[Miscellany]
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Rambling Crazy Lady Post
It's been a funny old contemplative weekend. I caught up with an old friend on Friday night. K is resplendent in the later stages of her pregnancy and I am torn with being so happy for her and with noticing my own utter lack in this department. Soon I will be the only one in that particular friendship group sans child. This is not exactly a welcome concept, mostly due to the fact that our conversations already revolve around poop and children and never around those philosophical and political arguments that we used to have and I wonder how much more baby centered they can become. It scares me for the state of our friendship, how much longer can I sustain not ever being asked how I am? Maybe soon I'll be able to slip away in the middle of a conversation and steal into the gin cupboard and no one will even notice. Even the crazy little voice inside my head is now telling me I need new friends that are at the same stage in life as I am that is (spinsters and lunatics).
K and I were still able to have a rational conversation on the account of the child still being in utero so we made the most of it by me moaning about my job and her looking at me pityingly and K discussing her fears about giving birth and me (unwisely) advising her to take all the drugs available (preferably at once). The birth thing sounds rather hard, scary and horrible but I can't pity it. It's a beautiful miracle and she is so fortunate to have the love in her life that has afforded this experience for her. I am trying to think of the fortunate things in my life. I keep coming up with 'at least I'm not homeless' or 'I never have to compromise over the remote control', which is absolutely true but also kind of sad if that is the best I can do.
EM whom I had dinner with last night is in my predicament but she has made peace with her childless, spinster state. I don't even know how you would begin to do that. I'm the opposite. Case in point - this is the photo I'm staring at right now as I type this. It lives on the wall of my study.
It's beautiful, no? It's a vision of (my) stupid, ridiculous hope and although I love looking at it I hate that I harbor these hopes still. It only makes it harder to move on with my life.
Despite that difference between EM and I, we are of one mind when it comes to the plight of the single lady in her 30s. I like having friends who completely understand what it is like not to want to go to weddings alone and lament on the unfairness of always giving the gift but never being the recipient of any. Also this:
Anyway we are now living in post-feminist glory (apparently) and a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle (or so I've heard) but my God, when will the wilderness years be over? I don't give a shit about being independent or see taking the garbage out as a 'win' in the division of labour. I don't see being single as freeing at all. In fact I think you are more restricted as a single person. I can't quit my job and 'find myself'. Who exactly is going to pay the mortgage when I do that? If I get sick, there is a series of complicated measures I have to go through in order to get through it. There's no depending on someone to pick up the slack when things go wrong. I am not so much fearing being eaten by Alsatians as I am planning it now.
As for breeding. I can almost literally hear the tick-tocking of that old biological clock ringing in my ears and I realise that this is it. Halle Berry may be able to get away with having a baby in her late 40s but I won't be able to. It's now or never and this scares me because... well now is ...NOW. I have thought about this a bit and I have my own set of morals here about the subject but is it selfish to 'go it alone?' I'm not counting it out completely, but let's just say I'm not making any appointments to the clinic either...
I'm not even sure what the point of this entry is. I was going to write about the beauty in the passage of time as symbolised in seeing Before Midnight with K but um... I guess not. Sorry about that.
K and I were still able to have a rational conversation on the account of the child still being in utero so we made the most of it by me moaning about my job and her looking at me pityingly and K discussing her fears about giving birth and me (unwisely) advising her to take all the drugs available (preferably at once). The birth thing sounds rather hard, scary and horrible but I can't pity it. It's a beautiful miracle and she is so fortunate to have the love in her life that has afforded this experience for her. I am trying to think of the fortunate things in my life. I keep coming up with 'at least I'm not homeless' or 'I never have to compromise over the remote control', which is absolutely true but also kind of sad if that is the best I can do.
EM whom I had dinner with last night is in my predicament but she has made peace with her childless, spinster state. I don't even know how you would begin to do that. I'm the opposite. Case in point - this is the photo I'm staring at right now as I type this. It lives on the wall of my study.
It's beautiful, no? It's a vision of (my) stupid, ridiculous hope and although I love looking at it I hate that I harbor these hopes still. It only makes it harder to move on with my life.
