[Miscellany]

Settling back into classroom teaching has been difficult. Getting through a day in a classroom is much easier than getting through a day in the AR but teaching the preps is just out of this world: hard. Most of them don't know their letters, or sounds or even how to write their names properly (ie; not backwards). Can you imagine how inundated I am by requests for help whenever we do ANY activity? It's crazy I tell ya.

Anyway, I'm coming home from work each night mentally and physically exhausted and I think as a consequence of this and reading that Tom Cruise biog by Andrew Morton I've been having some weird dreams. Last night probably took the cake as weirdo horrific dream of the year. Picture this - Germany 1942 - an underground secret railroad. I've traveled back in time in order to prepare for a school excursion (??) and find myself in the middle of a finely orchestrated escape attempt by Jewish people out of the country and away from the extermination camps. The dark dingy caves are packed with groups of whispering people who are scared for their lives. Suddenly we are ambushed by armies of soldiers and people are being brutally murdered all around me. I am lost in the crowd, confused about whether my fate is sealed or not. I wake before I die - almost prying my own eyes open and searching for some sort of recognition in the shadows in dark of my bedroom. I much preferred it when I was dreaming of men with strong lips. Andrew Morton with his mention of Nazi Germany and Scientology in the same sentence has a lot to answer for.

Earlier this week Scorpy was in an injury at work. A friend from work updated his blog in order to inform his readers about what was going on with Scorps. Hopefully all will be okay but this got me thinking about what I'd do if something happened to me. Who would I get to update and indeed would I even want to? Also there is the question of if I did - what would said trusted friend think of me after they had updated the blog? Would they be surprised? Would they be embarrassed for me? Would they think I was an idiot or would they discover something in me that they hadn't really contemplated before? I honestly don't know.

Scorpy's mate made the comment about his writing:

Some of it is very deep. I didn't know he had it in him.

Which made me think about how we are all perceived in life versus in blog land and indeed how complex we are as characters both on the street and in our own heads. I have been doing this for long enough to realise that everything is not what it seems when it comes to most characters, but I was to qualify that statement by saying I'm NOT talking about lying here. I mean - people explore real parts of themselves on their blog which may or may not be featured centre stage in real life. For instance, one person may come across as crass or hopeless or always on the verge of being a complete nutbag but in real life this may also be true, it's certainly not all of themselves, like it may be in a blog.

We are not one dimensional. So why is it so hard to reconcile all of those parts of ourselves so that we are always what we seem, in ALL facets of our lives?

Maybe those real life men's men - blokey blokes - explore a more "deep" side on their blog because they can't quite get to exposing that side of themselves (for whatever reason) in real life. I wonder why not? Do we (both men and women) really crucify men who express themselves eloquently in real life or is this a myth perpetuated by the gay phobia and a degradation of the "thinker" in the sports pages of every tabloid newspaper out there? Are men who write in the first place a bit more sensitive anyway and that's why this dichotomy of blokey guy on the outside, superhero deep guy on the blogside (made up word) exists?

If you were in an accident and your friend read your blog would they be surprised by reading a different person to who they really knew?
Why?
How?

Thinking music - one of my favourites (of course)

Get Off - The Dandy Warhols

Labels: blogs, dreams, friends, musical monday, stressed teachers, teaching, teaching the teacher, work

posted by M at 6:30 pm 19 comments

Miss Nat tagged me and so...I'm gonna...

7 things I may (but hopefully not) have written in this journal before.

1) I'm big on gag reels. I'm always hopeful that one of the DVD extras of any film I watch has a gag reel. If it does then usually I'm too impatient to even watch the film first. In fact, while watching I'm usually thinking about the gag reel all the way through! I especially like those goofs where everyone on set starts laughing at some mistake or another - or can't keep it together while saying their line. I can't tell you how spazztastically hilarious I find the whole thing.

2) I have regular perverted but so realistic I can feel them dreams. Not just chicka-chicka-wow-wow type playboy mansion dreams but really fucked up ones that I can't stop thinking about all. day. long. There was this one the other night where...okay I can't do this. But it was fucked up, let me assure you.

3) I am never admitting this again, and if you call me on it I'll say that aliens took over my brain and made me write it but have a major jones for supermarket music but only within the context of the supermarket. There's something so soothing about hearing Kokomo playing at just the right volume over the loud speakers at Safeway while I sort through avocados trying to find a ripe but not too ripe one.

