[Miscellany]

I'm looking at you and I'm wondering how you slipped through the cracks.  I'm wondering how you can cope at * years old; daily, with what most people never know until they're an adult. It's a horrible realisation to know that adults can and will let you down.  Just to know this is a slap in the face.  To expect it as normal is debilitating to the human soul.  To know it as your reality is beyond words.

You deal with it daily though and don't think I don't know how you cope.  Oh, I know.  I see it every day.  I see it in the way you move in your seat.  I see it in the words you ignore - those both harsh and full of praise.  I notice the way you lash out when others wrong you; desperately trying to cling to that part of you that is still a little hopeful and protect it.  I understand the parallel universe you've created to exist alongside this real one and I also know that reality is a dicey concept right now anyway.  I know you slip in and out as you need to.  I know how protective you are of the world you've created and I know why.  I know how comforting that world is.  I know how essential it is.  I know you need it.  I think you're amazing for having concocted this space for yourself.  You've shown at * what most adults never have to do - that is to completely protect yourself from all sides; from all attacks; from everything.  It's unfair that you have to and they never do.  Most will never, ever, EVER understand because they never, ever, EVER had to deal.  Lucky them.  They'll be the people who will tell you to look on the bright side.  Nice.

You haven't learnt yet how to ask why and when you do that will be yet another hard pill to swallow because there won't be an answer that won't come pointing back at you; yet another little something to deal with.  I understand from that look you give me that you are completely resigned to this way of being.  This is your reality and mate, you are doing a magnificent job of using absolutely every resource you have to survive it.  And you are surviving but it won't help you in this reality; the reality that isn't all that dicey for everybody else.  In this reality you are barely treading water; slowly sinking into quicksand; gasping for Ventolin; sawing logs with a butter knife. I recognise this.

I think about you a lot.  I think about you when everyone else is long gone.  I think about you when I should be thinking about myself but I have no answers.  I don't want to be yet another adult who fails you; like all of us have done so far.  As I sit here for yet another night at my desk with my head in my hands, trying desperately to make a bridge between us that won't fall down, I know that I have failed you too.   I see the you, who you really are and I admire that person and can't think of a more imaginative, clever, resourceful kid and on top of all of that I completely understand.  I do.  I guess that's what makes it harder but in the end, despite all of this I'm just another adult and just another person who will fail you in the end and it's killing me.

Labels: kids, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, teaching the teacher, work

posted by M at 6:40 pm 4 comments

My boss called me into her office the other day wanting to change the way we assess in the curriculum area that I am a leader of.  Of course, I'm being nice...  she didn't want to change the way we assess, she had already made that decision without consulting me.  Rather, she wanted to tell me that in fact we weren't going to use the assessment tool that I had painstakingly put together (and had been using at the school until now..) and instead we were now to use an online annotated assessment sample instead.

Labels: boss, questions, school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, teaching the teacher

posted by M at 1:06 am 7 comments

The shift in Education Leadership lately has been towards a business model of management.  I've never worked in an office but I've seen The Office and as far as I can comprehend the business model basically consists of a complete tosser at the top who has no idea what they are doing/might be good at managing one thing, middle management who don't care and the plebs who do all the important stuff while stealing the highlighters when no one is looking.  It's a money driven system with an agenda of maintaining or expanding a commodity.

In teaching, it is ridiculous to think of learning and students as a commodity.  A commodity implies that there is a direct return on an investment, which is all well and good in theory except that the business world is notoriously impatient and only wants results in one form (economics).  Getting an economic return on the student investment will probably not be evident for 30-50 years if something was put in place today.  This is too long for a political party to wait in order to brag about their effectiveness in government.  Despite allegations to the contrary I honestly do no believe any of the major political parties want to promote anything that won't show a result within their term of governing.  Is this cynical of me?  It's only true.  Furthermore isn't the return we actually want to see is a healthy, happy community of people who are life long learners and critical thinkers?  Isn't THAT the point?  Oh wait, that's not the same as money.. okay.

When compared to the business model the current school model of leadership has some similarities particularly in that there is also a complete tosser at the top, middle management who don't care and plebs.  However while an office pleb has only a small level of authority, a school "pleb" gets to be King of the Castle in their own classroom.  They are the authority in a very real way.  This means that in order to have effective leadership of staff from the top, you absolutely need to make sure that at the bottom line what is being taught in the classroom is always at very best standard possible.  Therefore f you don't have excellent curriculum knowledge from the top then a few plebby teachers can ruin the stability of the school.  A shitty teacher = shitty parents = shitty school.

In my view, good leadership in schools comes not from economics but from exclusively employing exemplary, inspiring teachers with excellent knowledge of curriculum for the top jobs.  Yes, sure economics is important, as is being able to work out timetables and the like but these things can be learnt on the job (and let's face it, don't we all know trained monkeys who are able to work out timetables and meet with the accountant every 3 months?)

