[Miscellany]

bro - Def Leopard is better than Led Zeppelin.
me: What the fuck? Are you shitting me?
bro - I am being completely serious. Def Leopard is a better band any day.
me: You are seriously on drugs. That is the most fucked up think you've ever said. "Pour some Sugar on Me" Versus "Dazed and Confused". ummmm... no contest.
bro - no. They're just better. End of fucking story.
me: YOU ARE A BOGAN! That is completely ridiculous. Are you saying that "Rocket..yeahhhhh" changed musical history like "Stairway" did? Come on. You're making me angry. I just don't get it. I DON'T UNDERSTAND how you can say something like that! You're wrong. It's wrong!
bro - they're a better band. It's a simple fact.
me: It's not a fact. You're an idiot: That's a fact!
[Thoughts?]

#2 - I have to tell you what my friends gave to each other for their wedding. They had this bit in the ceremony where the bride and groom exchanged presents.
me: aww..very sweet.
#2 - ...yeah, sort of. He's obsessed with car racing so she got him this wall hanging that's actually 3D of a racing car.
me: oooh kay, if that rocks his boat
#2 - At home the bride has is one of those people that has about a million stuffed toys on her bed.
me: oh my god, those people scare me
#2 - Exactly, so for her present he got her a 7 foot tall teddy bear. Like the ones you can buy in those flower shops at the hospital..but GIANT SIZED.
me: haha, oh shit. That would ruin the fuck out of any decor at home. I mean where do you keep it?
R - ...Hey, then did the husband grab a knife and slice the giant teddy in the stomach revealing all the other stuffed toys?
me: hahahaha, that is the best..Then the stuffed toys end up killing everyone at the wedding!!
R - Just like the horse of Troy.
me: *crying* I wish I was at that wedding!
[Now that is a wedding that someone needs to have!]

bro: if you could shoot any person down in that foot court which one would you choose?
me: *looking around and thinking*
me: *sees bloke pulling up his t-shirt to show the ladies his toned tummy*
me: oh my god...
bro: no, no, I know exactly who you are going to say but *I* want to kill him!
me: No way! He's mine. I get to kill him
bro: No way, he dies. I will use all my bullets on him.
me: I wanna do it! I want the honour!
bro: Let me!
[yes, we truly play this game in public]

fashion Cousin - C got back from her Honeymoon the other day and I was talking to her on the phone.
me: ohh how great! I love her. Did she have a wonderful time?
FC - yeah, I think so. She was talking more about her wedding though. She didn't want to be mean about it but she said "*A*, you know - I really don't get Australians sometimes"
me: haha, what? What happened?
FC - well apparently for her wedding she got some gifts that were completely inappropriate for a wedding and all of the weird ones came from Aussies.
me: oh lord, what did they give her?
FC - okay, well she said that this couple went in together and got her two Hankies. ...Just two... HANKIES.
me: WHAT THE HELL? That's ridiculous...Were they personally embroidered in gold? Were they rare materials? ..I don't ... Um... what?
FC - Exactly. C didn't understand how anyone would give something like that. Then she got this little box and guess what was in the little box?
me: voucher for a stay in a nice hotel in the city?
FC - One spoon and one knife.
me: *laughing uncontrollably* ... I don't understand. Was it solid silver and ...like a special server or some kind?
FC - no...just one normal dinner setting of ONE spoon and ONE knife. It came from two people. I don't understand.
me: Do people not know how weddings work. You give a gift of roughly the same value as the cost for your place at the table. It's manners. Everyone knows this. If you're povo, no one is going to care but if you can afford a new dress or shoes then you can afford to give a present to your friends on their wedding day!
FC - THANK YOU! I thought I was going crazy for a second.

[okay seriously, this is how I see it. If you are invited to a wedding you fork out for a nice present of roughly the same value as your place at the reception. If you are a couple it doesn't mean you get to flake out. Two places for dinner = putting in a little extra. Am I so far off the mark here?

E - After this trip, I've run out of excuses, girls. I'm going to have to... you know.
me: oh my god.
E - ..squeeze one out.
me: !!!
E - I know.
[..and you boys think we're trapping YOU into it!! pffffffft!]

E - Did you know there are 30% more single women in our age bracket than single men? I'm feeling the pinch.
me: what the hell are you talking about, you're MARRIED!
E - It's a sympathy pain.
[Am not sure if that works.]