Despite that difference between EM and I, we are of one mind when it comes to the plight of the single lady in her 30s. I like having friends who completely understand what it is like not to want to go to weddings alone and lament on the unfairness of always giving the gift but never being the recipient of any. Also this:
Anyway we are now living in post-feminist glory (apparently) and a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle (or so I've heard) but my God, when will the wilderness years be over? I don't give a shit about being independent or see taking the garbage out as a 'win' in the division of labour. I don't see being single as freeing at all. In fact I think you are more restricted as a single person. I can't quit my job and 'find myself'. Who exactly is going to pay the mortgage when I do that? If I get sick, there is a series of complicated measures I have to go through in order to get through it. There's no depending on someone to pick up the slack when things go wrong. I am not so much fearing being eaten by Alsatians as I am planning it now.
As for breeding. I can almost literally hear the tick-tocking of that old biological clock ringing in my ears and I realise that this is it. Halle Berry may be able to get away with having a baby in her late 40s but I won't be able to. It's now or never and this scares me because... well now is ...NOW. I have thought about this a bit and I have my own set of morals here about the subject but is it selfish to 'go it alone?' I'm not counting it out completely, but let's just say I'm not making any appointments to the clinic either...
I'm not even sure what the point of this entry is. I was going to write about the beauty in the passage of time as symbolised in seeing Before Midnight with K but um... I guess not. Sorry about that.
Labels: babies, dirty femmo, friends, girls and women, messy women, rant, singletons, there is no life after babies for the mothers in the equation but maybe they don't mind so much anyway, what women want, women
Sunday, December 13, 2009
the list
I have this friend who has been single for a good many years. No, it's not me - don't get me wrong, it could be - but it's not.
Anyway, in the last few months, out of sheer desperation (she's at that age... you know, MY age), she's developed a list of "romantic" things she'd like to do with her boyfriend once he materialises. By the looks of the list she's got the first years of their relationship pretty much mapped out with:
- midnight walks through the forest (???)
- antique shopping
- weekends away at a spa resort + antique shopping.
- row boating..
and the list goes on.
I laugh and nod and smile mutely when she tells me what's on the list. What can I say? How can I burst that bubble with the cold reality of summers watching cricket and winters being a football widow? I asked E's husband L what he thinks of antique shopping. He just laughed and implied that there was "payment" for things like antique shopping.
B is going to rack up quite a debt it seems.
It makes me wonder though, how girls make plans about their romantic lives. We plan our weddings when we're 8, we think about when we'll have children, where we'll live, what the husband will be like, what kinds of things we can do together. Not all girls do so in as much detail as B, but it's there nonetheless, in the back of the old mind when you pass a bridal gown hanging gloriously in a storefront window. Would I wear that on my wedding day?
But do men plan their romantic lives? Is there a list? And if so, what's on it?
Anyway, in the last few months, out of sheer desperation (she's at that age... you know, MY age), she's developed a list of "romantic" things she'd like to do with her boyfriend once he materialises. By the looks of the list she's got the first years of their relationship pretty much mapped out with:
- midnight walks through the forest (???)
- antique shopping
- weekends away at a spa resort + antique shopping.
- row boating..
and the list goes on.
I laugh and nod and smile mutely when she tells me what's on the list. What can I say? How can I burst that bubble with the cold reality of summers watching cricket and winters being a football widow? I asked E's husband L what he thinks of antique shopping. He just laughed and implied that there was "payment" for things like antique shopping.
B is going to rack up quite a debt it seems.
It makes me wonder though, how girls make plans about their romantic lives. We plan our weddings when we're 8, we think about when we'll have children, where we'll live, what the husband will be like, what kinds of things we can do together. Not all girls do so in as much detail as B, but it's there nonetheless, in the back of the old mind when you pass a bridal gown hanging gloriously in a storefront window. Would I wear that on my wedding day?
But do men plan their romantic lives? Is there a list? And if so, what's on it?
Labels: to-do list, what men don't see, what men want, what women want
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The Great Husband Lend out?
Since I've purchased my own little slice of land (or rather, no land - all house) I've been subject to the rather strange phenomena on behalf of my female friends of the 'husband lend out'. In all things domesticated I have been offered a slightly worn 30-something to 'fix it' for me. I certainly haven't asked for it, complained about the lack of it in my own life or even secretly wished for it (okay maybe I have... they're just so damn handy around the house!) - even so, they have been offered seemingly out of nowhere.
The thing is, and this is what keeps me from taking up the offer... I'm doubting said handymen know anything about this deal at all. They're being lent out without prior consent. I got to thinking... Is this a normal occurrence? Do husbands/live in boyfriends and other strapping blokes wake up to lady friends randomly saying err..[insert male name here] I promised my best friend you'd go round and fix her leaking tap today. Hop to it! Is this something that happens often?
