[Miscellany]

* Saturday morning in Melbourne town saw me braving the western subs for a bit of brekkie, coffee - and apparently a trip of self discovery. For it was on this day while perusing the more unsavory of the Melbourne newspapers that I spied a "What Kind Of Personality Are You?" type test. Being a student of psychology and no stranger to the myriad of different personality tests out there - pushed on me via the route of "lab requirements" of unimelb undergrad psych, I thought what any other sane and rational person would think when faced with a personality test in their morning paper; oh goodie!.

With only 12 questions the test promised to tell me who I was. Since I'm always up for being told who or what I am I looked around left and right, before quickly pocketing the offending page and quickly finishing off my eggs.

So I took the test and here's what I found out:

I display very high levels of Neuroticism and Openness and high levels of Agreeableness. I score quite low on Conscientiousness and Extraversion. All this seems by and large on the money. I am a worrier, analytical and a thinker hence the neurotic label. Indeed I'm also very open to different kinds of people and ideas. I have strong opinions but am not actually judgemental when it comes down to it - which all apparently makes me 'open'. Agreeableness is related to being sympathetic and helping others (hello! Teacher!). I'm not known for being organised, methodological or being anally retentive and am also not known for screaming 'here I am' when I enter a room so it's only fair I score low on Extraversion and conscientiousness.

All this, I have no issue with - but then I had a look at the pictures which accompanied the personality blurbs. This is what represents me.

Yeah, hi that's the Neurotic me a cross between Herman Munster and THE GRINCH. Don't make any sudden movements or I'll rain all over you with my big black cloud of doom. I'm so Emo, now where the hell is my blacker than black eyeliner?

Hi again, when I read 'open' I thought, open to new ideas and all people - but apparently it just means that I'm about to join the Ralean sect. It also means I am a little bit wacko (look into my eyes...if you can find my wonky pupils that is) and am either into mooncakes or have stolen some kind of meterorite from the astronomical section of the Scienceworks museum. We've been observing your earth, and we'd like to make contact with youuuu.

Oh, I'm so huggy aren't I? Come here, let me hug you! Come onnnnnnn! COME HERE I WANT TO HUG YOU!! I WAAANNNNAA HUUUUUUG!! PLEASE SNUGGLE WITH ME!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? Where?.... oh.. :( Actually, ..there is a reason why I have the profile photo that I do.

So yes, after seeing those pictures I felt very well adjusted and normal didn't I? Don't worry about me - my recipe is apparently: One part Herman Munster, One part alien worshiping wack job and One part little Miss "I Psychotically love you to DEATH". Stir with swivel stick, drink and call the paramedics immediately.

* Anyway I was a tad traumatised after doing the test so was looking forward to some friendly company at dinner that night. Finally the group was going to meet L's new man. He was lovely and it was also lovely to see my friend B, who was down from QLD for a visit. Bonus of Bonuses, she turned up to the dinner with my star chart (she's a qualified astrologer). Oh goodie, another personality test - without actually having to take the test! Anyway, she starts the conversation with "you're a dark horse aren't you?" and ends with "we've been underestimating you for a long time" - which, may I add makes me feel like a bit of a fraud for some reason. Everyone went a little silent and looked at me quizzically for a while (trying to figure out my dark horse side, probably). I wonder if she was referring to my Herman Munster side.

B did tell me something that has made me want to change myself for the better though. She said that I find it hard to let people go. I have done a lot of self analysis and soul searching in my life and I had never really thought of myself in these terms. Weird I know, but as soon as she said it I knew it was true. Funny how revelations only ever feel like an anvil falling on your head but it's true, I do find it incredibly hard to let people go. I'd love to think of myself as a love 'em and leave 'em - and who really cares about 'em anyway.. type girl but I'm not. I embrace any kind of affection that comes my way - even if it's bad for me. There are a lot of reasons for this, not least the lack of affection shown to me during my own childhood and my need to feel that someone finds me worthy of their time. I've seen friends of mine go through the whole 'going back to people who make you feel bad about yourself' thing with men and the like, advising them to have the strength to say no.. when all the while it was me too. I don't want to be that girl. Closer to the case - I don't want to be her ...anymore. I don't need anymore fair weather friends. They tear me apart.

I thought about this all night, and all of today. I guess I have to be a stronger person - maybe I have to let that "agreeableness" part of me go a little and be less agreeable and be less open. Those people that use me shouldn't be welcomed by me with open arms ever again and those people that don't see my good qualities - well, it's their loss isn't it? I shouldn't see myself for being at fault just because THEY are idiotic. Stop making excuses for other people's mistakes, that's basically what I have to do.

* Meanwhile and since it's all about me today: on Idol (I know, please don't hate me for using Idol as my Musical Monday crutch for two weeks in a row) they had 'choose music from the year you were born. I thought it was a smashing idea and I've come up with a song from a band I've been meaning to do for a while now. The Rolling Stones.

