[Miscellany]

Oh dear, so it seems that even the Reality Tele Gods could not save Big Brother Oz and the show has been axed! God knows what I'm going to do to occupy my time for three months out of every year from now on. Perhaps I will have to get a life or something. In its heyday it was an excellent show. Well, I loved it anyway. In recent years even *I* have to admit that the show has been rather abysmal (though I always manage to get a few blog posts out of it).

It's a bit of a weird reaction but I'm angry at the producers for not being able to get it right and keep it on the air. It's a bloody simple show: Put people in the house: watch the people in the house. It's not rocket science! The producers forgot the cardinal rule and that is - don't patronise your audience. By marketing to the tweens they assumed that they could get away with anything; including housemates that were rather plastic in look and personality. This effectively lost them viewers who actually cared about watching real-ish people in the house (because who wants to watch plastics?) and they were left with the tweens who are fickle and who lose interest quickly (and they did, of course).

Arguably the best part of Big Brother this year has been the show Big Mouth, which is a weekly talk show that had a panel of ex-housemates talking about the show. Simple concept + good panelists + time slot where they could talk about anything = great show. Meanwhile the house itself was suffering under over-production + too many gimmicks + housemates that are too young and dumb = craaaaap.

I'm really gonna miss bitching about all those housemates :(

In other news I went out for dinner the other night with #1 and F. It is the first time in literally TWO YEARS that we have been in the same room together without the children.

(from wiki)
Two years ago Italy won the World Cup.
Two years ago Mel Gibson was pulled up for drink driving and then let loose in an anti-semitic diatribe and called a lady-cop "sugar tits".
Two years ago Google bought You Tube
Two years ago Windows Vista was released
Two years ago the Turkey Slap incident happened on Big Brother.
Two years ago Crash won best film at the Oscars.
Two years ago Slobodan Milošević is found dead in his cell.
Two years ago cavemen invented the wheel.

I mean it was a long time ago folks.

....we talked about babies the whole time. I mean THE. WHOLE. TIME.

Seriously, is it time to just say goodbye to friendships like these? I don't even know what to say when I talk to them next... thanks for asking me about my life, I really appreciate it? What happens now?

Labels: babies, big brother, crap reality tele, friends, there is no life after babies for the mothers in the equation but maybe they don't mind so much anyway

posted by M at 6:15 pm 9 comments

* Why do people hate people with red hair so much? I'm afraid that reddy boys get the worst end of the stick for some reason. Every single preggo chick I've known has at some point expressed a wish for it 'not to be a ranga'. I've even heard 'shall drown it if it is' (which made me laugh, sorry). I don't really see what all the fuss is about as I am a card carrying member of the Eric Stolz fan club (and have gone down that road myself via a dye bottle or two) however I have been assured that giving birth to a red one is something worth worrying about. Hell, my friend E discovered that her beloved has a bit of red in the beard and is now worried that all her anti-red tirades will come back to haunt her through her future children who she claims will be doomed to red hair and freckles - all coming from a gene that is about as far away from her own family as you can imagine. L (the husband) gets it every now and again in the form of anti-red/you have a defective gene emotional outbursts.

What is it about carrot top boys that entice ridicule, anger, distaste, fear and loathing? Why is it okay to have a ginger minge if you're a girl but not if you're a boy?

* Was bored and so I got into the car and drove the Eastlink the other day (what an exciting life I lead, I hear you think!). Now the Eastlink is this newly opened stretch of freeway that "links up" Melbourne's outer Eastern suburbs with roads leading directly into the city. It's a tollway and since it just opened we get a free trial. The road itself is okay. It's a visually textured stretch of road - which means that there's a lot of different "stuff" to look at a long the way. There's about a million pieces of sculpture and lots of brightly coloured barricades to stare at (of course this is just highly annoying if you're the one doing the driving). Having said all that I'm left with the feeling that while the road is fine to drive on I wonder whether all those stops along the new freeway are really places best left unlinked instead. Have we opened portals to other dimensions we really shouldn't have? I got to the end and realised I didn't really want to be there. Maybe it (only?) works better when you're heading into the city?

Has anyone driven it? What did you think of the artwork? Did "hotel" do it for you?

*I'm getting right into Big Brother UK at the moment (In all fairness I've given up on ours and only watch Big Mouth now). I don't know exactly what it is about their BB that I like so much but I think it has something to do with the fact that they actually DO have a variety of ages in there (rather than one old tart and everyone else barely out of the womb like we do) and their Big Brother is less about "twists" and more about laying the foundations for more real interactions than we have. Interestingly I'm finding that while we as a whole (audience and housemates) are more polite (not including Brigitte) than the Brits (they actually boo their housemates!) us Aussies fail big time in two important areas: our attitude towards race and women (and yes, if you're suddenly thinking but the Brits aren't so great at those things either then you're actually getting my point!).

I've written and re-written this paragraph about a million times and yet it never seems to come out right so I'll just say this. The "bloke-speak" in the Australian version of BB is out of control BAD - both in verbalisation but also the general attitude too. A couple of years ago I wrote this and I have to say my thoughts on the matter haven't changed one bit even though no actual "turkey slapping" has been going on in the Oz house this year.

Labels: art, babies, big brother, blokes, crap reality tele, dirty femmo, gender stuff, questions, ranga, TV, wonderings

posted by M at 1:30 am 22 comments

I've watched the show on and off for the last few weeks and it's not bad. Basically How to Look Good Naked takes a new woman every episode who hates her own body (with a gut wrenching passion) and shows her how to love it, just as it is - perhaps with a little bit of frosting by way of a better bra/hair do but essentially without an extreme makeover. Pretty good idea, huh?*

There are so many women who hate their bodies. I have never met one woman in my life who is completely at ease with her body. I don't even know OF any women who are completely at ease with their body actually. I do however know size 6 (I think that's size 0 in the US) women who complain they are fat, who live at the gym, who think their legs are fat. It's wrong. Perhaps one might be more accepting of their own body after years of dieting or after the extreme makeover like you see on the those TV shows but as a whole we women are very good at hating our bodies. I think the stats the show talks about is that 4 out of every 5 American women hate their body and people who we see in magazines are skinnier than 98% of us. It's really no wonder we have a problem with normality when what we compare ourselves to is completely unrealistic?

Know anyone with an eating disorder?
Ever had one yourself?

I'm guessing there would be a lot of yes answers to that - it's sad.

I think the biggest problem with all this is that hating your body means that:
1) you don't get out there and live your life.
2) you are more vulnerable to feeling less worthy than a magazine cover that has been airbrushed.
3) you feel like shit.
If 4 out of 5 women feels like that then wow, how easy would it be to keep us girls down? Pretty fucking easy. It's always easier to make people with low self worth feel even worse about themselves.

Easily my favourite part of the show is when the girl in question is asked to slot herself into a line of near naked ladies - in accordance to the size she thinks she is. Every woman's self image so far has been of herself being larger than she is. They slot themselves into the larger side. That says a lot about self perception.



Even if the girls were being modest during this and don't see themselves as large (even though they put themselves down the larger end of the line) it says a lot about how we women represent and view ourselves. If 4 out of every 5 women feel like crap because they're not good enough for some reason or another then 4 out of every 5 women are not big noting themselves, even when they do deserve it. I'm reminded of this:

Research in Linda Babcock’s 2004 book Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide, found that 93 per cent of female graduates from a US university simply accepted the starting salaries they were offered in their first job, while more than half of the male graduates tried to negotiate up.