4) My great grandmother married a 75 year old man. she had 5 children to him. She was 14.

5) If it was socially acceptable to do so in public you'd usually find me with my hand down my pants - Al Bundy style. If not down my pants then on my boobs. Please believe me when I say it actually isn't a masturbatory thing. What can I say? I'm just still at the phallic psychosexual stage of development according to Freud.

6) Sometimes I will get certain tidbits from my relatives about my ancestors (see #4) however overall there are secrets that run deep in my family - so deep that I've been told in no uncertain terms that they are being kept from me ...for protection. Us cousins agree that there is a crazy gene - alive and rampant in the fam. No shit.

7) My imagination is so good that it's almost real. By almost, I really do mean by a hair. The only thing that stops it from not being real is my realisation that daydreams aren't actually real. If I was to ever lose my skills of rationalising everything that happens to me then I will become a full blown looney tune. This is true of everyone, sure - but it's especially true of me. If I could, I'd live totally within my imagination - it's nicer in there. Sometimes I hate that rational side of me, even if it does keep me clinically "sane".

I tag, yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.

Labels: about me, blah, daydreams, dreams, family, jesus christ I'm crazy, major jones, meme, weird things

posted by M at 11:48 pm 16 comments

It finally happened, thank god, my dreams have come back. Perhaps it's been the loud music infecting my brain of late that finally unclogged the drain. Of course, it was a school anxiety dream. I have a lot of these. I'm back teaching in the classroom with the lovely preps but I'm wondering who on earth has taken over the art room. In a fit of pure idiocy I decide that the class will be okay for a few minutes on their own while I run across to the other side of the school to check it out. In the art room they've put the world's most incompetent know it all. You know the kind of person I'm talking about - talks a good game but that's about it. She's not even doing art, she's just doing craft projects with an educational slant. I am standing around watching her teach when suddenly I see Prin walking towards the art room. Damn, I'm not supposed to be here, I should be teaching my class.

cue mission impossible music

I'm jumping over fences, peeking around corners, army crawling my way back to the classroom all while trying to pretend I'm not actually in a hurry. I beat Prin back by about a second.

Then I wake up.
With a huge headache.

Meh, not much but at least it's something

**

I've been thinking a lot about how I must be crazy or insane. Hear me out. I've always thought I was a normal everyday kind of girl. I think thoughts that real girls think. I do things that real girls do. I'm a girl after all. But in the past year or so I've felt like I'm so very different to other women. I don't think I've ever felt this way in such a marked form as when I've started reading blogs on blogger.

Suddenly so many women are amature porn stars who drink cum for breakfast and think that high heels and g-strings are waaay more comfortable than normal cotton undies. High heels are sooo comfortable and men are always and ONLY really really nice to women and women are always really bitchy to men (except me, of course except me I'm never bitchy to men ...just the rest of the women in the world are bitchy to men ALWAYS).

Do people make shit up for the benefit of an audience or is this for real?

In my everyday experiences with women it's a lot more normal - in that I know E for instance wears heels everyday and loves to do so and yet also feels like she must do that in order to be taken seriously in what she does - she's honest about this and I can appreciate that. She also does it because she knows that men like to watch women who wear heels too and that it changes the way she walks and she knows that men like that. She's honest about it. She also knows that she has foot problems that have developed in the past couple of years (25 year olds take note, it happens in your late 20s) and that she knows are a direct result of wearing heels everyday. She's not going to stop wearing heels but she's not walking around saying they are the best and most comfortable shoes either.

I compare that with statements on internet blogs about heels which go something like this: I love wearing heels. They make me feel sexy. I wear them for me.

I don't think I've ever actually read that on a blog ENTRY but I have read it on a shit load of comment boxes, usually answering a question posed by a male blogger. I find the whole thing both interesting and preplexing.

Is this true - women say one thing for the benefit of men and say another when in the company of only females?

Nowadays there's the old fall back that I hear women using a lot "I do this for me". I realise that we MUST say this in order for us to have any credibility at all. What are we going to say instead? I do it for men? I do it for my mother? I do it for my boss? What can we say? Exactly - now you know what I mean. Sure, there fore "I do it for me" works in that context.

