Tuesday, August 28, 2007

cover tunes and I might be dying.


I know the man has a slightly annoying accent, looks a good 10 years older than what he is and has basically come out and said "yeah, I know I'm a drunktard but you know what, I think I'm better ON the booze than off so fuck yars all" (may not be an actual quote) but boy am I glad Dicko is back on the tele.

I missed ya mate. I should be angry that you left but the crotchal (made up word) region of my pants is so happy you're back that I've forgiven you. Plus you've got ginger pubes on the other end of the panel totally confused about his role (if any) on the show. If I squint hard enough he's almost not even there anymore! Score!

Meanwhile I've missed a couple of episodes due to having a life (okay that's a lie but anyway) so there are a few things I need cleared up:

WHAT IS UP WITH THIS GUY??! I missed the episode but after seeing this picture I wish I hadn't. Is he the bastard child of Prince and Cyndi Lauper? He looks like a Lost Boy. Please tell me he got through!


DID MARCIA HINES CALL ONE OF THE CONTESTANTS A WHORE LAST NIGHT OR WHAT? I know she didn't actually come out and say "girlfriend yous a ho" but there was definitely a 'whore' vibe going on between that strumpet and El Blando.

not to mention

Idol has been on Australian television for, what - 52 years now? You'd think that those fuckers would have worked out by now that when a judge says "sooooooooo, how do YOU think that went?" it actually means "you were SHIT" and they want you to dig your own grave. DON'T, I repeat - DON'T - say 'I thought I was GOOOD I'm soo happy' because you'll only end up looking like a complete moron. No, you were not good you were CRAP and we all feel sorry for you because you had no idea until now. Why do contestants even ANSWER that question? Ugh.


* I went and saw this "debate" at the Writers' Festival the other day. It was about God and Myth. It was two guys and a chairperson. Comedy of Comedies - two of the men had speech impediments and the other couldn't hear properly. So the guy who couldn't hear properly had to have everything repeated by the speech impediment guys. It was like God wanted to punish me for going to the seminar in the first place. I admit I went along JUST to see if anyone would start talking in tongues and/or start a punch up but I did not deserve THAT.

* Today my feet totally swelled up for no reason at all. I am certainly not pregnant (unless one of the God guys at the seminar got me in an immaculate conception type way) nor do I eat a lot of salt. The other thing it might be (according to Dr Wikipedia) is that I might be experiencing heart failure. Yay, I feel just peachy now. I just hope I'm pregnant with God's child and I implore you to hope with me. Incidentally if I did come out and say I was pregnant with God's child would you believe me?

* I completely lost it at a child today. I don't know why they love me anyway but somehow they do. It was just a really bad day filled with shitty things that went wrong and that kid was at the wrong place at the wrong time. She knocked down a clay dragon and it broke (someone's work) after I asked for the KAZILLIONTH time for them to be orderly and line up instead of crowding around the dragons. That wasn't why I lost it. I lost it because I asked 'what happened?' and she said 'I don't know it just fell off all by itself'.

no, it wasn't cute at the time. On a scale of 1-10 of shitty things to say at that moment 1 being "ooo here's a picture of a fluffy kitten" and 10 being "George Bush is retiring as president of the USA and moving to become the first president of Australia" - I don'tknow it just fell off all by itself ranked about 9.75.

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