Is it any wonder this happens? 4 out of 5 women can't even look at themselves in the mirror, do you really think these same women are going to ask for a pay rise? Um, no. I'm not saying this is all due to hating our bodies but I do think that yes, it's all tied in with a greater feeling of unworthiness for us. Who knows where it really comes from originally (do we go back to Eve?), and who knows why we willingly adhere to it so readily by buying into the beauty myth time and again but yes, it exists, yes it's very real, yes it affects our everyday lives.

Probably though the biggest question I have coming out of the show How to Look Good Naked though is why it takes a gay man to tell us women to love ourselves? You'd think a woman would be willing to tell us because we should love ourselves, or perhaps the straight men who are supposed to love us for who we are could let us know. No? Not going to happen any time soon huh? Interesting.

In the meanwhile - while we all scramble to get our acts together. Thank you, Carson (and Gok Wan - also openly gay and hosted the original series) <3


* Honestly I've heard some people argue that this kind of show is horrible simply because we shouldn't let people believe that they are beautiful when they so obviously are not (ie: they are too fat and since fat is not beautiful by society's standrads then they shouldn't be allowed to love themselves because if they loved themselves then they wouldn't lose weight). This kind of argument disgusts me to no end.

On to music - Their first album Lesser Matters has been on constant rotation in my car over the last few weeks. I can't tell you how much I am loving this band lately. This song is particular makes me want to run through a valley of golden wild flowers for some reason. I have strange fantasies.

Where Damage Isn't Already Done - The Radio Dept.

Labels: bodies, crap reality tele, dirty femmo, messy women, questions, real women, the price of beauty, TV, women, wonderings

posted by M at 10:09 pm 16 comments

Ahh BB. I am writing reports which actually means that I'm procrastinating by watching tonnes of BB and poking around on the forums. This last week has seen Travis being bullied by the boys to the point of hospitalisation and Bianca being pressured by the girls to get a breast reduction. The whole thing reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine just can't believe how barbaric it is for guys to give "atomic wedgies" to other guys they don't like. Jerry asks what girls do instead oh..we just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder, she deadpans. Indeed, with this in mind we have many eating disorders yet to come on the daily show. Bonus!



Firstly; Travis. I'd talked about him before - high pitched voice, everyone but him thinks he's gay, annoyingly nice. Since day one he has been the plaything of the other housemates. I'm going to explain it the best way that I know how, basically it's goes like this you're not cool enough to actually be a friend that we care about as another human being but since you're in here you can hang out with us if you let us treat you like shit, cut off your hair in chunks, make fun of you relentlessly and then squirt you in the eye with half a bottle of shower wash and laugh while you scream and try to wash out your eye. And so there we have the story of Travis and the other housemates (namely, the boys). Post hospitalisation (could have been serious eye damage) we see Travis re-enter the house all smiles and forgiveness. I don't know what to say. On the one hand he really needs to tell those bullies to back the fuck off. On the other hand I am certain Travis doesn't see it as bullying. He has probably been treated in similar ways by lots of people throughout his life - especially people like the alpha males we have present in the BB house - and maybe this is just a more intense extension of that. Either way it's getting uncomfortable to watch. I dislike people who pick on others for no higher purpose than...just because they can. It's pathetic.

It all brings up a good point though. If the victim doesn't see himself as one then IS he a victim at all? Who decides?



Now, Bianca. Bianca has humongous and rather magnificent knockers that would be hard to miss, even from outer space. The thing is, from day one girlfriend has been complaining that it's a curse rather than a blessing to have boobs such as hers. Then again, she doesn't cover them at all times either. Lady isn't a nun, after all.

The other night a fight developed between Bianca, Alice and Renee (it should be noted that neither A or R has boobs that would fill an A cup), whereby A and R became angry at B for complaining about her breasts when indeed all she does is "flaunt them" and that if she doesn't like her breasts that much she should get the breast reduction that she's been moaning about for the past few weeks and just shut up about them. If Bianca knew Judo I have a feeling A and R wouldn't have heads right now. She was livid that these two girls would tell HER what to do with HER body. B had explained on other occasions that she will probably get a breast reduction later on after having (and breastfeeding) children but not now and she's pissed that she even has to defend her point of view on the matter anyway.

"We’re talking about my life, my body. Do I go up to you Al, and say ‘You’ve got small tits, you should get big ones?’

“You’re sitting here, trying to convince me about this crap and you don’t have to live with them. You don’t have to f**ken live with them. How would you know how I feel? Or why I wanna choose what I choose? It’s my choice.”

The fight gets more heated until Bianca exits the van and continues to chuck the most spectacular hissy fit I've seen since on BB in a long time.

“I have to spend my whole f**king life defending [my breasts] and then I get two tossers that think that they know how I feel.

“If it was a physical f**king disability like a gammy arm or something, it wouldn’t be a story of ‘When do you want it fixed?’”

But Bianca wasn’t finished: “If I was born with a f**ken cleft lip …”

“It’s not a cleft lip Bianca!” Alice shot back.

“It’s still a physical thing man,” Bianca screamed. “It’s like me sitting there and going, ‘You’re insecure about your titties, why don’t you get fake ones?’”

“I’ve thought about it and I don’t want to ever,” Alice said in return.

“Exactly!” Bianca said passionately. “I’ve thought about it and I don’t want to until I meet a guy that accepts me with them.”

Later on Bianca explains her point of view on why she doesn't get the breast reduction now to Travis. She says she wants whoever she marries to know what it is like to go through life dealing with having such big boobs. Shes doesn't want to get them lopped off and then tell stories about what it was like, trying forever to explain something that no one who hasn't been through it can understand. She also wants to have children and breastfeed. Most importantly she doesn't want to be pressured into doing something she's not totally comfortable with until she's ready to do it for herself.

For once in my life I actually agree with Bianca. I never thought I'd see the day. I totally get her POV on them being a curse while still embracing them as part of her. Why isn't she allowed to do that? Why is it that she can't complain about her boobs yet the rest of the housemates can go on about their flabby arses (which are not flabby at all) and yet still flaunt THEM in extra short shorts? It's utter hypocrisy. Furthermore many of the flat chested girls have complained about having no boobs and yet are not pressured by the other housemates into getting implants. A point which Bianca brings up in her argument as well.

I found the whole argument mystifying and a little disturbing - do people not realise just how major the surgery is for a breast reduction? It's nothing like getting implants, it can be damaging to nerves and more often than not leave horrific scars. I don't think the other two girls were jealous of Bianca's boobs exactly. Anyone with shit for brains can see that they are impossible to miss and being this way means that no one is ever going to approach her as anything more than that girl with big boobs. It might get her certain places with certain people but when you think about the kind of people that would be willing to give a girl a break based on her boob size...well it's probably not the kind of break a girl would even want. So, I doubt Alice and Renee would want that, but maybe part of them doesn't want Bianca to get any attention for 'the ladies' at all. The thing is, all these girls have little things they do that get them attention around the house - whether it's being "tickle buddies" or "cuddle buddies" or flirting openly with the boys or just being bossy. Dude they're in the Big Brother house - they're all attention whores. Do they not understand how attention whores operate? Why begrudge Bianca the same for a couple of boobs? At least they're fucking real!


Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others - The Smiths



(couldn't resist - plus it's The Smiths!)

