[Miscellany]

There is a term for people in my situation.
That is, souls who just can't figure out why they can't figure it out. Thus, to try to eleviate the status quo and find something worth blogging for (or living, I don't know) I'm... here I go... coming out of the closet.. I'm ..."in treatment".

What I'm "in treatment" for hasn't been given a name. Am I depressed? Nuts? Weird? Psychotic? Too thoughtful? Ridiculous? Yes, probably and I don't know. I've got to tell you, 11 year old me (whom I consult with quite a bit) wouldn't have believed you if you told her she'd be in treatment in 2011. Of course, 11 year old me would have thought 32 year old me would be living on the moon (true, I wrote an essay on it) instead of in an inner city suburb in Melbs but anyway.. I digress.

My err... what do we call her: My voice of reason (MVOR)? is a poised, thoughtful, intelligent, kind and insightful person who will interrupt my diatribes with highly reasonable examples of why I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I wish I was more like her, but I'm not. I'm the messy person who comes in with an overcooked imagination and disorganised handbag that spills everywhere, often in a bad mood from work and who sits on the couch and blabs, blabs, blabs in a way that is most unattrative and I'm sure highly yawnful.

I'm the opposite of what I want to be.
And what do I want to be?

...just normal... everyday...
simple really.
Not quite sure how many people actually achieve this so called simple stuff, but I'll give it a go.

Time to give someone else my kite string to anchor me for a while.
I've realised it's rather impossible to be the one holding it and flying at the same time.
You just get lost.

Labels: Crazy Nutters, in treatment, MVOR, nuts, talking cure, weird little happenings, weird things

posted by M at 7:20 pm 6 comments

Dear Lady in the Next Cubicle,

You: Humming the tune to jaws.
Me: Listening to you, aghast that you are 1) humming in a public restroom 2) actually a GIRL, humming in a public restroom.

Love,

Surprised.



Dear World,

Everything at the moment points to me feeling sad, but it's just so much easier to just take it out on everyone else and be angry.

Forgive me, but you give the fucking shits.

Love,

Angry Girl.



Dear Parent of a child that will be in my grade next year,

When I say that your son was being silly and calling out (read: being a complete disruption to everyone, having no respect for authority and sometimes being dangerous) during our little orientation program I meant it in all seriousness. You looked surprised, don't worry, I'm used to that look from people like you - it's the "oh but they never act that way around me" look. Bullshit! I heard on the grapevine that you were in the yard complaining about me saying this to you and then laughing about it.

If you think you can try this shit out on me you've got another thing coming. You have met your match lady. This is my little promise to you: Every time your son fucks up I will be seeking YOU out to deal with it at home. If you don't deal with it then we're going to be having many, many after school meetings, behavioural plans, meetings with the principal etc. It's not going to be pretty. I have all night and I'm willing to spend it, with you, talking about the things you need to get sorted, because yes - it's your responsibility to meet me half way on this, not absolve responsibility just because they're at "school".

You think it's funny that your son is undisciplined? I don't. I think it's a reflection of your parenting. I'm not laughing.

Love,

Not Amused.



Dear Egan,

You want 3-5 things that women do/are, which keep them single? I'll take three from me and two from someone else.

According to Sam de Brito (renowned for writing and ill written, second rate Australian men's column usually agreed with by neanderthals with shit for brains, in The Age and SMH - but apparently these two traits are seen an universally true???)
1. not being young enough

2. not being hot enough.

And mine...
3. Being obsessive about spending time together and not letting their man have any time to himself. God goddsake just give the poor bloke a night or two off to watch porn or footy or to complain about you to all of his friends. He's earned it! Falling into this category is the old calling 5 times a day, just to see how he's going.

4. Making plans that are too far ahead, too soon. The second date is not a good time to plan a wedding - not in any culture. Scrap booking your future wedding/house/family is also not a good idea.

5. Only having one interest in life: him.


Love,

M.


Dear Random Reader,

You found my journal by searching "do men ever fake it?".

Do men ever fake it? pft. You know when you're talking about how your sister's best friend's hairdresser saw some D-grade movie actor at some incredible night spot and your boyfriend is all like "uh huh?" "sounds interesting" "mmmmm, wow" "yeppppppp"?

...he's totally faking it.