Me: I went to see Mamma Mia the other day
bro - I can't believe you went to see that! You suck.
me: Yeah, it was Mamma Shitta.
bro - that didn't work.
me: meh...I tried.
[should it have been Mamma Merda?]

Here's one that is about as far away from ABBA, Led Zepp and Def Leopard as you can get. Just, I don't know what to say about it that would do it justice so let me just play it. I'm sure you know the song. It's incredible.

Just Like Honey - The Jesus and Mary Chain.

Labels: bro, defining moments in musical history, foreign weddings, friends, music, musical monday, quotegirl, singletons

posted by M at 10:25 pm 21 comments

*child screaming somewhere in the background*
bro - ...I hate those fucking whiny kids. That is one annoying sound.
me - you think THAT'S annoying? Multiply the sound by about a zillion times and keep it going for 45 minutes straight and you have that tantrum boy I had to deal with today.
bro - God.
me - yeah, tell me about it.
bro - what you should do is hire an inside man to pretend to be a prep.
me - WTF? Like a 25 year old Billy Maddison guy?
bro - no, no hear me out this is a good plan. You get this midget to pretend to be one of them and he can influence them. He'd be in your pocket the whole time and every time you want the kids to do something you tell midget guy and he'll set it up for you from the inside. He can be their little ring leader but really he's working for you.
me - .....that is not a bad idea. Where do I get a midget from?

The situation with the grades next year has gotten very bad. My grade is loaded with tough cases to the point where I'm about to just walk and not look back. I truly wish I could, but in the end I'm a dreamer with my feet planted firmly in the practical. I can't afford to just quit my job. What is upsetting me about the situation is not so much the "hard grade" itself it's the fact that things could be swapped around so that everyone has even grades but it's not being done, it's that I've had two changes to my grade which have both brought in even more tough kids and seen leave nicer ones and my grade was ALREADY loaded beforehand, it's the fact that I'm not being listened to and supported now which means I will be left to fend for myself next year also.

I know what it looks like when you have an unruly grade and I'm already battling with the stigma of being the art teacher going in to teach a grade. This is a huge stigma to deal with despite the fact that I've been a prep teacher before and I pretty much specialise in the early years of schooling. It's where my expertise are. People have short memories though and I know this more than anyone. The last thing I want as a professional is for my grade to be loaded to the point where people will look at them and judge everything I do MORE harshly than usual. It will have impact on my future teaching career because parents are notorious and terrible gossips out in the yard. Of course we will judge their parenting skills too, so I understand this is not a one way street - it's just that they can keep on having kids even if they are shit parents (see Britney Spears) whereas if the parents complain too loudly about us we get a bad name and parents start protesting about being in our grade. It can have devastating consequences as the teaching industry is actually a small one in terms of gossip, things tend to stick. You can go to a whole new school and everyone will know about your past - good or bad - within a month. Having a grade loaded with "issues" is like someone giving you a portfolio to work on that has little chance of succeeding. I mean sure, you deal with the situation and maybe inspiration will strike and you can beat things down but at the same time, if your end of year bonus depends on making it work and you can't because well, it was always set up to fail then you're certainly not going to be given MORE of a chance the next year are you...you'll probably get dumped with the crappy cases again.

Anyway the whole thing has really just depressed me. I'll just add it to the list of shitty things that have been going on lately.. I can't think of anything genuinely nice that has happened to me in ...well a very long time. God knows I've tried to rectify my myriad of dicey situations but to no avail.. I need a stiff drink.

Labels: bro, conversations, school, stressed teachers, teacher dramas, teaching, wonderings

posted by M at 9:24 pm 22 comments

Today I went to do my civic duty by voting I witnessed something so horrific that 4 hours later I'm still not sure I'm over it. There was NO sausage sizzle at the polling booth. Cake stall; yes. Sausage Sizzle; NO. How can they call themselves a polling booth if they don't offer a lovely burnt to perfection with a choice of tomato sauce with or without onions sausage sizzle? I don't understand how they sleep at night. I'm just disappointed and upset by the whole thing and feel it is all very unAustralian. Even if I personally am not partaking in the sausage fest then I like to know that others in my electorate have the option to chow down if they want. Cake stall: Who wants a flipping cake stall? There's no enjoyment in a fruitcake...not like a nice hot sausage between a slice of tip top bread dripping with sauce and creating a sense of community spirit when you all stand around and laugh at the cronies handing out the vote Liberal pamphlets.