Labels: big brother, boobs, bullies, crap reality tele, mean girls, mean men, questions

posted by M at 12:06 am 10 comments

Don't you just hate it when you're googling something and you don't get what you are looking for? You may, for instance, end up at a page written by a slightly disgruntled teacher with an axe to grind about dumb things that no one else cares about. That would be a let down if you were say looking for pictures of penises. I can just see the hunched shoulders and collective sigh of my pensis perving accidental readers as they stumble across this page instead. Oh what a horrible disappointment!

I will aim to address some of my recent googled phrases in the hope that at least if you've ended up here unknowlingly then perhaps I can answer some of your queries.

nobbi small penis

I can't say I've had a good look at it but what are we judging against here? By small are we talking cocktail sausage on a toothpick? Are we thinking of small in relation to Eric Stoltz? A representative of the lollypop guild? Rasputin? Jamie Lee Curtis? Small is a rather objective term. I was going to post a photo of various penises here but wasn't sure I could pull it off.

....geddit? ...nevermind.


nobbi penis

Again with Nobbi's penis. Maybe it's the only action we're seeing on Big Brother this year... I don't know. Perhaps since Rory's talking about his own package so much, everyone else is forced to focus on Nobbi instead??


true stories women faked being a midwife and stole baby

Seriously? Wow, I was so fascinated by this that I googled it myself but came across nothing about it. There was a story about a woman being murdered and her fetus stolen from womb and a story about women in Europe who are being forced into sex slavery/baby factories where their baby is taken from them and then sold to rich couples living in the US and other Western countries. The article said that Western couples were not often aware of the circumstances in which they obtained their "adoptive baby". No shit. I often find that when people with a lot of money really really want something then they will go out of their way to NOT read between the lines.

I realise that being aware of how our actions contribute to world suffering (or rather how world suffering contributes to certain other groups living very well indeed) means that there will be a lot of guilt floating around on our part. However, completely ignoring how the other half lives never did anyone any favours either. All privilege comes at the expense of someone or something don't you think? Perhaps it's time we really did take more of a stand on what we buy, from whom and analyse how we can be more compassionate consumers.


im taking a remedial art class for fuck-ups and retards

aren't we all?


what is mez

I often ask myself the same question. I guess mostly unmotivated, slightly disgruntled, highly disorganised, moderately pessimistic, pretty quirky, visually inspired, secretly romantic and pathetically daydreamy just about sums it up.

big brother nobbi penis

oh for fucks sake you win you persistent wanker!

Happy?


Now you tell me - what do you think of the size?












travis and the heart sunnies

Okay, he's a man and he wears heart shaped sunglasses. He also insists that he's completely heterosexual. I say camp as a row of tents, but who cares. I kind of like how everyone is absolutely dying to label him but simply cannot because we really can't without his permission. HA!


walked-in accidentally nude naked penis

Don't you just hate it when that happens? Penises need a dress code, surely.

icehouse no promises

No Promises

The song reminds me of being young and running around the local neighbourhood with my friends until the sun went down.

Every time I try to be objective about it, I can't. I know it's not the greatest song in the world. I also don't actually care about that. This is why music is a great thing.

asian mafia in melbourne

I've noticed lately that there are quite a few puffy cookie puff stores opening up randomly around town. This may be some sort of front. Watch this space for a TV mini series about the puffy murders that will be produced and filmed in Melbs but won't be shown here due to a pending gangland (puffland) trial. That's all I'm sayin'!


nobbi asian

..wait is this guy from Melbourne?! Oh. My. G..



book quote it's polyester, i'm wearing polyester.

No idea but I'm guessing the book is a stinker.

...

worlds best knockers

A while ago I found myself watching the first few episodes of Ugly Betty and realised that Salma Hayek has the greatest rack in show biz. She's totally sexy, curvy and womanly. I don't know how but I somehow managed a hard on. <3


















dogs drool bibs

okay, I'm going to say this one time only ladies and gentleman. I think people who dress their pets should be shot at close range and then peed on. Yes I'm fucking serious.

Labels: big brother, crap reality tele, google, penis, questions, wonderings

posted by M at 9:23 pm 14 comments

*You know, I don't buy all this "we control the computers" crap. Every time I go look for a file I feel like I'm looking for the sock that went missing in the wash. I know I save stuff, it's just that it's never there when I go look for it. Many years of dealing with fax machines that endlessly beep and never actually send and photocopiers that always jam when I come near them and computers that plum don't work has led me to believe that the computers of the world are in a conspiracy against me. I have no idea why exactly they chose me to rage against but boy is it making my life a living hell.

* Won't somebody tell me why the young women of the world aspire to be pin ups in d-grade men's magazines? Did I miss the memo on smut being the new black because I'm struggling with the notion that a zoo magazine stripper lookalike is now the modern day equivalent of the Vargas girl? I always thought that being a men's magazine was something one fell into because they couldn't get a real modelling job but it seems that I was absolutely wrong on that one. There are girls who not only fancy the idea but outright aspire to be it! I don't get it. It's like the 13 year olds you see on Jenny Jones who turn tricks in the playground for a 50 bucks, want nothing more to be on the cover of playboy and end up in a made for TV boot camp segment with Major Moses screaming into their faces. When did girls stop wanting to be doctors and prime minister and take up with the smut instead? I find it all extremely disturbing - sorry if you think it's okay for women to degrade themselves by posing for Zoo, but I don't think that good money is a worthwhile compensation for degredation. That's just my view on the subject. I realise that not all people see it as degrading but I do.

* I seriously heard someone say this today "racism didn't exist back when I was a kid. Australia has never had any racism. The aboriginals weren't discriminated against. Sure, we had our jokes but they thought it was funny too!". DUDE what the FUCK? I couldn't believe it. Talk about living on a completely different planet! It was a big eye opener to me that people actually thought like that. Then I came home and turned on Big Brother and saw a similar type conversation on there about the stolen generation and dole checks (and the Aboriginals) and I realised that my theory about life inside the BB house being plenty representative of our culture is true. The problem is that we've got our heads too far up our own arses to actually admit it. Yes folks apparently we really are that shit.

* Why do Madonna and Justin only have 4 minutes to save the world? I like the song and all and God knows it's been in my head for the PAST MONTH but ...the whole song is so random. If I could pick a female superhero then Madonna would probably be it, don't you worry, but I still find the whole concept of the song weird and annoying to be perfectly honest. Has it ever been explained? Why 4 minutes? Should I be consulting the lyrics for further analysis? Is she really going to become a superhero? I hope so. Special powers: crushing people with her power thighs. Girlfriend is BUFF. Will Justin be her sidekick?

Labels: crap reality tele, music, rant

posted by M at 2:37 am 6 comments

* Working too hard - begrudgingly.
* Planning a trip OS.
* Bought self outrageously priced piece of self indulgent jewelery. No regrets.
* Bored with ...most things.
* Not sleeping very well.
* Watching too much crap reality tele.
* Wondering what is going on with all those people on the BB forums who hate Dixie just because she's not a size 6? Shouldn't we instead be hating on the people who hate people for such superficial reasons? We have our priorities about hate screwed up. I say we should hate the people that are dickheads instead.
* Got a pay raise - but I'm in the bracket that doesn't benefit very much (no, it's not an equal pay raise for teachers..). Still a raise is a raise. Someone in the staffroom remarked "yes, I can almost afford to go on maternity leave now". That about says it all.
* Found myself stuck in the city during the taxi strike a couple of weeks ago. Why don't they also warn people who DON'T listen to AM radio talk back about these things?
* Got caught in the middle of a Scientology protest in the city a few days ago. Honestly, what is going on the city these days? I wonder if word got back to Tom.
* Am becoming anti-social. Some of it is intentional. I just can't seem to make myself care all that much about others lately and some of it stems because I'm not really getting anything by way of caring and sharing back from the old friends either.
* Music isn't really helping me any but old episodes of Prisoner: Cell Block H are. Weird I know.
* Popped in to see #1. Stayed for an a couple of hours. She never once asked me about myself. She just talked about her baby - on and on and on. This supports that part of me that is being intentionally anti-social.
* Finding myself running into road blocks every which way I go. It's like the world is conspiring against me doing the things I really want to do.

