Wednesday, May 28, 2008

finding wisdom in air tight packets of peanuts.

I was reading through some of my old handwritten diaries and came across my first mention of cyberspace. It went something like this:

I'm finally on the internet and chatting to ppl [sic]. It's great to find other people as apathetic about life as I am.


Reading back over your old diaries is always a painful experience in some form or another. The online diary is a much more sanitised and pine-o-cleaned version of one's life. The written diary has guts and tears splashed all over it because, bottom line, you never think that anyone will read it. It's petty, it's raw, it's completely pathetic and always embarrassing. It's complete ego. Unedited ego at that. I've come to realise that the only online diaries that are true representations of ourselves are the whiny, badly written and always self-centered posts written by 16 year old Emo freaks who feature bad poetry (but think it's good). Sorry, but you know it's true.

Reading back over the unedited ego of a younger me I feel a small tinge of shame and also a strange urge for 30 year old me to reach out to 20 year old me and give her a hug. God knows she needed it. Who knew that such a boring life could have so many dramas? I dredged up a lot of memories about things I swore I would never forgive (but did) and events I told myself I would remember forever (but didn't) and pacts I'd made with myself (but broken, many times over). Funny how that happens.

Back then I was rather bitter about the blossoming relationship between my friend E and her partner L. I was quite happy for them to be in love mind you, but not of where that left me (ie: without my friend). I featured a good many entries on the subject of times that were supposed to be best friend time but were horribly ruined by the boyfriend tagging along. E was very fond of making plans with me and then changing them at the last minute to include L. I really resented it.

I wonder why he agreed to tag along? Do boyfriends really want to spend time with their girlfriend's best friends or are they just doing it because they were bullied by their girlfriends? These days the girls are dying for time out from the husbands and babies! I don't see the husbands all that often these days (unless of course I'm at their houses). It's funny how things change.

Maybe it was incredibly ego-centric of me to be so concerned about my own feelings on the matter of boyfriends encroaching on best friend time but I have to be honest and say that if it happened now I'd still be pissed.

Maybe things haven't changed all that much.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

questions from the internet. NSFW!

Don't you just hate it when you're googling something and you don't get what you are looking for? You may, for instance, end up at a page written by a slightly disgruntled teacher with an axe to grind about dumb things that no one else cares about. That would be a let down if you were say looking for pictures of penises. I can just see the hunched shoulders and collective sigh of my pensis perving accidental readers as they stumble across this page instead. Oh what a horrible disappointment!

I will aim to address some of my recent googled phrases in the hope that at least if you've ended up here unknowlingly then perhaps I can answer some of your queries.

nobbi small penis

I can't say I've had a good look at it but what are we judging against here? By small are we talking cocktail sausage on a toothpick? Are we thinking of small in relation to Eric Stoltz? A representative of the lollypop guild? Rasputin? Jamie Lee Curtis? Small is a rather objective term. I was going to post a photo of various penises here but wasn't sure I could pull it off.

....geddit? ...nevermind.

nobbi penis

Again with Nobbi's penis. Maybe it's the only action we're seeing on Big Brother this year... I don't know. Perhaps since Rory's talking about his own package so much, everyone else is forced to focus on Nobbi instead??

true stories women faked being a midwife and stole baby

Seriously? Wow, I was so fascinated by this that I googled it myself but came across nothing about it. There was a story about a woman being murdered and her fetus stolen from womb and a story about women in Europe who are being forced into sex slavery/baby factories where their baby is taken from them and then sold to rich couples living in the US and other Western countries. The article said that Western couples were not often aware of the circumstances in which they obtained their "adoptive baby". No shit. I often find that when people with a lot of money really really want something then they will go out of their way to NOT read between the lines.

I realise that being aware of how our actions contribute to world suffering (or rather how world suffering contributes to certain other groups living very well indeed) means that there will be a lot of guilt floating around on our part. However, completely ignoring how the other half lives never did anyone any favours either. All privilege comes at the expense of someone or something don't you think? Perhaps it's time we really did take more of a stand on what we buy, from whom and analyse how we can be more compassionate consumers.

im taking a remedial art class for fuck-ups and retards

aren't we all?

what is mez

I often ask myself the same question. I guess mostly unmotivated, slightly disgruntled, highly disorganised, moderately pessimistic, pretty quirky, visually inspired, secretly romantic and pathetically daydreamy just about sums it up.

big brother nobbi penis

oh for fucks sake you win you persistent wanker!


Now you tell me - what do you think of the size?

travis and the heart sunnies

Okay, he's a man and he wears heart shaped sunglasses. He also insists that he's completely heterosexual. I say camp as a row of tents, but who cares. I kind of like how everyone is absolutely dying to label him but simply cannot because we really can't without his permission. HA!

walked-in accidentally nude naked penis

Don't you just hate it when that happens? Penises need a dress code, surely.

icehouse no promises

No Promises

The song reminds me of being young and running around the local neighbourhood with my friends until the sun went down.

