[Miscellany]
Monday, September 02, 2013
Pontoon
Sometimes my conversations with MVOR are inconsequential, they float away into the atmosphere as soon as I leave the comfort of that cosy little room. Other times the conversation has stayed with me dancing on my shoulder and poking me with a pitchfork like a little devil so I never forget.
The Archetypes conversation we had last week has lingered around me and refusing to leave.
Like all our conversations, this started somewhere rather remote and eventually meandered in that same way it usually does, past the inadequacies of my upbringing and taking a right through my lack of self esteem and stumbling somewhere near the babbling brook of discontent until we reached the fairytale discussion.
If you think about it, we are all in our consciousness and at the very core a collection of archetypes. That is how our point of reference for ourselves and the way in which we size up and identify each other. Every story has its wicked witch, its naive traveler, a caregiver, a Prince. There are those that look one way and act another like our friend The Beast and there are those that without doubt are exactly who they appear to be, like Snow White. Love it or hate it archetypes are important to us. How else would you know what I meant by Perfect Mother unless you already had an idea in your mind of what that would entail? Even if your own Mother wasn't perfect at all, you would still have a projected ideal in your mind of what she should have been.
The fairytale discussion began with an unflattering description of someone in my life as the wicked witch from Hansel and Gretel. MVOR agreed that this sounded consistent with my observations about her in previous discussions and so if that was true when who was I?
As the leading lady in my own sorrowful story you'd think that this would be an easy question to answer but I couldn't reconcile myself as a Red Riding Hood, Snow White or Belle. There is no heroine for me to project forward. MVOR heard my silence, as she often does... and in her perceptive way eventually prompted; I thought that would be obvious. Aren't you Cinderella? She gave a multitude of good reasons why I should be.
I considered it for a long while but ultimately had to disagree.
I couldn't be Cinderella because Cinderella, like all leading heroines, is a character laden with hope and possibility. You go into reading her story knowing that she will prevail. Despite her lowly and doomed status as a servant to her Stepmother and horrid Stepsisters, success is still a certainty for her, like it is for all heroines. I can't say that anything is a positive certainty for me. The jury is still out on whether I will turn these lemons into lemonade or even if I will manage to maintain this exhausting balancing act of my life that can at best be described as a "status quo". No, though I may indeed be in the soot and cinders, sleeping with the outcasts and edging my way along the fringes like our old friend Cinderella I'm not quite as entitled as she to a happy ending. Who is to say I am? What's the guarantee? Not everyone ends up with love, family, money, security, health or self actualisation. In fact, not even having one of them is a certainty.
MVOR explained that our archetypes and internal schemas are part of the image we have of ourselves and that which we project outwards. Is it indeed a self fulfilling prophesy to see oneself in a certain light and to project that outwards, therefore inviting others to see us thus? And so what do you do if your internal archetype is not positive or constructive? Well this is a question for the ages. I'm told it can change with a lot of perseverance and adjustments to our internal narrative.
So if my archetypal fairytale character is not Cindy, then what do you suppose I said?
----
I bought an album the other day for the first time in a loooooong time. I don't tend to buy albums anymore. I buy songs. I suppose we all do that now. But this one... this one I bought. I seem to be listening to this song a lot. It takes me somewhere otherworldly. Exactly what I need.
Pontoon - Emma Louise
The Archetypes conversation we had last week has lingered around me and refusing to leave.
Like all our conversations, this started somewhere rather remote and eventually meandered in that same way it usually does, past the inadequacies of my upbringing and taking a right through my lack of self esteem and stumbling somewhere near the babbling brook of discontent until we reached the fairytale discussion.
If you think about it, we are all in our consciousness and at the very core a collection of archetypes. That is how our point of reference for ourselves and the way in which we size up and identify each other. Every story has its wicked witch, its naive traveler, a caregiver, a Prince. There are those that look one way and act another like our friend The Beast and there are those that without doubt are exactly who they appear to be, like Snow White. Love it or hate it archetypes are important to us. How else would you know what I meant by Perfect Mother unless you already had an idea in your mind of what that would entail? Even if your own Mother wasn't perfect at all, you would still have a projected ideal in your mind of what she should have been.
The fairytale discussion began with an unflattering description of someone in my life as the wicked witch from Hansel and Gretel. MVOR agreed that this sounded consistent with my observations about her in previous discussions and so if that was true when who was I?
As the leading lady in my own sorrowful story you'd think that this would be an easy question to answer but I couldn't reconcile myself as a Red Riding Hood, Snow White or Belle. There is no heroine for me to project forward. MVOR heard my silence, as she often does... and in her perceptive way eventually prompted; I thought that would be obvious. Aren't you Cinderella? She gave a multitude of good reasons why I should be.
I considered it for a long while but ultimately had to disagree.
I couldn't be Cinderella because Cinderella, like all leading heroines, is a character laden with hope and possibility. You go into reading her story knowing that she will prevail. Despite her lowly and doomed status as a servant to her Stepmother and horrid Stepsisters, success is still a certainty for her, like it is for all heroines. I can't say that anything is a positive certainty for me. The jury is still out on whether I will turn these lemons into lemonade or even if I will manage to maintain this exhausting balancing act of my life that can at best be described as a "status quo". No, though I may indeed be in the soot and cinders, sleeping with the outcasts and edging my way along the fringes like our old friend Cinderella I'm not quite as entitled as she to a happy ending. Who is to say I am? What's the guarantee? Not everyone ends up with love, family, money, security, health or self actualisation. In fact, not even having one of them is a certainty.
MVOR explained that our archetypes and internal schemas are part of the image we have of ourselves and that which we project outwards. Is it indeed a self fulfilling prophesy to see oneself in a certain light and to project that outwards, therefore inviting others to see us thus? And so what do you do if your internal archetype is not positive or constructive? Well this is a question for the ages. I'm told it can change with a lot of perseverance and adjustments to our internal narrative.
So if my archetypal fairytale character is not Cindy, then what do you suppose I said?
----
I bought an album the other day for the first time in a loooooong time. I don't tend to buy albums anymore. I buy songs. I suppose we all do that now. But this one... this one I bought. I seem to be listening to this song a lot. It takes me somewhere otherworldly. Exactly what I need.
Pontoon - Emma Louise
Labels: archtypes, fairytales, music, musical monday, musings, MVOR, questions, schemas, thinking, thoughts
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Let's Get Cynical.
I'm an idealist.
I wouldn't recommended it.
I wouldn't recommended it.
I work with a lot of children who are idealists. In fact I'd go so far to say that most (all?) children are idealists. They sense the unfairness in things and voice them as if they are entitled to fairness. Of course fair in a child's eye is always a little skewed but the ideal there is a good one. Fairs fair and everyone should be treated equally.
A while ago I was complaining to a friend about something in the school system being not fair (not "that's sooo unfair" but as in, "this is not a fair way to do things"). She turned to me and said 'yes, but tell me one thing in life that is fair? You shouldn't expect fairness because nothing is fair'. I've thought about that a lot since she said it and it INFURIATES me that it's ...absolutely true. Despite laws, morals, ideals and bad joo joo fairness doesn't really get a look in. Any law has a loophole, morals are subjective, ideals are well intentioned but don't involve money so noone cares and bad joo joo never tends to get the bad guys anyway.
The problem for me is that idealism in my view basically follows an ideal of everything being fair for everyone. Justice for one and all.
But is that reality?
Is anything truly balanced on the scale of life?
Sure, what goes up must come down but do good deeds beget good responses and does thinking positive bring positive results? What about that karma then? Do bad deeds bring bad results? Does an evil act bring adequate judgement?
The problem for me is that idealism in my view basically follows an ideal of everything being fair for everyone. Justice for one and all.
But is that reality?
Is anything truly balanced on the scale of life?
Sure, what goes up must come down but do good deeds beget good responses and does thinking positive bring positive results? What about that karma then? Do bad deeds bring bad results? Does an evil act bring adequate judgement?
I remember being at uni and being *extremely* idealistic about life and how people should be. I had it all worked out. All the rich share their wealth which would feed the poor. People should just love rather than hate which would end all hate crimes and war. No one need die of a curable disease because all diseases would be curable with money being no object to fund endless medical research. No need to worry about the environment with it being universally acknowledged that all electricity companies insist on renewable energy usage - free for all. No petrol wars with us all driving water fueled cars etc. It could be so easy.
It's not.
At some point reality does a big old conga line through the idealism love fest and you are left with only one defense - Cynicism. Cynicism is subversion of mainstream ideas through ridicule because you generally distrust the motivations of people or organisations. At the heart Cynics are so distrustful because they have seen a better way of life ripped apart unnecessarily usually due to a compromise in ideals.
I graduated to cynicism years ago and from my own experience I can confirm that beneath the ridicule beats the raw heart of a die-hard idealist. I've added to my list of things that would make our world better and it keeps getting longer every week. But I do wonder if I am the only one. No one talks about being an idealist anymore (or a cynic for that matter).
Is idealism a misguided blip that a select few encounter on the way to adulthood or are all humans at one point idealists?
Are all idealists destined to become cynics?
Who the hell is an idealist supposed to vote for?
Labels: cynical bitch, idealism, musings, questions, yes I am taking politics
Thursday, August 08, 2013
Awkward
My boss called me into her office the other day wanting to change the way we assess in the curriculum area that I am a leader of. Of course, I'm being nice... she didn't want to change the way we assess, she had already made that decision without consulting me. Rather, she wanted to tell me that in fact we weren't going to use the assessment tool that I had painstakingly put together (and had been using at the school until now..) and instead we were now to use an online annotated assessment sample instead.
I don't have a problem in changing things up at all, but if I'm leading a curriculum area I want to make that decision because my decision will be based on evidence and knowledge rather than oh... a whim. I'd also like to be consulted about it, even if it's just for show.
So now, I have to make the presentation tomorrow that is going to lead our staff into using this online tool for our assessment. Here lies the problem: I have been looking at this online assessment sample for a few days now and it doesn't marry nicely or neatly enough to actually inform our assessment in any real or easy way. For instance if child A is in Grade 1 but working at a Grade 3 level I want to be able to go to the assessment sample at grade 3 and compare that to what Child A is doing, if they measure up I can start to make an informed judgement about moving Child A's reporting mark up to that level too. The problem with the new assessment tool is that there is no common element between Levels. I can't go up and down levels because there is no common assessment task between levels for me to compare to.
After the presentation the staff will have a workshop where the take children and assess them using the online tool. It's not going to work. You can't do it.
So how do I present this knee slappingly hilarious idea without looking completely incompetent while at the same time maintaining authority and face and NOT being derogatory towards the boss for having such a dumb idea?