Stupid wondering for the day:

Can men ever get TOO old for Hollywood?

Harrison Ford is doing a new Indiana Jones movie. Honestly, the man is one ill timed leap frog away from a hip replacement and magnetic bed underlay for the rest of his (steak puree for dinner) life. I don't get it. I loves me some Indiana Jones, don't you worry and I did squeal like a little girl when I heard they were making a new movie. I still crack out the old movies when I need a little pep up - they are genius. I DO happen have a gigantic crush on Harrison ford circa 1980s so maybe I don't want my dreams shattered but surely there must be a limit on his adventuresome days. A girl can't get a job in Hollywood as a 40+ year old except as "grandma" lest they repulse anyone too much, but 70 year old men are still kicking it Leisure Suit Larry style? I don't understand how this can be. It's not even like he looks so good for his age that he's fooling us into thinking he can pass for 40 or 50. Pappy has NOT aged THAT well! He looks all of his 350 years! I wonder if the movie is going to have lots of "I'm too old for this shit" type jokes.



Having said all that. Still looking forward to it!

Labels: cinema, crap reality tele, media, men, old, women, wonderings

posted by M at 9:21 pm 9 comments

Something interesting is happening in the Big Brother house (yes of COURSE it's interesting!) - the boys have all gotten together and created the "Spa Mafia" - a men's group based on bitching about others, getting away from the girls and being a "real bloke", (whatever the fuck that means). The thing is, though the group is a "men's group" it has a notable absence:




For those not watching Travis is the guy who has a high pitched voice, wears heart shaped sunnies, is a self-confessed virgin, sets off every gay-dar within 100km radius off and yet insists he is straight.

The poor guy has been COPPING it from the blokes (and Brigitte) left right and centre. He's not a member of the Spa Mafia because they just can't trust him not to run off and tell the girls about all their secret business. On the flip-side, half the "Mafia" have admitted they don't trust Dave (the cult escaping fireman) either - but hey, there he is - creating his own bubbles in the spa with the rest of them. Very interesting.

Practically every day since they entered the house, people (mostly the other guys) have reacted with aggression towards Travis. His sexuality has been questioned straight out. He has been told to his face by a few of the guys that they would not associate with him in the outside world. His choice of fashion has been bagged both behind his back and to his face - and the guys have really seemed angry when they ask him why he would "wear something like that" (ie: his heart sunnies and hat). I've found it a little disturbing to watch actually. Who cares what he's wearing? Why do they hate him so much? He seems like an nice person who doesn't go out of his way to annoy others. He's just a guy. He's just a person like anyone else. It annoys the crap out of me that they would judge him based only on his looks. It's pathetic. Yes, that kind of thing is pathetic coming from anyone. I wouldn't associate with you because of the way you dress/weight/sexuality/attractiveness is pretty much the same as I wouldn't associate with you because you're Aboriginal/Asian/Italian/Indian/Sudanese in my book. It's so judgmental and a horrible attitude to have about someone else.

Last year when Zak (flaming gay, God love him) was in the house there was an initial reaction but no real aggression towards him. Did the housemates accept him more because he was gay? Is it because "gay" is a label that suggests a point of "difference" from the other men and something from which they could distance themselves from? He wasn't offensive because he was not like the rest of them. Personally I also find this attitude ridiculous but that's how I saw it being played out last year. This year however, we have this guy who has many of the mannerisms of being gay and yet he insists he is not. Maybe that is dangerous because it's subversive - because if he's not gay and he's ALSO not acting like the other blokes then ... what does that mean for the other straight men? It puts that whole idea of "real men" into question, doesn't it?

For the record my gay-dar is going off uncontrollably whenever he comes onto the screen however maybe he isn't gay at all, maybe he hasn't really explored that side of himself, maybe being deeply religious has something to do with rejecting potential gay tendencies (if there are any). In any case though, if in Travis' mind he doesn't believe he is gay then that's good enough for me. Who cares if he is or isn't? I MEAN WHO THE FUCK CARES? Jesus Christ! It's not like he's going to cop a feel of the men in the shower one morning is it? And yet, first night in, we have some of the other guys saying that they refuse to sleep next to any of the other men in the house ..god knows why, maybe they think that if your leg accidentally touches another man's leg then you get the gay disease or some shit.

So, in the BB house it's been all this AND keeping Travis out of the "Spa Mafia" - just because quite frankly (and this is what it's coming down to) they do not see Travis as a real man - as one of them. Why don't they see him as a real man? Well, because he wears heart shaped sunglasses and has a high pitched voice and doesn't admit he's gay. And yet, being homophobic, racist, sexist, shallow dickheads with more muscles than brains is okay because that's what they would define as characteristics worthy of qualifying entry into the "real mens" club.

WHAT THE FUCK? I can't believe these kinds of attitudes still exist.

What do YOU think makes a real man?
I'm all for being judgmental about people based on their attitude to life, based on their attitude towards others, based on their morals or values or how mean they are - but why are we so judgmental about other people based on their "look" (chosen or otherwise)? Is it okay for us to be like this?

Labels: big brother, crap reality tele, gender stuff, generalisations, gentlemen, mean men, mean women, musings, questions, TV, wonderings

posted by M at 4:23 pm 16 comments

My television watching hours have gone from 1 hour a week (ANTM) to about a bazillion hours a week with the return of what I've heard being called "the biggest load of crap to ever be on tele". Yes folks BIG BROTHER is BACK!

Bring it on!

Yes, there are a few changes this year, but let's face it - how much can they really change in a show like this? So they've made the house mates sleep outside for the first night instead of giving them a big party. Wowee. So they're making them evict early - ooolala let me catch my breath. BB the way you make changes is by the quality of what goes in and in this, as far as I can tell an effort to change has been made.

1. For the first time ever, they have remembered that we in the humble land of Oz have more than one race living here! For the record (for people about to say "but mate, we HAVE seen many races on BB before), "I'm Irish ...back 5 generations" does not count as a "race". News FLASH, if you don't have an Irish accent which no one can understand and don't see leprechauns everywhere you look then you ain't Irish - you're just boring old Australian. Telling everyone you celebrate St Patricks day doesn't make you culturally aware or Irish. It just makes you a drunktard who is trying too hard to forge an identity with ancestors 500 years ago. Let it go - you're not Irish at all. Stop talking about it. Embrace the swag, billy and damper mate!

Aaaaanyway, the point is - it was nice to see someone other than the so called *real* Oztraaaaalyns represented. As far as I can tell no major bogan accents either (though the bogans may still be lurking and awaiting their moment to fully shine). It was GOOD to see an Asian bloke for once. It was great to see an Aboriginal woman. It was good to see an Italian (though they have been represented before). Yes, they all exist in this "Aussie" culture - crazy but true. The lack of Asian people on Big Brother so far has actually been one thing that has really annoyed me about the show. In fact it annoys me that there are so few representations of our closest neighbours on ANY television show in this country. What's up with that?