My view of leadership is not exactly shared by the Department of Education.  They speak of leading from experience and exemplary teaching but in fact the opposite is what is being pushed into leadership now.  Those on the road to leadership these days are groomed by Department heads more interested in management than Leadership.  There's a difference.  The moment schools become "managed" by business graduates who have an interest in economics rather than knowing exactly how to teach and lead curriculum is the moment schools lose out.

In my opinion a good school has personable managers, a healthy budget in surplus with excellent teachers who carry the load and get the job done.  An excellent school has a leadership team that could walk into any classroom and teach or help teachers plan a lesson in a way that inspires another teacher to be better at their job.  There is no surplus in the budget (perhaps just a rainy day fund) because the budget is used for resources, professional development and mentoring and to pay exemplary teachers extra money for excellent work and Leadership have a good idea of what the needs of staff and students are.

We are moving away from a model of excellent and moving towards 'good'.  This is horrific in my eyes.  I can see it happening right now in my place of work.  The latest promotion to a very senior leadership role at the school is a manager and not a leader and what is the most horrifying is that I know that this was desirable from the perspective of the school.

My idealism is crushed and my heart breaks for the kids and for the good teachers out there in Education.  We are heading down a very bad road by treating schools as companies or businesses.  Hiring a trained monkey may seem like a good economic choice but we are not in the business of economics.  We are in the business of learning and learning just happens to be a money pit politically speaking.  The thing is I don't care about the politics of it, I'm all about connecting the dots here.

If we hire trained monkeys at the top then what exactly do we expect is going to come out at the bottom?

Labels: a case of the leader not wanting to be lead, boss, education, leaders of the world they are, new leader, school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, teaching the teacher

posted by M at 1:17 am 9 comments

I have a question.  Now I understand questions on the Internet rarely get answered seriously, particularly those on a journal that is only semi-functional at best, but I'll give it a go anyway.  What have I got to lose?  If you happen to read this over the next couple of years just humour me, okay?

There are a lot of changes happening in the Education industry that unfortunately reflect the times we now live in.  Schools are regarded as businesses, students as clients and teachers as the sweat shop workers.  This means that when changes occur it usually goes that like this:

Labels: school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, work

posted by M at 12:17 am 4 comments

I'm determined this year that I'm not going to let the stress of teaching affect all my moods all the time. Sounds piss easy, I hear you say but actually people like me find this quite difficult.

I have two moods: On holiday mood = happy and relaxed. Working mood = grumpy bitch from hell.

MVOR says that I give way too much of myself especially when it's apparent that the situation calls for me to just back away and let it go. So basically, if you hate and reject me I'm going to go right ahead and prove to you why you should love me even though there is no winning with you. There fore all my hard work goes unnoticed and I get further disgruntled which then self-affirms my feelings of being rejected and abandoned by everybody and I'm left there like a cartoon image of myself yelling "hey, what about me? WHAT about ME? I'm useful! Heyyy, ..anybody?". I'm ace, no really, so ace.

Work is a constant source of me not feeling good enough - this is despite the fact that (...and coming from a person with zero self esteem), I'm a really good teacher and operator. I just need to stop caring so much about what I can and can't achieve with other adults and just let the rest go. But I can't...

New manager is not a doer. As in... coasts along and waits for someone else to do it. Who am I? I'm a worrier and a pleaser. What do I do if I see a gaping hole? Why, I fill it of course. You can see where this is heading can't you? On the one hand I am so glad that I came to the decision to give up this leadership role because I *am* less stressed out - on the other I'm constantly in battle with myself to not to keep doing her job for her.

I find things difficult because:
* we haven't had one team meeting since the year started despite things that are in disarray.

* The team still comes to me with their work related issues and then get all defensive when I refer them to the new leader (ie: defensive because ...hey you shouldn't put all the pressure on the new leader!)

* New leader doesn't know the ropes... or anything resembling a rope and yet refuses to come to me for help despite me saying my door is open (like a million times) - now I'm getting other people coming to me saying that new team leader (NTL) is asking all these dodgy questions ..and shouldn't she be asking me instead?

* I'm still actually doing a chunk of her work because I can see that things need to be organised and yet they are NOT!

* NTL actively is using an effigy of me to stick needles into each night.


As a consequence of all this, despite goal not to let work affect my moods and health I look like a crazy lady who has been living in the forest for 2 years and forgotten what it's like to be human.

Does work give you woe? And if not, how did you achieve that kind of bliss?

Labels: MVOR, new leader, rant, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, work

posted by M at 2:44 pm 5 comments

This morning, on the first day back at the salt mine I was 45 minutes late.

Yes, 45 minutes. It's very lucky indeed that it wasn't a teaching day, because I would have been, pardon my French: royally fucked (fucked royale?). As it was everyone was giving me that look when I finally wandered in.. you know, the "oops you fucked up BIG time sister" look. I know it well; I was raised on that look. Some even did the slit throat sign. I was expecting the boss to really have a go at me at morning tea break because she had written this email last week explicitly stating (that is bold AND underlined) that it was strictly an 8.15am start for all staff. Well oops.