Labels: boss, questions, school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, teaching the teacher
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Public Versus Private
I've been thinking a lot about this blog and what the purpose of it is.
I wonder a lot if I should be locking it up and keeping it as a place to spew private and seedy bile only. I toy with deleting all the non-musical posts and keeping it specific and I ponder living a life alongside a blog that has an identity such as "cooking blog" or "teacher tips". Sometimes I have an overwhelming urge to just throw the address out to everyone I know and let them all feast upon me and then I wonder why I don't?
Clearly this is a public space - and yet it's so unbelievably private at the same time. There are posts that are more private than others, of course, but some people (you) get to read them all - private or not they are there for you to read. I've made the choice for them to be there. So what am I hiding from those in my everyday life exactly? What aspect of myself am I protecting by not being open?
This notion of private and public in the online world is very interesting to me - and not just because I'm questioning my role in it. There are things that people who happen across this blog know about me that no one else knows and there are things that you will never know because they are part of my public profile (avatar? and now it is complete, the avatar is not only online). I'm not sure which is more real, but often I think it's this person here - the one clicking at the keys right now... but perhaps not. Maybe it's the person that attends parent/teacher meetings and lends a listening ear to a friend in need? I especially wonder about my need to be noticed versus my need to feel private and protected and how that affects this public/private dichotomy of my identity. I wonder if everyone or anyone else in the blog world feels like this too or if it's just me.
If I threw open the doors of this blog then what would it become? Would it change? Would I? And is that a good thing?
Is your blog truly public?
How's that treating you?
I wonder a lot if I should be locking it up and keeping it as a place to spew private and seedy bile only. I toy with deleting all the non-musical posts and keeping it specific and I ponder living a life alongside a blog that has an identity such as "cooking blog" or "teacher tips". Sometimes I have an overwhelming urge to just throw the address out to everyone I know and let them all feast upon me and then I wonder why I don't?
Clearly this is a public space - and yet it's so unbelievably private at the same time. There are posts that are more private than others, of course, but some people (you) get to read them all - private or not they are there for you to read. I've made the choice for them to be there. So what am I hiding from those in my everyday life exactly? What aspect of myself am I protecting by not being open?
This notion of private and public in the online world is very interesting to me - and not just because I'm questioning my role in it. There are things that people who happen across this blog know about me that no one else knows and there are things that you will never know because they are part of my public profile (avatar? and now it is complete, the avatar is not only online). I'm not sure which is more real, but often I think it's this person here - the one clicking at the keys right now... but perhaps not. Maybe it's the person that attends parent/teacher meetings and lends a listening ear to a friend in need? I especially wonder about my need to be noticed versus my need to feel private and protected and how that affects this public/private dichotomy of my identity. I wonder if everyone or anyone else in the blog world feels like this too or if it's just me.
If I threw open the doors of this blog then what would it become? Would it change? Would I? And is that a good thing?
Is your blog truly public?
How's that treating you?
Labels: blogs, friends, internet as village community, musings, Now I'm writing a blog post about it. Bizarre., private, public, questions, secrets, thinking, thoughts, wonderings, writing
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Vague Possibilities
Last night a friend asked me "if you had all the money in the world and all the things you were worried about were taken care of, what would you want to do with your life?".
I couldn't answer.
I had no idea.
I could hardly believe that I couldn't answer the question.
I have thought about this question a lot over my life. We all have, haven't we? If you won lotto and didn't have to worry about paying off the credit cards/mortgage/having to work at your job then what would you do?
The only thing I knew for certain was that I didn't want to answer to alarm clocks and or spend my time performing for a boss but didn't know exactly what kind of job that would be. I knew I didn't want to work 5 days a week. I knew I wanted to do something creative - but I couldn't pin point what form that creativity would take. I knew I wanted to be happy but didn't know what would make me happy.
Talk about vague.
How much of a loser am I that I don't even know what I really want out of life?
I suppose people who know what they want have a better chance of getting it than people who have no fucking idea.
So much for my "I know" phase.
Are you specific about what you want out of life or like me do you wade the murky waters of vague possibilities?
I couldn't answer.
I had no idea.
I could hardly believe that I couldn't answer the question.
I have thought about this question a lot over my life. We all have, haven't we? If you won lotto and didn't have to worry about paying off the credit cards/mortgage/having to work at your job then what would you do?
The only thing I knew for certain was that I didn't want to answer to alarm clocks and or spend my time performing for a boss but didn't know exactly what kind of job that would be. I knew I didn't want to work 5 days a week. I knew I wanted to do something creative - but I couldn't pin point what form that creativity would take. I knew I wanted to be happy but didn't know what would make me happy.
Talk about vague.
How much of a loser am I that I don't even know what I really want out of life?
I suppose people who know what they want have a better chance of getting it than people who have no fucking idea.
So much for my "I know" phase.
Are you specific about what you want out of life or like me do you wade the murky waters of vague possibilities?
Labels: knowing, oh I don't know, questions, thinking, vague, vox pop, wonderings
Monday, July 08, 2013
Showering Question
Not quite sure if I have enough readers to attempt a Vox Pop but humour me if you happen to stumble upon this question while searching for err... "four clip fucking" for instance (whatever that is)...you know who you are).
But inquiring minds want to know the following...
When it comes to showering do you feel it is best to:
1. shower in the morning.
2. shower before bed at night.
3. shower before bed at night AND in the morning when you wake up.
My preferred option is #3 but guilt over using our precious water supplies stops me from actually doing this most of the time but I sleep better after having a nice shower and I cannot function in the morning without it.
Am I being unreasonable and excessive?
Labels: answers, community, conversations, oh I don't know., opinions, questions, showering, vox pop
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Liabilities
After 7 months of living here I’ve discovered a few liabilities.
•You cannot leave late for work. If you leave late, you are stuck in the kind of traffic that allows a girl to do a whole face of makeup without having to move forward an inch. Not that I do my make up in the car or anything.. Well, not on days that I’m not running late, anyway.
•Cops – there are lots of them around. I’ve go nothing (personal) against cops or anything but they kind of scare me. I mean they’re only around if baddies are around, right? You don’t see cops in the leafy green Eastern suburbs that’s all I’m saying. Also lots of cops driving around makes it really hard to do my make up in the car of a morning. Not that I do that.. I’m thinking of the other girls. How unfair for them.
•Homeless guy that talks to walls. Technically he’s not really in my neighbourhood but I see him occasionally as I’m putting on blush while driving to work. He makes me sad. Who knew what he was like in a previous life? Maybe he was a teacher? There’s very little that separates the two of us except maybe bad choices, and even then not all choices are created equally. Who’s to say that one bad choice won’t send me hurtling down the same path as homeless wall guy? Hell, I talk to walls too, it’s just that I happen to own them, so I can talk to them privately. He has to borrow his.
•Helicopters circling low on certain Saturdays in Spring destroying any chance of a sleep in.
•Sharing my space with young ladies who start the day off in heels and a hat and a clutch full of betting cash and end up broke, in thongs and spewing champagne on the side of the road. Classy.
Question for my err ...friend: Living alone, you open a bottle of wine on Monday night to have a glass with dinner. What’s the shortest amount of time that the bottle can/should last without proclaiming the …err friend, a lush?
•You cannot leave late for work. If you leave late, you are stuck in the kind of traffic that allows a girl to do a whole face of makeup without having to move forward an inch. Not that I do my make up in the car or anything.. Well, not on days that I’m not running late, anyway.
•Cops – there are lots of them around. I’ve go nothing (personal) against cops or anything but they kind of scare me. I mean they’re only around if baddies are around, right? You don’t see cops in the leafy green Eastern suburbs that’s all I’m saying. Also lots of cops driving around makes it really hard to do my make up in the car of a morning. Not that I do that.. I’m thinking of the other girls. How unfair for them.
•Homeless guy that talks to walls. Technically he’s not really in my neighbourhood but I see him occasionally as I’m putting on blush while driving to work. He makes me sad. Who knew what he was like in a previous life? Maybe he was a teacher? There’s very little that separates the two of us except maybe bad choices, and even then not all choices are created equally. Who’s to say that one bad choice won’t send me hurtling down the same path as homeless wall guy? Hell, I talk to walls too, it’s just that I happen to own them, so I can talk to them privately. He has to borrow his.
•Helicopters circling low on certain Saturdays in Spring destroying any chance of a sleep in.
•Sharing my space with young ladies who start the day off in heels and a hat and a clutch full of betting cash and end up broke, in thongs and spewing champagne on the side of the road. Classy.
Question for my err ...friend: Living alone, you open a bottle of wine on Monday night to have a glass with dinner. What’s the shortest amount of time that the bottle can/should last without proclaiming the …err friend, a lush?
Labels: questions, rant, the list, wonderings
Sunday, August 30, 2009
chasing idealism
So... I'm thinking of not teaching any more.
I went into this job with high ideals that I haven't lost. Some of those ideals I understand are unreasonable. For instance, I understand that education is not exempt from the world of economics, even though I truly believe that money turns all good intentions bad. But that's not what I'm talking about. There are other ideals which are being compromised and I don't know that I can, philosophically speaking, continue down this path.
I honestly think
- We are making a big mistake from following ANY educational incentives that have originated in the US. ESPECIALLY those that have shown to be a waste of time and energy such as 'teach for America' - which coincidentally we are invoking here soon. Australia already has higher levels of literacy and numeracy than the US. They should be looking to us for the answers (not the other way round), WE should be looking to Finland who has shown to have one of the best educational systems in the world. Why aren't we? Well I think the general consensus is that teachers are treated like professionals and there is an emphasis on family responsibility in education too. Their tax system supports things like health care, child care and education - which feeds into their system of teaching and education in general. If we look to them then that assumes we are willing to change the way we live and function - that we feel that education is important. It's just easier to look at cost cutting measures that come out of the US and don't do a damn of good instead but look flashy to voters and parents who actually have no idea what really goes on inside a classroom.
- I really think that every single "new program" that I've seen introduced over the last 8 years has actually been detrimental to student learning.
- Private education does not need any more money pumped into it. End. Of. Story.
- I do more assessment on my 5 years olds now than I had done on me when I was IN YEAR 12. This is NOT an exaggeration. It's not needed. I don't understand on what planet that MORE assessment actually improves learning, especially when it comes at the expense of actually being able to teach the curriculum.
- new incentives come in. Teachers are asked to make time for them by "working smarter" which I think we can all agree is just a euphemism for 'we have no answers as to how you're going to do this, and we don't want to know how you're going to do it. Just get it done'.
- Parents are INSANE and I've seen less and less opposition to the crazy demands as the years go on. I can only imagine what will happen in 5 years.