Girls, do you do this to your men? Does it happen via prior agreement? And do you accept the offer when it's laid on the table like that?
Guys, does it happen to you? What do you get hired out for? And do you resent it?
The thing is, and this is what keeps me from taking up the offer... I'm doubting said handymen know anything about this deal at all. They're being lent out without prior consent. I got to thinking... Is this a normal occurrence? Do husbands/live in boyfriends and other strapping blokes wake up to lady friends randomly saying err..[insert male name here] I promised my best friend you'd go round and fix her leaking tap today. Hop to it! Is this something that happens often?
Girls, do you do this to your men? Does it happen via prior agreement? And do you accept the offer when it's laid on the table like that?
Guys, does it happen to you? What do you get hired out for? And do you resent it?
Labels: friends, ladies, lend out, men, musings, questions, what women want, wonderings
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Party in an Envelope
Dear Lady in the Next Cubicle,
You: Humming the tune to jaws.
Me: Listening to you, aghast that you are 1) humming in a public restroom 2) actually a GIRL, humming in a public restroom.
Love,
Surprised.
Dear World,
Everything at the moment points to me feeling sad, but it's just so much easier to just take it out on everyone else and be angry.
Forgive me, but you give the fucking shits.
Love,
Angry Girl.
Dear Parent of a child that will be in my grade next year,
When I say that your son was being silly and calling out (read: being a complete disruption to everyone, having no respect for authority and sometimes being dangerous) during our little orientation program I meant it in all seriousness. You looked surprised, don't worry, I'm used to that look from people like you - it's the "oh but they never act that way around me" look. Bullshit! I heard on the grapevine that you were in the yard complaining about me saying this to you and then laughing about it.
If you think you can try this shit out on me you've got another thing coming. You have met your match lady. This is my little promise to you: Every time your son fucks up I will be seeking YOU out to deal with it at home. If you don't deal with it then we're going to be having many, many after school meetings, behavioural plans, meetings with the principal etc. It's not going to be pretty. I have all night and I'm willing to spend it, with you, talking about the things you need to get sorted, because yes - it's your responsibility to meet me half way on this, not absolve responsibility just because they're at "school".
You think it's funny that your son is undisciplined? I don't. I think it's a reflection of your parenting. I'm not laughing.
Love,
Not Amused.
Dear Egan,
You want 3-5 things that women do/are, which keep them single? I'll take three from me and two from someone else.
According to Sam de Brito (renowned for writing and ill written, second rate Australian men's column usually agreed with by neanderthals with shit for brains, in The Age and SMH - but apparently these two traits are seen an universally true???)
1. not being young enough
2. not being hot enough.
And mine...
3. Being obsessive about spending time together and not letting their man have any time to himself. God goddsake just give the poor bloke a night or two off to watch porn or footy or to complain about you to all of his friends. He's earned it! Falling into this category is the old calling 5 times a day, just to see how he's going.
4. Making plans that are too far ahead, too soon. The second date is not a good time to plan a wedding - not in any culture. Scrap booking your future wedding/house/family is also not a good idea.
5. Only having one interest in life: him.
Love,
M.
Dear Random Reader,
You found my journal by searching "do men ever fake it?".
Do men ever fake it? pft. You know when you're talking about how your sister's best friend's hairdresser saw some D-grade movie actor at some incredible night spot and your boyfriend is all like "uh huh?" "sounds interesting" "mmmmm, wow" "yeppppppp"?
...he's totally faking it.
Love,
Boys just have a different way of doing it.
Dear Reports,
So I hear you're not going to write yourselves. Good one, but this means I'm still at square one.
Love,
Frustrated.
Dear Head Honchos at the Australian Football League,
You are shit.
Seriously, you are shit.
Ben Cousins is a drug fucked dickhead who is taking the piss out of everyone. He's had his chance and fucked up - BIG TIME and you are still going to let him play? I don't get it. The football world is not a good place for someone who can't handle the pressure. Any other athlete would be out on their arse by now and so should he.
Cut him loose - he needs to go find a real job and give a rookie a chance to get drafted instead.
Love,
Amazed.
Dear Tracie and Rich,
I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove pot psychology!
Do Guys Ever Taste Their Own Semen? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.
You guys are so funny,
Love,
M.