Do you know what I do for me? I have a bath and stuff my face full of chocolate or something absolutely disgustingly fatty or sweet. I watch shitty movies until I cry or laugh. I am thinking of entering the self-love olympics (I shall bring home gold!). I daggy dance to disco while wearing my ipod when no one is around. I read a book. I go to the movies..sometimes alone. I wear my pjs all day and no bra or undies or make up, or shoes! The stuff I do for me I do because no one else is going to see it. I have done a few dodgy things TO myself, that's for sure but when I did those well let's just say there weren't any men around then (or possibility of if you know what I mean. lol) - but now that I look at those things I wonder if I truly did them for me or because of curiosity - perhaps more the later, who knows? It doesn't have to be that way but it often is. Hey, this is why I'm writing this right now - I'm beginning to think I'm so far removed from womanhood that it's not funny and I need some perspective. Am I so very different from you?

Everything is a bit more normal with the real life friends. We talk frankly about when we are treated nice or treated badly by men. We talk frankly about our experiences on the town, our experiences of being a woman. We never say it's all bad, nor is it all good. Being a woman means that we experience things that men probably do not. A few times I've had conversations with men and realise that they have never given a thought to what it's like for a woman in certain kinds of situations. I understand that from men. Maybe it's a case of they don't live it. They don't know.

I don't know if it's just women that blog that only have these weirdly skewed experiences about being a woman (like living the life of what sounds like Bettie Page's) or whether everyone tells lies in order to keep up with the Jones' but sometimes I'm reading a comment on a blog (and it's more the comments not the actual entries that do it) and thinking that is absolutely nothing like me and then because everyone comes in and agrees with that person "yeah, I LOVE wearing sexy underwear everyday" and really think hang on! WHAT? EVERYDAY? WHAAAAAT? In any case sometimes I read about how women act and then all these other women agree with that or someone is applauded for finally "being honest" and I wonder how my experiences and thoughts can be so different from those women around me. How can I not be being honest when evidently I am being honest?

I am not a fembot. I am a real woman. I am not trying to be sexy 24/7 and most of the women who blog that I read aren't trying to be sexy 24/7 either - they're just real. But sometimes I read comments on other blogs - comments written by women - and it sounds like they're ALWAYS being sexy or ALWAYS trying to seduce and be coquettish or ALWAYS feminine. I do want to make clear that I'm not really thinking so much about female bloggers I read and comment on - this is more about a lot of female bloggers whom I don't necessarily read but who comment on male blogs that I do read. How can all this hyperreal femininity be manifest on blogs and not in reality? Men realise this is not reality for a woman to actively be sexy all the time, right? That's not reality. You may find us sexy but that doesn't mean we are ALWAYS trying to be sexy. Right? Maybe I'm wrong. God I'm so confused I don't even know what's right anymore.

I just love those posts where women admit to being daggy (tragically uncool) or they just do embarrassing stuff. It's normal. Doesn't everyone MEN TOO just get up, put their stuff on, go to work, have a day and then do other stuff? Why is it women then, that always say "ohhh I'm feeling so sexy today because I was wearing my g-string". I admit, some days I feel sexier than others but who cares? Why aren't men blogging about how they feel sexy when they shave, or when they grow a mo or when they wear Ralph Lauren? When do men feel sexy and why aren't THEY on every blog comment around talking about how sexy they are? Why is it always women who are doing that? Is being sexy just a woman thing?

Anyway, this blog entry started off as something completely different to what it's ended up as. Never let it be said I'm well thought out and organised. The point that I was thinking of before I wrote this was me wanting to ask you girls a few questions. Boys, you might know the answers to and I'd love your opinion on matters of gender in blog land actually..but girls - please indulge me. Feel free to email me* or post anon if you don't want your name published. I'm certainly not about to judge or reveal long lost secrets. This is for me I want to know just how different I am from you because it's come to my attention that hey maybe I'm that numeral sitting somewhere outside the venn diagram. I want to know why it is that when I make a statement which I find to be general and true for most women and not even necessarily specific I get the 'oh *pat head* that's not quite true now is it?' In otherwords you didn't hear it, you didn't see it, it didn't happen. Are they trying to convince me (themselves?) or am I trying to convince them?

