[Miscellany]

* Saturday morning in Melbourne town saw me braving the western subs for a bit of brekkie, coffee - and apparently a trip of self discovery. For it was on this day while perusing the more unsavory of the Melbourne newspapers that I spied a "What Kind Of Personality Are You?" type test. Being a student of psychology and no stranger to the myriad of different personality tests out there - pushed on me via the route of "lab requirements" of unimelb undergrad psych, I thought what any other sane and rational person would think when faced with a personality test in their morning paper; oh goodie!.

With only 12 questions the test promised to tell me who I was. Since I'm always up for being told who or what I am I looked around left and right, before quickly pocketing the offending page and quickly finishing off my eggs.

So I took the test and here's what I found out:

I display very high levels of Neuroticism and Openness and high levels of Agreeableness. I score quite low on Conscientiousness and Extraversion. All this seems by and large on the money. I am a worrier, analytical and a thinker hence the neurotic label. Indeed I'm also very open to different kinds of people and ideas. I have strong opinions but am not actually judgemental when it comes down to it - which all apparently makes me 'open'. Agreeableness is related to being sympathetic and helping others (hello! Teacher!). I'm not known for being organised, methodological or being anally retentive and am also not known for screaming 'here I am' when I enter a room so it's only fair I score low on Extraversion and conscientiousness.

All this, I have no issue with - but then I had a look at the pictures which accompanied the personality blurbs. This is what represents me.

Yeah, hi that's the Neurotic me a cross between Herman Munster and THE GRINCH. Don't make any sudden movements or I'll rain all over you with my big black cloud of doom. I'm so Emo, now where the hell is my blacker than black eyeliner?

Hi again, when I read 'open' I thought, open to new ideas and all people - but apparently it just means that I'm about to join the Ralean sect. It also means I am a little bit wacko (look into my eyes...if you can find my wonky pupils that is) and am either into mooncakes or have stolen some kind of meterorite from the astronomical section of the Scienceworks museum. We've been observing your earth, and we'd like to make contact with youuuu.

Oh, I'm so huggy aren't I? Come here, let me hug you! Come onnnnnnn! COME HERE I WANT TO HUG YOU!! I WAAANNNNAA HUUUUUUG!! PLEASE SNUGGLE WITH ME!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? Where?.... oh.. :( Actually, ..there is a reason why I have the profile photo that I do.

So yes, after seeing those pictures I felt very well adjusted and normal didn't I? Don't worry about me - my recipe is apparently: One part Herman Munster, One part alien worshiping wack job and One part little Miss "I Psychotically love you to DEATH". Stir with swivel stick, drink and call the paramedics immediately.

* Anyway I was a tad traumatised after doing the test so was looking forward to some friendly company at dinner that night. Finally the group was going to meet L's new man. He was lovely and it was also lovely to see my friend B, who was down from QLD for a visit. Bonus of Bonuses, she turned up to the dinner with my star chart (she's a qualified astrologer). Oh goodie, another personality test - without actually having to take the test! Anyway, she starts the conversation with "you're a dark horse aren't you?" and ends with "we've been underestimating you for a long time" - which, may I add makes me feel like a bit of a fraud for some reason. Everyone went a little silent and looked at me quizzically for a while (trying to figure out my dark horse side, probably). I wonder if she was referring to my Herman Munster side.

B did tell me something that has made me want to change myself for the better though. She said that I find it hard to let people go. I have done a lot of self analysis and soul searching in my life and I had never really thought of myself in these terms. Weird I know, but as soon as she said it I knew it was true. Funny how revelations only ever feel like an anvil falling on your head but it's true, I do find it incredibly hard to let people go. I'd love to think of myself as a love 'em and leave 'em - and who really cares about 'em anyway.. type girl but I'm not. I embrace any kind of affection that comes my way - even if it's bad for me. There are a lot of reasons for this, not least the lack of affection shown to me during my own childhood and my need to feel that someone finds me worthy of their time. I've seen friends of mine go through the whole 'going back to people who make you feel bad about yourself' thing with men and the like, advising them to have the strength to say no.. when all the while it was me too. I don't want to be that girl. Closer to the case - I don't want to be her ...anymore. I don't need anymore fair weather friends. They tear me apart.