PS: Hey boys, come (cum) clean (haha), have you ever eaten your own spunk? A lot? Regularly? Never but will do so now? Never and never want to? Cum on, answer!
You: Humming the tune to jaws.
Me: Listening to you, aghast that you are 1) humming in a public restroom 2) actually a GIRL, humming in a public restroom.
Love,
Surprised.
Dear World,
Everything at the moment points to me feeling sad, but it's just so much easier to just take it out on everyone else and be angry.
Forgive me, but you give the fucking shits.
Love,
Angry Girl.
Dear Parent of a child that will be in my grade next year,
When I say that your son was being silly and calling out (read: being a complete disruption to everyone, having no respect for authority and sometimes being dangerous) during our little orientation program I meant it in all seriousness. You looked surprised, don't worry, I'm used to that look from people like you - it's the "oh but they never act that way around me" look. Bullshit! I heard on the grapevine that you were in the yard complaining about me saying this to you and then laughing about it.
If you think you can try this shit out on me you've got another thing coming. You have met your match lady. This is my little promise to you: Every time your son fucks up I will be seeking YOU out to deal with it at home. If you don't deal with it then we're going to be having many, many after school meetings, behavioural plans, meetings with the principal etc. It's not going to be pretty. I have all night and I'm willing to spend it, with you, talking about the things you need to get sorted, because yes - it's your responsibility to meet me half way on this, not absolve responsibility just because they're at "school".
You think it's funny that your son is undisciplined? I don't. I think it's a reflection of your parenting. I'm not laughing.
Love,
Not Amused.
Dear Egan,
You want 3-5 things that women do/are, which keep them single? I'll take three from me and two from someone else.
According to Sam de Brito (renowned for writing and ill written, second rate Australian men's column usually agreed with by neanderthals with shit for brains, in The Age and SMH - but apparently these two traits are seen an universally true???)
1. not being young enough
2. not being hot enough.
And mine...
3. Being obsessive about spending time together and not letting their man have any time to himself. God goddsake just give the poor bloke a night or two off to watch porn or footy or to complain about you to all of his friends. He's earned it! Falling into this category is the old calling 5 times a day, just to see how he's going.
4. Making plans that are too far ahead, too soon. The second date is not a good time to plan a wedding - not in any culture. Scrap booking your future wedding/house/family is also not a good idea.
5. Only having one interest in life: him.
Love,
M.
Dear Random Reader,
You found my journal by searching "do men ever fake it?".
Do men ever fake it? pft. You know when you're talking about how your sister's best friend's hairdresser saw some D-grade movie actor at some incredible night spot and your boyfriend is all like "uh huh?" "sounds interesting" "mmmmm, wow" "yeppppppp"?
...he's totally faking it.
Love,
Boys just have a different way of doing it.
Dear Reports,
So I hear you're not going to write yourselves. Good one, but this means I'm still at square one.
Love,
Frustrated.
Dear Head Honchos at the Australian Football League,
You are shit.
Seriously, you are shit.
Ben Cousins is a drug fucked dickhead who is taking the piss out of everyone. He's had his chance and fucked up - BIG TIME and you are still going to let him play? I don't get it. The football world is not a good place for someone who can't handle the pressure. Any other athlete would be out on their arse by now and so should he.
Cut him loose - he needs to go find a real job and give a rookie a chance to get drafted instead.
Love,
Amazed.
Dear Tracie and Rich,
I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove pot psychology!
Do Guys Ever Taste Their Own Semen? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.
You guys are so funny,
Love,
M.
PS: Hey boys, come (cum) clean (haha), have you ever eaten your own spunk? A lot? Regularly? Never but will do so now? Never and never want to? Cum on, answer!
Labels: letters, rant, relationships, stressed teachers, weird things, what men want, what women want
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Guest Post!!!!!
Hi there everyone! It's me, Bret Michaels from legendary bandanna sporting, crotch grabbing, eyeliner wearing hair band of the 80s: Poison. Remember us? We wrote such classics as Every Rose has its Thorn and erm... well I'll get back to you with the other ground breaking hits in a few hours, after I sober up. Now I'm singing country music down in Las Vegas. Go me. I'm like the Bob Dylan of hair bands.It takes a lot to surprise me but I gotta be honest with you, when I was approached by VH1 to star in my very own Reality show I reacted immediately. I stumbled out of bed, left a $50 tip on the nightstand, applied some eyeliner, sprayed some hair spray, drank half a bottle of Southern Comfort, fell into a diabetic coma for a few hours, partied with the girls at the local strip joint, forgot where I was, found myself in a foreign town that spoke no English, performed Unskinny Bop for $23 in loose change in a lesbian bar, finally remembered about the call from VH1 and squealed like an excited little girl. MY VERY OWN REALITY TV SHOW! Can you imagine?