2. The cult of the pretty and pretty ugly. The last few years have seen BB employ women who all end up in Zoo magazine (magazine for blokes who are idiots) and men who are bogans but are build like brick shit-houses. I love me some build like brick shit-houses, don't you worry. Bogans in extremely small doses make me laugh and I like watching the female form as much as anybody else but enough is enough. I vote for substance instead. Just because someone is good looking doesn't mean they are interesting. It doesn't mean they aren't interesting either mind you - but let's not assume that being good looking actually makes someone worth watching, or worth anything on its own merits. I read a comment on the forums recently where someone said that the lack of female eye candy this year would result in a dwindling of the already iffy male viewers.

Maybe this is true. It sort of makes me want to get out the drool bibs, padded helmets and pat these kind of "eye candy only" people on the head while saying 'there there' though. I don't usually mince my words but I feel sorry for people who think like that. I can't respect it either. Bottom line - I think it's ignorant - yesh, u r dum. I've yet to be proven wrong on that but anyway. The other thing is that I don't think there is a lack of female eye candy (or male eye candy) this year. There just aren't that many fake boobs. Do fake boobs make people more attractive I wonder? Personally, they turn me off. I'd take tiny ones over fake ones any day. I think the housemates look great - just not in such a homogeneous way. It makes me wonder if I just view the world in a completely different way to everybody else around me though. That makes me sad. I think I have brilliant taste in what is "beautiful" but maybe I don't after all.

3. Age. Most of them seem to be in their early 20s - mid 20s. I would have liked to see more people in their late twenties or 30s (much like my *gulp* self) - but where the past house mates have been younger/about the same age - they were certainly more immature than what we're getting in 2008. The youngest, at 18 doesn't seem to act idiotic or treat life like a big nightclub, which is more than I can say for most of the house mates last year. It's early days yet though. Maybe there's a lot to be said for being 18 and seeing life in those terms - hell why grow up so fast anyway? As a viewer however, that shit gets old fast. I don't watch BB for the drunken escapades..

You might ask what I do watch for...

4. Psychology. I love watching how people interact. If I could get away with people watching all day I would. I just love it. I love how people react to each other at first go. I adored watching how the blokes reacted to Bianca with her big chest - no filters, no excuses (no "yeah, I'm really good at sneaking a look without anyone noticing" -yeah RIGHT!). I loved watching them try to keep a poker face when Rima the woman who stands at only 100cm tall walked in or when Travis the man with a woman's voice first talked. All this stuff makes the world go round - people's reactions and interactions. I love watching people tick and analysing how their past created the person they are today. I'm interested in their triggers and how chemistry with others will make or break them. When else do we get the chance to really see people interact that we aren't emotionally invested in like we are with our families and friends? This is why I watch the show.

This year they've tried hard to create a diverse bunch - some of it an obvious attempt to entice aggression or irritability but not all of it is like this. There are similarities at play too.

Terri is a grandmother and Pauline Hanson fan.
Nobbi is an Asian man.
Dixie is an Aboriginal woman.

Nobbi looks like a gym junkie
So does David
Rebecca is a personal trainer.

Travis with the high pitched voice is deeply religious.
David escaped from the Brethren cult when he was 19 and is now excommunicated from his family.
Saxon is 100% sure that UFOs exist
Terri hates religion.

Terri hates overly positive people (Terri hates a lot of stuff)
Travis is an overly positive person who can't understand people who are not always happy.

Alice is a vet
Renee works in an abattoir and LOVES it.

Bianca looks like a Bimbo and has the world's best knockers but actually hates Bimbos and is a bit of a brain (remains to be seen - though she seems very level headed)
Rebecca is the very definition of a bimbo - but quite possibly doesn't actually think that she is one (zoo magazine here we come).

And so on. It's going to be interesting housemate wise, and this is where the show may be made or ruined. I would have LOVED to see many more overtly political people in there though. I love a good argument. But we'll see if they come through with the goods this year.

As for the hosts - I miss Gretski, even though she always flirted with all the men under 20 and then tried to have sex with them backstage. I wonder if she watched the show tonight?

Did you?
Will you?
If not..
What show can't you miss on tele or you have a conniption fit? If you say Four Corners or "I only watch the ABC" I you'd better include your address in the comment because I will seriously look you up - not in a good way either.


And for a song completely out of the blue that has nothing to do with BB or television, just because I been listening to it lately. It makes me smile. It's either the coolest song or the most annoying. It has one of my all time favourite instruments in it - the calypso steel drum (does any other instrument just scream 'holiday' like that one?). And...well I just freakin' love this song! I'm gonna go dance around while listening to it on high volume.

Wings of a Dove - Madness

Labels: big brother, crap reality tele, musical monday, the price of beauty

posted by M at 9:38 pm 16 comments

* Today I was doing a writing activity with a few children in my grade. We were looking at a photo of a girl with her dog and using that as a jumping off point to discuss pets. One boy in the group said that he wasn't allowed to have a dog. I asked why and he said that his grandpa said no to the whole thing "because dogs don't live as long as humans". I thought it was a beautiful example of the different ways in which people think. It was just so logical and true. I'm not saying it was fair or right but just that it was so true. You could tell that the other children in this group had never heard that kind of reasoning before. They only saw that their dog would lick them and play with them.

I guess one can look at things in two ways - the immediate and the long term. Some people plan ahead and that might give them better stead in some areas but hold them back in other areas. Others will always live for now, which is exciting but doesn't always take you where you want to go.

In other news, Grandpa always makes this child come in at the end of every day and bow to me - which I think is both hilarious and disturbing. I adore this child to no end. He's just the BEST kid, but if he keeps on bowing I have a feeling that he's going to come back one day as an adult and kill me dead.

* The other day I had a conversation about childbirth that had a twist - it was all about the husband. In one story - during childbirth, the father was so traumatised by the whole act that he could do nothing more than stand in the corner rigidly, rather like a human lamp post - not saying anything, not looking at anything, not hearing anything. The midwife went ballistic on him and started screaming "You go pet your wife! PET HER! YOU SAY SOMETHING NICE TO YOUR WIFE, SHE'S GIVING BIRTH!" He wouldn't move for the whole labour, and only "came to" after the child was born. It happens every time apparently. Not quite sure why you'd make the man go through it again and again if he was going to be like that.

I have heard of men whom, after witnessing the birth of their child are NOT in a hurry to go through it again. I guess the lack of control you have in the whole situation would be incredibly stressful. Men don't have the benefit of that hormone that supposedly takes away the "evil memories" as it happens for the mother. I still doubt an existence of such a hormone. How can someone forget the pain of something so unnatural and horrific? Then again, most of us do go back to go through it countless times so maybe there is something in it.

* I don't watch a lot of television but I admit what I do watch is the gutter trash of the televisual realm. I love trashy TV - it's not even a guilty pleasure. It's just a pleasure. So as you can probably guess tonight I was glued to the tele for premiere of the new season of Australia's Next Top Model. I'm a sucker for this shit. I'm already in love with the geeky girl Belinda who can hardly stand up without toppling over, or bumping into something. She's quirky and not bitchy in the least. Every other girl has "bitch" tattooed over their face of course. Is it just that they edit these shows to be like this, or is it that the more beautiful a woman is the bitchier she is, by nurture? Is it because they don't *have* to be nice - and they will still get what they want, regardless of personality that makes them bitchier? There is no question that all the girls on the show are stunning - the two that are quirky/clever are less bitchy than the rest however. If beauty makes a girl bitchy, does being beautiful make a man bitchy too? Or is it that having money makes a man bitchy instead? What is the line that men and women must cross before they become bitchy?** I know a girl who was a model (oh lord, STUNNING!) but she's the nicest girl that ever lived. Of course, she's also incredibly clever and driven in her chosen career so she fits into that "other" category of a girl who has something else to her. She's given up on modeling now though and will never go back, she hated the bitchiness inherent in the field and would be the first person to confirm about beauty = bitchiness. What makes people bitchy?