Dearest reader... I may be reaching my twilight years (team Jasper!) but I still know how to sleep in like a teen who has been going bong hits all night. I haven't seen "morning" for the past 6 weeks. My morning, summer holiday style is 1pm. My bedtime is 5-6am. I'm not sleeping that many hours here. I'm just all topsy turvy like.. I cannot simply go cold turkey back into waking up at a normal adult hour. Hell, I don't want to wake at normal adult hours. Normal adult hours are ridiculous! It was futile from the beginning.

The funny thing is that the Boss, didn't reprimand me. She looked at me and smiled and asked me how I was. There were a few people she DID reprimand (people who were on time but were ALMOST late.. ie 8.14am) - they weren't happy. Go figure. I guess you never know how things will be - sometimes you just get lucky.

I'm a little confused about my life lesson here, but I did get a little taste of what it's like to be Ferris Bueller for a minute and I gotta tell you, it's a pretty sweet existence.

Meanwhile, tonight I set my alarm extra loud because girls like me are not this lucky two days in a row.

Labels: endless summer lift the curse, ferris bueller method of living, life, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, work

posted by M at 7:53 pm 5 comments

For the past three years at the school I've enjoyed a very nice relationship with the parent community. My name has been bandied around the local kindergartens as a 'great teacher' and people come to the school knowing who I am and/or wanting their child to be in my class. This is very flattering for someone who has the self esteem about the size of a kangaroo fetus and for the most part of her life has felt like the girl in your class who wears braces and eats clag.

Next year at the school my role is changing somewhat. I'm going to be teaching a level of children that is a "hard sell" to parents - mostly because it will be a standalone class - but for other reasons too... I'm finding now, for the first time, in a long time I'm not a popular choice. Parents who I don't doubt would have followed me up the school with their children, are saying a polite "no" to this class and then coming to see me to apologise because, they assure me, they love me but ...no, this class no. I know that if I was faced with putting Guappo my fake adopted Somalian baby into this class I'd struggle too, so I really can't blame them.

This is the first time in my life however that I've actually had to battle against my Ego. I never thought I had one, you see - and it's a bit of a shock to find out that yes, yes I do.

In a way it's good for me to have my Ego checked by this little life test. It's good to be humbled sometimes and to have the shoe on the other foot.

But I want to make this perfectly clear: I hate it.

Labels: ego, musings, obsessive parents, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching

posted by M at 10:44 pm 3 comments

I'm having this little issue with a co-worker of mine. Recently she's taken over a team leader position in my area of teaching. Within this team she is the most experienced teacher, however she is not the most experienced in terms of having taught at this level before. There are two other teachers who are more experienced in teaching this grade than her and one of those teachers is me. This is a rather important point because kids at the level I teach at are unlike any other grade in the school. They are so far beyond what would be considered normal that you can't even compare it to teaching in any other grade. I know because I have taught other grades and the first time I came to teach this grade I was so unprepared for how different it was that it wasn't funny.

Anyway, this new leader is, I think, feeling threatened by the fact that this is all so overwhelming to her and in order to lift her own profile she keeps making condescending comments to me. In fairness she hasn't known me in any other role except as the art teacher and obviously I was sensitive about that perception when coming back into the classroom, but I've had enough of it now. Today she made a rather obvious comment about needing to enter names into the database - I mean, no shit right? - but it was something, incidentally (and rather surprisingly) she needed clarification about herself. I guess she felt embarrassed about not knowing how to do this herself that she wanted to appear more competent than someone else so ...why not pick on the art teacher? Unfortunately by that stage I'd had enough of little children crying at me all day that I just snapped Yeah I know, I *have* been working with his program *in the classroom* for about 5 years. rrraaow! I totally called her out and ...well, was a bit awkward after that. Now things are weird. I hate that.

For the most part I'm a rather easygoing person to deal with in real life. I do call people on their bullshit, don't get me wrong, but I rarely confront people with anger, especially in a work environment. I'd rather check my own ego if it means keeping the peace - which is what usually ends up happening. This is so at odds with how I deal with things on the internet where I'll just say exactly what I think at all times. If I don't then it's not because I respect you so much that I can't possibly say what I really think, it's just that I think you can't handle a discussion/comment beyond a 'yes ma'am' or 'yes sir'. Basically I think you'll pussy out and I'm don't care to deal with the wah wah bullshit that goes along with that. But in the work environment I will take one for the team - not if I truly believe something to be wrong - but when it comes to little disputes then yes.

Now, I'm not so sure of how to handle this one.

Do I keep on asserting that yes, yes I've been there done that - I'm much more experienced in teaching a grade than I am teaching art?

Do I just ignore the whole situation?

Do I go to her for the answer to a really obvious question that will re-establish the - you leader, me pleb - role?

Do I say fuck it and take the whole school and all the children down with me in a blaze of glory?

