Tuesday, July 03, 2007

banal entry about BB

So we've come to the business end of Big Brother - the home stretch, the last month, the big hooray, the...something something. Yes we've come to that part of Big Brother where pretty much all the interesting housemates have gone, leaving behind the last generic and typical archetypes that always seem to be present in almost every year the show as been on the tele. I'm past blaming the voting public. I don't vote anyway (I just watch and bitch thanks). But it's apparent that if the producers didn't pick the bland boring ones in the first place then we wouldn't need the hosts of BB complaining about how we always keep them in till last weeks. Maybe, just maybe if they had chosen quality housemates to go INTO the house in the first place, then there wouldn't be any boring ones left at the end yo! I Woo, go channel 10 sock it to us!

Anyway despite all that you know by now that I'm not a subscriber to the patronising philosophy that high brow culture is the only culture worth learning anything off.

Yes, I've got a lot from BB over the years - probably because I'm open to viewing it less as a show and more as a study of human behaviour - which is basically what it was supposed to be (before it went up shit creek - thanks Kris Noble, you suck). I'm fascinated by watching how people act, and while the situation may be a tad contrived it's evident that human emotion and action in it's raw form is not - despite the circumstances of its framing. While people may "act" in the house some of the time, it's those moments where they're not that you get a rare glimpse of the mechanics of society. The way people act in the house says a lot, the way people vote says a lot, the way people do or don't interact with BB and discuss it says a lot too. Folks, I've come to the conclusion that life itself is not pretty.

Anyway, the whole point is that I come from the Birmingham School of cultural studies rather than the Frankfurt. Adorno and Horkheimer can eat my shorts (man). People can create intelligent meaning from all kinds of cultural leanings - whether they be popular or high art. Popular culture is not the downfall of society.

Having said that this entry has nothing to do with intelligence. It's a bitchfest pure and simple. What? Oh I'm allowed.

The final housemates:


He played it smart by hooking up early with the cute little fluff bunny of the show. You can't hate a cute little fluff bunny, and so why would you hate her boyfriend? CA-CHING! He was doubly smart by not being overly affectionate with his ex-girlfriend who was also on the show. You might remember her as Godzilla.

I can sum him up with only two words; no balls. Where was he when his little fluff bunny got into a screaming match the other night? Looking scared in the corner and diplomatically refusing to get involved that's where. What a champ! I wish he was *my* boyfriend. I'd love someone to treat me like sometimes girl (at night when no one's looking) and then pretty much act indifferent to me during the day. Look how far he's come in the show though? Oh wait, he's white, he's blonde, he's a male and he's so boring you forget he's there half the time. He's a Ken doll. That's all the boxes ticked right there.


Intruder. Brazillian. Woman who is a size 12 (-that's size 8 US and about 10 UK I think) - oh nos (I bring it up because she felt the need to defend it herself before even going into the house by laughing off how she liked her body..really). For my money I think she has the hottest bod out of everyone who has been on the show this year! Mostly she's an outspoken female and she was the only housemate who actively campaigned against the boys' club that was forming amongst housemates. You know what this means: he's a fucking GONER! Mark my words.

This is where I find BB most interesting. She is FAR from perfect but she's certainly no worse than anyone else on the show. In fact, although she's backstabbed a couple of people (namely Aleisha by nominating her after explicitly saying she wasn't going to nom any girls), she's still probably the one housemate on there who actually says what she thinks and is pretty consistent. She's also beautiful and she's smart. You'd think considering everyone is a bit of a backstabber and an idiot in there that she'd stand a chance. Nope. Lucky for her she won Friday Night Games the other night and was able to save herself from an earlier eviction.


He snagged the role as funny guy but god knows how. The man ain't funny! He's just a typical non-confrontational bloke who has been watching Big Brother long enough to know that the funny guy goes a long way on the show. And wait a minute - lookey here - week 10 and he's still on the show. Funny that. Well, not *that* funny actually.


Thiso is what mates thinko ofo wheno theyo thinko ofo Ostrayla(o) - Steve Irwin without the brains. FOR FUCKS SAKEO! He nominates with rocks! Australia thinks this is endearing apparently. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? Let me repeat that one: He nominates with rocks! He's a metrosexual truckie. He has taken Australian colloquialism to a whole new level (the level of retardedness). No you flaming Galahs, these traits not something he came up with on the spot - it's a PLAN to make him more appealing and memorable to the Australian public! I'm also sick of him adding o to the end of every word he says.

This would be of course, our winner for this year. He's white, he's male, he's non-controversial, he's a larakin. Just write him a farking check already! Hoo roo.


If I had to spend time alone in a room with him I'd make sure my mobile phone had reception and someone knew where I was. That is all.


Too gay to function? Maybe.. but I LOVES him <3. He is quite frankly the only male left in there who knows how to form complete sentences. This is truly a good thing. Sure, we can't procreate with him but it gives us hope anyway (he might turn!).

Zach, listen to me - don't fuck it up by bitching. The downfall of the gay man in BB is that he starts bitching about other housemates. I have no idea why this is a bad thing considering EVERY SINGLE PERSON that has ever entered the BB house is a big bitch but according to history it's worse if a gay person does it. If you had entered the house as a housemate and not as an intruder you'd be gone by now, so I doubt you'll last until the very end but at the moment you're really the only housemate who I don't want to shank and I would love you to win the whole deal.


Hoi, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucking hell, YOUSE R THE BIGGEST BOGAN HOUSHMATE EVA. FOR REAL! I'M SHCARED OF YAS. FUCK.


This would be the fluff bunny I mentioned earlier. So cute. So blonde. So young. So what! She's responsible for treating a lot of housemates badly, especially earlier in the season. She's also can't take what she dishes out. I remember her bullying Jamie until he started crying a few weeks ago - and now everyone feels sorry for her because Bogan Bitchface (one up) gave her a serve. Don't get me wrong if Michelle had a go at me I would seriously start shitting my pants and crying too but Fluff bunny has a short memory about it all. She's a total phoney who has been hiding behind her idiot boyfriend (See; no balls) for too long.

Something else interesting about her is that she has come out and said that she likes it when people underestimate her - this is despite the fact that she appears to have a brain cell or two in there. 'Scuse moi? I have never in my life ever heard of a man who would say something like that. This is probably why they are making headlines as leaders of the free and not so free world while girls are busy wondering if their hair looks okay. Yay, girl power! woo.

If Travo the wonder-ocker doesn't win then Fluffy will. Both are blonde, extremely white, display a sense of "oz" in a Reggie Bird kind of way and are generally non-offensive people who will look good on the cover of a magazine. Winnah!


Not a housemate, but boy do I wish I could vote her off. Over the years I have defended this woman all over town for her hosting of BB but she's lost whatever made her so good. I always liked the edgy, witty, confrontational and outspoken interviewing style she had - mostly because she was fair. If a housemate was a right bastard then she would hammer into them like a power drill until they hid for cover. I like that in a host. I think people should get their just deserts thank you very much. But this season she's been all backwards about it. She's nice to the ones she wants to shag (even if they are idiots) and mean to the nerdy ones (ie: normal humans). She's no longer edgy, witty and confrontational - she's just a total bitch.

And there is my banal entry about Big Brother.

Labels: , , , ,