Friday, October 10, 2008

the dot point brigade

* Whenever I come back from holidays I look magnificent. I'm rested. I'm manicured and I'm stress free. Give me three days and I'm back to being an old hag with chipped nails and crazy eyes. What is it about work that just does your head in? I mean why can't we all just have jobs where you get to work, swan around, drink your coffee and then spend the rest of the day on facebook/blogger/email/whatever else peeps do these days and then leave right on the dot and arrive home with your lipstick still on? My lipstick lasts literally 30 minutes.

* I've been getting a few misdirected emails lately. There was the one about pet sitting - it was a couple of emails actually. Can you sit with the pet for the first one and the second email was sort of like "great job but we found the door unlocked, please don't leave the door unlocked". I've also had a couple of specific party invitations to people I don't know, FROM people I don't know. Is this happening to anyone else? At first I thought it was a spam thing but the emails are really quite specific and personal. Are spammers getting cleverer or am I getting dumber?

* Am back on the house hunting bandwagon. Great time to be out on the lookout eh? FINANCIAL CRISIS - MARKET CRASH - RECORD BANKRUPTCY. Ooohh, how 'bout I get out there and look for a house? yeah.

I'm already in the email wars with this estate agent. He's such a smarmy bastard. God, why are they so inhuman? Why can't they just be normal people? We had an argument about the price of an apartment. I thought it was unrealistic and told him straight out. Smarmy bastards hate it when girls have figured out they are idiots and let them know about it. Personally I think more girls should let smarmy bastards know that they think they are idiots, it would make them rethink their smarmyness if all girls kept knocking them down. I feel like I'm providing a service to everyone else out there. I really am. Ego stroking is so fucking 1980. We're already into 90s retro - time to get real! His next clients are going to be treated so nicely, mark my words. Aaaaanyway. So we disagreed on this price. He went to the trouble of conjuring up some auction results list which supposedly proved his point - which actually had no apartments on it, just houses. I mean, who the hell do these people think they are? You can't compare a house and an apartment and say that "therefore these prices are on par". I let him have it. He rang me recently saying that the "owners" had rethought their unrealistically high expectations. I hate saying I told you so - but you smarmy bastard - I told you so.

* I hear the first couple of episodes of Kath and Kim US season has debuted. Has anyone seen these? Kath and Kim (Oz) is a parody on suburban Melbourne life. The ladies who write and act the lead roles are brave performers. They take their normal middle aged bodies and make fun of them all the time. This is something that women on television do not normally do. This is something that women on American TV don't even contemplate. American TV is not about making women ugly. It's about making women who WATCH the shows FEEL ugly within themselves. Hence Kim being a chunky girl who thinks she's a hornbag (which is how it's supposed to be played) is not going to be played that way. Selma Blair is gorgeous and probably suffering an eating disorder (let's face it). In this day and age she IS a hornbag - she can't be walking around complaining that she's fat and being rejected by men all over the place. I mean it just doesn't work. It's not funny. It's not funny when an anorexic looking chick talks about weight. It's just not. It's just a psychologists appointment waiting to happen.

Therefore I have to ask. Why can't they just import the show and play the original on their tele? I mean, is American humour so unique and American culture so like a vacuum that they can't listen to other accents/learn about other cultures? Every other nation in the world just watches other shows from other nations, accents and all. We got no issue with it. Why should they? Why "Americanise" everything? Haven't they worked out that Americanising *anything* is just very, very bad?

* S was telling me about her guardian angels (spirit guides, whatever you call them) the other day. I dunno - do you believe you have a guardian angel of some kind? That is a specific "person" assigned to help you out in your life? If it's true I sort of feel sorry for mine. I mean, how boring for them.

* I checked my stats for the first time in about a million years. One of my referrals was "I'd love to fuck Kerri Anne Kennerly". Folks I feel so proud, you just have no idea. I'm having about a million pop-cultural orgasms at once.

* I think I'm going through a bit of a life transformation. Things are getting a bit weird. I don't know what to say about it, but things are shifting - not really forwards but sideways.

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