Questions:

Girls have you ever in your life been groped or other by a man who you didn't necessarily invite to grope or other you? I am NOT talking about sexual harassment (I'm not talking about that because that has specific connotations - I'm talking about everyday stuff. Whether this everyday stuff is sexual harassment is another post entirely and I don't want to go into politics exactly). So, I mean, an UNINVITED or UNKOWN someone
- maybe someone pressed themselves up against you to SQUEEZE PAST but wait there was a hell of a lot of room for them to go another way.
- maybe someone actually groped you - they might have been drunk at a nightclub. No biggie?
- commented on your breasts uninvited.
- yelled at you from a car window or construction site.
- pinched your arse
- made a proposition to you just straight out - no kissing first, no drinks first, no dinner..just the proposition that seemingly came out of the blue.
- been told that you have nice tits by a father of a boyfriend or someone like that (someone who you should trust to be respectful) at a family dinner (this didn't happen to me but it happened to a girl I know).

Have you ever felt scared walking alone to your car at night? Do you try to drive with friends or try to park reasonably close to the venue if you're alone especially if it's a dodgy part of town? Do you walk faster when you're alone?

Has anything like that ever happened to you or worse (you don't have to detail)?

I want to make it clear that this entry is not about saying 'ohhh being a woman is bad'. It's about saying girls, is ONE of these even just ONE part of your experience in life and of being a girl? You might not even think twice about it happening - it's just there. Some of this stuff may have happened and you just think - yeah, whatever - like I care? Not a big deal, just everyday stuff. I mean it just rolls off your back right? Or maybe it doesn't - everyone is different in this regard. For me, it doesn't roll off my back but for my good friend E for instance it's not a big deal. That's not what this is all about. I just want to know - Am I the only woman in the world to have experienced these kinds of things? Am I so different from you?*

* email addie in profile if you prefer.

* okay I also realise that when women say anything remotely negative like "I was groped by a guy in a nightclub and I didn't want it to happen" people tend to come out of the woodwork and say 'ohh you're exaggerating' or implying that you're the only girl in the world to have that kind of experience. This is why I wrote this post. I wanted to know whether I was really the only girl who had dodgy experiences.

Labels: dreams, dumb entry, questions, silly rabbit, what men don't see, women, wonderings

posted by M at 5:57 pm 38 comments

I haven't been having any school based anxiety dreams lately but even the ones I have are thinly veiled disguises of angst.

In my dream last night I was down at the beach with my friend L. We were staying at her holiday house. It was a cold and already dark out but we decided to take a walk when we came across a sign that said there was a ferry leaving for Tasmania in 20 minutes. We decided that since we had never been to Tassie that it would be fun to go, stay the night and then come back late the next day. When we got there the port was busy with people who like us had decided at the last minute. Noone had any luggage. We waited for the ferry but it never came. The "captain" emerged from his office a few hours later and told us that we'd have to ride on plastic and polystyrene meat trays to Tassie instead. So we were all ushered into the ocean where we had to precariously balance our behinds on meat trays - with minimal movement they only just floated. I kept thinking how are we going to make it? and started panicking. Everyone else was jolly, happy and excited about it (of course) while I was freaking out. I didn't understand why no one else saw the dangers of sailing the turbulent seas (or the Strait as it may be) on a meat tray. Are people crazy?

Then the skies opened up and it started raining. People started sinking and the captain decided that we should set sail the next day instead. Fine by me - I was still hoping the ferry would turn up! So we all abandoned our sinking meat trays and found shelter in a big hall. Inside it was warm, cosy and everyone relaxed into having a fun time - people were playing charades or card games or just talking. It felt like school camp when it rains and instead of going on the night hike to see the glow bugs you have to have an inside playtime at the hall. There were a couple of bloggers there but we didn't talk.

The next day I felt that familiar dread again as we headed back to the port for our trip to Tassie. Somehow instead of a meat tray I scored a pillow! It was a latex one so it floated okay. It was sunny and warm and I was feeling a bit better about the whole trip now. A meat tray was impossible but a pillow I could do. Nicole Kidman turned up (fashionably late) and was given a meat tray - she couldn't float for shit. Then just as I was beginning to feel comfortable bro came along and pushed me under.