Labels: school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, teaching the teacher, work

posted by M at 8:39 pm 12 comments

Me: So what are you hoping to learn about at school?
kid - lunch!
Um..no.

random teacher: hey, so how's it going?
me: I'm on my 10th cup
random teacher: whoa, okay - not too good then I take it.
Um...true.

me: When you have rules at home and you don't follow those rules what happens?
loudmouth #1: Um..well...um... you know...sometimes...um
(thinking; t, t, t, today junior!)
...um sometimes when you're bad maybe your mum might say "no you can't go to Gemma's birthday party anymore!!"
me: oohhhhh kay that's very ...specific..
loudmouth #2 - or maybe your own birthday gets called OFF!!
yes, you see sometimes it's best not to make "links to the real world" because the "real world" is a scary, scary place

ohhh, J you're being such a good boy today! I'm so impressed with how brave you are.
(J looks at me and starts crying...again).
Best to just keep out of it sometimes.

calling out girl: um...what are these nice clothes?
me: dress ups!
cog: can I.....?
me: no!
cog: can...?
me: no, no you can't, not today.
cog: c..
me: not today hon.
cog; tomorrow?
me: ....um...
cog: (looking at me expectantly).
me: .....nup!
I'm not being mean, just practical. I really don't feel like THAT much tidying up at the end of a 12 hour day!

kid: Miss F, I think you forgot to give us all personal points!
me: (looking at chart where only one child has a personal point sticker) - no, I didn't forget at all.
kid: but, I don't have one.
me: no, no you don't.
It's a harsh life.

cryer: (grabs onto hand) I want you to stay outside with me. You can't go!
me: but hon, I have to go inside
cryer: whyyyyy? (squeezing hand)
me: because I'm really hungry and I want to eat my lunch. You already got to eat your lunch and you wouldn't even let me have any of your chocolate. I'm HUNGRY!
cryer: nooooo you stay here!
me: (trying to inch away) I have lasagna waiting for me and did I mention I was really HUNGRY?
cryer: stay!
me: how about having a play in the sand pit. It's so much fun!
cryer: I want to stay with you!
me: oohh, look there's your big brother I bet he'd LOVE to look after you
(big bro trying to inch away but have already grabbed his hand)
me: look K, your sister would like to play with you. BYEEEEEEEEEE (run)
Survival of the fittest

So as you can see, I'm buggered.

Labels: school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, work

posted by M at 10:03 pm 15 comments

*child screaming somewhere in the background*
bro - ...I hate those fucking whiny kids. That is one annoying sound.
me - you think THAT'S annoying? Multiply the sound by about a zillion times and keep it going for 45 minutes straight and you have that tantrum boy I had to deal with today.
bro - God.
me - yeah, tell me about it.
bro - what you should do is hire an inside man to pretend to be a prep.
me - WTF? Like a 25 year old Billy Maddison guy?
bro - no, no hear me out this is a good plan. You get this midget to pretend to be one of them and he can influence them. He'd be in your pocket the whole time and every time you want the kids to do something you tell midget guy and he'll set it up for you from the inside. He can be their little ring leader but really he's working for you.
me - .....that is not a bad idea. Where do I get a midget from?

The situation with the grades next year has gotten very bad. My grade is loaded with tough cases to the point where I'm about to just walk and not look back. I truly wish I could, but in the end I'm a dreamer with my feet planted firmly in the practical. I can't afford to just quit my job. What is upsetting me about the situation is not so much the "hard grade" itself it's the fact that things could be swapped around so that everyone has even grades but it's not being done, it's that I've had two changes to my grade which have both brought in even more tough kids and seen leave nicer ones and my grade was ALREADY loaded beforehand, it's the fact that I'm not being listened to and supported now which means I will be left to fend for myself next year also.

I know what it looks like when you have an unruly grade and I'm already battling with the stigma of being the art teacher going in to teach a grade. This is a huge stigma to deal with despite the fact that I've been a prep teacher before and I pretty much specialise in the early years of schooling. It's where my expertise are. People have short memories though and I know this more than anyone. The last thing I want as a professional is for my grade to be loaded to the point where people will look at them and judge everything I do MORE harshly than usual. It will have impact on my future teaching career because parents are notorious and terrible gossips out in the yard. Of course we will judge their parenting skills too, so I understand this is not a one way street - it's just that they can keep on having kids even if they are shit parents (see Britney Spears) whereas if the parents complain too loudly about us we get a bad name and parents start protesting about being in our grade. It can have devastating consequences as the teaching industry is actually a small one in terms of gossip, things tend to stick. You can go to a whole new school and everyone will know about your past - good or bad - within a month. Having a grade loaded with "issues" is like someone giving you a portfolio to work on that has little chance of succeeding. I mean sure, you deal with the situation and maybe inspiration will strike and you can beat things down but at the same time, if your end of year bonus depends on making it work and you can't because well, it was always set up to fail then you're certainly not going to be given MORE of a chance the next year are you...you'll probably get dumped with the crappy cases again.

Anyway the whole thing has really just depressed me. I'll just add it to the list of shitty things that have been going on lately.. I can't think of anything genuinely nice that has happened to me in ...well a very long time. God knows I've tried to rectify my myriad of dicey situations but to no avail.. I need a stiff drink.