I'm certainly no hardcore fan, as you will probably tell when you hear my song choice but one of my very earliest memories I have of myself enjoying music is while I was listening to The Rolling Stones. It was the 80s, I was wearing my pajamas and jumping up and down on the couch with my bro to Start me Up, which happened to be playing on Countdown one night. I did think it was an excellent song - even though I sang Stompio (hence the stomping on the couch) instead of Start me Up, but that's just a technicality surely. I mean Mick probably sang the wrong words half the time too. As for Keith, good christ, did he ever know the words? (God love 'em) But I digress. That was the early me.

In my mid teens I re-discovered them when I was going through my 60s rock and I'm depressed with the world phase. In fact Paint it Black was a constant fixture in the soundtrack of my life around that time. I can't even being to tell you how many times I listened to that one. And of course at 18-ish when I decided that Get Off My Cloud would be my theme song (I might take it up again). Then again, at 19 sitting on the floor of some filthy bungalow down by the beach singing along to As Tears Go By being played beautifully on guitar by a sad friend. And lately, with this one - 1978, my year. I love everything about it, the slightly bluesy influence, the sexy beat and all the lyrics; yes every single one - even the Peurto Rican girls just dyyyyyyyyyyyyyin' to meet you. Love it.

Miss You - The Rolling Stones



So you see, they've been around for a while; The Rolling Stones. Never really at the forefront of my life but there, behind the scenes, definitely in the soundtrack - a perfect accompaniment. Don't you just love it when must does that?




err sorry, slip of the button... what I meant was..

Labels: aries is the best chuck out the rest, beach, blurry girl, change, childhood, choices, conversations, divination, friends, girls and women, idol, mixed bag of me, musical monday, newspaper, personal

posted by M at 10:22 pm 17 comments

IDOL

I know the man has a slightly annoying accent, looks a good 10 years older than what he is and has basically come out and said "yeah, I know I'm a drunktard but you know what, I think I'm better ON the booze than off so fuck yars all" (may not be an actual quote) but boy am I glad Dicko is back on the tele.

I missed ya mate. I should be angry that you left but the crotchal (made up word) region of my pants is so happy you're back that I've forgiven you. Plus you've got ginger pubes on the other end of the panel totally confused about his role (if any) on the show. If I squint hard enough he's almost not even there anymore! Score!

Meanwhile I've missed a couple of episodes due to having a life (okay that's a lie but anyway) so there are a few things I need cleared up:

1)
WHAT IS UP WITH THIS GUY??! I missed the episode but after seeing this picture I wish I hadn't. Is he the bastard child of Prince and Cyndi Lauper? He looks like a Lost Boy. Please tell me he got through!


And

2)
DID MARCIA HINES CALL ONE OF THE CONTESTANTS A WHORE LAST NIGHT OR WHAT? I know she didn't actually come out and say "girlfriend yous a ho" but there was definitely a 'whore' vibe going on between that strumpet and El Blando.







not to mention

3)
Idol has been on Australian television for, what - 52 years now? You'd think that those fuckers would have worked out by now that when a judge says "sooooooooo, how do YOU think that went?" it actually means "you were SHIT" and they want you to dig your own grave. DON'T, I repeat - DON'T - say 'I thought I was GOOOD I'm soo happy' because you'll only end up looking like a complete moron. No, you were not good you were CRAP and we all feel sorry for you because you had no idea until now. Why do contestants even ANSWER that question? Ugh.


MISCELLANY

* I went and saw this "debate" at the Writers' Festival the other day. It was about God and Myth. It was two guys and a chairperson. Comedy of Comedies - two of the men had speech impediments and the other couldn't hear properly. So the guy who couldn't hear properly had to have everything repeated by the speech impediment guys. It was like God wanted to punish me for going to the seminar in the first place. I admit I went along JUST to see if anyone would start talking in tongues and/or start a punch up but I did not deserve THAT.

* Today my feet totally swelled up for no reason at all. I am certainly not pregnant (unless one of the God guys at the seminar got me in an immaculate conception type way) nor do I eat a lot of salt. The other thing it might be (according to Dr Wikipedia) is that I might be experiencing heart failure. Yay, I feel just peachy now. I just hope I'm pregnant with God's child and I implore you to hope with me. Incidentally if I did come out and say I was pregnant with God's child would you believe me?

* I completely lost it at a child today. I don't know why they love me anyway but somehow they do. It was just a really bad day filled with shitty things that went wrong and that kid was at the wrong place at the wrong time. She knocked down a clay dragon and it broke (someone's work) after I asked for the KAZILLIONTH time for them to be orderly and line up instead of crowding around the dragons. That wasn't why I lost it. I lost it because I asked 'what happened?' and she said 'I don't know it just fell off all by itself'.

...
no, it wasn't cute at the time. On a scale of 1-10 of shitty things to say at that moment 1 being "ooo here's a picture of a fluffy kitten" and 10 being "George Bush is retiring as president of the USA and moving to become the first president of Australia" - I don'tknow it just fell off all by itself ranked about 9.75.

Labels: aching feet, crap reality tele, girfriend, God, idol, pop culture, school, writing

posted by M at 8:02 pm 18 comments