Sunday, July 20, 2008

the soul of a quotegirl was created below

bro - Def Leopard is better than Led Zeppelin.
me: What the fuck? Are you shitting me?
bro - I am being completely serious. Def Leopard is a better band any day.
me: You are seriously on drugs. That is the most fucked up think you've ever said. "Pour some Sugar on Me" Versus "Dazed and Confused". ummmm... no contest.
bro - no. They're just better. End of fucking story.
me: YOU ARE A BOGAN! That is completely ridiculous. Are you saying that "Rocket..yeahhhhh" changed musical history like "Stairway" did? Come on. You're making me angry. I just don't get it. I DON'T UNDERSTAND how you can say something like that! You're wrong. It's wrong!
bro - they're a better band. It's a simple fact.
me: It's not a fact. You're an idiot: That's a fact!

#2 - I have to tell you what my friends gave to each other for their wedding. They had this bit in the ceremony where the bride and groom exchanged presents.
me: aww..very sweet.
#2 - ...yeah, sort of. He's obsessed with car racing so she got him this wall hanging that's actually 3D of a racing car.
me: oooh kay, if that rocks his boat
#2 - At home the bride has is one of those people that has about a million stuffed toys on her bed.
me: oh my god, those people scare me
#2 - Exactly, so for her present he got her a 7 foot tall teddy bear. Like the ones you can buy in those flower shops at the hospital..but GIANT SIZED.
me: haha, oh shit. That would ruin the fuck out of any decor at home. I mean where do you keep it?
R - ...Hey, then did the husband grab a knife and slice the giant teddy in the stomach revealing all the other stuffed toys?
me: hahahaha, that is the best..Then the stuffed toys end up killing everyone at the wedding!!
R - Just like the horse of Troy.
me: *crying* I wish I was at that wedding!
[Now that is a wedding that someone needs to have!]

bro: if you could shoot any person down in that foot court which one would you choose?
me: *looking around and thinking*
me: *sees bloke pulling up his t-shirt to show the ladies his toned tummy*

me: oh my god...
bro: no, no, I know exactly who you are going to say but *I* want to kill him!
me: No way! He's mine. I get to kill him
bro: No way, he dies. I will use all my bullets on him.
me: I wanna do it! I want the honour!
bro: Let me!
[yes, we truly play this game in public]

fashion Cousin - C got back from her Honeymoon the other day and I was talking to her on the phone.
me: ohh how great! I love her. Did she have a wonderful time?
FC - yeah, I think so. She was talking more about her wedding though. She didn't want to be mean about it but she said "*A*, you know - I really don't get Australians sometimes"
me: haha, what? What happened?
FC - well apparently for her wedding she got some gifts that were completely inappropriate for a wedding and all of the weird ones came from Aussies.
me: oh lord, what did they give her?
FC - okay, well she said that this couple went in together and got her two Hankies. ...Just two... HANKIES.
me: WHAT THE HELL? That's ridiculous...Were they personally embroidered in gold? Were they rare materials? ..I don't ... Um... what?
FC - Exactly. C didn't understand how anyone would give something like that. Then she got this little box and guess what was in the little box?
me: voucher for a stay in a nice hotel in the city?
FC - One spoon and one knife.
me: *laughing uncontrollably* ... I don't understand. Was it solid silver and ...like a special server or some kind?
FC - no...just one normal dinner setting of ONE spoon and ONE knife. It came from two people. I don't understand.
me: Do people not know how weddings work. You give a gift of roughly the same value as the cost for your place at the table. It's manners. Everyone knows this. If you're povo, no one is going to care but if you can afford a new dress or shoes then you can afford to give a present to your friends on their wedding day!
FC - THANK YOU! I thought I was going crazy for a second.

[okay seriously, this is how I see it. If you are invited to a wedding you fork out for a nice present of roughly the same value as your place at the reception. If you are a couple it doesn't mean you get to flake out. Two places for dinner = putting in a little extra. Am I so far off the mark here?

E - After this trip, I've run out of excuses, girls. I'm going to have to... you know.
me: oh my god.
E - ..squeeze one out.
me: !!!
E - I know.
[..and you boys think we're trapping YOU into it!! pffffffft!]

E - Did you know there are 30% more single women in our age bracket than single men? I'm feeling the pinch.
me: what the hell are you talking about, you're MARRIED!
E - It's a sympathy pain.
[Am not sure if that works.]

Me: I went to see Mamma Mia the other day
bro - I can't believe you went to see that! You suck.
me: Yeah, it was Mamma Shitta.
bro - that didn't work.
me: meh...I tried.
[should it have been Mamma Merda?]

Here's one that is about as far away from ABBA, Led Zepp and Def Leopard as you can get. Just, I don't know what to say about it that would do it justice so let me just play it. I'm sure you know the song. It's incredible.

Just Like Honey - The Jesus and Mary Chain.

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