Labels: bro, conversations, school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, wonderings

posted by M at 9:24 pm 22 comments

It's started: The bitching. This is the one part of classroom teaching I did not miss while being the art teacher. That is; formulating the grade lists and the bitching that inextricably follows. It happens IMO because things are not fairly done. My philosophy on life is that everything MUST be fair for all. I am not one of those people that handle unfairness or favouritism well. Since life isn't very fair then you can imagine how much trouble I have dealing with things in everyday life. I don't simply say 'oh well, that's a spot of bother and just deal' oh no. I stew. I muse, I think, I brood, I get angry and I almost explode if things are not balanced. If things can be made fair then I want them to be fair. To me, that's just the way things should be - even to the point of knowing that if I have it 'too good' that it's time for me to give up some of mine so that others around me can be balanced.

When it comes to formulating grade lists I'm extremely practical about it. I feel that where possible:
1) spread out the pains, painful parents, lovelies, smarties, nutters and weirdos so that everyone has some of each.
2) every child should get a friend - but not have any grades loaded with a group of about 7 girls who "just can't be separated" what bollocks!
3) balanced grades in terms of gender, academic strengths/weaknesses.
4) no child to be with anyone that they are scared of or who we've heard they don't get along with.

In my opinion, this makes the grades more or less balanced. It gives each grade a variety of children with enough like minds to make learning groups of differing abilities. Ie: a normal classroom. Meanwhile Prin's idea of formulating class groups is to think about which kinder they came from or daycare centre and lump them in together with who they spent their last year with. Not only does this undermine teacher judgment of who we think do and don't work well together but it also means that certain grades get loaded with kids from a wonderful thorough kinder and other grades get loaded with the kids from creche who sadly do nothing more than roll around on the floor.

Guess which grade I have my name against for next year? Yep, plus one notorious parent with a child who every teacher already knows (she doesn't even go to the school yet but yes, we all know to look out). This particular parent almost demolished one teachers rep a couple of years ago just because she didn't like him. There is also a child whose brother I taught in my second year of teaching and by golly these parents are ...not nice. There's also the sister of JB. Now, in case you don't remember JB I'm going to refer you back to this post. Apparently his sister exhibits the same tendencies as her brother. I have to say, these days I just adore JB and I was right, of course he dose have aspergers and is still rather strange (but calmed down a lot). In this proposed grade of mine there's TWO OTHER children who don't talk and two with suspected processing issues. Fab.

If all the grades looked like this I wouldn't have a problem, but it's only my grade that looks like a bomb hit it. It's not a case of Prin thinking that I can handle all these "issues". It's just that she didn't want to split children up from the kinder they went to in order to make the grades more fair.

Anyway, suffice to say. I'm really not happy about the situation and of course the team knows it and rather they also know there's nothing I can do about it because Prin doesn't want to hear it. Though I'm using this vehicle of blog to vent, I really don't want to ruin everyone else's nice grades by going to Prin either. I don't want to be the teacher that can't handle it. It's a shit situation and I don't know how to make it nicer for myself. Teaching a grade of prep children is probably the hardest teaching position in the school (I know, since I've been around a bit now) and that's with a normal grade. I hate to think about what's going to happen next year if this grade stays the way it's set out now.

***

Like Amanda, was looking at my recent search engine history and was pleasantly surprised to see that the smut that usually drives people here has been been somewhat curtailed for now. I gather then that I must finally be high brow! Yay! Well maybhe not, but it's interesting to see what bring people here. Even if it has nothing to do with drunk nuns. Once query I thought needed answering..

you know you Melbournian when you

* have at one stage or another whether you are drunk or not sung the words to a your footy team's theme song OR at least to Up There Cazaly.
* Wear layers of clothes that can be easily peeled off or put on depending on the weather. One never assumes..
* love John So even though you really know nothing about him except that he's mayor and has an accent.
* Know where the nearest umbrella is at all times (though really not relevant for the past three years).
* Either love or hate Federation Square but agree that the concrete wasteland full of skater bogans that was there before was waaaay worse.
* Would never swim in the Yarra River, not even for a thousand dollars but LOVE seeing others do it, especially if they are from the Northern states (teehee).
* Remember who Carmen Chan is, or know someone who knows someone who knows someone who lived near her when it all happened.
* you drink real coffee (or are trying to give up), and none of that Starbucks shit either. In fact you look down upon Starbucks. Come to think of it you laugh rather heartily when other people say they got good coffee in say Adelaide or BrisV that one time.
* Have feared the wrath of a Tram driver who dings you with is ferocious bell of doom. DOOOOM!
* Have met someone at Flinders Street Station (and were late - ...and made the joke about being on 'Hurstbridge time' or something).
* Have actively avoided that derro on Smith Street who talks to himself.
* Have seen the bearded large guy who wears dresses on Brunswick Street.
* Still think nostalgically of the silver space suit street busker that would dance weirdly to electronic space music on the corner of Burke and Swanston St.
* Know that eating out is pretty much a pleasure wherever you go. Awesome food, almost everywhere.
* You can find your way to Haighs Chocolates with your eyes closed.
* You've frozen your tits (or other) off at Docklands.
* You remember when it was fucking scary to go anywhere near Spencer Street Station. In fact you refused to go there alone and you still don't *quite* trust it not to be dodgy.
* You miss having a zillion public holidays like the rest of Oz.
* I say "Jeff Kennett yellow penis on the Tulla" and you probably know what I'm talking about.