- League tables to rank schools is the worst idea I've ever heard. Data proves nothing - and yet with this new development that's all we're going to be producing, schools will be run and exist only on data.
- Performance pay for teachers is BULLSHIT. We're not talking thousands and thousands of dollars for the extra work you do. We're talking - taking on major leading positions for an extra ONE thousand dollars. It's a load of shit. Pay teachers are real salary instead! God knows you ask enough of us - you want my liver?
And so I'm left in the unenviable position of knowing I'm a good teacher but knowing that being a good teacher has little to do with teaching. Either I leave or I try to change things. I don't know what to do.
Have you ever had your ideals completely challenged? What did you do?
I went into this job with high ideals that I haven't lost. Some of those ideals I understand are unreasonable. For instance, I understand that education is not exempt from the world of economics, even though I truly believe that money turns all good intentions bad. But that's not what I'm talking about. There are other ideals which are being compromised and I don't know that I can, philosophically speaking, continue down this path.
I honestly think
- We are making a big mistake from following ANY educational incentives that have originated in the US. ESPECIALLY those that have shown to be a waste of time and energy such as 'teach for America' - which coincidentally we are invoking here soon. Australia already has higher levels of literacy and numeracy than the US. They should be looking to us for the answers (not the other way round), WE should be looking to Finland who has shown to have one of the best educational systems in the world. Why aren't we? Well I think the general consensus is that teachers are treated like professionals and there is an emphasis on family responsibility in education too. Their tax system supports things like health care, child care and education - which feeds into their system of teaching and education in general. If we look to them then that assumes we are willing to change the way we live and function - that we feel that education is important. It's just easier to look at cost cutting measures that come out of the US and don't do a damn of good instead but look flashy to voters and parents who actually have no idea what really goes on inside a classroom.
- I really think that every single "new program" that I've seen introduced over the last 8 years has actually been detrimental to student learning.
- Private education does not need any more money pumped into it. End. Of. Story.
- I do more assessment on my 5 years olds now than I had done on me when I was IN YEAR 12. This is NOT an exaggeration. It's not needed. I don't understand on what planet that MORE assessment actually improves learning, especially when it comes at the expense of actually being able to teach the curriculum.
- new incentives come in. Teachers are asked to make time for them by "working smarter" which I think we can all agree is just a euphemism for 'we have no answers as to how you're going to do this, and we don't want to know how you're going to do it. Just get it done'.
- Parents are INSANE and I've seen less and less opposition to the crazy demands as the years go on. I can only imagine what will happen in 5 years.
- League tables to rank schools is the worst idea I've ever heard. Data proves nothing - and yet with this new development that's all we're going to be producing, schools will be run and exist only on data.
- Performance pay for teachers is BULLSHIT. We're not talking thousands and thousands of dollars for the extra work you do. We're talking - taking on major leading positions for an extra ONE thousand dollars. It's a load of shit. Pay teachers are real salary instead! God knows you ask enough of us - you want my liver?
And so I'm left in the unenviable position of knowing I'm a good teacher but knowing that being a good teacher has little to do with teaching. Either I leave or I try to change things. I don't know what to do.
Have you ever had your ideals completely challenged? What did you do?
Labels: questions, school, stressed teachers, teaching, wonderings
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The Great Husband Lend out?
Since I've purchased my own little slice of land (or rather, no land - all house) I've been subject to the rather strange phenomena on behalf of my female friends of the 'husband lend out'. In all things domesticated I have been offered a slightly worn 30-something to 'fix it' for me. I certainly haven't asked for it, complained about the lack of it in my own life or even secretly wished for it (okay maybe I have... they're just so damn handy around the house!) - even so, they have been offered seemingly out of nowhere.
The thing is, and this is what keeps me from taking up the offer... I'm doubting said handymen know anything about this deal at all. They're being lent out without prior consent. I got to thinking... Is this a normal occurrence? Do husbands/live in boyfriends and other strapping blokes wake up to lady friends randomly saying err..[insert male name here] I promised my best friend you'd go round and fix her leaking tap today. Hop to it! Is this something that happens often?
Girls, do you do this to your men? Does it happen via prior agreement? And do you accept the offer when it's laid on the table like that?
Guys, does it happen to you? What do you get hired out for? And do you resent it?
The thing is, and this is what keeps me from taking up the offer... I'm doubting said handymen know anything about this deal at all. They're being lent out without prior consent. I got to thinking... Is this a normal occurrence? Do husbands/live in boyfriends and other strapping blokes wake up to lady friends randomly saying err..[insert male name here] I promised my best friend you'd go round and fix her leaking tap today. Hop to it! Is this something that happens often?
Girls, do you do this to your men? Does it happen via prior agreement? And do you accept the offer when it's laid on the table like that?
Guys, does it happen to you? What do you get hired out for? And do you resent it?
Labels: friends, ladies, lend out, men, musings, questions, what women want, wonderings
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
vox pop
Go on, humour me and answer my pathetic little questions. I dare ya.
Copy and paste q into comment box then answer. I'm dying to know!
Do you listen to talk back radio? How often? Who's your favourite announcer?
I don't actually. I tend to listen to radio shows that have topics though. Though I hate the music on Nova, I listen to them of a morning because they talk a lot. Hell the other day they had Germaine Greer on. Bless!
Favourite Wham song? (yes, everyone has one!)
Last Christmas. Without a doubt.
Would you accept $500,000 to be in an internet porn video?
No.
Have you ever made an internet (or otherwise) porn video? If so have other people apart from you and the other 'players' ever seen it?
No! There is no way that will ever happen! The other day I was sent a picture of a girl's boobs that was the ex-girlfriend of a guy who was with my friend for two weeks and of who I've never met! How does shit like this happen? How? Because people arseholes. No porn tapes/pics of me - ever.
Do you like having your photo taken? Is it taken often?
I'm not that fussed but prefer being behind the camera
Are you a "high achiever"? Do you like high achievers?
High achievers piss me off. I'm like - calm down it's just prestige. Who cares about that shit? Having said that if I'm given a job I'll do it to my best ability, though not with a view for climbing the ladder.
Are you allergic to anything? What?
I get hay fever something terrible. I was up all nigh last night with it. I'm exhausted today. It's terrible. Does anyone know of medication that ACTUALLY WORKS. Zyrtec and Caratine are shit.
Do you believe in ghosts? Why/why not?
Yes, I do. They are real - for sure. I do tend to think that people who don't think they are real are crazy. It makes total sense to me that they exist.
Is there a God? Do you pray to Him/Her/It?
I don't think there is one ruler but I do think there is a higher being that exists spiritually, that oversee us - individually if nothing else. I don't pray. I do talk sometimes. Then again I talk to myself something too. As a child I used to have 'real conversations' with what I thought was god (as in could hear answering back).
Are you happy with your current career? If not, what would you change to?
I love teaching but I wouldn't say I'm happy with it. The things that make me unhappy are the amount of work I do is not reflected in what I get paid. Also there is never enough time in the day to do everything I have to do because one part of my day; teaching is different to all the other shit; admin/planning etc. On a scale of 1-10 stress levels I'm at least a 15. I will burn out eventually. I don't know ANY teachers my age who want to stay in it - most of that is due to the unfair pressure on us as teachers/money/stress. I don't think people realise that in a few years there will be a crisis in schools because the experienced teachers will have retired and the next tier will have burnt out. I'm also unhappy with the public perception of teachers/teaching. I do tend to think that people who complain about schools/teachers should either donate a shitload of money to their local PUBLIC school AND/OR home school if they think it's so easy.
What is the best part of you? Why?
I'll listen. I'm a good friend
In the comic book of your life, what would you draw in the final square?
me + ipod + eyes closed + smile.
Do you go to museums and galleries in your own home town? How often?
I do when there's an exhibit that interests me.
Do you ever spend time alone? If so, what does 'alone time' mean for you? If not, why not?
I spend a lot of time alone. I like being alone. I go crazy if I don't have time to myself. I do lots of things alone- not that I don't appreciate doing things with others too
What are your favourite magazines?
Frankie, Nylon, Poster - though not all at once. Too expensive. Sometimes I buy the occasional trashy mag or read it at the supermaket. I love trashy gossip. Sorry but I do!
What are some websites that you think I/everyone should be reading?
www.mydamnchannel.com
theage.com.au
Do you have a weird fetish? If so, what is it? (this doesn't have to be sexual).
I love opening things. I like packaging. I like the anticipation of the reveal and the act of tearing something open.
Do you own an ipod? How is your music arranged on it? Are your tastes spread across many genres or are you specific in your tastes? What genres of music are your favourite?
I love my ipod. It's more than just music. It's like this repository of memories and emotions. There is nothing like a song to turn my mood around I don't know where I'd be without it (or walkman for that matter). I've been a devotee since I was 10. I have eclectic tastes from classical and showtunes to metal and indie.
When you go shopping..just for you.. what do you like to buy?
Books, stationary, music, dvds...hm I buy a lot of stuff. hehe.
What do you think of men/women who sleep around? Would you marry a slut?
It's the same feeling for both. I wouldn't marry a male slut. I don't think of them as studs. I think of them as a bit immature and I tend to like men who are secure in themselves and more manly and want a mature relationship. I don't like players I think its a personality flaw. I think it's absolutely fine to sleep around if you don't want anything more than a one night stand. If that's the case - go for your life! It wouldn't phase me to hear of ANY number that someone had slept with big or small, that's wouldn't stop me from being their friend or hanging out. But when it comes to dealing with ME on an intimate level, I only want people around me who are sincere. Otherwise - get lost!
Someone cheats on you - do you take them back?
Nope.
Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't know..maybe I'm gay" even for just one second?
Yes I have. I'm not gay but I have thought 'hey maybe I shouldn't be so steadfast in this area. Maybe I'm kidding myself by thinking I'm straight. I could be closing off a great opportunity. Having said that - it was probably more of an insecure time.
How often do you sit down to watch a movie?
As often as I can. I have been known to go to the movies about 3 times a weekend if it's a big opening one. I tend to try to make it to the cinema every weekend though. I'm having a dry spell at the moment.
In what way are you artistic?
Many ways. I mostly think visually. I'm creative everyday in the classroom - just with problem solving strategies and how to make things interesting for kids. I draw when I have the chance or draw comics if inspired. I write - but not very often anymore. The way I think is not really 'inside the square'
If John Hughes (The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, 16 Candles, Ferris Bueller) made a high school movie with you in it - which stereotypical high schooler would you be? (ie: jock, nerd, rebel, etc) Are you still like that now?
