexy and why aren't THEY on every blog comment around talking about how sexy they are? Why is it always women who are doing that? Is being sexy just a woman thing?

Anyway, this blog entry started off as something completely different to what it's ended up as. Never let it be said I'm well thought out and organised. The point that I was thinking of before I wrote this was me wanting to ask you girls a few questions. Boys, you might know the answers to and I'd love your opinion on matters of gender in blog land actually..but girls - please indulge me. Feel free to email me* or post anon if you don't want your name published. I'm certainly not about to judge or reveal long lost secrets. This is for me I want to know just how different I am from you because it's come to my attention that hey maybe I'm that numeral sitting somewhere outside the venn diagram. I want to know why it is that when I make a statement which I find to be general and true for most women and not even necessarily specific I get the 'oh *pat head* that's not quite true now is it?' In otherwords you didn't hear it, you didn't see it, it didn't happen. Are they trying to convince me (themselves?) or am I trying to convince them?

Questions:

Girls have you ever in your life been groped or other by a man who you didn't necessarily invite to grope or other you? I am NOT talking about sexual harassment (I'm not talking about that because that has specific connotations - I'm talking about everyday stuff. Whether this everyday stuff is sexual harassment is another post entirely and I don't want to go into politics exactly). So, I mean, an UNINVITED or UNKOWN someone
- maybe someone pressed themselves up against you to SQUEEZE PAST but wait there was a hell of a lot of room for them to go another way.
- maybe someone actually groped you - they might have been drunk at a nightclub. No biggie?
- commented on your breasts uninvited.
- yelled at you from a car window or construction site.
- pinched your arse
- made a proposition to you just straight out - no kissing first, no drinks first, no dinner..just the proposition that seemingly came out of the blue.
- been told that you have nice tits by a father of a boyfriend or someone like that (someone who you should trust to be respectful) at a family dinner (this didn't happen to me but it happened to a girl I know).

Have you ever felt scared walking alone to your car at night? Do you try to drive with friends or try to park reasonably close to the venue if you're alone especially if it's a dodgy part of town? Do you walk faster when you're alone?

Has anything like that ever happened to you or worse (you don't have to detail)?

I want to make it clear that this entry is not about saying 'ohhh being a woman is bad'. It's about saying girls, is ONE of these even just ONE part of your experience in life and of being a girl? You might not even think twice about it happening - it's just there. Some of this stuff may have happened and you just think - yeah, whatever - like I care? Not a big deal, just everyday stuff. I mean it just rolls off your back right? Or maybe it doesn't - everyone is different in this regard. For me, it doesn't roll off my back but for my good friend E for instance it's not a big deal. That's not what this is all about. I just want to know - Am I the only woman in the world to have experienced these kinds of things? Am I so different from you?*

* email addie in profile if you prefer.

* okay I also realise that when women say anything remotely negative like "I was groped by a guy in a nightclub and I didn't want it to happen" people tend to come out of the woodwork and say 'ohh you're exaggerating' or implying that you're the only girl in the world to have that kind of experience. This is why I wrote this post. I wanted to know whether I was really the only girl who had dodgy experiences.

Labels: dreams, dumb entry, questions, silly rabbit, what men don't see, women, wonderings

posted by M at 5:57 pm 38 comments