Love,

Boys just have a different way of doing it.




Dear Reports,

So I hear you're not going to write yourselves. Good one, but this means I'm still at square one.

Love,

Frustrated.




Dear Head Honchos at the Australian Football League,

You are shit.

Seriously, you are shit.

Ben Cousins is a drug fucked dickhead who is taking the piss out of everyone. He's had his chance and fucked up - BIG TIME and you are still going to let him play? I don't get it. The football world is not a good place for someone who can't handle the pressure. Any other athlete would be out on their arse by now and so should he.

Cut him loose - he needs to go find a real job and give a rookie a chance to get drafted instead.

Love,

Amazed.



Dear Tracie and Rich,

I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove pot psychology!


Do Guys Ever Taste Their Own Semen? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

You guys are so funny,

Love,

M.

PS: Hey boys, come (cum) clean (haha), have you ever eaten your own spunk? A lot? Regularly? Never but will do so now? Never and never want to? Cum on, answer!

Labels: letters, rant, relationships, stressed teachers, weird things, what men want, what women want

posted by M at 5:23 pm 27 comments

* Whenever I come back from holidays I look magnificent. I'm rested. I'm manicured and I'm stress free. Give me three days and I'm back to being an old hag with chipped nails and crazy eyes. What is it about work that just does your head in? I mean why can't we all just have jobs where you get to work, swan around, drink your coffee and then spend the rest of the day on facebook/blogger/email/whatever else peeps do these days and then leave right on the dot and arrive home with your lipstick still on? My lipstick lasts literally 30 minutes.

* I've been getting a few misdirected emails lately. There was the one about pet sitting - it was a couple of emails actually. Can you sit with the pet for the first one and the second email was sort of like "great job but we found the door unlocked, please don't leave the door unlocked". I've also had a couple of specific party invitations to people I don't know, FROM people I don't know. Is this happening to anyone else? At first I thought it was a spam thing but the emails are really quite specific and personal. Are spammers getting cleverer or am I getting dumber?

* Am back on the house hunting bandwagon. Great time to be out on the lookout eh? FINANCIAL CRISIS - MARKET CRASH - RECORD BANKRUPTCY. Ooohh, how 'bout I get out there and look for a house? yeah.

I'm already in the email wars with this estate agent. He's such a smarmy bastard. God, why are they so inhuman? Why can't they just be normal people? We had an argument about the price of an apartment. I thought it was unrealistic and told him straight out. Smarmy bastards hate it when girls have figured out they are idiots and let them know about it. Personally I think more girls should let smarmy bastards know that they think they are idiots, it would make them rethink their smarmyness if all girls kept knocking them down. I feel like I'm providing a service to everyone else out there. I really am. Ego stroking is so fucking 1980. We're already into 90s retro - time to get real! His next clients are going to be treated so nicely, mark my words. Aaaaanyway. So we disagreed on this price. He went to the trouble of conjuring up some auction results list which supposedly proved his point - which actually had no apartments on it, just houses. I mean, who the hell do these people think they are? You can't compare a house and an apartment and say that "therefore these prices are on par". I let him have it. He rang me recently saying that the "owners" had rethought their unrealistically high expectations. I hate saying I told you so - but you smarmy bastard - I told you so.

* I hear the first couple of episodes of Kath and Kim US season has debuted. Has anyone seen these? Kath and Kim (Oz) is a parody on suburban Melbourne life. The ladies who write and act the lead roles are brave performers. They take their normal middle aged bodies and make fun of them all the time. This is something that women on television do not normally do. This is something that women on American TV don't even contemplate. American TV is not about making women ugly. It's about making women who WATCH the shows FEEL ugly within themselves. Hence Kim being a chunky girl who thinks she's a hornbag (which is how it's supposed to be played) is not going to be played that way. Selma Blair is gorgeous and probably suffering an eating disorder (let's face it). In this day and age she IS a hornbag - she can't be walking around complaining that she's fat and being rejected by men all over the place. I mean it just doesn't work. It's not funny. It's not funny when an anorexic looking chick talks about weight. It's just not. It's just a psychologists appointment waiting to happen.