Alphabet Meme (stolen from tits list:

A- Available or single? spinster.
B- Best Friend? a few - maybe E or #1 or bro.
C- Cake or Pie? I made a killer spinach and ricotta pie (yes I MADE it, from SCRATCH and it was GOOD) but I still pick cake because I love cake.
D- Drink of Choice? At the moment it's chocolate milkshakes.
E- Essential Item? laptop. I quite pathetically can't live without it.
F- Favorite Color? crimson and other deviations from and around that.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? bears.
H- Hometown? Melb
I- Indulgence? chocolate
J- January or February? January (February is filled with too much school and not enough holidays).
K- Kids? Guappo my fake adopted Somalian child.
L- Life is incomplete without? a morning cuppa (yeahyeah okay LOVE... probably).
M- Marriage Date? HAHAHAHHAHA
N- Number of Siblings? bro.
O- Oranges or apples? when they are in season and are really juicy orange, definitely.
P- Phobias/Fears? spiders, dentist (argh), snakes. I've also developed a tiny bit of agoraphobia it's very slight but as much as I love them sometimes I'd just rather not look at wide open spaces. I've also developed this anxiety about the phone. I very rarely call people and when I do it has to be for a good reason and it takes me about 3 or 4 tries to actually dial the number. I have NO IDEA where this came from.
(hm, just re-read over that and realise what a complete nutter I sound like).
Q- Favorite Quote? “Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.” (Neil Gaiman)
R- Reason to Smile? a dream, a thought..
S- Season? Autumn.
T- Tag three people! you.
U- Unusual Talent or Skill? I can bend forward without bending my legs and put both palms flat on the floor ...and some. Hardly a talent or skill though. lol.
V- Vegetable? pretty much anything roasted. mmm.
W- Worst Habit? I will not put things away until I'm good and ready to do so (this could take up to a month).
X- X-Rays? teeth (did I mention I'm terrified of the dentist?), ankle, chest (when they couldn't figure out why I kept having "asthma" attacks and then fainting. THAT was fun), head (sinus), girl stuff (that was REALLY fun).
Y- Yummy Foods I Make: um, the cooking gene did not cross the womb for some reason.
Z- Zodiac Sign: Aries: yes, yes challenging and infuriating people since 1978.


In other (amusing) news:






You could see this one coming. Would you worship the sceptre of Cruise like Katie does? Well then there's only one place left to go with this revelation. Must I be the first to say it?


WHEN DO WE GET TO CRUCIFY HIM?

Labels: dreams

posted by M at 10:17 am 33 comments

I used to have dreams where my father would come back from the dead. In the dreams there was always the threat that if I brought up the death to him he would disappear again. I guess there was always a feeling of impending doom on the horizon - which is how I felt before he died anyway to tell you the truth. But apart from that there was a sense of elation in the dream - like we had cheated the system somehow. These dreams always felt so real and now that I don't have them anymore (or haven't had one in a good year anyway), I miss them. I always thought of then as my dad coming back and saying hello. Sometimes you get desperate and anything will do, you know? There is one thing I've discovered though, you can't cheat the system.

I was pretty astounded when I realised that the movie Volver, explored similar themes to my own dreams. I didn't know what the movie was about before I went to see it - the preview was unclear - but E, L and I decided to give it a go anyway. It was a great film, not just for Penelope's rather magnificent rack but just because it was interesting to see an almost all female ensemble of varying ages in a film that was as quirky as it was touching. Afterwards, E, L and I had our post-movie discussion that happened to center around E's group of male work mates.

You'd be hard pressed to find a bigger group of mean spirited blokes who do nothing more than perve on women and laugh about how badly they treat them. The stuff that I've heard these guys say about women I would have a really hard time repeating to anyone without blushing and I'm not even prudish when it comes to that kind of stuff! But yeah, following jailbait around, cheating on their girlfriends, commenting that size 10 women are too fat (I thought this was a joke because you always hear that crap that men are easier on women's bodies than women themselves are ..but obviously not! geez) and so much more.

Well, I thought that kind of stuff was just exhibited by a minority ...yes that's what I thought until I was dutifully informed that most men are actually like that and as E and L were both confirming this I thought about other things I had heard.. But surely this can't be true. I don't really have a lot of male friends (maybe it's the fact that I do tend to have an opinion about things), and I do know that while I've never been accused of thinking that men are princes (hahhahahahhah - probably the opposite actually) I have always expected that there are quite a few out there in the scary world of sexist pigs who can be kind, loving and are faithful. I have also been informed (by men!) that expecting those things is expecting too much. Excuse my ignorance here but aren't those basic traits that we'd expect of all humans? - So if that is "expecting too much" from men then doesn't that say something not too nice about that male species?

So, E if the majority men are like this then why are we WITH them?
E thought about it for a moment.
'We want babies, not just babies - we want families* - and we'll settle just to get it.