A cross between the weirdo and the bookish girl. Am much more conservative now and more bookish
Actually now that I've had a while to think about it I think I'm the weird person in the background that doesn't get much air time but that you think 'what a freak' when you see her. Like that girl in 16 Candles who wears a neck brace and pops up at the dance (and on the bus)- tries to get a drink from the water fountain but can't get head close enough to water because of brace. Funny scene of her with tongue poking out trying to get a sip of water. She then goes to the next fountain and it squirts in her face. She stands up and says 'oooohhh kaaaaaaaaaaay' to nobody in particular and uses a bit of her sweater to dry her face. Played by Joan Cusack - am still this person.
Have you ever played truth or dare? Do you take the truth or the dare?
I hate the game. I'm the party pooper who refuses!!! Would rather play spin the bottle or something like that. If I had to I'd have to pick dare though. Ever played ONLINE truth or dare? Pictorial evidence of dare hehee.
Look away from the computer - what's the first thing you see?
Stack of books all to do with how to teach literacy in the classroom.
The song: Gold by Spandau Ballet. Love it or hate it?
Sorry but looooooooooooove. lol, reminds me of my childhood.
Are you confident?
Only in some things. I teach, mostly confidently. In personal life - not so confident.
Do you feel loved?
Nope..
Copy and paste q into comment box then answer. I'm dying to know!
Do you listen to talk back radio? How often? Who's your favourite announcer?
I don't actually. I tend to listen to radio shows that have topics though. Though I hate the music on Nova, I listen to them of a morning because they talk a lot. Hell the other day they had Germaine Greer on. Bless!
Favourite Wham song? (yes, everyone has one!)
Last Christmas. Without a doubt.
Would you accept $500,000 to be in an internet porn video?
No.
Have you ever made an internet (or otherwise) porn video? If so have other people apart from you and the other 'players' ever seen it?
No! There is no way that will ever happen! The other day I was sent a picture of a girl's boobs that was the ex-girlfriend of a guy who was with my friend for two weeks and of who I've never met! How does shit like this happen? How? Because people arseholes. No porn tapes/pics of me - ever.
Do you like having your photo taken? Is it taken often?
I'm not that fussed but prefer being behind the camera
Are you a "high achiever"? Do you like high achievers?
High achievers piss me off. I'm like - calm down it's just prestige. Who cares about that shit? Having said that if I'm given a job I'll do it to my best ability, though not with a view for climbing the ladder.
Are you allergic to anything? What?
I get hay fever something terrible. I was up all nigh last night with it. I'm exhausted today. It's terrible. Does anyone know of medication that ACTUALLY WORKS. Zyrtec and Caratine are shit.
Do you believe in ghosts? Why/why not?
Yes, I do. They are real - for sure. I do tend to think that people who don't think they are real are crazy. It makes total sense to me that they exist.
Is there a God? Do you pray to Him/Her/It?
I don't think there is one ruler but I do think there is a higher being that exists spiritually, that oversee us - individually if nothing else. I don't pray. I do talk sometimes. Then again I talk to myself something too. As a child I used to have 'real conversations' with what I thought was god (as in could hear answering back).
Are you happy with your current career? If not, what would you change to?
I love teaching but I wouldn't say I'm happy with it. The things that make me unhappy are the amount of work I do is not reflected in what I get paid. Also there is never enough time in the day to do everything I have to do because one part of my day; teaching is different to all the other shit; admin/planning etc. On a scale of 1-10 stress levels I'm at least a 15. I will burn out eventually. I don't know ANY teachers my age who want to stay in it - most of that is due to the unfair pressure on us as teachers/money/stress. I don't think people realise that in a few years there will be a crisis in schools because the experienced teachers will have retired and the next tier will have burnt out. I'm also unhappy with the public perception of teachers/teaching. I do tend to think that people who complain about schools/teachers should either donate a shitload of money to their local PUBLIC school AND/OR home school if they think it's so easy.
What is the best part of you? Why?
I'll listen. I'm a good friend
In the comic book of your life, what would you draw in the final square?
me + ipod + eyes closed + smile.
Do you go to museums and galleries in your own home town? How often?
I do when there's an exhibit that interests me.
Do you ever spend time alone? If so, what does 'alone time' mean for you? If not, why not?
I spend a lot of time alone. I like being alone. I go crazy if I don't have time to myself. I do lots of things alone- not that I don't appreciate doing things with others too
What are your favourite magazines?
Frankie, Nylon, Poster - though not all at once. Too expensive. Sometimes I buy the occasional trashy mag or read it at the supermaket. I love trashy gossip. Sorry but I do!
What are some websites that you think I/everyone should be reading?
www.mydamnchannel.com
theage.com.au
Do you have a weird fetish? If so, what is it? (this doesn't have to be sexual).
I love opening things. I like packaging. I like the anticipation of the reveal and the act of tearing something open.
Do you own an ipod? How is your music arranged on it? Are your tastes spread across many genres or are you specific in your tastes? What genres of music are your favourite?
I love my ipod. It's more than just music. It's like this repository of memories and emotions. There is nothing like a song to turn my mood around I don't know where I'd be without it (or walkman for that matter). I've been a devotee since I was 10. I have eclectic tastes from classical and showtunes to metal and indie.
When you go shopping..just for you.. what do you like to buy?
Books, stationary, music, dvds...hm I buy a lot of stuff. hehe.
What do you think of men/women who sleep around? Would you marry a slut?
It's the same feeling for both. I wouldn't marry a male slut. I don't think of them as studs. I think of them as a bit immature and I tend to like men who are secure in themselves and more manly and want a mature relationship. I don't like players I think its a personality flaw. I think it's absolutely fine to sleep around if you don't want anything more than a one night stand. If that's the case - go for your life! It wouldn't phase me to hear of ANY number that someone had slept with big or small, that's wouldn't stop me from being their friend or hanging out. But when it comes to dealing with ME on an intimate level, I only want people around me who are sincere. Otherwise - get lost!
Someone cheats on you - do you take them back?
Nope.
Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't know..maybe I'm gay" even for just one second?
Yes I have. I'm not gay but I have thought 'hey maybe I shouldn't be so steadfast in this area. Maybe I'm kidding myself by thinking I'm straight. I could be closing off a great opportunity. Having said that - it was probably more of an insecure time.
How often do you sit down to watch a movie?
As often as I can. I have been known to go to the movies about 3 times a weekend if it's a big opening one. I tend to try to make it to the cinema every weekend though. I'm having a dry spell at the moment.
In what way are you artistic?
Many ways. I mostly think visually. I'm creative everyday in the classroom - just with problem solving strategies and how to make things interesting for kids. I draw when I have the chance or draw comics if inspired. I write - but not very often anymore. The way I think is not really 'inside the square'
If John Hughes (The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, 16 Candles, Ferris Bueller) made a high school movie with you in it - which stereotypical high schooler would you be? (ie: jock, nerd, rebel, etc) Are you still like that now?
A cross between the weirdo and the bookish girl. Am much more conservative now and more bookish
Actually now that I've had a while to think about it I think I'm the weird person in the background that doesn't get much air time but that you think 'what a freak' when you see her. Like that girl in 16 Candles who wears a neck brace and pops up at the dance (and on the bus)- tries to get a drink from the water fountain but can't get head close enough to water because of brace. Funny scene of her with tongue poking out trying to get a sip of water. She then goes to the next fountain and it squirts in her face. She stands up and says 'oooohhh kaaaaaaaaaaay' to nobody in particular and uses a bit of her sweater to dry her face. Played by Joan Cusack - am still this person.
Have you ever played truth or dare? Do you take the truth or the dare?
I hate the game. I'm the party pooper who refuses!!! Would rather play spin the bottle or something like that. If I had to I'd have to pick dare though. Ever played ONLINE truth or dare? Pictorial evidence of dare hehee.
Look away from the computer - what's the first thing you see?
Stack of books all to do with how to teach literacy in the classroom.
The song: Gold by Spandau Ballet. Love it or hate it?
Sorry but looooooooooooove. lol, reminds me of my childhood.
Are you confident?
Only in some things. I teach, mostly confidently. In personal life - not so confident.
Do you feel loved?
Nope..
Labels: meme, questions, wonderings
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Triplets
* Why do people hate people with red hair so much? I'm afraid that reddy boys get the worst end of the stick for some reason. Every single preggo chick I've known has at some point expressed a wish for it 'not to be a ranga'. I've even heard 'shall drown it if it is' (which made me laugh, sorry). I don't really see what all the fuss is about as I am a card carrying member of the Eric Stolz fan club (and have gone down that road myself via a dye bottle or two) however I have been assured that giving birth to a red one is something worth worrying about. Hell, my friend E discovered that her beloved has a bit of red in the beard and is now worried that all her anti-red tirades will come back to haunt her through her future children who she claims will be doomed to red hair and freckles - all coming from a gene that is about as far away from her own family as you can imagine. L (the husband) gets it every now and again in the form of anti-red/you have a defective gene emotional outbursts.What is it about carrot top boys that entice ridicule, anger, distaste, fear and loathing? Why is it okay to have a ginger minge if you're a girl but not if you're a boy?
* Was bored and so I got into the car and drove the Eastlink the other day (what an exciting life I lead, I hear you think!). Now the Eastlink is this newly opened stretch of freeway that "links up" Melbourne's outer Eastern suburbs with roads leading directly into the city. It's a tollway and since it just opened we get a free trial. The road itself is okay. It's a visually textured stretch of road - which means that there's a lot of different "stuff" to look at a long the way. There's about a million pieces of sculpture and lots of brightly coloured barricades to stare at (of course this is just highly annoying if you're the one doing the driving). Having said all that I'm left with the feeling that while the road is fine to drive on I wonder whether all those stops along the new freeway are really places best left unlinked instead. Have we opened portals to other dimensions we really shouldn't have? I got to the end and realised I didn't really want to be there. Maybe it (only?) works better when you're heading into the city?Has anyone driven it? What did you think of the artwork? Did "hotel" do it for you?
*I'm getting right into Big Brother UK at the moment (In all fairness I've given up on ours and only watch Big Mouth now). I don't know exactly what it is about their BB that I like so much but I think it has something to do with the fact that they actually DO have a variety of ages in there (rather than one old tart and everyone else barely out of the womb like we do) and their Big Brother is less about "twists" and more about laying the foundations for more real interactions than we have. Interestingly I'm finding that while we as a whole (audience and housemates) are more polite (not including Brigitte) than the Brits (they actually boo their housemates!) us Aussies fail big time in two important areas: our attitude towards race and women (and yes, if you're suddenly thinking but the Brits aren't so great at those things either then you're actually getting my point!).I've written and re-written this paragraph about a million times and yet it never seems to come out right so I'll just say this. The "bloke-speak" in the Australian version of BB is out of control BAD - both in verbalisation but also the general attitude too. A couple of years ago I wrote this and I have to say my thoughts on the matter haven't changed one bit even though no actual "turkey slapping" has been going on in the Oz house this year.