Labels: fairness, melbourne musings, school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas

posted by M at 7:20 pm 15 comments

* I had a strange blogger dream last night. It involved a mass blogger meet up, but felt more like High school. I liked High School in so far that I was totally happy doing my dance and drama, hanging out with my friends, singing show tunes in class and laughing a lot.. a hell of a lot (obviously I wasn't one of the popular elite). Apart from that I pretty much hated everyone else in High School and much like Erica Yurken from my one of my favourite childhood novels Hating Alison Ashley, I was always in the sick bay with a made up illness of some sort hoping to get out of 6th period Science with Mr K (he wore canary yellow).

The blogger meet up reminded me a little of my 10 year High School reunion (yes, unfortunately I did go...). I recognised some people, I think I recognised others and some I had no idea about. The whole thing was rather awkwardly surreal and I felt a little out of place. Which is incidentally how I alway feel - so at least that wasn't new. Just when things were looking very sad indeed Helena Bonham Carter turned up and sat right next to me. I'm not sure if she has a blog or not but it was marvelous of her anyway. She kelp scrunching her curls and looked a little flustered and distracted though - which funnily enough is exactly how I feel at the moment.

* The movie project is due tomorrow. Today, the new Dawson Leary was instructed to chain himself to the computer and edit the thing until it was done (day...what? 8 of editing?). Of course I was stuck in the AR with a bunch of homicidal children also known as my grade 3 art class (yes, yes okay fine I was the homicidal one) who for some reason were all concentrated on two girls in the grade squabbling with each other.

I got rather sick of the back and forth "but she said..." stuff and in a moment of utter frustration exclaimed to the whole grade in a loud and rather hysterical voice OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE (would love to swear for once), AS A MATTER Of INTEREST PUT UP YOUR HAND IF YOU ARE ANNOYED BY * and * ARGUING? Every single child in the grade put up their hand including one of the said squabblers (amusing). Then I put up my hand and so did the parent helper who had come in to do a yarn spinning demonstration (haha). The other squabbler and only person with their hand down looked mortified. I stopped the Art lesson right there and we talked about ways to avoid getting into arguments. It was the first time in a while for that grade that everyone worked cooperatively to come up with a solution (amazing how 'if you don't get along maybe don't sit together' is such a simple solution and and yet so effective). I'm not sure if highlighting that the whole class basically thought these two girls were idiots was the right way to go in teacher-land but sometimes kids need a dose of reality. They were being idiots.

Anyway, being stuck in the AR with a bunch of children meant that I could not keep an eye on Dawson Leary II and the movie editing. So when I turned up to the lab and saw him working on the DIRECTORS CUT of our 3 minute movie (including bloopers and outtakes and a credit reel, gangsta style) I went ballistic! Meanwhile the actual movie wasn't yet finished and I had big problems with a missing consent of release form (which by the way is still missing and by the way the fate of our movie depends on me finding it). So the film is still not finished and we are down a consent of release form. I have no way of actually supervising these children AND teach a grade at the same time AND actually get the tape to the co-ordinator all by tomorrow so the only thing left for me to do is have a complete nervous breakdown. Dawson Leary II, saw me hitting my head against the table today and said Oh Miss F, you and *producer* both stress too much! Doooooooooooontworryaboutit!. Serenity now! How do I get myself into these things?

* I had my review with Prin yesterday afternoon. I prepared like a champion (which means not starting the thinking process until about midnight the night before, pulling an all nighter and working through my lunch break and planning hour the next day) and we had a fine chat about next year. If she doesn't change her mind (anything goes with Prin) then I shall be back in the classroom next year with a day out of the room every week to supervise a Media Art extension group. This is very exciting and should keep me interested and challenged next year - and also answers the aforementioned question: How do I get myself into these things? Sigh. Surely Dawson Leary III will be a winner.

* It's amazing just how many people are searching for that blasted Maddison Gabriel on the net and coming up with my journal. Wouldn't it be great if they WEREN'T looking for child porn and instead were motivated by a distaste of the fashion and beauty industry and the unrealistic pressures it puts on women? Wouldn't it be fabulous if every one of them said 'hey, you know - this sucks and so I'm going to be outspoken about this too'? That would be great. God, I hope they're not looking for porn.

Labels: blogs, dirty femmo, friends, gender stuff, girls and women, media, miscellany, models, movies, school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, Yoko woman

posted by M at 10:43 pm 16 comments

So after my last boo hoo post about aloneness - by some serendipity I came across the article that expained it all.