I know that the school I work at is having a sausage sizzle because I had to paint the bloody sign informing the general public of the event, so it confuses me that my local isn't having one. Who are these barbarians?

So, yes - it's election day. We have a choice between an ear wax eater and a man who has never invited his own deputy over for tea in the last 10+ years of working together. Fuck all other policies - I mean the fact Howard is war mongering, semi-retired, cricket loving, upper middle class serving man who enjoys being sodomized by the US Prez has a lot to do with it too - but the dinner thing well, I think that's just disgraceful. Mrs Howard has come out and said that she and the hon. Johnny haven't invited Pete and wife over for tea because they don't ever have foursomes at their home for dinner parties. Yes, this was the official bullshit excuse. It's not like they have to be best friends or anything but I assumed that there would be some bond to speak of since they are running the country together. After all, if the Libs stay in power the reigns will be handed over to Pete in a minute. Good to know there's a lot of communication going on between them behind closed doors so a smooth transition happens. No thanks, I voted for ear wax guy instead. At least we know his ears are clean enough to listen...well, they are NOW.

EDIT - convo I had with my bro earlier.

bro - so hey, I think this girl thought I was stalking her.
me - um...whaaa?
bro - yeah, it was the other day when I was meeting you for dinner and I got off the bus at a different spot from where I usually do so I could walk to the restaurant.
me - okay...
bro - anyway, I think this girl thought I was following her.
me - *laughing* riiight, did she stare at you or something?
bro - yeah, she was looking over her shoulder at me while I was walking behind her. She was really freaked out.
me - no shit *laughing*.
bro - it's not funny! I don't want to be a stalker
me - *laughing even harder* whatever. So what happened?
bro - she ran.
me - RAN? Like....ran?
bro - yeah, the thing is I tried to walk slower so that it wouldn't freak her out and then I thought I'd cross the road so I was away from her but at the last second she crossed too - so it looked like I was following her across the road. She saw me do it and then she ran.
me - oh my god, that's tragic. You stalking bastard, you have fucked her shit up good.
bro - why does she have to be so paranoid?
me - are you fucking kidding me? You have no idea what it's like to be a girl walking down a deserted street alone? If I hear heavy footsteps behind me I always grab my keys and hold them between my fingers, ready to punch. I always walk faster. I can't believe you don't know this!
bro - yeah, but that's just you.
me - bullshit, you fuck.
bro - but I'm not a stalker! I'm not doing anything wrong.
me - duh, you're just there, that's enough. She doesn't know you. She doesn't care who you are. You're just some guy walking down a totally deserted street behind her. It's not like it was in the middle of Collins St or something. You're asking her to trust you to walk behind her when in the real world women walking alone down a deserted street might be rape victims. Especially around THAT area. Why would she trust YOU?
bro - I didn't ask her to trust me! I just don't want her to freak out.
me - yeah, well maybe in a society where men don't prey on women she could walk down the street without freaking out.
bro - yeah, I know that this is an issue but...
me - sure, you *know* it's an issue but it's not something you actually ever have to deal with. It's not part of your reality of walking alone. It's part of her reality. Okay, you will rarely see a woman actually RUN but they're probably thinking 'hm..this could be dodgy, or 'oh shit' somewhere in their heads. Just because women don't always show their fear doesn't mean they aren't scared. She might have had an experience with an attacker or maybe her friend did.
bro - yeah well, I'm just saying I'm not a stalker.
me - well stop stalking people then.
bro - you suck.
me - yeah, bring it up at the next meeting of the men's alliance when you're talking about ruling the world hahahaha.
bro - haha, you're an idiot. But seriously, now I have a problem
me - what's that?
bro - I take her bus everyday. So every day from now on I have to deal with her thinking that I'm stalking her.
me - hahaha, that rules. Are you going to be like "hey I noticed you thought I was stalking you the other day but I just wanted you to know that I'm really normal".
bro - haha, noooo
me - go on, it would be cool. See if she reports you.
bro - I can't believe I have to deal with this shit now. I did nothing wrong.
me - yeah yeah whatever, no sympathy for stalkers.

Labels: bro, conversations, disgust, election day, gender stuff, girls and women, petty, political musings, rape, sausage sizzle, yes I am taking politics, Yoko woman

posted by M at 12:55 pm 22 comments

Back in the 80s, when I was a wee child, (wearing board shorts with fluoro colours, rolled down long socks and a groovy sideways ponytail) there is one band I remember everyone in my peer group loving. A ubiquitous little band called Icehouse. In fact as I recall the Australian government threatened to take away your citizenship and ship you back to the motherland if you didn't love them.