Labels: art, babies, big brother, blokes, crap reality tele, dirty femmo, gender stuff, questions, ranga, TV, wonderings
Saturday, July 05, 2008
bum
I don't quite know how to put this so I'm just going to come right out and pose a "hypothetical" and follow on with a questionaire...
So you've been going out with your girlfriend/boyfriend for a while now. You consider yourselves in an adult relationship - ie: involving sex and commitment. Is anal sex a reasonable expectation?
1) yes, because EVERYONE is doing it.
2) yes, if you don't do it you're a prude.
3) yes, but only because we're "in love"
4) yes, it's a reasonable expectation because we're married.
5) yes, but only if my boyfriend receives it in the form of a dildo first and everytime we do it. Hell, HE'S the one with the prostate.
6) yes, because I get off on pain.
7) yes, becuase I get off on seeing others in pain.
8) yes, I'm guilted into doing it.
9) yes, I do it for them - I don't really like it otherwise.
10) no, fuck you.
11) no, it's never a reasonable expectation - I'm a person not a pornstar.
12) no, I did it once and I'm never going there again.
13) no, if s/he loved me then s/he wouldn't even go there and it would not be something that I'd hold over my lover as an expectation.
14) I'm certainly not going to go there because I know s/he doesn't want to but I secretly want to and eventually I'm going to end up with someone who does do it.
15) If s/he doesn't do it then s/he's dumped.
15) other...
But seriously, is it a reasonable expectation or an unfair porno-influenced one? I'm sort of trying to steer this away from "well if it's someone's fetish then that's a reasonable expectation" because of course that's a yes but fetishes aside... whaddaya reckon? Bum love or Bum deal?*
* I know it's a shitty questionaire (geddit?! ahaaaa) but humour me. You can answer anon or theoretically (since, yes it's all theoretical around here... tumbleweeds etc)
So you've been going out with your girlfriend/boyfriend for a while now. You consider yourselves in an adult relationship - ie: involving sex and commitment. Is anal sex a reasonable expectation?
1) yes, because EVERYONE is doing it.
2) yes, if you don't do it you're a prude.
3) yes, but only because we're "in love"
4) yes, it's a reasonable expectation because we're married.
5) yes, but only if my boyfriend receives it in the form of a dildo first and everytime we do it. Hell, HE'S the one with the prostate.
6) yes, because I get off on pain.
7) yes, becuase I get off on seeing others in pain.
8) yes, I'm guilted into doing it.
9) yes, I do it for them - I don't really like it otherwise.
10) no, fuck you.
11) no, it's never a reasonable expectation - I'm a person not a pornstar.
12) no, I did it once and I'm never going there again.
13) no, if s/he loved me then s/he wouldn't even go there and it would not be something that I'd hold over my lover as an expectation.
14) I'm certainly not going to go there because I know s/he doesn't want to but I secretly want to and eventually I'm going to end up with someone who does do it.
15) If s/he doesn't do it then s/he's dumped.
15) other...
But seriously, is it a reasonable expectation or an unfair porno-influenced one? I'm sort of trying to steer this away from "well if it's someone's fetish then that's a reasonable expectation" because of course that's a yes but fetishes aside... whaddaya reckon? Bum love or Bum deal?*
* I know it's a shitty questionaire (geddit?! ahaaaa) but humour me. You can answer anon or theoretically (since, yes it's all theoretical around here... tumbleweeds etc)
Labels: love or lust, porno, questions, sex, wonderings
Monday, June 16, 2008
How to look...
I've watched the show on and off for the last few weeks and it's not bad. Basically How to Look Good Naked takes a new woman every episode who hates her own body (with a gut wrenching passion) and shows her how to love it, just as it is - perhaps with a little bit of frosting by way of a better bra/hair do but essentially without an extreme makeover. Pretty good idea, huh?*
There are so many women who hate their bodies. I have never met one woman in my life who is completely at ease with her body. I don't even know OF any women who are completely at ease with their body actually. I do however know size 6 (I think that's size 0 in the US) women who complain they are fat, who live at the gym, who think their legs are fat. It's wrong. Perhaps one might be more accepting of their own body after years of dieting or after the extreme makeover like you see on the those TV shows but as a whole we women are very good at hating our bodies. I think the stats the show talks about is that 4 out of every 5 American women hate their body and people who we see in magazines are skinnier than 98% of us. It's really no wonder we have a problem with normality when what we compare ourselves to is completely unrealistic?
Know anyone with an eating disorder?
Ever had one yourself?
I'm guessing there would be a lot of yes answers to that - it's sad.
I think the biggest problem with all this is that hating your body means that:
1) you don't get out there and live your life.
2) you are more vulnerable to feeling less worthy than a magazine cover that has been airbrushed.
3) you feel like shit.
If 4 out of 5 women feels like that then wow, how easy would it be to keep us girls down? Pretty fucking easy. It's always easier to make people with low self worth feel even worse about themselves.
Easily my favourite part of the show is when the girl in question is asked to slot herself into a line of near naked ladies - in accordance to the size she thinks she is. Every woman's self image so far has been of herself being larger than she is. They slot themselves into the larger side. That says a lot about self perception.
Even if the girls were being modest during this and don't see themselves as large (even though they put themselves down the larger end of the line) it says a lot about how we women represent and view ourselves. If 4 out of every 5 women feel like crap because they're not good enough for some reason or another then 4 out of every 5 women are not big noting themselves, even when they do deserve it. I'm reminded of this:
Research in Linda Babcock’s 2004 book Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide, found that 93 per cent of female graduates from a US university simply accepted the starting salaries they were offered in their first job, while more than half of the male graduates tried to negotiate up.
Is it any wonder this happens? 4 out of 5 women can't even look at themselves in the mirror, do you really think these same women are going to ask for a pay rise? Um, no. I'm not saying this is all due to hating our bodies but I do think that yes, it's all tied in with a greater feeling of unworthiness for us. Who knows where it really comes from originally (do we go back to Eve?), and who knows why we willingly adhere to it so readily by buying into the beauty myth time and again but yes, it exists, yes it's very real, yes it affects our everyday lives.
Probably though the biggest question I have coming out of the show How to Look Good Naked though is why it takes a gay man to tell us women to love ourselves? You'd think a woman would be willing to tell us because we should love ourselves, or perhaps the straight men who are supposed to love us for who we are could let us know. No? Not going to happen any time soon huh? Interesting.
In the meanwhile - while we all scramble to get our acts together. Thank you, Carson (and Gok Wan - also openly gay and hosted the original series) <3
* Honestly I've heard some people argue that this kind of show is horrible simply because we shouldn't let people believe that they are beautiful when they so obviously are not (ie: they are too fat and since fat is not beautiful by society's standrads then they shouldn't be allowed to love themselves because if they loved themselves then they wouldn't lose weight). This kind of argument disgusts me to no end.
On to music - Their first album Lesser Matters has been on constant rotation in my car over the last few weeks. I can't tell you how much I am loving this band lately. This song is particular makes me want to run through a valley of golden wild flowers for some reason. I have strange fantasies.
Where Damage Isn't Already Done - The Radio Dept.
Labels: bodies, crap reality tele, dirty femmo, messy women, questions, real women, the price of beauty, TV, women, wonderings
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Twin Peaks
Ahh BB. I am writing reports which actually means that I'm procrastinating by watching tonnes of BB and poking around on the forums. This last week has seen Travis being bullied by the boys to the point of hospitalisation and Bianca being pressured by the girls to get a breast reduction. The whole thing reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine just can't believe how barbaric it is for guys to give "atomic wedgies" to other guys they don't like. Jerry asks what girls do instead oh..we just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder, she deadpans. Indeed, with this in mind we have many eating disorders yet to come on the daily show. Bonus!
Firstly; Travis. I'd talked about him before - high pitched voice, everyone but him thinks he's gay, annoyingly nice. Since day one he has been the plaything of the other housemates. I'm going to explain it the best way that I know how, basically it's goes like this you're not cool enough to actually be a friend that we care about as another human being but since you're in here you can hang out with us if you let us treat you like shit, cut off your hair in chunks, make fun of you relentlessly and then squirt you in the eye with half a bottle of shower wash and laugh while you scream and try to wash out your eye. And so there we have the story of Travis and the other housemates (namely, the boys). Post hospitalisation (could have been serious eye damage) we see Travis re-enter the house all smiles and forgiveness. I don't know what to say. On the one hand he really needs to tell those bullies to back the fuck off. On the other hand I am certain Travis doesn't see it as bullying. He has probably been treated in similar ways by lots of people throughout his life - especially people like the alpha males we have present in the BB house - and maybe this is just a more intense extension of that. Either way it's getting uncomfortable to watch. I dislike people who pick on others for no higher purpose than...just because they can. It's pathetic.
It all brings up a good point though. If the victim doesn't see himself as one then IS he a victim at all? Who decides?
Now, Bianca. Bianca has humongous and rather magnificent knockers that would be hard to miss, even from outer space. The thing is, from day one girlfriend has been complaining that it's a curse rather than a blessing to have boobs such as hers. Then again, she doesn't cover them at all times either. Lady isn't a nun, after all.
The other night a fight developed between Bianca, Alice and Renee (it should be noted that neither A or R has boobs that would fill an A cup), whereby A and R became angry at B for complaining about her breasts when indeed all she does is "flaunt them" and that if she doesn't like her breasts that much she should get the breast reduction that she's been moaning about for the past few weeks and just shut up about them. If Bianca knew Judo I have a feeling A and R wouldn't have heads right now. She was livid that these two girls would tell HER what to do with HER body. B had explained on other occasions that she will probably get a breast reduction later on after having (and breastfeeding) children but not now and she's pissed that she even has to defend her point of view on the matter anyway.
The fight gets more heated until Bianca exits the van and continues to chuck the most spectacular hissy fit I've seen since on BB in a long time.
Later on Bianca explains her point of view on why she doesn't get the breast reduction now to Travis. She says she wants whoever she marries to know what it is like to go through life dealing with having such big boobs. Shes doesn't want to get them lopped off and then tell stories about what it was like, trying forever to explain something that no one who hasn't been through it can understand. She also wants to have children and breastfeed. Most importantly she doesn't want to be pressured into doing something she's not totally comfortable with until she's ready to do it for herself.