*obviously not all women actually want those things - but still, the dickhead factor is still running rampant there too!

Do women settle more than men?

Labels: dickheads, dreams, questions, wonderings

posted by M at 10:55 am 32 comments

Last night I had a school anxiety dream. This is particularly strange because I've only been on holidays for a week and have not been thinking about school more than normal for a teacher. Usually I have school anxiety dreams for a week leading up to going back to work, not at the beginning of the holidays. Maybe there are underlying stresses that are playing havoc with my mind at the moment. God knows, Christmas is usually SUCH a relaxing time. pfe.

The dream involved me having to traffic all the grades to their respective classes. All the rooms were arranged so that you had to walk through one room to get to another. Despite reminding my 'grade' to be well behaved and quiet as they walked through the other classrooms, the grades that I was 'delivering' were always disruptive and behaving like idiots. No matter what I did, nothing seemed to be able to calm the kids down. At the end of that dream one of my ex-colleagues showed me her new classroom - for the world's messiest woman she had certainly cleaned up! It was immaculate. I stood there wondering how she had become so polished while I was having such a hard time being the "traffic warden". Then she presented to me her new pet dog. It was a Shitzu Maltese but scruffier looking. I went to pet it and it bared it's teeth but didn't growl. I petted it anyway but was wary of being bitten.

In the next dream I felt like I had a split personality. I was a man who was being accused of murdering 4 people. I was also all of the people being murdered, I was also the judge listening to the testimony and I was the impartial reporter on scene to relay the story. The dream actually started with a montage of the killings with flashes of newspaper headlines in-between each killing. Then I was the guy, pacing up and down a grey coloured room with only a long table in it. Each newspaper cut out (which I had also written) and headline of the killing were evenly spread out across the table. As I moved along the table towards each individual newspaper article, I was asked to explain to the judge (myself) how I had killed each person. In the dream, the murderer (me) was also a doctor. Each victim was a patient (me) who had come to the doctor (me) with pain in their muscles. I, the murderer doctor explained to the judge (me) that I was only trying to help each patient with their pain by administering a pain reliever by injection to the side of the head. As the judge I tried to think of only the facts without all the extra emotion I also happened to be feeling as the murderer. Then, as I was explaining how I did it, I became each patient living through the excruciating pain of having a needle put through the side of my head and feeling the poison travel through my muscles and veins and killing all my brain cells. I was in so much pain, I woke up.

In happier news today I made myself pancakes and I flipped them all by myself and they didn't stick to the pan and they didn't even burn! I may be a murderer in my own dreams but when it comes to breakfast foods, I rock.

*edit* I almost forgot. Yesterday I got a phone call from the psychic. She even called bro trying to get a hold of me - but didn't call other people who had also gone to see her (I know because I checked with other people). She's not even in the country! She said, I don't know when I'll be back but I'll see you when I do. That can't be good. Quite frankly, I'm shitting myself.

Labels: dreams, random

posted by M at 11:11 am 24 comments

Last night I had a dream that I sat down to dinner with my extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles etc and they all proceeded to tell me the things they hated about me. It wasn't good. When I woke up I lay there in my bed with the covers pulled up around my chin blocking out the cold morning and thought about it for a long time. The dream was quite timely considering that there have been a few family issues lately that I've somehow gotten involved in without actually *getting* involved. Maybe that's the problem and I need to get *more* involved but to be honest, I can't see the point. It's all infighting about issues that are not going to be resolved, they haven't been for too many years already. Anyway- the family issues have made me feel a little insecure (read: feeling like shit) and while that fact was probably the starting point of the dream, it still doesn't explain the content.

Anyway, the dream felt so real and I know enough about myself to know that when I have those kinds of "real" dreams that it's something I need to take note of because there is something I need to change or that something is about to knock my world about. I was almost late for school because of it. I know that dreams are important because they are what your mind tells you without all those walls we put up during waking life - and that can be pretty terrifying. I've got to wonder whether these mean things I heard (in the dream) are the things I tell myself or whether others really think them about me. I'm pretty hard on myself - and noone has ever told me anything to my face that I haven't already told myself (but worse) in my head.

The dream has put me completely on the back foot. I can't stop thinking about it.

Do you ever feel that sometimes no matter what ever you do, or say, or be it just won't be 'good enough' for some people?

Labels: dreams, family

posted by M at 4:40 pm 24 comments