Therefore I have to ask. Why can't they just import the show and play the original on their tele? I mean, is American humour so unique and American culture so like a vacuum that they can't listen to other accents/learn about other cultures? Every other nation in the world just watches other shows from other nations, accents and all. We got no issue with it. Why should they? Why "Americanise" everything? Haven't they worked out that Americanising *anything* is just very, very bad?

* S was telling me about her guardian angels (spirit guides, whatever you call them) the other day. I dunno - do you believe you have a guardian angel of some kind? That is a specific "person" assigned to help you out in your life? If it's true I sort of feel sorry for mine. I mean, how boring for them.

* I checked my stats for the first time in about a million years. One of my referrals was "I'd love to fuck Kerri Anne Kennerly". Folks I feel so proud, you just have no idea. I'm having about a million pop-cultural orgasms at once.

* I think I'm going through a bit of a life transformation. Things are getting a bit weird. I don't know what to say about it, but things are shifting - not really forwards but sideways.

Labels: about me, house, houses, stressed teachers, weird little happenings, weird things

posted by M at 11:39 pm 14 comments

Stuff I'm just loving right now.

Innovative Internets:

Wainy Days

(That link takes you straight to the site mydamnchannel which has all the episodes - is better quality than below - YouTube version)



This is a new internet channel show (actually it's been around for a while) created by the masterful and hilarious David Wain (whom I am going to go on record right now as LOVING and wanting to have his babies). The show takes a look at the dating dos and do nots of a perpetually single guy in his late 30s living in NYC. So far there are 20 episodes of completely inappropriate humour that often goes way too far and answers the eternal question: So THAT'S what they're really thinking. Okay, not really but it's HILARIOUS. Love how all the friends work in a sweat shop. What's with that?

Many special guest stars - mostly from old projects like The State, Stella and Wet Hot American Summer.

I love this show so much it hurts <3<3<3

(If you're over at MyDamnChannel I also highly recommend the soap opera spoof "Horrible People" and "You Suck at Photoshop" which are both also HILARIOUS!)


US Cable TV

Dexter.

This one is old news but for those who have not been initiated yet Dexter is the nicest sociopathic serial killer you could ever hope to meet. He's on the Miami Police Force payroll as a blood splatter expert and he only kills people who really deserve it. Honest. No one has a clue that he's a serial killer...well not yet anyway. His adopted father (a cop) taught him how to cover his tracks and Dexter has been following his golden rules to great success so far. The problem is that his sister's also on the force and she's getting a little too close for comfort...

A must see, definitely one of the best shows coming out of the US.


Superficial TV

Greek

Only a few people are really going to appreciate this one but I'm putting it out there anyway. Take one big Geek from high school and put him in college (sounding a little like Undeclared so far eh?) where his geekiness shines on like a crazy diamond. The problem is that his sister is the most popular girl on campus - uh oh. Bro comes along and makes friends with his sister's secret ex boyfriend who is not exactly the kind of clean cut all American boy that sis wants to be associated with anymore. Things start to get a little complicated for all concerned when it turns out that sis still has a thing for the bad boy ...which is probably not a good idea, since she's going out with Mr Big Man on Campus.

Seriously much less superficial than I've made it sound. No really it is. Okay not that much less superficial, but still good tele.

The lead guy is also in the show "Quarterlife", which started out like Wainy Days, as an internet short. It centers around a 20-something girl who blogs all day about her friends and housemates. Unfortunately they all discover her blog and she has to explain herself.

Reality TV

Project Runway.

I have been loving this show for years now. It never gets old. Take a bunch of struggling fashion designers and give them horrendously early deadlines by which to finish major pieces of fashion extravaganza that are challenging to make (ie: using only materials from the Hersey's chocolate store??). Then they all parade their models down the catwalk and the worst outfit is eliminated with a swift auf Wiedersehen from host; Heidi Klum. Brilliant and engaging reality TV! The contestants are amazingly talented people with a desire to succeed. The prize is a show at New York Fashion week and money to start your own business. As someone related to a fashion designer I know how difficult this industry is. The real star of the show however is Tim Gunn who is the contestant's mentor and father figure.

"Make it work!" <3


Retro Love

You know how back in the old days you'd make a mix tape for the people you love? Do you feel that a mix CD is a bit ...I dunno; sterile? Do you actually know anyone who still plays tapes with any kind of regularity?