Radar's 100 Reasons Why You Are Still Single.

I swear I busted a rib laughing while reading it. Then of course the stark reality set in that ummm maybe I do some of these things.

Here are some of the best bits of the list - of course the whole thing is a best bit really. I've been kind enough to highlight the ones exhibited by yours truly so you can see just how sad I am and point and laugh. I will not name names but I already know that some of YOU guys do some of the things on the list too. I'll leave it up to you to own up.

5. Are only gay when you're drunk

6. Have written poetry inside a Starbucks

13. Use emoticons in handwritten letters (I know this is unforgivable but you see the thing is - once you start this it's very difficult to stop!)

14. Own a "It's Not Going to Suck Itself" T-shirt

18. Can't stop missing Anna Nicole

19. Scream out Wheel of Fortune answers (Wheel of Fortune, Temptation, RocKwiz, Spicks and Specks, even kids game shows - yes unfortunately for you I am always the carry over couch champ of any televised game show!)

21. Won't travel anywhere out of "blading distance"

23. Begin stories with, "I'm not a stalker, but ..." (...only as a joke I swear!)

26. Flash devil horns in wedding photos

27. Eat with one arm guarding your plate

28. Refer to your PDA as a "Crackberry"

29. Have a dartboard in your kitchen

30. Own a calendar featuring babies dressed as cowboys

32. Keep a dream journal (technically no, but I've been known to write about a dream or two, or 25)

36. Have a "lucky" garter hanging from your rearview mirror

38. Refuse to remove your Bluetooth earpiece during sex

39. Take off work each year to celebrate Cinco de Mayo; are Irish

41. Display your framed degree from bartending school

44. Refer to Target as "Tar-Jay" (not anymore, I promise...but I only very recently quit - like about 10 minutes ago when I read this list)

45. Have ever said: "That's sooo Sagittarius" (I can't help it if some people are *very* Leo, others are unfortunately Taurean - haha, yes yes I know a billion of you are Taurus, don't get your knickers in a knot- and some other people are so fabulously Arean they deserve to be king of the world now can I? *cough*)

47. Have a five o'clock shadow, on your ass

49. Cry when you listen to Belle and Sebastian, then, still tearful, blog about it (um..oh lord, it may not be Belle and Sebastian but it's close, veeerrry close and you all know it. I blame WDKY).

52. Have more than zero stuffed animals on your bed

53. Live by two sartorial rules: pleated, stonewashed

58. Have taken more than one cell phone picture of your genitals

59. Close all correspondence with "Prayerfully Yours"

62. Use the word "scrumptious" (it's a perfectly good word dammit!)

64. List "Dungeon Master" on your business card

75. Have a bedside stack of Sudoku books

76. Can only make love to the Mighty Mighty Bosstones

80. Have a screensaver of you posing with your Frisbee golf bros

82. Have cellulite on your face

83. Refer to yourself as a "vagitarian"

87. Get visibly angry during Apple vs. PC debates

88. Are known among your girlfriends as "Heavy Flow"

98. Posted a Craigslist "Missed Connections" ad to find the kid who groped you on the subway

99. Believe the mouth is self-cleaning

Incidentally I partook (is this even a word?) in a PC versus Mac "conversation" at school today. I am one of those rare people that owns a Mac (though rarely use it for internet surfing purposes anymore) and actually COULDN'T GIVE A SHIT about which is better in emotive terms. I find it infinitely amusing how emotional Mac people are about their computers. There's some definite ain't seen any lovin' in a long time type passion going on there with the Mac users and I'm not quite sure why Mac users are so taken with their Macs.

The people I was talking to seemed normal on the outside (except we are all teachers, which of course makes us abnormal to the nth degree) totally surprised me by how far their lovefest went - hell they even got into "classic Mac appreciation societies" for fucks sake - yes apparently they really do exist!. I'm like...yes, I'm one of you but I'm not a freak like you (I actually said that). It seems that next year we will have more than two Mac users renting their edu laptops at the school. The computer techs are mortified - you'd think they'd be rapt.

- It seems that I'm not the only one considering a change at the school next year. The problem with this is that a few personalities I probably wouldn't like working with are planning on making a change to the same level that I'm considering teaching at next year. This is making me think twice about changing at all. Will working in a team I don't like be worth the change? I know the classroom is 'my own' but I'm now used to planning and executing things my own way - especially financially...will I end up killing someone whose ideas I clash with?

I approached Prin about maintaining some Art duties. She seemed receptive to the idea but I know that she doesn't want anymore job and grade sharing going on than is already happening next year. The thing about teaching at a primary level is that so much is always going on. We are not a bunch of specialist teachers - we've all trained as classroom teachers - but classrooms are creative and dynamic places in primary schools and people who go into teaching usually have something a little extra up their sleeves and are creative and dynamic too. You have to be in order to work with kids. Maybe they are arty, or have a knack for organising money, or are secretly computer geeks, or have a way with counseling, or are film buffs, or sporting legends in their tea breaks or musical geniuses, can dance or are amature theatre stars.