I thought about this all night, and all of today. I guess I have to be a stronger person - maybe I have to let that "agreeableness" part of me go a little and be less agreeable and be less open. Those people that use me shouldn't be welcomed by me with open arms ever again and those people that don't see my good qualities - well, it's their loss isn't it? I shouldn't see myself for being at fault just because THEY are idiotic. Stop making excuses for other people's mistakes, that's basically what I have to do.

* Meanwhile and since it's all about me today: on Idol (I know, please don't hate me for using Idol as my Musical Monday crutch for two weeks in a row) they had 'choose music from the year you were born. I thought it was a smashing idea and I've come up with a song from a band I've been meaning to do for a while now. The Rolling Stones.

I'm certainly no hardcore fan, as you will probably tell when you hear my song choice but one of my very earliest memories I have of myself enjoying music is while I was listening to The Rolling Stones. It was the 80s, I was wearing my pajamas and jumping up and down on the couch with my bro to Start me Up, which happened to be playing on Countdown one night. I did think it was an excellent song - even though I sang Stompio (hence the stomping on the couch) instead of Start me Up, but that's just a technicality surely. I mean Mick probably sang the wrong words half the time too. As for Keith, good christ, did he ever know the words? (God love 'em) But I digress. That was the early me.

In my mid teens I re-discovered them when I was going through my 60s rock and I'm depressed with the world phase. In fact Paint it Black was a constant fixture in the soundtrack of my life around that time. I can't even being to tell you how many times I listened to that one. And of course at 18-ish when I decided that Get Off My Cloud would be my theme song (I might take it up again). Then again, at 19 sitting on the floor of some filthy bungalow down by the beach singing along to As Tears Go By being played beautifully on guitar by a sad friend. And lately, with this one - 1978, my year. I love everything about it, the slightly bluesy influence, the sexy beat and all the lyrics; yes every single one - even the Peurto Rican girls just dyyyyyyyyyyyyyin' to meet you. Love it.

Miss You - The Rolling Stones



So you see, they've been around for a while; The Rolling Stones. Never really at the forefront of my life but there, behind the scenes, definitely in the soundtrack - a perfect accompaniment. Don't you just love it when must does that?




err sorry, slip of the button... what I meant was..

Labels: aries is the best chuck out the rest, beach, blurry girl, change, childhood, choices, conversations, divination, friends, girls and women, idol, mixed bag of me, musical monday, newspaper, personal

posted by M at 10:22 pm 17 comments

I've seen this on a couple of blogs - thought I might do it in view of valentines day.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is medium. You probably have had a couple significant loves. And you may have even had your heart broken. But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people. Dominance: Your dominance is medium. You tend to be the one with more power. You aren't a total control freak in relationships.. But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is high. You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love. Having your own life is very important for you... Even more important than having a relationship.

hm, some is spot on and some isn't*

I'm not going to write about the commercialisation of Valentine's Day or how people over romanticise an event that really should be demonstrated every day if you're with someone you love.

I'm not going to write how eye-rollingly difficult it is to keep my mouth shut when I hear men complaining how much money they *have* to spend on their girlfriends. If they had any idea how much time, money and pain (ripping the hair out from the roots fucking hurts) we spend on looking good for them but also doing things for them that are never appreciated they'd www.zipit.com and buy the necklace or roses or whatever - god knows any romantic gesture will get much appreciated! Also, if you've forgotten an anniversary or a birthday you've got this one day to make it up to the woman you love!

I'm not going to write about how women just sit back and expect to be serenaded in expensive ways when in fact they too could be a little romantic as well. That shouldn't be what it's about at all!

I ain't going to make a point about how if you don't actually have a partner you start looking around at all those people who do and then you come to that stinking realisation that every freak in the world but you has a boyfriend. Like the religious education teacher who snorts when she laughs and wears orthopedic shoes even though she's only 40 has someone. And the lady in the office who is mean to everyone has someone. And that woman with the mullet who is a relief teacher has a special someone. And um, you don't.

Hell, I won't even dare to mention what a kick in the nads this whole event is for singletons who after the first few 'ohhhh, that's lovely you're going out to dinner tonight' just want to scream and run into the woods and spread mud all over our naked bodies and run free far far away from society and all its trappings... err, maybe not that last bit but close enough. The whole day is a big sucky slap in the face if you don't have that special person to share it with.

hm, guess I don't have too much to write about eh?


*I guess that bit about being 'optimistic in romance' from that meme I posted was right on the money!