I love me a mix tape and here you have all the joy of a mix tape without the fuss of actually dealing with rewinding and fast forwarding through the songs you hate (for youngies...yes that's what we used to do back in the old days). It's a USB stick of around 60minutes of playing time that fits nicely into the tape for packaging purposes. You get to scribble all over the liner card and the gift recipient gets to keep a lovely keepsake while still enjoying the convenience of plugging that sucker into the laptop and downloading all those songs onto his/her ipod. Seriously, cool AND filled with squishy retro love.

Oz TV

Underbelly

click link to go to a video news story about the show and murders

All this killing and stuff went right on in my backyard (so to speak). Makes ya proud don't it? Yeah, okay maybe not. Carl Williams is apparently unhappy with his portrayal on the show. Christ, beggars can't be choosers mate.

Oz Blog

The Breakfast Blog

Right now he's in Boston so it's all a bit pointless and boring, but once he gets back to Melbourne it'll be full steam ahead for The Breakfast Blog. The thing I love about this site, besides the fact that it details one of my favourite things (a good breakie ...that I don't have to cook) the site is remarkably easy to navigate and just all round informative. It gives you details on the price (with the nifty price index tag), tells you where the place is, indexes in alphabetical order, location AND by top scores. I love it. I use it. It's brilliant and Jamie is rarely wrong. The man knows a good breakfast!

Bless!

Games:

Scrabulous

I know I should somehow feel ashamed but actually I don't. I am, for the record the world's WORST scrabble player. I did not grow up playing scrabble on Sunday evenings and drinking chocolate milk while my parents played footsies with each other under the coffee table while listening to Tapestry on the record player. Sorry, you must have be mixed up with the Keatons or the Seavers. I think I must be trying to relive the youth I never had or something because I'm totally into the scrabble revival!

Yes, I totally look up words online and cheat. pfcha! Course!

Magazines

Nylon. It's quirky, it's Rock N Roll, it's totally fashion oriented but in a completely approachable way (finally!). It's just fun. It doesn't feel like it's only for girls though I suppose girls mostly read it. It's a little on the expensive side though.

There is an Australian magazine which I love just as much: Frankie - and REALLY love the fact that it comes with a rip out poster that I always put aside and use as wrapping paper. I like a mag that provides a little something extra.

Poster - dude, because Ro edits it and because it's swish and glam and makes me wish I was about a million times more stylish than I actually am. It's art, fashion, it's a city scape all in one - it's not your usual kind of magazine. This one is seriously going to go places. It already has in fact. <3

Book

Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics - Sasha Cagen

Reading To-Do List recently made me go back and re-read this old gem which Cagen wrote first. I'm more convinced now than ever that I'm a bona fide quirkyalone. It's a manifesto for all those eternally single people - not just girls mind you. Read the essay here. It explains a lot.





Movie

The King Of Kong

I recently went to see this little documentary for a laugh but I became so emotionally involved that I almost scared myself. In fact the whole cinema was booing and cheering a long with it - unheard of in Melbourne!

If you go see one thing at the cinema this year make it this movie - go RIGHT NOW. You will not regret it - you can not make this stuff up. This is a documentary about playing the arcade game Donkey Kong - remember that one? Anyone who was a kid in the 80s would remember the game, it's a classic. This documentary shows the seedy underbelly of video gaming - a side of gaming that is run by manipulation, threat and a man frightened of losing his world record score to a newcomer.

It's so very good. <3<3


And there you have the stuff I'm loving right now.

What are you loving? Share!

Labels: love, media, music, pop culture, stuff, TV, weird things

posted by M at 10:56 pm 17 comments

me - Hey, how was your first assembly yesterday kids?
kid - it was good, you know we sang that song: Australians all in Ostriches. It was funny.
me - ...you mean Australians all let us rejoice...?
kid - um...maybe.
(I guess we need to go through that national anthem thingy).


frowny kid - why do you always smile?
me - hm?
frowny kid - well you're always smiling. I don't always feel like smiling so I don't always smile.
me - well, I like smiling, it's nice. You could do with a little more smiling you know! Besides, it's one of our rules!
(Like, it really is. It's on the board in bold letters and everything. Everyone must smile!)