* Speaking of ANTM, I know that it's customary for models to be anorexic however does anyone else find it disturbing to hear the judges tell waifs that they still have to lose weight? I understand that this is just how the industry is, but since I have the televisual habits of a 15 year old girl I also know that if I'm watching Top Model then of course there are bazillions of other teens watching it too. Call me crazy but the last thing impressionable teens need is yet another public forum telling them that they are too fat. The Biggest Loser people need to lose weight. Models, not so much. Why can't they starve themselves behind closed toilet doors instead like we all expect them to instead of being 6 foot tall and weighing 45 kilos and STILL being though of as too fat out in the open for us all to hear? Our society has an obsession with weight! We're completely consumed by it. Fat people are too fat. Skinny people are too fat. People in the normal range are too fat. No one is ever just perfect the way they are. It's crazy.

** yeah, yeah I understand that not all beautiful men or women are bitchy and yes I understand that not all men or women with money are bitchy either. As always, I'm talking *many* not *all*.

Labels: babies, crap reality tele, models, teaching, teaching the teacher, TV, weight

posted by M at 10:26 pm 17 comments

IDOL

I know the man has a slightly annoying accent, looks a good 10 years older than what he is and has basically come out and said "yeah, I know I'm a drunktard but you know what, I think I'm better ON the booze than off so fuck yars all" (may not be an actual quote) but boy am I glad Dicko is back on the tele.

I missed ya mate. I should be angry that you left but the crotchal (made up word) region of my pants is so happy you're back that I've forgiven you. Plus you've got ginger pubes on the other end of the panel totally confused about his role (if any) on the show. If I squint hard enough he's almost not even there anymore! Score!

Meanwhile I've missed a couple of episodes due to having a life (okay that's a lie but anyway) so there are a few things I need cleared up:

1)
WHAT IS UP WITH THIS GUY??! I missed the episode but after seeing this picture I wish I hadn't. Is he the bastard child of Prince and Cyndi Lauper? He looks like a Lost Boy. Please tell me he got through!


And

2)
DID MARCIA HINES CALL ONE OF THE CONTESTANTS A WHORE LAST NIGHT OR WHAT? I know she didn't actually come out and say "girlfriend yous a ho" but there was definitely a 'whore' vibe going on between that strumpet and El Blando.







not to mention

3)
Idol has been on Australian television for, what - 52 years now? You'd think that those fuckers would have worked out by now that when a judge says "sooooooooo, how do YOU think that went?" it actually means "you were SHIT" and they want you to dig your own grave. DON'T, I repeat - DON'T - say 'I thought I was GOOOD I'm soo happy' because you'll only end up looking like a complete moron. No, you were not good you were CRAP and we all feel sorry for you because you had no idea until now. Why do contestants even ANSWER that question? Ugh.


MISCELLANY

* I went and saw this "debate" at the Writers' Festival the other day. It was about God and Myth. It was two guys and a chairperson. Comedy of Comedies - two of the men had speech impediments and the other couldn't hear properly. So the guy who couldn't hear properly had to have everything repeated by the speech impediment guys. It was like God wanted to punish me for going to the seminar in the first place. I admit I went along JUST to see if anyone would start talking in tongues and/or start a punch up but I did not deserve THAT.

* Today my feet totally swelled up for no reason at all. I am certainly not pregnant (unless one of the God guys at the seminar got me in an immaculate conception type way) nor do I eat a lot of salt. The other thing it might be (according to Dr Wikipedia) is that I might be experiencing heart failure. Yay, I feel just peachy now. I just hope I'm pregnant with God's child and I implore you to hope with me. Incidentally if I did come out and say I was pregnant with God's child would you believe me?

* I completely lost it at a child today. I don't know why they love me anyway but somehow they do. It was just a really bad day filled with shitty things that went wrong and that kid was at the wrong place at the wrong time. She knocked down a clay dragon and it broke (someone's work) after I asked for the KAZILLIONTH time for them to be orderly and line up instead of crowding around the dragons. That wasn't why I lost it. I lost it because I asked 'what happened?' and she said 'I don't know it just fell off all by itself'.

...
no, it wasn't cute at the time. On a scale of 1-10 of shitty things to say at that moment 1 being "ooo here's a picture of a fluffy kitten" and 10 being "George Bush is retiring as president of the USA and moving to become the first president of Australia" - I don'tknow it just fell off all by itself ranked about 9.75.

Labels: aching feet, crap reality tele, girfriend, God, idol, pop culture, school, writing

posted by M at 8:02 pm 18 comments

Hi,

My name is (allegedly) Mark Philippoussis, but you may know me more commonly as The Poo. No idea why people call me that, apparently there's a double entendre in there somewhere but I don't know what that means either.

I went to school at some famous College in Melbourne. It's basically a private school for people who have more money than brains and where a lot of drugs are bought and sold (allegedly). Aces! Not that school mattered much to me, mind you. I always had one vision, one goal, one dream and that dream was to become the world's greatest casanova.

Dad thought I should have a fall back career so he coached me right into the Australian Open Tennis Championships. I told dad it was a no-go but he wouldn't have any of that crap. He wanted me to have a good career, one that would be stable and see me through to retirement. Professional tennis is not very demanding and therefore perfect for that so I reluctantly agreed. Soon I was winning tournaments but it was distracting me from my true goal of (allegedly) romancing young teenage girls so I picked up my game on that instead. At first this was okay because, I too was a young teenager - but now that I'm 31(ish) I find it hard to explain my (very alleged) love for the young ones. No one is buying "I just tripped and my (alleged) penis fell into her (alleged) vagina" anymore. Mostly because it's alleged or sumthing.

When I won my first few big games at the open I bought myself a Lamborghini and a Hummer. People wondered why I would need a car like a Hummer in Melbourne, but these people obviously don't know what a rugged terrain it is out there. It's jungle and crocodiles everywhere! And I mean EVERYWHERE!

Anyway, dad was (allegedly) getting angry that I was spending all my money on cars and girls so I fired him as coach. Then I started losing games and my knee went to shit. But I'll give you the hot tip - even though I was already a washed up tennis has-been (at 26ish) I was already primed for my true calling of casanova. Aces, I was loving myself sick!

I (allegedly) admit that I may have been a shithouse tennis player with a lucky serve but if there's one thing I'm good at, it's treating the ladies fine.

Ask any of my girlfriends and they'll tell you what a catch I was (and still am). Don't ask Delta Goodrem though. I know she had cancer and needed "support" from me at the time because I was her "boyfriend" and "one true love" but dude, PARIS HILTON wanted to have (alleged) skanky anonymous SEX with me. I'm talking PENIS and VAGINA. Would you pass that up? Girlfriend is fiiiiiiine (and totally classy). No idea how the media got a hold of that one.

Then I (allegedly) got involved with a...err ...girl but kept it on the down low up until she turned 18 and then it was ON. Suddenly we were all set to get married and have a big fat Greek wedding except ..it didn't happen. She wasn't even Greek!