-----------

I did however want to turn this into a useful post. I found an idea at Smart at Love about that! She suggests that one should throw away the list of deal breakers that you have in a relationship and instead focus on what you bring to a relationship - good and bad. I thought the idea was interesting.

The “Good Qualities I Bring to a Relationship” list
* Loving - really, yes.
* Listening - anything.
* monogamous - I will not flirt with your best friend or your father.
* am a sexual person and willing to try many new things ;)
* am intelligent (when I want to be ;)).
* love a good talk - about so many different things. Politics, the weather, pop culture, you - I'm interested and inquisitive. Yeah, I'm actually interested in you.
* You could pretty much tell me anything about your past and I will process it and move on. I am not a judgmental person when it comes to the people I care about. That is not to say that I won't say that I disagree with you or won't tell you that you're an idiot because if you have been I will make my opinion known, but this is never done in full judgment. If I care about you I will always see you for the good things you are and take the bad things on - be it friend or lover. Seriously, try me. I have been told things by friends that never got to be heard by anyone else because they knew they could tell me anything. I won't desert someone because they have a less than stellar past. I might make fun of you for it though :) And okay, having said that - if you're a rapist/child molester I will not be able to be your friend.
* never stay mad for more than 10 minutes and do not hold a grudge EXCEPT if you cheat on me, after which I will not only leave you but you can also consider me your bitter enemy (oops wait this was supposed to be the good list wasn't it?)
* I'm loyal in that will back you up and support you and us.
* Will adore you - utterly. If I didn't I wouldn't be with you.
* sincere.
* am passionate.
* am totally into the wrestle.
* If I think you really love me then I'll be optimistic, delightful and wonderful.
* I am a great friend. I want to be your friend!
* generous, in many different ways.
* am independent but love time together to be "together".
* love laughing and am not always serious or a stick in the mud.
* can see the funny side of pretty much everything.
* will see both sides of the argument most of the time.
* am straightforward - will not try to manipulate the situation and mostly will fight a fair fight.
* am honest.
* am spontaneous! I wasn't sure whether to put this here or not but to me it's a positive thing. I'm totally up for the last minute trip to Spain. I could soooooooo do that! Really- I keep my passport on my bedside table! I have ideas and love the idea of just doing them without piss farting around with the details.

The “Not-So-Good Qualities I Bring to a Relationship” list
* jealous - yes, sorry if you flirt with other people then you cannot give me the 'but I was juuuuust flirting' line.
* temper - I'm fiery and will 'react' especially when provoked - but always short lived.
* sometimes like to do the provoking - this can be good or bad depending on how 'strong' you are. If you win, I'll be your kitten (most days). If you lose, I win forever. okay? I actually would like you to win.
* can be stubborn.
* am not one of those people that plans ahead and gets everything done on time or will even have dinner cooked always precisely when it should be. I don't do things like clockwork and this tends to drive organised people around the bend!
* insecure - I do have self esteem issues and trust issues. I will totally put my life in your hands if I know you have my back, but if there is any doubt at all I won't even put one gain of sand worth of trust in you. And no, I'm not secure in myself or my talents or any of that. I realise this is unattractive to people.
* I can be cynical and criticise.
* will give you the 'teacher look' when am unimpressed and be sarcastic. This can come off as patronising - but is a reflex (teacher look is anyway).
* moody at times.
* I will challenge you (is this good or bad? - maybe a little of both). Bottom line, if I don't agree with you I'll challenge you on it - flat out. Sometimes people don't want to be challenged. Well, tough.
* I have things I don't like talking about (no I don't have an reckless past or anything) and I haven't met anyone who can tease those things out of me and am not sure I even want them to be. It is difficult for me to 'open up'.
* sometimes I'll say things without really thinking them out properly and lash out in an immature manner just to 'get you'.
* I'm indecisive. I realise this is infuriating for everyone involved!
* I pretty much live on instinct - so have been known to fly off the handle.
* I can be impatient. I want things done yesterday - except if they're done by me. I can take as long as I want (this also makes me a hypocrite).
* I am sometimes unreasonable and childish. I have been known to pout and give evil sideways glances.

So there you have it. The mixed bag of me.

Labels: cynical bitch, mixed bag of me, singletons, smug marrieds, stupid events which highlight the obsession society has with pairing everyone up, VD, yes that's right VD

posted by M at 5:35 pm 39 comments