Unfortunately the problem was that I HATED Icehouse. I loved the album Man of Colours of course but only because it had the song Electric Blue ("help me baby, tell me what can I do?") on it. Electric Blue was a big hit for us 11 year olds living in the burbs. Apart from that one hit it was a little hard for me to try to relate to the rest of the Icehouse loving freaks out there in the big wide world.

Bro was a big Icehouse fan - in fact to this day I'd say Icehouse remains one of his all time favourite bands. I remember making fun of him for it, mercilessly. I'd "neh, neh, neh - you're a dork" him. He'd insist that Iva Davies made good music and then he'd slam the door and turn "Great Southern Land" up on 11. Yeah, I was a bitch.

The thing is - and this is just between you and me. I don't hate them so much anymore. In fact, I rather like them now - not everything they've done - but enough to care. Some of it has to do with being enveloped in that golden hue of nostalgia I enjoy so much. Play any song from Man of Colours and you will surely find me grinning and staring off into space with my funny hat of memories on. It's not all nostalgia though - some of it has to do with finally recognising that some of the songs really are rather good, and that maybe Bro was right.

The truth of the matter is though - and this comes from perspective and taste - Electric Blue though co written with Oates from Hall & Oats, is a really shit song. Icehouse have far better ones elsewhere in their catalogue, some dating back to when they were known as "Flowers".

With summer around the corner the days are getting longer now, warmer, tinged in an orange glow and coupled with long sighs and sticky icy pole residue running down one's arm. Or maybe that's just me.. It's always around this time of year that I dig Icehouse out, flick my shoes off, lay down, close my eyes and enjoy feeling the sunlight dance across my face with little soft kisses (stinging by the time I get up). Apt for these next three songs. Perfect, even.



Hey Little Girl

No Promises

We Can Get Together

Labels: bro, childhood, memories, musical monday, nostalgia

posted by M at 12:58 am 16 comments

Wagamama - QV

bro - I have a walkout policy.
me - what's the policy?
bro - 10 minutes with no service and I walk out.
me - yeah, well guess who doesn't have a walk out policy? That's right..
bro - ...I am willing to take the bus.
me - good luck
bro - I'll go 15 minutes.
me - yeah yeah yeah
*silence as I make my chopsticks dance and bro gives me the stare*
*no service*
bro - Wagamama just killed a maaaan, put a gun against his head pulled my trigger now he's dead.
me - haha
*silence*
me - Wagamama mia, here we go again my my how can I resist you?
bro - haha
*silence*
*no service*
me - $1000 to eat all your meals with chopsticks for one year. Would you do it?
bro - oooo...kind offer but one whole year? I'm going to have to go with a no.
me - It's a fair offer, you can eat whatever you want! You could eat Asian for a year and you get $1000 dollars. There are people in the world who eat with chopsticks everyday and they don't get $1000 and here I am offering it to you and what do you do? You throw it back in my face, that's what!
bro - $1000? No deal.
*silence*
me - okay $2500! All you have to do is eat everything with chopsticks.
bro - no! no deal!
me - okay, okay you twist my arm $5000!
bro - hm...tempting but I don't knoooww.
me - It's a simple task really, doesn't even put you out very much and you get PAID to do it. That's $100 a week or thereabouts that you get for eating with chopsticks. $100 bucks a week is a lot of money!
bro - ...maybe.
*silence*
*no service*
*me closing one eye and pretending I can squish bro's head in my chopsticks*
me got yer head!
bro - it's like Beetlejuice with the shrunken head.
me Funniest movie ever! Remember how I was so obsessed with it. I watched that like 3 times a day for the whole school holidays
bro - oh yeah, you were a Beetlejuice freak! But I'm surprised we watched that movie and got it! We were pretty young..
me yeah, quirky film
*silence*
me "I've seen The exorcist about 167 times and it keeps getting funnier EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I SEE IT! Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy here. So what do you think? You think I'm qualified?"
bro - hahahaha, classic!
*silence*
*no service*
me Man what's with the service?
bro - walk out policy.
me There is no fucking way I'm going anywhere else at this point.
bro - I'm going to give her [waitress] the eye.
me you go ahead and do that.
*silence as bro perfects the eye*
me so..$5000, chopsticks for a year.
bro - okay deal! But I can eat normal hand held food with my hands, right?
me um no! That wasn't part of the deal. You eat everything with chopsticks!
bro - what about sandwiches and hamburgers? I don't eat them with a fork and knife. I use my hands. Why can't I use my hands?
me No. The rules state that you must eat everything with chopsticks including all hand held food. You can however choose not to eat any hand held food.
bro - no..I should be allowed to eat sandwiches with my hands! How the hell am I supposed to eat a sandwich with chopsticks?
me You could use two pairs of chopsticks! One in each hand and pick up the sandwich like that!
bro - haha, no.
me Okay, I'll tell you what I'll do for ya - you CAN use knives etc to CUT your food into bite sized pieces and THEN use your chopsticks to eat those bite sized pieces.
bro - This is stupid! I should be allowed to have sandwiches. One meal of hand held food a day.
me A DAY? You have got to be kidding. No deal. The deal is off!
bro - one hand held meal a day!
me no, you FREAK! You're getting $5000 AND a pair of chopsticks! What more do you want?
*silence*
me okay okay! You can have one hand held meal a week. That's it. That's my final offer.
bro - one hand held meal a day. You're not compromising here, you need to meet me half way.
me Two hand held meals a week!
bro - 5 hand held meals a week!!
*silence*
me 5 hand held meals a week and the price goes down to $3500!
bro - YOU ARE RIPPING ME OFF!
me no deal!
*silence*
*no service*
me You suck. So..what are you going to get?
bro - They really shouldn't keep us waiting, we could have a restaurant review blog!