Corey Haim kid - you know how you were away yesterday?
me - yep, sure do
CHK - well, that teacher we had, I forget her name ...or something. She was speaking a different language ...or something. I never understood anything she said. She didn't speak English!
me - oh really? *checking records of who was in the classroom*
CHK - I think she was Italian or something like that.
me - um, she was Irish! She was speaking English!
CHK - oh.
(I suppose it can be hard to tell. I mean the accent is so gorgeous that you really don't care what they're saying half the time do you?!)

Mum - I don't understand this body corporate. Why is there such a thing?
me - it pays for all those things you might want to use in the building plus maintaining the property
Mum - It's like communism, you pay someone else to tell you when you can have a bath, or what food you can eat. Everyone is stuck in the same paying for things they don't even want!
(God, well when she puts it like that, I really can't argue. Perhaps I should cross that one off my list).

me - you doing anything special with the man on vday?
C - well this is the one day of the year that he cooks! So we're having dinner in.
me - how lovely! What do you think he'll cook?
C - I know he's going to cook pancakes.
me - ...pancakes?
C - It's actually the only thing he knows how to cook. He does those shake the bottle ones.
me - oh. my. god...that is so romantic!
C - I know! I'm going to get him chocolates.
(you see guys, no one - worth knowing- is actually expecting a bloody diamond! Just being yourself is nice!)

me - S was upset because none of the other girls brought their babies to dinner. She wanted little N to meet all their babies!
#1 - err..it's not like little N is really going to remember meeting some randoms at a dinner one night. He's a baby!
me - exactly, it's not like they're really going to be exchanging business cards and making dates to meet up at the local pub later!
(I mean seriously. Sometimes babies can be left at home with dad. Dad is also a parent. Dad is in fact the OTHER parent!!

The past two weeks have had me play host to a couple of important people in the classroom. One was Mr school Counselor who has been visiting every grade (trying to get a feel for the wackos probably) and a parent who also happens to be a teacher, who wanted to clock up some volunteer hours in my class. I was a bit nervous having other adults in the classroom after so long out of the classroom - especially since school counselor actually has to work with me as a peer and he also happens to be a parent of a child in the class next door - so comparisons will be made. Meanwhile having one single parent making judgments on your teaching is basically the kiss of death if things go wrong. Sometimes parental opinion comes in the form of lemmings jumping off a cliff you see.

Anyway, both counselor and parent said wonderful complimentary things - even going so far as to praise the way I had my classroom organised in comparison with the other grades (including the counselor's child's class). It's made me feel a whole lot more at ease with my teaching and that the hard work is paying off. My class is still difficult but I've worked damn hard to get them to where they are now, which is nowhere near where I want them to be but has been garnering a lot of compliments from their other specialist teachers. It's very cool.

random question - answer honestly: Are you completely repulsed or strangely fascinated by all the cyst/boil removal videos on You Tube? I have to say, I can watch that shit all day. Sorry - but it's true. I'm really into freaky stuff like that. Apologies if you find this revelation about my good self unbearable and now want to stop reading!

Labels: friends, quotegirl, school, weird things

posted by M at 9:07 pm 18 comments

Miss Nat tagged me and so...I'm gonna...

7 things I may (but hopefully not) have written in this journal before.

1) I'm big on gag reels. I'm always hopeful that one of the DVD extras of any film I watch has a gag reel. If it does then usually I'm too impatient to even watch the film first. In fact, while watching I'm usually thinking about the gag reel all the way through! I especially like those goofs where everyone on set starts laughing at some mistake or another - or can't keep it together while saying their line. I can't tell you how spazztastically hilarious I find the whole thing.

2) I have regular perverted but so realistic I can feel them dreams. Not just chicka-chicka-wow-wow type playboy mansion dreams but really fucked up ones that I can't stop thinking about all. day. long. There was this one the other night where...okay I can't do this. But it was fucked up, let me assure you.

3) I am never admitting this again, and if you call me on it I'll say that aliens took over my brain and made me write it but have a major jones for supermarket music but only within the context of the supermarket. There's something so soothing about hearing Kokomo playing at just the right volume over the loud speakers at Safeway while I sort through avocados trying to find a ripe but not too ripe one.

4) My great grandmother married a 75 year old man. she had 5 children to him. She was 14.