I was a bit sad about that. She was perfect for me. I mean, she was just out of high school..but she was still perfect for me. Come to think of it, I didn't really know that much about her - but she was HOT, SMOKIN' HOT! My friends are like, 'Poo, you need to settle down with women who have substance and start looking for qualities in a girl that go beyond the superficial' and I'm like "It's not just about their cha-chas man, I totally care about what they wear too, I care about their hair, and hot sex. I'm the least superficial guy I know. I live in Las Vegas guys. I'm totally about keeping it real". They just shake their heads and feel sorry for me for some reason.

The truth is, I really *don't* get why I haven't married and settled down yet. I'm TOTALLY open to falling into true love with a girl as long as she's young and hot and an 11 out of 10. I may be a (allegedly) a bozo with a crap personality and a washed up career with nothing to offer a prospective wife and future mother of my children, but I deserve a hottie, dammit. I just don't get why I don't get everything I ask for. It's soooo unfair!!!

Anyway, I was playing with my new little puppy a few months ago when I got a call from my manager. He said "guess what the Age of Love is?" and I'm like (totally made up) "Bazza, mate I have no idea..what? Is it.. like 15 and a half?" and he's like "not over the phone Mark... And no, it's the new television show you're going to be staring in! We're going to find you a wife!".

I was sooooo excited I squealed.

After we taped the first episode of the show the producers explained how the show is going to have me picking through two important demographics of women. Young hotties and old hags. I'm thinking "this is going to be sooo easy". They were like "the first group consists of women who are over the age of 40 and the second group are in their 20s" "Sounds good" I said..."That's the old ones taken care of but what about the young hotties?" They explained that the 20 year olds ARE the young hotties! Whoa...what? WHOA.

This sounds like it's going to take a bit of getting used to. Wish me luck!

Labels: alleged, crap reality tele, fake guest post, made up story, media, men, pop culture, TV, women

posted by M at 2:48 am 24 comments

So we've come to the business end of Big Brother - the home stretch, the last month, the big hooray, the...something something. Yes we've come to that part of Big Brother where pretty much all the interesting housemates have gone, leaving behind the last generic and typical archetypes that always seem to be present in almost every year the show as been on the tele. I'm past blaming the voting public. I don't vote anyway (I just watch and bitch thanks). But it's apparent that if the producers didn't pick the bland boring ones in the first place then we wouldn't need the hosts of BB complaining about how we always keep them in till last weeks. Maybe, just maybe if they had chosen quality housemates to go INTO the house in the first place, then there wouldn't be any boring ones left at the end yo! I Woo, go channel 10 sock it to us!

Anyway despite all that you know by now that I'm not a subscriber to the patronising philosophy that high brow culture is the only culture worth learning anything off.

Yes, I've got a lot from BB over the years - probably because I'm open to viewing it less as a show and more as a study of human behaviour - which is basically what it was supposed to be (before it went up shit creek - thanks Kris Noble, you suck). I'm fascinated by watching how people act, and while the situation may be a tad contrived it's evident that human emotion and action in it's raw form is not - despite the circumstances of its framing. While people may "act" in the house some of the time, it's those moments where they're not that you get a rare glimpse of the mechanics of society. The way people act in the house says a lot, the way people vote says a lot, the way people do or don't interact with BB and discuss it says a lot too. Folks, I've come to the conclusion that life itself is not pretty.

Anyway, the whole point is that I come from the Birmingham School of cultural studies rather than the Frankfurt. Adorno and Horkheimer can eat my shorts (man). People can create intelligent meaning from all kinds of cultural leanings - whether they be popular or high art. Popular culture is not the downfall of society.

Having said that this entry has nothing to do with intelligence. It's a bitchfest pure and simple. What? Oh I'm allowed.

The final housemates:

Billy

He played it smart by hooking up early with the cute little fluff bunny of the show. You can't hate a cute little fluff bunny, and so why would you hate her boyfriend? CA-CHING! He was doubly smart by not being overly affectionate with his ex-girlfriend who was also on the show. You might remember her as Godzilla.

I can sum him up with only two words; no balls. Where was he when his little fluff bunny got into a screaming match the other night? Looking scared in the corner and diplomatically refusing to get involved that's where. What a champ! I wish he was *my* boyfriend. I'd love someone to treat me like sometimes girl (at night when no one's looking) and then pretty much act indifferent to me during the day. Look how far he's come in the show though? Oh wait, he's white, he's blonde, he's a male and he's so boring you forget he's there half the time. He's a Ken doll. That's all the boxes ticked right there.


Daniella

Intruder. Brazillian. Woman who is a size 12 (-that's size 8 US and about 10 UK I think) - oh nos (I bring it up because she felt the need to defend it herself before even going into the house by laughing off how she liked her body..really). For my money I think she has the hottest bod out of everyone who has been on the show this year! Mostly she's an outspoken female and she was the only housemate who actively campaigned against the boys' club that was forming amongst housemates. You know what this means: he's a fucking GONER! Mark my words.

This is where I find BB most interesting. She is FAR from perfect but she's certainly no worse than anyone else on the show. In fact, although she's backstabbed a couple of people (namely Aleisha by nominating her after explicitly saying she wasn't going to nom any girls), she's still probably the one housemate on there who actually says what she thinks and is pretty consistent. She's also beautiful and she's smart. You'd think considering everyone is a bit of a backstabber and an idiot in there that she'd stand a chance. Nope. Lucky for her she won Friday Night Games the other night and was able to save herself from an earlier eviction.


Joel

He snagged the role as funny guy but god knows how. The man ain't funny! He's just a typical non-confrontational bloke who has been watching Big Brother long enough to know that the funny guy goes a long way on the show. And wait a minute - lookey here - week 10 and he's still on the show. Funny that. Well, not *that* funny actually.



Travis

Thiso is what mates thinko ofo wheno theyo thinko ofo Ostrayla(o) - Steve Irwin without the brains. FOR FUCKS SAKEO! He nominates with rocks! Australia thinks this is endearing apparently. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? Let me repeat that one: He nominates with rocks! He's a metrosexual truckie. He has taken Australian colloquialism to a whole new level (the level of retardedness). No you flaming Galahs, these traits not something he came up with on the spot - it's a PLAN to make him more appealing and memorable to the Australian public! I'm also sick of him adding o to the end of every word he says.

This would be of course, our winner for this year. He's white, he's male, he's non-controversial, he's a larakin. Just write him a farking check already! Hoo roo.


Zoran


If I had to spend time alone in a room with him I'd make sure my mobile phone had reception and someone knew where I was. That is all.






Zach

Too gay to function? Maybe.. but I LOVES him <3. He is quite frankly the only male left in there who knows how to form complete sentences. This is truly a good thing. Sure, we can't procreate with him but it gives us hope anyway (he might turn!).

Zach, listen to me - don't fuck it up by bitching. The downfall of the gay man in BB is that he starts bitching about other housemates. I have no idea why this is a bad thing considering EVERY SINGLE PERSON that has ever entered the BB house is a big bitch but according to history it's worse if a gay person does it. If you had entered the house as a housemate and not as an intruder you'd be gone by now, so I doubt you'll last until the very end but at the moment you're really the only housemate who I don't want to shank and I would love you to win the whole deal.





Michelle


Hoi, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucking hell, YOUSE R THE BIGGEST BOGAN HOUSHMATE EVA. FOR REAL! I'M SHCARED OF YAS. FUCK.