Every time I try to be objective about it, I can't. I know it's not the greatest song in the world. I also don't actually care about that. This is why music is a great thing.

asian mafia in melbourne

I've noticed lately that there are quite a few puffy cookie puff stores opening up randomly around town. This may be some sort of front. Watch this space for a TV mini series about the puffy murders that will be produced and filmed in Melbs but won't be shown here due to a pending gangland (puffland) trial. That's all I'm sayin'!

nobbi asian

..wait is this guy from Melbourne?! Oh. My. G..

book quote it's polyester, i'm wearing polyester.

No idea but I'm guessing the book is a stinker.


worlds best knockers

A while ago I found myself watching the first few episodes of Ugly Betty and realised that Salma Hayek has the greatest rack in show biz. She's totally sexy, curvy and womanly. I don't know how but I somehow managed a hard on. <3

dogs drool bibs

okay, I'm going to say this one time only ladies and gentleman. I think people who dress their pets should be shot at close range and then peed on. Yes I'm fucking serious.

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

don't be a pri ma donna

*You know, I don't buy all this "we control the computers" crap. Every time I go look for a file I feel like I'm looking for the sock that went missing in the wash. I know I save stuff, it's just that it's never there when I go look for it. Many years of dealing with fax machines that endlessly beep and never actually send and photocopiers that always jam when I come near them and computers that plum don't work has led me to believe that the computers of the world are in a conspiracy against me. I have no idea why exactly they chose me to rage against but boy is it making my life a living hell.

* Won't somebody tell me why the young women of the world aspire to be pin ups in d-grade men's magazines? Did I miss the memo on smut being the new black because I'm struggling with the notion that a zoo magazine stripper lookalike is now the modern day equivalent of the Vargas girl? I always thought that being a men's magazine was something one fell into because they couldn't get a real modelling job but it seems that I was absolutely wrong on that one. There are girls who not only fancy the idea but outright aspire to be it! I don't get it. It's like the 13 year olds you see on Jenny Jones who turn tricks in the playground for a 50 bucks, want nothing more to be on the cover of playboy and end up in a made for TV boot camp segment with Major Moses screaming into their faces. When did girls stop wanting to be doctors and prime minister and take up with the smut instead? I find it all extremely disturbing - sorry if you think it's okay for women to degrade themselves by posing for Zoo, but I don't think that good money is a worthwhile compensation for degredation. That's just my view on the subject. I realise that not all people see it as degrading but I do.

* I seriously heard someone say this today "racism didn't exist back when I was a kid. Australia has never had any racism. The aboriginals weren't discriminated against. Sure, we had our jokes but they thought it was funny too!". DUDE what the FUCK? I couldn't believe it. Talk about living on a completely different planet! It was a big eye opener to me that people actually thought like that. Then I came home and turned on Big Brother and saw a similar type conversation on there about the stolen generation and dole checks (and the Aboriginals) and I realised that my theory about life inside the BB house being plenty representative of our culture is true. The problem is that we've got our heads too far up our own arses to actually admit it. Yes folks apparently we really are that shit.

* Why do Madonna and Justin only have 4 minutes to save the world? I like the song and all and God knows it's been in my head for the PAST MONTH but ...the whole song is so random. If I could pick a female superhero then Madonna would probably be it, don't you worry, but I still find the whole concept of the song weird and annoying to be perfectly honest. Has it ever been explained? Why 4 minutes? Should I be consulting the lyrics for further analysis? Is she really going to become a superhero? I hope so. Special powers: crushing people with her power thighs. Girlfriend is BUFF. Will Justin be her sidekick?

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Monday, May 12, 2008


* Working too hard - begrudgingly.
* Planning a trip OS.
* Bought self outrageously priced piece of self indulgent jewelery. No regrets.
* Bored with ...most things.
* Not sleeping very well.
* Watching too much crap reality tele.
* Wondering what is going on with all those people on the BB forums who hate Dixie just because she's not a size 6? Shouldn't we instead be hating on the people who hate people for such superficial reasons? We have our priorities about hate screwed up. I say we should hate the people that are dickheads instead.
* Got a pay raise - but I'm in the bracket that doesn't benefit very much (no, it's not an equal pay raise for teachers..). Still a raise is a raise. Someone in the staffroom remarked "yes, I can almost afford to go on maternity leave now". That about says it all.
* Found myself stuck in the city during the taxi strike a couple of weeks ago. Why don't they also warn people who DON'T listen to AM radio talk back about these things?
* Got caught in the middle of a Scientology protest in the city a few days ago. Honestly, what is going on the city these days? I wonder if word got back to Tom.
* Am becoming anti-social. Some of it is intentional. I just can't seem to make myself care all that much about others lately and some of it stems because I'm not really getting anything by way of caring and sharing back from the old friends either.
* Music isn't really helping me any but old episodes of Prisoner: Cell Block H are. Weird I know.
* Popped in to see #1. Stayed for an a couple of hours. She never once asked me about myself. She just talked about her baby - on and on and on. This supports that part of me that is being intentionally anti-social.
* Finding myself running into road blocks every which way I go. It's like the world is conspiring against me doing the things I really want to do.