5) If it was socially acceptable to do so in public you'd usually find me with my hand down my pants - Al Bundy style. If not down my pants then on my boobs. Please believe me when I say it actually isn't a masturbatory thing. What can I say? I'm just still at the phallic psychosexual stage of development according to Freud.

6) Sometimes I will get certain tidbits from my relatives about my ancestors (see #4) however overall there are secrets that run deep in my family - so deep that I've been told in no uncertain terms that they are being kept from me ...for protection. Us cousins agree that there is a crazy gene - alive and rampant in the fam. No shit.

7) My imagination is so good that it's almost real. By almost, I really do mean by a hair. The only thing that stops it from not being real is my realisation that daydreams aren't actually real. If I was to ever lose my skills of rationalising everything that happens to me then I will become a full blown looney tune. This is true of everyone, sure - but it's especially true of me. If I could, I'd live totally within my imagination - it's nicer in there. Sometimes I hate that rational side of me, even if it does keep me clinically "sane".

I tag, yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.

Labels: about me, blah, daydreams, dreams, family, jesus christ I'm crazy, major jones, meme, weird things

posted by M at 11:48 pm 16 comments

Being a girl with very refined and classic tastes, the other day I treated myself to an interesting little documentary at the cinema called Air Guitar Nation. It followed the stories of two men hell bent on being not only the best air guitar errm..artists in the US but also THE WORLD! Yes, apparently there is a world championship for this kind of thing and yes, it's serious business indeed.

I'm an air guitarist from way back. I think that most people who learn an instrument from a young age (me: piano: 5yrs old) don't have a choice. When I hear music my fingers immediately twitch along with the notes. In fact my first instinct is actually to air piano even the guitar based songs. Indeed with that in mind, maybe the best air guitarists are those that have not been sullied by keeping time with the metronome and learning major and minor chords at the hands of Madam Piano Teacher who used to slap at my fingers if they went the wrong way. Is air guitar inbuilt in all of us or is it something that only people so into music that they can't help it partake?

Before the lights went down in the cinema I thought about the vast number of Air Guitar CLASSICS I know and came up with one main contender should I ever find myself in an Air guitar showdown with the devil. Not Stairway to Heaven (though it's a good one) or Rebel Rebel (though it's one of my favourites) and not Back in Black (though it rocks all colours of socks). These songs were all too much about the "music" and not enough about "the cock" for my liking. Let's face it folks, if I'm going to be playing a fake guitar I might as well go all out and go the full fake cock stroking bonanza! I can't think of any other time in musical history when it was more about the cock than 80s hair bands.

So since I am also a girl of impeccable taste regarding "the classics" my mind went to one place and one place only.


So clearly the choice for me had to be Play With Me by Extreme. Which happens to be featured in the scene (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure) where all the famous historical figures go wild (wyld!) at the mall - beating up on each other and sampling the goods (Genghis Khan seen perusing baseball bats at a sporting goods store..of course, what else?). If you haven't yet heard this song then I have to prepare you by saying that the GOLD is in the guitar solo (about 3/4 of the way through) and while I find this song infinitely amusing it also happens to be a guilty pleasure of mine. The solo is just a little bit on the awesome side, I promise.

Play With Me - Extreme



^-^

Is this what guitar solos and indeed Air Guitar is all about? Self indulgent, theatrical, masterful and technical? Or should it be something more meaningful?

As it turns out the main "guy" in the documentary C.Diddy agreed with my choice. He rocked Play with Me to the likes of which the world has never seen before and probably won't ever seen again. The other guy Bjorn Turoque however did not agree that Air Guitar should be quite so funny. His style was more punk rock, tight and with street cred.

The movie was funny, interesting and rather thought provoking. While I don't know if it legitimised Air Guitar the doco certainly made me think about how I engage with guitar rock and indeed think about why people air guitar in the first place?

So with that in mind - I have some questions for you, if you wouldn't mind.

1. I know what Bill and Ted, Beavis and Butthead and Wayne and Garth would say but what say you: What is good Air Guitar? Should it be funny, theatrical and preferably penned by bands sporting big hair and tight spandex or is air guitar something anyone can to do any song at any time depending on ones tastes?