Aleisha

This would be the fluff bunny I mentioned earlier. So cute. So blonde. So young. So what! She's responsible for treating a lot of housemates badly, especially earlier in the season. She's also can't take what she dishes out. I remember her bullying Jamie until he started crying a few weeks ago - and now everyone feels sorry for her because Bogan Bitchface (one up) gave her a serve. Don't get me wrong if Michelle had a go at me I would seriously start shitting my pants and crying too but Fluff bunny has a short memory about it all. She's a total phoney who has been hiding behind her idiot boyfriend (See; no balls) for too long.

Something else interesting about her is that she has come out and said that she likes it when people underestimate her - this is despite the fact that she appears to have a brain cell or two in there. 'Scuse moi? I have never in my life ever heard of a man who would say something like that. This is probably why they are making headlines as leaders of the free and not so free world while girls are busy wondering if their hair looks okay. Yay, girl power! woo.

If Travo the wonder-ocker doesn't win then Fluffy will. Both are blonde, extremely white, display a sense of "oz" in a Reggie Bird kind of way and are generally non-offensive people who will look good on the cover of a magazine. Winnah!



Gretel

Not a housemate, but boy do I wish I could vote her off. Over the years I have defended this woman all over town for her hosting of BB but she's lost whatever made her so good. I always liked the edgy, witty, confrontational and outspoken interviewing style she had - mostly because she was fair. If a housemate was a right bastard then she would hammer into them like a power drill until they hid for cover. I like that in a host. I think people should get their just deserts thank you very much. But this season she's been all backwards about it. She's nice to the ones she wants to shag (even if they are idiots) and mean to the nerdy ones (ie: normal humans). She's no longer edgy, witty and confrontational - she's just a total bitch.

And there is my banal entry about Big Brother.

Labels: big brother, crap reality tele, media, pop culture, TV

posted by M at 3:00 pm 24 comments

Australian Princess

Guys, I *know* this show is the lowest of the low but christ, it's like street crack and I'm addicted.

This is the low down - take a bunch of low class, crass, bogan, maneating girls who don't really know how to dress and put them through the royal ringer (elocution classes, how to behave in public classes, charm school) and then make fun of them when they fuck up. Eliminate the ones that are total ogres (ie: normal) and then take the remaining few to England where they have to keep doing it all in front of real royalty. I'm not sure what the prize is at the end but I think it might be a sash. Along the way they are judged by a group of arse lickers who are nothing more than common plebs with posh accents and faux credentials, which are at best inadequate to judge such a spectacle.

Sounds pretty cool, huh? The umbrella premise of the show is that women have no intrinsic value to the world unless they are pretty (and malleable) airheads who amuse men with their many feminine "qualities". The funny thing is, I'm picking these kinds of vibes up in one or two blogs written by men lately as well. Good to know that "art" imitates reality then!

Probably the most entertaining person on the show (besides the pig farmer) is the bitchiest man to grace our televisions since Just Jack from Will and Grace - Royal Butler to Diana: Princess of Wales Paul Burrell. Yes, this is the guy who found himself with no job after Diana died and so he decided to dedicate himself to whoring himself in any way he could - and now here is being patronising to young girls even though he is a ..what? oh that's right FUCKING BUTLER!! Okay, Mr Belvedere - since when does being able to Mr Sheen the shit out of a dining table give you the credentials to make fun of anyone..and I mean ANYONE? You suck (keep the bitch inside alive)!

So yes, while I have found it rather hard to get out of bed lately, I'm realising that crap reality television is giving me my mojo back. If they were showing Dr Phil on daytime tele instead of the worlds most BORING sport (cricket) then you know I'd be back to 100% normal me by now (ie: from all that bile and anger I'd spew forth because Dr Phil is so infuriatingly STUPID - and yet, like crack and Australian Princess: addictive). But since they insist on killing us slowly with countless hours of unfit men wearing zinc on their noses and white pants from K-mart then we'll have to wait and see if this series of Australian Princess can cure my blues. Ooooo wait Cheaters is on tonight! Another bout of tele therapy - free of charge!

Labels: bogans, crap reality tele

posted by M at 7:50 pm 21 comments

This morning I woke up at about 4am or so thinking oh shit, reports! Every time I tried to fall back into dreams I was driven back to waking life with the nervous tension brought on by adrenaline and stress. I don't know how people function in personalities which are constant and even - living at an even pace because they are planner or whatever. I don't know how they do it, but it sure would be nice to experience that just to see.

I gave up on sleep and went for the tele instead, but as anyone living in this wide brown land will tell you, the only thing on at that time are TV evangelists. Personally I think they're a laugh riot and I'll quite happily watch them. They're very good at what they do - I'm not exactly what you'd call a devout Catholic (read: heathen) but half way through This is Your Life (or was it This is Your Day? meh) I'm usually on my feet yelling Praise Jesus! with the rest of the crowd. As I said, they're very good. I don't know if TV evangelists have a gift from God, but I do know they have the gift of the gab. There's a difference - usually that difference is money but I guess it depends on who you ask.

I don't really want to go into my own journey with religion. I am not completely taken by the devil, but I am also not one for prayer. I grew up with a lot of prayer around me and I don't know if it gets you closer to God or even is the language of God. Sometimes I think it's an excuse not to be responsible for yourself - Catholicism especially asks you to turn to prayer if you do something wrong - as if prayer absolves you somehow of the responsibility of your actions. Sorry, I don't really believe that - especially if you're reciting poetry - but I understand that it gives comfort where there might otherwise be none. For me though, official prayer is the word of man (and I do mean man at the exclusion of women) not God at all. Maybe making up your own is the way to go - if there is a God, surely he's sick of the same old Our Fathers being said over and over and OVER. I'd sure as hell want some variety.

I guess that part of me that will happily watch a TV evangelist is the same part of me that will be interested in church (err, at Christmas) despite not being a religophile (made up word). I don't see them as teachings exactly but I do like listening to people's points of view and usually it encourages me to think about my own life and own experiences - even if I don't necessarily agree with the message itself. I like explanations of everyday life, even if it is through the proxy of the bible.

This morning after the discussion: "if President Bush needed prayer to make an important decision would you know what to pray about?" - which immediately sparked a woman to start speaking in tongues (err, yes, the language of Bush - apparently) there was a woman on the tele called Beth Moore who was talking about oppression. Despite being a few short of a 6 pack her "sermon" was interesting. Her starting point:

Genesis 29:32 (KJV) And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.

She focused on that idea of feeling that by changing who we are and living for others because we are afraid of not "being loved" (or approved of) is oppression. She argued that affliction in the case of the bible verse really meant oppression and that real oppression is when we allow others to dictate our self worth.

Through half sleepy eyes, I wondered about all the women I know, including myself, who have changed themselves in some way in order to "be loved" and how exhausting it is to live your life in accordance with someone elses idea of what you should be. When you think that someone else is going to withdraw love, or even not give you approval because you are who you are, then it's akin to living in fear isn't it? How many of us live in that constant shadow of fear of not being loved or good enough and will sacrifice a sense of self in order to ensure that 'love happens'? A great lot of us I'd think. So how many of us are really walking around not being ourselves? Don't we trust our of sense of self worth? Does everyone measure themselves in accordance with what others think of them? And can that ever result in love?

oh - I gotta go, Benny Hinn is about to bless me.

Labels: boys, crap reality tele, dirty femmo, God, love, questions

posted by M at 5:24 am 24 comments