service - 6/20 (they got better)
meal 12/20
conversation - ridiculous.

Labels: bro, conversations, restaurant

posted by M at 1:30 am 25 comments

Last night bro and I went for dinner at our favourite (if not rather dodgy - health inspector wise) Vietnamese restaurant. Don't you just hate it when you think you have this special and unique relationship with your waiter but then on a busy night you realise that actually, he has the same friendly, easygoing and 'special' relationship with ALL his customers? What a slut!

Anyway, half way through dinner one of those ladies selling roses came into the restaurant with her basket and tried to palm off her roses. Bro refused to buy one for me! hmph!

Bro: I hate that shit! They publically pressure you to buy a rose. If you don't you look like a cheap arse.
Me: I know! But it's clever. If you were on a date if you don't buy a rose you do look a bit cheap!
Bro: ...And if you do buy it you look like you were forced into buying a rose
Me: "you weren't romantic enough to give be flowers before this lady came around?"
Bro: Exactly, forced rose situation.
Me: But you know, on a date situation how can you say no? Would you buy a rose for your date?
Bro: That depends on the date...
Me: Explain.
Well if it was a first date then yes but if we were married or whatever, years down the track then probably not because you don't really need to.
...okay.
...so wait, if you're married to her isn't she MORE special?
yeeeees...
Well, doesn't the special lady deserve a rose?
If you're married you probably have a joint understanding that the rose lady is a freak and there shall be no rose buying
..have you asked?
huh?
have you actually had a conversation before dinner that there shall be no rose buying?
no, it's just a general understanding
Yeeeaaaaaaah, good luck with that.
Explain
Even if they HATE the forced rose, if you don't buy the rose then it's like 'why the hell didn't I get a rose of some kind at some point during this date?'
But if you do then you look like you didn't make enough effort to get flowers before, or if you're married it highlights how you never buy flowers anymore?
yep.
That is fucked up. You hate the rose lady as much as I do
Yep, I hate that crap. I don't even want a rose from the rose lady! It wouldn't affect how I saw my date as a person. But, still there would be a little part of me that would think.."hey, why are't I good enough for a rose?" EVEN THOUGH I don't actually want one.
That is just dumb!
Yeah well, suck it up bitch. You're just going to have to be romantic, some way, somehow, some day or else you suck!!

Later, while walking back to the car

Bro: Would you rather a forced rose or a broken flower picked by hand?
Me: Flower picked by hand - even if it's a daisy - but I would rather that than store bought ones anyway.
...and if they're harder to get, like he has to climb a fence then it's even better?
yep, you got it
Yeah, now that actually makes sense.
....so what do guys get. Where's our rose?
You get NOT to give birth.
...yeah well, okay.

Labels: bro, men, quotegirl, women, wonderings

posted by M at 8:50 am 38 comments