2. Is air guitar in the soul or in the crotch?

3. You certainly can air guitar to Nirvana, The Saints or The Ramones (etc) but should you?

4. Can one air 'other musical instruments'? Is it right to air piano, air violin or air flute (Jethro Tull anyone?)

5. Can you air guitar to acoustic guitar?

6. Can girls air guitar as well as boys or should we just stick to being air groupies?

7. Can one Air Guitar to Sweet Home Alabama or is it better to make the twangy twangy sounds using your voice instead?

8. In a song like Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones do you go Air Guitar or Air Tamborine or BOTH (are particularly good at multi-tasking)?

9. Are there some songs so sacred that air guitaring (made up word) shouldn't be allowed?

10. What songs give you the urge to air guitar?

11. Why do people air guitar?

12. Is there anyone out there in blog land who does not partake in the art form of air guitar?


And now songs* (which are not necessarily the BEST air guitar choices but I like 'em):

Paradise City - Guns and Roses



White Riot - The Clash



The Stroke - Billy Squier




Rock N roll Part II - Gary Glitter




Smoke on the Water - Deep Purple




Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin




I love Rock N' Roll - joan jett



20th Century Boy - T-Rex



Are you Gonna Be My Girl - Jet




Aneurysm - Nirvana




21st Century Digital Boy - Bad Religion





And Because it's got my name in it

More than a Feeling - Boston






I <3 "Brown Bear"

* All songs have been through vigorous Air Guitar testing by yours truly and are safe for the general public to air guitar their little hearts out to. Having said that I hold no responsibility for anyone who strains their groin, fingers or neck while "performing".

* I wanted to include Evie - Stevie Wright (which is a TOP guitar song) but couldn't upload it for some reason).

Labels: air guitar, movies, musical monday, musings, questions, weird things

posted by M at 4:54 pm 31 comments

* Do you ever hide chocolate (or other forbidden items) around in hard to get places so that you can save them up for a really rainy day (ie: for when you're about 10 seconds from committing suicide using a blunt butter knife and a bobby pin). But about 1 day after you bury the forbidden item in the perfect place you find yourself excavating the site and like some woman gone wild suddenly you're ripping the wrapping off a bar of cadburys with your TEETH and making weird sounds that may or may not belong in a wild baboon tribe?

* Is it sad to actually feel a *real connection* with your pet fish Moe and truly believe that he recognises you when he comes to say hello each morning? Is it weird to make squishy lips at said pet through the glass bowl while he wags his tail like a dog and makes squishy lip faces back at you?

* Is it wrong to refer to a 10 year old as an arsehole? If so what would a GOOD alternative be that gives the same sense of satisfaction while saying it?

* Is it highly suspect to get into arguments with random internet people whose name you don't even know just for the sake of getting into an argument because you're feeling a little feisty?

* Do you ever talk to the television? What about the computer? How about your car? A tub of ice-cream? What I really want to know is do you ever talk to real people who aren't actually with you at the time that all this talking is going on?

* When bored do you decide your going to give yourself a makeover and spend 3 hours totally styling your hair using heated utensils and then going through every bit of make up and tool you own until you look like a cross between Marilyn Monroe and a drag queen?

* Do you ever buy tickets to bands you're not sure you can be bothered going to see because it's a school night and all you want to do is bury yourself under the covers with your latest excavation and a trashy book?

Just checking

Labels: dumb entry, questions, weird little happenings, weird things, wonderings

posted by M at 8:20 pm 26 comments

Last night I was out to dinner with the girls when E brought up a cardinal sin she had made that made her husband give her the silent treatment. Hubby is a reasonable, lovely, responsible, man with a good sense of humour. He's an Aussie bloke but not in the offensive ocker manner. So she's telling the story of her downfall while I was sitting there hoping she hadn't done something too stupid - girls do stupid things all the time you see - but when she finally revealed the truth of the situation I just sat there dumbfounded.

She borrowed his best stubby holder (his bucks night stubby holder), took it to a house party and accidentally left it there. A stubby holder (for the uninitiated) is a cylindrical piece of wetsuit type material that you put around the base of a bottle of beer (a stubby) so that when you hold it;
1) your fingers don't get too cold
2) your beer doesn't get too warm.
Apparently Australians spend a lot of time with beer in hand so ..yeah it's an essential part of Aussie life. Hubby was NOT happy when he found out about this and told E in no uncertain terms that she was to get it back immediately. When her brother in law found out he also gave E a serve about it. When E brought it up at dinner last night the girls all made that ooooooooooooooooeeeerr sound that means "you're in trouble, baby".