For once in my life I actually agree with Bianca. I never thought I'd see the day. I totally get her POV on them being a curse while still embracing them as part of her. Why isn't she allowed to do that? Why is it that she can't complain about her boobs yet the rest of the housemates can go on about their flabby arses (which are not flabby at all) and yet still flaunt THEM in extra short shorts? It's utter hypocrisy. Furthermore many of the flat chested girls have complained about having no boobs and yet are not pressured by the other housemates into getting implants. A point which Bianca brings up in her argument as well.
I found the whole argument mystifying and a little disturbing - do people not realise just how major the surgery is for a breast reduction? It's nothing like getting implants, it can be damaging to nerves and more often than not leave horrific scars. I don't think the other two girls were jealous of Bianca's boobs exactly. Anyone with shit for brains can see that they are impossible to miss and being this way means that no one is ever going to approach her as anything more than that girl with big boobs. It might get her certain places with certain people but when you think about the kind of people that would be willing to give a girl a break based on her boob size...well it's probably not the kind of break a girl would even want. So, I doubt Alice and Renee would want that, but maybe part of them doesn't want Bianca to get any attention for 'the ladies' at all. The thing is, all these girls have little things they do that get them attention around the house - whether it's being "tickle buddies" or "cuddle buddies" or flirting openly with the boys or just being bossy. Dude they're in the Big Brother house - they're all attention whores. Do they not understand how attention whores operate? Why begrudge Bianca the same for a couple of boobs? At least they're fucking real!
Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others - The Smiths
(couldn't resist - plus it's The Smiths!)
Firstly; Travis. I'd talked about him before - high pitched voice, everyone but him thinks he's gay, annoyingly nice. Since day one he has been the plaything of the other housemates. I'm going to explain it the best way that I know how, basically it's goes like this you're not cool enough to actually be a friend that we care about as another human being but since you're in here you can hang out with us if you let us treat you like shit, cut off your hair in chunks, make fun of you relentlessly and then squirt you in the eye with half a bottle of shower wash and laugh while you scream and try to wash out your eye. And so there we have the story of Travis and the other housemates (namely, the boys). Post hospitalisation (could have been serious eye damage) we see Travis re-enter the house all smiles and forgiveness. I don't know what to say. On the one hand he really needs to tell those bullies to back the fuck off. On the other hand I am certain Travis doesn't see it as bullying. He has probably been treated in similar ways by lots of people throughout his life - especially people like the alpha males we have present in the BB house - and maybe this is just a more intense extension of that. Either way it's getting uncomfortable to watch. I dislike people who pick on others for no higher purpose than...just because they can. It's pathetic.
It all brings up a good point though. If the victim doesn't see himself as one then IS he a victim at all? Who decides?
Now, Bianca. Bianca has humongous and rather magnificent knockers that would be hard to miss, even from outer space. The thing is, from day one girlfriend has been complaining that it's a curse rather than a blessing to have boobs such as hers. Then again, she doesn't cover them at all times either. Lady isn't a nun, after all.
The other night a fight developed between Bianca, Alice and Renee (it should be noted that neither A or R has boobs that would fill an A cup), whereby A and R became angry at B for complaining about her breasts when indeed all she does is "flaunt them" and that if she doesn't like her breasts that much she should get the breast reduction that she's been moaning about for the past few weeks and just shut up about them. If Bianca knew Judo I have a feeling A and R wouldn't have heads right now. She was livid that these two girls would tell HER what to do with HER body. B had explained on other occasions that she will probably get a breast reduction later on after having (and breastfeeding) children but not now and she's pissed that she even has to defend her point of view on the matter anyway.
"We’re talking about my life, my body. Do I go up to you Al, and say ‘You’ve got small tits, you should get big ones?’
“You’re sitting here, trying to convince me about this crap and you don’t have to live with them. You don’t have to f**ken live with them. How would you know how I feel? Or why I wanna choose what I choose? It’s my choice.”
The fight gets more heated until Bianca exits the van and continues to chuck the most spectacular hissy fit I've seen since on BB in a long time.
“I have to spend my whole f**king life defending [my breasts] and then I get two tossers that think that they know how I feel.
“If it was a physical f**king disability like a gammy arm or something, it wouldn’t be a story of ‘When do you want it fixed?’”
But Bianca wasn’t finished: “If I was born with a f**ken cleft lip …”
“It’s not a cleft lip Bianca!” Alice shot back.
“It’s still a physical thing man,” Bianca screamed. “It’s like me sitting there and going, ‘You’re insecure about your titties, why don’t you get fake ones?’”
“I’ve thought about it and I don’t want to ever,” Alice said in return.
“Exactly!” Bianca said passionately. “I’ve thought about it and I don’t want to until I meet a guy that accepts me with them.”
Later on Bianca explains her point of view on why she doesn't get the breast reduction now to Travis. She says she wants whoever she marries to know what it is like to go through life dealing with having such big boobs. Shes doesn't want to get them lopped off and then tell stories about what it was like, trying forever to explain something that no one who hasn't been through it can understand. She also wants to have children and breastfeed. Most importantly she doesn't want to be pressured into doing something she's not totally comfortable with until she's ready to do it for herself.
For once in my life I actually agree with Bianca. I never thought I'd see the day. I totally get her POV on them being a curse while still embracing them as part of her. Why isn't she allowed to do that? Why is it that she can't complain about her boobs yet the rest of the housemates can go on about their flabby arses (which are not flabby at all) and yet still flaunt THEM in extra short shorts? It's utter hypocrisy. Furthermore many of the flat chested girls have complained about having no boobs and yet are not pressured by the other housemates into getting implants. A point which Bianca brings up in her argument as well.
I found the whole argument mystifying and a little disturbing - do people not realise just how major the surgery is for a breast reduction? It's nothing like getting implants, it can be damaging to nerves and more often than not leave horrific scars. I don't think the other two girls were jealous of Bianca's boobs exactly. Anyone with shit for brains can see that they are impossible to miss and being this way means that no one is ever going to approach her as anything more than that girl with big boobs. It might get her certain places with certain people but when you think about the kind of people that would be willing to give a girl a break based on her boob size...well it's probably not the kind of break a girl would even want. So, I doubt Alice and Renee would want that, but maybe part of them doesn't want Bianca to get any attention for 'the ladies' at all. The thing is, all these girls have little things they do that get them attention around the house - whether it's being "tickle buddies" or "cuddle buddies" or flirting openly with the boys or just being bossy. Dude they're in the Big Brother house - they're all attention whores. Do they not understand how attention whores operate? Why begrudge Bianca the same for a couple of boobs? At least they're fucking real!
Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others - The Smiths
(couldn't resist - plus it's The Smiths!)
Labels: big brother, boobs, bullies, crap reality tele, mean girls, mean men, questions
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
questions from the internet. NSFW!
Don't you just hate it when you're googling something and you don't get what you are looking for? You may, for instance, end up at a page written by a slightly disgruntled teacher with an axe to grind about dumb things that no one else cares about. That would be a let down if you were say looking for pictures of penises. I can just see the hunched shoulders and collective sigh of my pensis perving accidental readers as they stumble across this page instead. Oh what a horrible disappointment!
I will aim to address some of my recent googled phrases in the hope that at least if you've ended up here unknowlingly then perhaps I can answer some of your queries.
nobbi small penis
I can't say I've had a good look at it but what are we judging against here? By small are we talking cocktail sausage on a toothpick? Are we thinking of small in relation to Eric Stoltz? A representative of the lollypop guild? Rasputin? Jamie Lee Curtis? Small is a rather objective term. I was going to post a photo of various penises here but wasn't sure I could pull it off.
....geddit? ...nevermind.
nobbi penis
Again with Nobbi's penis. Maybe it's the only action we're seeing on Big Brother this year... I don't know. Perhaps since Rory's talking about his own package so much, everyone else is forced to focus on Nobbi instead??
true stories women faked being a midwife and stole baby
Seriously? Wow, I was so fascinated by this that I googled it myself but came across nothing about it. There was a story about a woman being murdered and her fetus stolen from womb and a story about women in Europe who are being forced into sex slavery/baby factories where their baby is taken from them and then sold to rich couples living in the US and other Western countries. The article said that Western couples were not often aware of the circumstances in which they obtained their "adoptive baby". No shit. I often find that when people with a lot of money really really want something then they will go out of their way to NOT read between the lines.
I realise that being aware of how our actions contribute to world suffering (or rather how world suffering contributes to certain other groups living very well indeed) means that there will be a lot of guilt floating around on our part. However, completely ignoring how the other half lives never did anyone any favours either. All privilege comes at the expense of someone or something don't you think? Perhaps it's time we really did take more of a stand on what we buy, from whom and analyse how we can be more compassionate consumers.
im taking a remedial art class for fuck-ups and retards
aren't we all?
what is mez
I often ask myself the same question. I guess mostly unmotivated, slightly disgruntled, highly disorganised, moderately pessimistic, pretty quirky, visually inspired, secretly romantic and pathetically daydreamy just about sums it up.
big brother nobbi penis
oh for fucks sake you win you persistent wanker!
Happy?
Now you tell me - what do you think of the size?
travis and the heart sunnies
Okay, he's a man and he wears heart shaped sunglasses. He also insists that he's completely heterosexual. I say camp as a row of tents, but who cares. I kind of like how everyone is absolutely dying to label him but simply cannot because we really can't without his permission. HA!
walked-in accidentally nude naked penis
Don't you just hate it when that happens? Penises need a dress code, surely.
icehouse no promises
No Promises
The song reminds me of being young and running around the local neighbourhood with my friends until the sun went down.
Every time I try to be objective about it, I can't. I know it's not the greatest song in the world. I also don't actually care about that. This is why music is a great thing.
asian mafia in melbourne
I've noticed lately that there are quite a few puffy cookie puff stores opening up randomly around town. This may be some sort of front. Watch this space for a TV mini series about the puffy murders that will be produced and filmed in Melbs but won't be shown here due to a pending gangland (puffland) trial. That's all I'm sayin'!
nobbi asian
..wait is this guy from Melbourne?! Oh. My. G..
book quote it's polyester, i'm wearing polyester.
No idea but I'm guessing the book is a stinker.
...
worlds best knockers
A while ago I found myself watching the first few episodes of Ugly Betty and realised that Salma Hayek has the greatest rack in show biz. She's totally sexy, curvy and womanly. I don't know how but I somehow managed a hard on. <3
dogs drool bibs
okay, I'm going to say this one time only ladies and gentleman. I think people who dress their pets should be shot at close range and then peed on. Yes I'm fucking serious.
I will aim to address some of my recent googled phrases in the hope that at least if you've ended up here unknowlingly then perhaps I can answer some of your queries.
nobbi small penis
I can't say I've had a good look at it but what are we judging against here? By small are we talking cocktail sausage on a toothpick? Are we thinking of small in relation to Eric Stoltz? A representative of the lollypop guild? Rasputin? Jamie Lee Curtis? Small is a rather objective term. I was going to post a photo of various penises here but wasn't sure I could pull it off.