I called my bodyguard, Big John, immediately and started making plans. Say goodbye to crap country music FOREVA, BJ - VH1 like me, they really, really like me! So, pack up the trailer and bandannas - we're hittin' the big smoke and we'll never be hungry again! Big John was all like, Let's not hold our breath mate. This could be a big ruse to make you look really dumb in front of millions of people. Is that what you really want? Man, that Big John sure is a pessimist. But he's right about the ruse - I don't want to overdo it with the blusher on television. I already made that mistake in 1987 and I ain't goin' back to that. No sir. From now on it's just a wee bit of eyeliner, hair spray, fake tan, maybe some lipstick and mascara when I go out, an eyebrow pluck from Georgio on Rodeo Drive (he's just divine!), monthly botox, a girdle (a man doesn't just SLIP into a pair of pleather pants you know!) and "nearly nude" nail polish. You won't catch me dead in "ruse" these days. Well, not everyday anyway!
I gotta be honest with you, the premise of the show was a real turn on. There's me and Big John and then there are about 20 or so women who all want to sleep with me. Looking at them all is like looking at an explosion at the peroxide and silicone factory. It's hair and boobs as far as the eye can see. HEAVEN! After a few days I get to pick ONE who gets to be my girlfriend for the next 5 minutes. It's the coolest idea ever - because everyone who knows me knows I'm just any other average guy with big long peroxided hair who shoves a pair of socks down his tight pants: I'm just looking for the right girl to settle down with and complete my lonely hearts club band.
When we went into this I made it abundantly clear that I wanted a real relationship out of this. I may have slept with thousands of women in my time, most of them while completely inebriated and I'm sure some of them not even women. Hell, some of them may not have even been human, I don't know... I don't like to dwell on it, but I've had a lot of sex. I mean ... A SHITLOAD. Lately I've been thinking about my own daughters - precious jewels that they are. If I keep going like I am now - eventually I'm going to end up sleeping with them too! I mean, it's inevitable. It's time for me to find a nice girl who will see me through to my old age - even though due to my plastic surgery I still look like a fresh faced 46 year old with a reaaallly tight face.
That's why when it came to picking the girls I only picked ones who I thought would be up to taking this as seriously as I was going to be. This is LOVE we're talking about here not just about gyrating on a mechanical bull in the middle of an unclassy restaurant (though a bit of that turns me on, I won't lie!) Sure, if I get a blow job here or there out of it, that's just an added perk. A lot of people don't know this about me but I'm extremely sensitive and sympathetic to womyn and their causes. I really wanted to pick ladies for my show that would not only compliment me but also be fully representative of every kind of womyn out there in the world:
Strippers = check.
Psycho bitch from hell = check
Dumb blondes = check
Bitchy whores = check.
Drunktards who will do anything = check.
Barely legals = check
Sluts = check
Porn queens = check.
Hotties = check
Womyn wearing cowboy hats = check.
Slightly emotionally unstable but still hot = check.
Ladies willing to pole dance and suck face on national TV = CHECK!
Boob job whores = check and CHECK!
As I said - a wide variety of lovely ladies. I just couldn't wait to get down and dirty and even Big John couldn't wait. I usually throw him a bone or two when it comes to the ladies.
Anyway, everyday was a big turn on, I'm not going to lie to you. Everything these precious ladies did was a big turn on for me. Scrag fights about PETA - turn on. Stalkishly telling me they love me on day one - turn on. Spraying hairspray that still contained CFCs - BIG turn on! Hell, one of them threw up at the dinner table one night - and I almost blew it right there at the table. Luckily I keep a pair of sports socks shoved down my pants at all times so I didn't have to go "refresh" myself at all. I gotta be honest with you, I'm turning myself on just writing about it. What can I say? Life is turn on when you have big hair and pretty much get to schtup every gal you meet. But I'm a SNAG, really. I believe in a womyn's right to schtup every guy she meets too. Especially if that guy is me!