I, was the only one who had no idea what everyone was in such a tiz about. I do realise that blokes love their stubby holders and how useful they can be when it's a cold winter night and you don't want your hand to freeze off (beer hand) but I had no idea to the depth of man-love for this simple invention! I just assumed that stubby holders were things that bogans were obsessive about but that the rest of normal society wanted to distance themselves from as much as possible (in the name of good taste). Apparently not my dear M, apparently not!

C said that her partner has a collection of stubby holders that he would never let anyone he didn't like or "trust" use and instead bring out the the cheapo ones for the plebs. L said that one bloke she knew would hide his "good" stubby holders when he was having a house party so that they wouldn't get stolen. E added that her hubby had a collection as well.

Well, blow me down with a feather. I am completely shocked about this facet of Australian bloke-land that I had no idea about.

What say you? Do you (or your bloke) have a stubby collection that they/you are obsessive about? Do stubby holders exist outside of Australia or is there some other irrational bloke thing that men in the Northern hemisphere are obsessed with? Girls, what do you think of stubby holders - Friend or fashion crime-Foe?

Labels: blokes, weird things

posted by M at 12:03 pm 27 comments

I was tagged by Jay to do this "Six Weird Things" meme. I don't think these things are very weird - but I must be one of those really normal people that just doesn't do weird stuff. That's the story I'm sticking to anyway.

And no, I'm not going to post "the rules" because I ain't tagging anyone so there, hmph!

1) I talk to myself. I do it a lot. It helps me center my thoughts without having to bother anyone else. Yes, it's a bit on the crazy side and I have been caught numerous times doing it. Yep, that's a TAD embarrassing. I always get caught thinking about funny things in my head too and laughing my arse off loudly even though no one else is around. CUCKOO!!

2) I MUST wash my hair everyday. Even if I'm at home all day. I'm not one of those people that get up and say 'hey I can go one more day without washing my hair' or I'll go for a walk and then I'll wash up. Nope. Even if I go for a walk or whatever I HAVE to have a shower first with a hair wash. I feel grimy otherwise.

3) I very rarely listen to music on the stereo at home. I listen on the ipod or on the car stereo. I like to feel like I'm right inside the music.

4) I'm obsessively clean and organised in the art room/classroom (was described a meticulous the other day) but everywhere else I actually like the 'lived in' look (read: messy and disorganised).

5) I'm absolutely terrified of the dentist. I mean, hand shaking when I dial the number. I'm talking; hyperventilating when I get the letter telling me it's time for my appointment. Terrified in the driving up to the carpark, walking to the door and not being able to open it, turning away and driving home. I've asked to be put under general anesthetic in order to deal with a filling. I was deadly serious about that. They said no.

6) It's 7am at the moment, my clock radio says it's 7.45am. I should already be in the shower and getting ready to go! I set my alarm for 6.30am (which is actually 5.45am). The reason why I set my clock radio 45mins later than it actually is, is to scare me into waking up on time. I am notoriously a last minute girl. I will wait until the last possible moment before I start getting ready. I'm also a snoozer. I could get by on snoozing all day long actually. I am always running out the door with a bit of bread hanging out of my mouth (no time to toast it) and slightly wet hair. I think of people who are naturally early risers as "freaks" - can't help it. It's more because I'm jealous though.

And now the Musical Monday. This is just one of the songs I've been listening to on high rotation for the last couple of weeks. There's nothing like a bit of funk to totally turn a day from drab to fab. I first heard of Funkadelic through #1's older brother who was a super saxophone player and was totally into funk and blues. This was all especially hilarious because the family was extremely straight laced. I'd be on the phone to #1 and suddenly we couldn't talk anymore because her bro would blast the music and start playing along. I checked out Funkadelic and liked it alot. #1's bro is now an oncologist but you know..a funky one. I absolutely recommend this song, it's fun, lively, funky and danceable!

Flashlight - Funkadelic

Labels: meme, musical monday, weird things

posted by M at 7:09 am 26 comments