....geddit? ...nevermind.
nobbi penis
Again with Nobbi's penis. Maybe it's the only action we're seeing on Big Brother this year... I don't know. Perhaps since Rory's talking about his own package so much, everyone else is forced to focus on Nobbi instead??
true stories women faked being a midwife and stole baby
Seriously? Wow, I was so fascinated by this that I googled it myself but came across nothing about it. There was a story about a woman being murdered and her fetus stolen from womb and a story about women in Europe who are being forced into sex slavery/baby factories where their baby is taken from them and then sold to rich couples living in the US and other Western countries. The article said that Western couples were not often aware of the circumstances in which they obtained their "adoptive baby". No shit. I often find that when people with a lot of money really really want something then they will go out of their way to NOT read between the lines.
I realise that being aware of how our actions contribute to world suffering (or rather how world suffering contributes to certain other groups living very well indeed) means that there will be a lot of guilt floating around on our part. However, completely ignoring how the other half lives never did anyone any favours either. All privilege comes at the expense of someone or something don't you think? Perhaps it's time we really did take more of a stand on what we buy, from whom and analyse how we can be more compassionate consumers.
im taking a remedial art class for fuck-ups and retards
aren't we all?
what is mez
I often ask myself the same question. I guess mostly unmotivated, slightly disgruntled, highly disorganised, moderately pessimistic, pretty quirky, visually inspired, secretly romantic and pathetically daydreamy just about sums it up.
big brother nobbi penis
oh for fucks sake you win you persistent wanker!
Happy?
Now you tell me - what do you think of the size?
travis and the heart sunnies
Okay, he's a man and he wears heart shaped sunglasses. He also insists that he's completely heterosexual. I say camp as a row of tents, but who cares. I kind of like how everyone is absolutely dying to label him but simply cannot because we really can't without his permission. HA!
walked-in accidentally nude naked penis
Don't you just hate it when that happens? Penises need a dress code, surely.
icehouse no promises
No Promises
The song reminds me of being young and running around the local neighbourhood with my friends until the sun went down.
Every time I try to be objective about it, I can't. I know it's not the greatest song in the world. I also don't actually care about that. This is why music is a great thing.
asian mafia in melbourne
I've noticed lately that there are quite a few puffy cookie puff stores opening up randomly around town. This may be some sort of front. Watch this space for a TV mini series about the puffy murders that will be produced and filmed in Melbs but won't be shown here due to a pending gangland (puffland) trial. That's all I'm sayin'!
nobbi asian
..wait is this guy from Melbourne?! Oh. My. G..
book quote it's polyester, i'm wearing polyester.
No idea but I'm guessing the book is a stinker.
...
worlds best knockers
A while ago I found myself watching the first few episodes of Ugly Betty and realised that Salma Hayek has the greatest rack in show biz. She's totally sexy, curvy and womanly. I don't know how but I somehow managed a hard on. <3
dogs drool bibs
okay, I'm going to say this one time only ladies and gentleman. I think people who dress their pets should be shot at close range and then peed on. Yes I'm fucking serious.
Labels: big brother, crap reality tele, google, penis, questions, wonderings
Saturday, May 03, 2008
...and he likes The Spice Girls..
Something interesting is happening in the Big Brother house (yes of COURSE it's interesting!) - the boys have all gotten together and created the "Spa Mafia" - a men's group based on bitching about others, getting away from the girls and being a "real bloke", (whatever the fuck that means). The thing is, though the group is a "men's group" it has a notable absence:
For those not watching Travis is the guy who has a high pitched voice, wears heart shaped sunnies, is a self-confessed virgin, sets off every gay-dar within 100km radius off and yet insists he is straight.
The poor guy has been COPPING it from the blokes (and Brigitte) left right and centre. He's not a member of the Spa Mafia because they just can't trust him not to run off and tell the girls about all their secret business. On the flip-side, half the "Mafia" have admitted they don't trust Dave (the cult escaping fireman) either - but hey, there he is - creating his own bubbles in the spa with the rest of them. Very interesting.
Practically every day since they entered the house, people (mostly the other guys) have reacted with aggression towards Travis. His sexuality has been questioned straight out. He has been told to his face by a few of the guys that they would not associate with him in the outside world. His choice of fashion has been bagged both behind his back and to his face - and the guys have really seemed angry when they ask him why he would "wear something like that" (ie: his heart sunnies and hat). I've found it a little disturbing to watch actually. Who cares what he's wearing? Why do they hate him so much? He seems like an nice person who doesn't go out of his way to annoy others. He's just a guy. He's just a person like anyone else. It annoys the crap out of me that they would judge him based only on his looks. It's pathetic. Yes, that kind of thing is pathetic coming from anyone. I wouldn't associate with you because of the way you dress/weight/sexuality/attractiveness is pretty much the same as I wouldn't associate with you because you're Aboriginal/Asian/Italian/Indian/Sudanese in my book. It's so judgmental and a horrible attitude to have about someone else.
Last year when Zak (flaming gay, God love him) was in the house there was an initial reaction but no real aggression towards him. Did the housemates accept him more because he was gay? Is it because "gay" is a label that suggests a point of "difference" from the other men and something from which they could distance themselves from? He wasn't offensive because he was not like the rest of them. Personally I also find this attitude ridiculous but that's how I saw it being played out last year. This year however, we have this guy who has many of the mannerisms of being gay and yet he insists he is not. Maybe that is dangerous because it's subversive - because if he's not gay and he's ALSO not acting like the other blokes then ... what does that mean for the other straight men? It puts that whole idea of "real men" into question, doesn't it?
For the record my gay-dar is going off uncontrollably whenever he comes onto the screen however maybe he isn't gay at all, maybe he hasn't really explored that side of himself, maybe being deeply religious has something to do with rejecting potential gay tendencies (if there are any). In any case though, if in Travis' mind he doesn't believe he is gay then that's good enough for me. Who cares if he is or isn't? I MEAN WHO THE FUCK CARES? Jesus Christ! It's not like he's going to cop a feel of the men in the shower one morning is it? And yet, first night in, we have some of the other guys saying that they refuse to sleep next to any of the other men in the house ..god knows why, maybe they think that if your leg accidentally touches another man's leg then you get the gay disease or some shit.
So, in the BB house it's been all this AND keeping Travis out of the "Spa Mafia" - just because quite frankly (and this is what it's coming down to) they do not see Travis as a real man - as one of them. Why don't they see him as a real man? Well, because he wears heart shaped sunglasses and has a high pitched voice and doesn't admit he's gay. And yet, being homophobic, racist, sexist, shallow dickheads with more muscles than brains is okay because that's what they would define as characteristics worthy of qualifying entry into the "real mens" club.
WHAT THE FUCK? I can't believe these kinds of attitudes still exist.
What do YOU think makes a real man?
I'm all for being judgmental about people based on their attitude to life, based on their attitude towards others, based on their morals or values or how mean they are - but why are we so judgmental about other people based on their "look" (chosen or otherwise)? Is it okay for us to be like this?
Travis
For those not watching Travis is the guy who has a high pitched voice, wears heart shaped sunnies, is a self-confessed virgin, sets off every gay-dar within 100km radius off and yet insists he is straight.
The poor guy has been COPPING it from the blokes (and Brigitte) left right and centre. He's not a member of the Spa Mafia because they just can't trust him not to run off and tell the girls about all their secret business. On the flip-side, half the "Mafia" have admitted they don't trust Dave (the cult escaping fireman) either - but hey, there he is - creating his own bubbles in the spa with the rest of them. Very interesting.
Practically every day since they entered the house, people (mostly the other guys) have reacted with aggression towards Travis. His sexuality has been questioned straight out. He has been told to his face by a few of the guys that they would not associate with him in the outside world. His choice of fashion has been bagged both behind his back and to his face - and the guys have really seemed angry when they ask him why he would "wear something like that" (ie: his heart sunnies and hat). I've found it a little disturbing to watch actually. Who cares what he's wearing? Why do they hate him so much? He seems like an nice person who doesn't go out of his way to annoy others. He's just a guy. He's just a person like anyone else. It annoys the crap out of me that they would judge him based only on his looks. It's pathetic. Yes, that kind of thing is pathetic coming from anyone. I wouldn't associate with you because of the way you dress/weight/sexuality/attractiveness is pretty much the same as I wouldn't associate with you because you're Aboriginal/Asian/Italian/Indian/Sudanese in my book. It's so judgmental and a horrible attitude to have about someone else.
Last year when Zak (flaming gay, God love him) was in the house there was an initial reaction but no real aggression towards him. Did the housemates accept him more because he was gay? Is it because "gay" is a label that suggests a point of "difference" from the other men and something from which they could distance themselves from? He wasn't offensive because he was not like the rest of them. Personally I also find this attitude ridiculous but that's how I saw it being played out last year. This year however, we have this guy who has many of the mannerisms of being gay and yet he insists he is not. Maybe that is dangerous because it's subversive - because if he's not gay and he's ALSO not acting like the other blokes then ... what does that mean for the other straight men? It puts that whole idea of "real men" into question, doesn't it?
For the record my gay-dar is going off uncontrollably whenever he comes onto the screen however maybe he isn't gay at all, maybe he hasn't really explored that side of himself, maybe being deeply religious has something to do with rejecting potential gay tendencies (if there are any). In any case though, if in Travis' mind he doesn't believe he is gay then that's good enough for me. Who cares if he is or isn't? I MEAN WHO THE FUCK CARES? Jesus Christ! It's not like he's going to cop a feel of the men in the shower one morning is it? And yet, first night in, we have some of the other guys saying that they refuse to sleep next to any of the other men in the house ..god knows why, maybe they think that if your leg accidentally touches another man's leg then you get the gay disease or some shit.
So, in the BB house it's been all this AND keeping Travis out of the "Spa Mafia" - just because quite frankly (and this is what it's coming down to) they do not see Travis as a real man - as one of them. Why don't they see him as a real man? Well, because he wears heart shaped sunglasses and has a high pitched voice and doesn't admit he's gay. And yet, being homophobic, racist, sexist, shallow dickheads with more muscles than brains is okay because that's what they would define as characteristics worthy of qualifying entry into the "real mens" club.
WHAT THE FUCK? I can't believe these kinds of attitudes still exist.
What do YOU think makes a real man?
I'm all for being judgmental about people based on their attitude to life, based on their attitude towards others, based on their morals or values or how mean they are - but why are we so judgmental about other people based on their "look" (chosen or otherwise)? Is it okay for us to be like this?