Wouldn't it be great that since we are fostering these "extra talents" in children too, that those of us who want to offer more, can? Schools are always banging on about being flexible places that integrate learning but the bottom line is, we rarely integrate teachers in order to make best use of our talents. We teach in boxes most of the time because it's easiest for management and indeed easier to sell to the parents. Sometimes we bow too much to parental pressure - so little John will have to get used to having two teachers instead of one - geez someone call in the authorities little John will have to...*gasp* learn to deal with different personalities - which won't help him in the real world at all, will it? Yes, I understand that if we're going to let teachers follow their own areas of interest then it means that the school will be messy in its structure - but as any teacher will tell you that all the best learning is messy, isn't it?

Labels: relationships, school, singletons, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, teaching the teacher, wonderings

posted by M at 11:27 pm 20 comments

I'm feeling a little 'under the fire' at work at the moment. I haven't been in the art room teaching art. I've been in the classroom teaching English, Maths and other assorted goodies. This is a temporary change while our school undergoes student testing. I've loved being in the classroom, and felt like my creativity has returned. It's funny that while teaching art I've felt that my own creativity has been stifled but while in the classroom my fight instincts are switched on and I'm constantly challenged to be on my toes, thinking of new ways to make old ideas exciting. In art - everything is pretty much already exciting. I mean how much do you really have to work to make red paint exciting? It's bloody red paint! It's slimy, it's colourful, it's messy and it's sloppy. What's not to love?

The stifled creativity that I've felt in the art room however is made up for by the fact that I am basically my own boss. I decide, plan and execute my program. I pick out the materials. I decide on the displays. I get to say which work goes up and which work doesn't. I get to be as organised or as disorganised as I like and fuck 'em if they don't agree. This freedom is wonderful. I love it. That is, I've loved it until now. Until one particular teacher has decided that she'd like to plan an extension art program for talented children.

This particular teacher is a senior teacher and well respected. She's also a friend. I don't always agree with her professional opinion - that is when it comes to what is considered talent in art. She'd like to work with me to plan an extension art group. I've been thinking of doing the same anyway, so that's no problem. But the issue is that I want to choose who goes into the group and I want to plan what goes on in the group. I know that S's idea of who goes into the group will be a little different from mine. She will pick talented artists (based on my wide recommendations) but her proviso is that their IQ needs to be high as well (since that's the point of her program). I, on the other hand would like to see children who don't get a go in anything else BUT who are also talented at art to do the program. I don't want to choose on IQ. I also don't want to be a strong arm when it comes to this... I feel a bit pressured to create a program now that is going to make the powers that be happy, when all I've been doing for the last year are things that make me and the students happy.

I don't like this feeling.

Readers of cbg will be aware of my little flirtation with public bathroom graffiti. For those that haven't seen cbg, I saw a message the other day on a toilet door that said "you are loved beyond your capability to even comprehend". I thought it was an interesting message for me to have read and wondered if anyone else had seen the message on that day and felt a little like looking over their shoulder, just like I did. I already know that roughly 99% of people who read this journal think that fate or messages or any of that stuff is bullshit, so I won't ask you what you think. But sometimes I wonder whether the universe gives a little tap. Why? I don't know.

In other news, quotegirl!

choir master - Okay kids, I want you to stand up straight and tall and sing the National Anthem - you all know the words to that, right?
8 year old - would you like me to sing it vebratto or Deep vebratto?
choir master - uh..just your normal voice will do...
hahaha, the kid was being serious too

#1 - So, S have you been doing your Pelvic Floor Exercises
me - oh shit, do we have to start talking about this?
S - How do you know you're even doing them right?
me - just stick a squeeze toy up there and if you get a noise out of it then you know you're doing it right.
S, #1, F - ....
I sure know how to stop traffic

Fashion Cousin - He texted me "I'm stressed at work. I need some space". What does that mean?
me - doesn't sound so good...
Fashion Cousin - if he wanted to break up, would he have just said so?
me - um, I dunno maybe but something tells me that men are only forward when it comes to football ...and beer.
What an arse - seriously, TEXT MESSAGE? bah!

C - the only bad thing about getting flowers is playing it up for the guy. They're only flowers but you have to stand there for just a little longer than you want to - admiring, cause if you don't you'll never get them again!
oops, that convo was supposed to be for girls only

C.O - I know this family that had a child called Luke. Then they were granted custody of their niece whose name is Leia. Earlier this year they had a baby and wanted to keep up the star wars theme so they named it Ben.
Me - Freak alert!
H - you think that's bad. I know someone who named their child Philippa Condon.
Me - ....oh. my. god no way!
H - I also know someone called Richard Coch.
Parent's are cruel.

Me - WHAT THE FUCK HAS HE DONE TO HIS FACE?
sly stallone.

Labels: a case of the leader not wanting to be lead, art, quotegirl, school, teacher dramas

posted by M at 9:11 pm 32 comments