Stupid wondering for the day:

Can men ever get TOO old for Hollywood?

Harrison Ford is doing a new Indiana Jones movie. Honestly, the man is one ill timed leap frog away from a hip replacement and magnetic bed underlay for the rest of his (steak puree for dinner) life. I don't get it. I loves me some Indiana Jones, don't you worry and I did squeal like a little girl when I heard they were making a new movie. I still crack out the old movies when I need a little pep up - they are genius. I DO happen have a gigantic crush on Harrison ford circa 1980s so maybe I don't want my dreams shattered but surely there must be a limit on his adventuresome days. A girl can't get a job in Hollywood as a 40+ year old except as "grandma" lest they repulse anyone too much, but 70 year old men are still kicking it Leisure Suit Larry style? I don't understand how this can be. It's not even like he looks so good for his age that he's fooling us into thinking he can pass for 40 or 50. Pappy has NOT aged THAT well! He looks all of his 350 years! I wonder if the movie is going to have lots of "I'm too old for this shit" type jokes.

Having said all that. Still looking forward to it!

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Saturday, May 03, 2008

...and he likes The Spice Girls..

Something interesting is happening in the Big Brother house (yes of COURSE it's interesting!) - the boys have all gotten together and created the "Spa Mafia" - a men's group based on bitching about others, getting away from the girls and being a "real bloke", (whatever the fuck that means). The thing is, though the group is a "men's group" it has a notable absence:


For those not watching Travis is the guy who has a high pitched voice, wears heart shaped sunnies, is a self-confessed virgin, sets off every gay-dar within 100km radius off and yet insists he is straight.

The poor guy has been COPPING it from the blokes (and Brigitte) left right and centre. He's not a member of the Spa Mafia because they just can't trust him not to run off and tell the girls about all their secret business. On the flip-side, half the "Mafia" have admitted they don't trust Dave (the cult escaping fireman) either - but hey, there he is - creating his own bubbles in the spa with the rest of them. Very interesting.

Practically every day since they entered the house, people (mostly the other guys) have reacted with aggression towards Travis. His sexuality has been questioned straight out. He has been told to his face by a few of the guys that they would not associate with him in the outside world. His choice of fashion has been bagged both behind his back and to his face - and the guys have really seemed angry when they ask him why he would "wear something like that" (ie: his heart sunnies and hat). I've found it a little disturbing to watch actually. Who cares what he's wearing? Why do they hate him so much? He seems like an nice person who doesn't go out of his way to annoy others. He's just a guy. He's just a person like anyone else. It annoys the crap out of me that they would judge him based only on his looks. It's pathetic. Yes, that kind of thing is pathetic coming from anyone. I wouldn't associate with you because of the way you dress/weight/sexuality/attractiveness is pretty much the same as I wouldn't associate with you because you're Aboriginal/Asian/Italian/Indian/Sudanese in my book. It's so judgmental and a horrible attitude to have about someone else.

Last year when Zak (flaming gay, God love him) was in the house there was an initial reaction but no real aggression towards him. Did the housemates accept him more because he was gay? Is it because "gay" is a label that suggests a point of "difference" from the other men and something from which they could distance themselves from? He wasn't offensive because he was not like the rest of them. Personally I also find this attitude ridiculous but that's how I saw it being played out last year. This year however, we have this guy who has many of the mannerisms of being gay and yet he insists he is not. Maybe that is dangerous because it's subversive - because if he's not gay and he's ALSO not acting like the other blokes then ... what does that mean for the other straight men? It puts that whole idea of "real men" into question, doesn't it?

For the record my gay-dar is going off uncontrollably whenever he comes onto the screen however maybe he isn't gay at all, maybe he hasn't really explored that side of himself, maybe being deeply religious has something to do with rejecting potential gay tendencies (if there are any). In any case though, if in Travis' mind he doesn't believe he is gay then that's good enough for me. Who cares if he is or isn't? I MEAN WHO THE FUCK CARES? Jesus Christ! It's not like he's going to cop a feel of the men in the shower one morning is it? And yet, first night in, we have some of the other guys saying that they refuse to sleep next to any of the other men in the house ..god knows why, maybe they think that if your leg accidentally touches another man's leg then you get the gay disease or some shit.

So, in the BB house it's been all this AND keeping Travis out of the "Spa Mafia" - just because quite frankly (and this is what it's coming down to) they do not see Travis as a real man - as one of them. Why don't they see him as a real man? Well, because he wears heart shaped sunglasses and has a high pitched voice and doesn't admit he's gay. And yet, being homophobic, racist, sexist, shallow dickheads with more muscles than brains is okay because that's what they would define as characteristics worthy of qualifying entry into the "real mens" club.

WHAT THE FUCK? I can't believe these kinds of attitudes still exist.

What do YOU think makes a real man?
I'm all for being judgmental about people based on their attitude to life, based on their attitude towards others, based on their morals or values or how mean they are - but why are we so judgmental about other people based on their "look" (chosen or otherwise)? Is it okay for us to be like this?

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