Labels: big brother, crap reality tele, gender stuff, generalisations, gentlemen, mean men, mean women, musings, questions, TV, wonderings
Friday, April 11, 2008
What they're saying...
I remember when I turned 18 and it was very cool to suddenly be able to drink (like, legally!) I was also rather stoked at being able to vote. I know, I'm a dork like that but I was really looking forward to finally being able to have my say!
When I turned 21 I was pretty excited. I got that key thingy. I still have no idea what the key means but hey, I think it was something about all doors being open to me. On a personal level I saw myself as finally being old enough to call myself an adult but still being able to do crazy shit and not have anyone really judge me on that. That is a very cool thing, now that I look back.
Now that I'm 30 (no denying it by saying I'm 29.999999999). I really don't know what it is I'm supposed to be looking forward to. Yeah, yeah you hear all those feel good hippies who never wash who always say "I'm really looking forward to my 30s because I spent my 20s searching for my identity/not really knowing who I was and now I'm comfortable with who I am so I don't have to pretend anymore BLAH BLAH BLAH". But you know what? I hate those people (yet am insanely jealous)! How dare they have all their shit worked out by 30 and be able to settle down to a life that is completely free of societal pressure? Is that even possible? I highly doubt it. It's always people who are in love/have a job they're reasonably happy with/have a child or house or totally happening sex life/have travelled the world in style that ever say this. What about the confused 30-somethings who have no effing idea how this 30 thing sprang up on them? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were all 16? I'm approaching my 30s with absolutely none of those so-called feel good pleasures of being comfortable with who I am.
Thirty. God - do the numbers ever GO up that high? Maybe I should look at this like the kids in my grade do.
twenty-seven
twenty-eight
twenty-nine
twenty-ten
That's right. Twenty-Ten. Not thirty. Not yet ready to be thirty. Numbers don't go that high.
So tell me, what is supposed to be so good about 30 anyway?
When I turned 21 I was pretty excited. I got that key thingy. I still have no idea what the key means but hey, I think it was something about all doors being open to me. On a personal level I saw myself as finally being old enough to call myself an adult but still being able to do crazy shit and not have anyone really judge me on that. That is a very cool thing, now that I look back.
Now that I'm 30 (no denying it by saying I'm 29.999999999). I really don't know what it is I'm supposed to be looking forward to. Yeah, yeah you hear all those feel good hippies who never wash who always say "I'm really looking forward to my 30s because I spent my 20s searching for my identity/not really knowing who I was and now I'm comfortable with who I am so I don't have to pretend anymore BLAH BLAH BLAH". But you know what? I hate those people (yet am insanely jealous)! How dare they have all their shit worked out by 30 and be able to settle down to a life that is completely free of societal pressure? Is that even possible? I highly doubt it. It's always people who are in love/have a job they're reasonably happy with/have a child or house or totally happening sex life/have travelled the world in style that ever say this. What about the confused 30-somethings who have no effing idea how this 30 thing sprang up on them? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were all 16? I'm approaching my 30s with absolutely none of those so-called feel good pleasures of being comfortable with who I am.
Thirty. God - do the numbers ever GO up that high? Maybe I should look at this like the kids in my grade do.
twenty-seven
twenty-eight
twenty-nine
twenty-ten
That's right. Twenty-Ten. Not thirty. Not yet ready to be thirty. Numbers don't go that high.
So tell me, what is supposed to be so good about 30 anyway?
Labels: birthday, life, old, questions, wonderings
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Thoughts during the week..
Why do street revelers always look so carefree? Is it the alcohol?
Knowing something about someone without them knowing you know the thing you know is pure agony. A lesson in how to feel the effects of a relationship shifting without push or pull.
Does anyone else ever look at their friends and wonder whether they have anything in common anymore and if not, then what am I doing here?
At first glance she looked capable and strong but the high pitched shrieks and giggles gave her away. She was a promise, broken.
Can babies see into your soul in a way that adults can't? If a baby doesn't like a particular adult then is that a marker of a bad person?
An ex colleague asked for her child to be in my class next year. This is one for the "too hard basket". It's a lot of pressure. She is not the kind of woman who could take 'no' any other way than personally and badly.
Can I really afford to go back to school? If nothing material comes of it, can I just put it down to a really expensive but worthwhile venture?
Two people in my extended family had a dream about my father this week. One had a message to tell. All I can say is that the right person had the right dream. She didn't look happy at all. The other (her mother) also had a visitation. An omen. We've been waiting for one for a while. So now, we shall see...
I was also "visited" but that's another story. Message - rather hard to take, but understood nevertheless.
I hate when people are passive aggressive. If they have something to say, they should just say it. Hiding behind snark is so unbecoming.
I can feel myself pulling away from everyone I know (and they are equally pulling away from me). I'm walking around in a haze. I'm not sure where the blurriness came from but I feel tired all.the.time.
What makes things "worth it"? Is it something as small as 'the smell of fresh coffee' or does it have to be something big like 'love'? What keeps people going?
Do you believe in signs (meta-physical ones)?
Last week I wrote about one of my favourite albums by Weezer and so speaking of wonderful albums, Moon Safari is beyond doubt one of the best albums released in the last 10 years (soon to be re-released!). Strictly only for lovers of moon music, modernity, space travel, French stuff and of course - good taste. I have played Air a couple of times now and each time it divides people equally. They are not 'typical' which tends to polarise opinion about them.
This song is sublime. I wish mornings really did sound like AIR. Instead it sounds like the alarm clock jackhammering through my dreams and into my brain. If mornings really felt like AIR sounded, I think I'd get through the day a little easier.
Ce Matin Là - AIR
And for night time - strictly for stargazing and wondering about living on the moon.
Kelly Watch the Stars - AIR
Knowing something about someone without them knowing you know the thing you know is pure agony. A lesson in how to feel the effects of a relationship shifting without push or pull.
Does anyone else ever look at their friends and wonder whether they have anything in common anymore and if not, then what am I doing here?
At first glance she looked capable and strong but the high pitched shrieks and giggles gave her away. She was a promise, broken.
Can babies see into your soul in a way that adults can't? If a baby doesn't like a particular adult then is that a marker of a bad person?
An ex colleague asked for her child to be in my class next year. This is one for the "too hard basket". It's a lot of pressure. She is not the kind of woman who could take 'no' any other way than personally and badly.
Can I really afford to go back to school? If nothing material comes of it, can I just put it down to a really expensive but worthwhile venture?
Two people in my extended family had a dream about my father this week. One had a message to tell. All I can say is that the right person had the right dream. She didn't look happy at all. The other (her mother) also had a visitation. An omen. We've been waiting for one for a while. So now, we shall see...
I was also "visited" but that's another story. Message - rather hard to take, but understood nevertheless.
I hate when people are passive aggressive. If they have something to say, they should just say it. Hiding behind snark is so unbecoming.
I can feel myself pulling away from everyone I know (and they are equally pulling away from me). I'm walking around in a haze. I'm not sure where the blurriness came from but I feel tired all.the.time.
What makes things "worth it"? Is it something as small as 'the smell of fresh coffee' or does it have to be something big like 'love'? What keeps people going?
Do you believe in signs (meta-physical ones)?
Last week I wrote about one of my favourite albums by Weezer and so speaking of wonderful albums, Moon Safari is beyond doubt one of the best albums released in the last 10 years (soon to be re-released!). Strictly only for lovers of moon music, modernity, space travel, French stuff and of course - good taste. I have played Air a couple of times now and each time it divides people equally. They are not 'typical' which tends to polarise opinion about them.
This song is sublime. I wish mornings really did sound like AIR. Instead it sounds like the alarm clock jackhammering through my dreams and into my brain. If mornings really felt like AIR sounded, I think I'd get through the day a little easier.
Ce Matin Là - AIR
And for night time - strictly for stargazing and wondering about living on the moon.
Kelly Watch the Stars - AIR
Labels: melancholy, musical monday, musings, questions, thoughts, uestions, wonderings
Thursday, March 27, 2008
buh-buh-buh-buh baby!
When I heard about Thomas Beatie, the transgendered man who is now pregnant, I didn't really even bat an eyelid. Well, maybe one eyelid..but it was only for a second. I probably have more of a problem with the traditional nuclear family than I do with gays, straights, transgendered people or even men giving birth. Why? Well, I figure that if you're about to go through hell or high water like that - with your every move under scrutiny - in order to have a baby, then that means you are really going to want one. People who really want babies are probably not going to end up mistreating them or using them in order to manipulate their partners. This is more than I can say for the love 'em and leave 'em scenario that seems to happen in too many so called traditional families. In any case - this Beatie baby (if it's even true) will be born into a nuclear family anyway - (mum and dad), so neh.Out of all the hoopla surrounding the issue it was really this quote from Thomas Beatie that made me stop and think
“Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire but a human desire.”
And I realised that no one ever really talks about children as something that men desire. Sure you hear about men who 'one day want a family' etc but I'm not talking about in these general terms - I mean the real deal; the desperate urge to have one NOW. Women (of a certain age) are consistently made fun of for having a biological clock or for being what we call "clucky" - really wanting a child. Since procreating is ..well the ONLY way of keeping our species alive and thriving you'd think it'd be a female AND male urge to want children, and I'm pretty sure it is* but it's rarely discussed in such terms. It's usually discussed more in terms of women desperately wanting a baby and trapping the poor husband/guy into being a father. It's seen as something that happens *to them* rather than something they desperately desire.
I'd like to think it IS something they desire as much as we do but I have to admit I know a lot of girls who really want babies, but not so many men who do. Maybe the guys just don't talk about it all that much. Maybe it's a big myth created by the media..to perpetuate an image of the sturdy bloke who is tough and strong and without desires that tie him down. I don't know. If this is the case, surely it's as damaging to men as much as it is to women.
Why do you think that men are not ever thought of as "clucky"? Do they have a biological clock and if so just how loudly does it tick? If the option was available would they want to "go it alone" like women sometimes do? Do you know men who are clucky (I mean who really talk about wishing they had a baby and wanting to find a girl and have one, not in some distant future but NOW, right NOW)? If you are a guy, are you clucky now, or have you ever been?
* I realise not all men or WOMEN want babies.
Labels: babies, blokes, men, pressure, questions, what men want, what women want, women, wonderings
Monday, March 17, 2008
time turning, over and over
If there any any of you still reading this...
Since you guys never play along on your blogs, and since not even the big man himself is playing along lately then I'm going to ask YOU to give me ONE song that YOU love. For those of you playing at home, I'll make the songs into a CD and play it in my car on the way to work (that's a high honour).
Labels: bloom, life, no musical monday today, questions, the list, wonderings, writing
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