So anyway, I didn't really end up finding my true love on the show. I don't know how it all went pear shaped to tell you the truth. You see all the girls on the show got really pissed at me because they said that one of the girls on the show was psychotic and they couldn't understand why I kept her on the show. I never noticed anything out of the ordinary at all! She was just being assertive! Okay, once I did walk in on her holding a bloody knife in one hand and somebody elses small intestine in the other. I think it belonged to the other girl that was lying on the floor bleeding to death but you know... looking back who knows what was going on? And was it even my business anyway? Sometimes you just gotta give womyn some space to do what they have to do. I understand that about them, trust me. This knife wielding lovely was probably just expressing herself. Plus, she was totally topless and turning me on. I like that in a woman.
When it comes down to it, it was really those other girls who were so bitter for not giving her a chance. Girls always do this to each other. They just can't get along! Why girls can't get along with other girls who threaten to lie, cheat, steal and kill in order to get what they want is beyond me. I have slept with thousands of women and maybe even some animals and I'm telling you, they're not that hard to figure out. I mean, the way I see it is that if a girl is hot then there is no way that she will also be a bitch or psychotic, right? It's just that other women are always JEALOUS of women who are hot. It's as simple as that.
You might call me stupid for having type 1 diabetes and still drinking my body weight in pure alcohol every night but you simply CANNOT call me stupid for the way I see women. I am always right when it comes to women. Always. In fact I'm so good that my search for my one true love has taken me to season 3 of my show!! Can you believe it? It's so fulfilling, finding myself week after week in the back of a tour bus with a different young thing, through this journey of love. All I've ever wanted is a special angel who shares my penchant for loose women, peroxide, fake tans and bad hair extensions. This is so going to happen for me soon. I can feel it!
Unskinny Bop - Poison
Labels: fake guest post, Other women don't like you because you can't be trusted, what women want
Sunday, August 31, 2008
The Funeral March.
Is Feminism Dead?
It's a question that gets asked every so often, usually on a slow news day, or when a problem comes up that no one has the answer to (I know, let's blame feminism!) or when someone releases a new book on the subject. It's the question that was asked in today's Weekend Australian and the subject debated at tonight's forum From Friedan to Feministas - as part of the Melbourne Writer's Festival.
Is Feminism Dead?
Well, I don't know. I've heard asked so many times over the last 10 years (it's been over 10 years now that the famous article in Time came out) that I have to wonder whether feminism truly has 9 lives? It's dead, then it's alive and kicking and responsible for all the world's ills and then remarkably it's dead again and then...uh oh someone brings up maternity leave in politics and suddenly there it is - feminism - pounding down single buildings with its gigantic (hairy, un-pedicured, lesbian, dirty man-hating - no doubt-) foot and causing all the trouble again. Either it's dead or alive, let's decide on one and leave it at that.
Indeed if we really do pronounce it dead - who the hell killed it?
Was it the Paris Hilton wannabe internet porn stars? Is it the misplaced Spice Girls fans? Is it the "I take pole dancing lessons because it's a great way to keep fit" darlings of the night club scene? Is it the women who don't want to call themselves a feminist because they're "not lesbians and don't hate men" as if asserting somehow that all feminists are this. Is it the deliberate media bashing that feminism garners? Is it single mothers? Happily married mothers who decide not to work? Politicians? Prostitutes? Male opinions on blogs? Is it life after university? Is it the new feminists? Are they too different from the old feminists? What is it that pulled the trigger?
If feminism is dead, what killed it?
At tonight's forum, five women (Emily Maguire, Monica Dux, Catharine Lumby and Susan Maushart) from diverse social, political backgrounds came together to discuss the topic of feminism: Namely - Where are we now? What does it mean for us today? And quite frankly five different and dizzying opinions were put forth. From the rarely discussed silent prejudice against single mothers in the workforce who not only find it difficult in the work force but have also given up their superannuation to look after their children. What happens to them at 65? To "feminism is everywhere" - it's all around us. It's anything but dead - it's alive and kicking. It's still inspiring. It's still happening and though it's more diverse, it's still strong. To an assertion that we should give up the name as it is meaningless and an antagonist for negative opinion. And funnily, though she is often cited as an unrealistic role model - Barbie circa 1963 is the epitome of the modern woman today - bleach blonde, fake tan, fake boobs, brazillian wax, too thin, single and working.
Is feminism dead. Is it too exclusive? Too academic? Too middle class?
One brave woman asked about the elephant in the room. What about the men? Is feminism relevant for them - and if so, how? It was an important question that unfortunately came right at the end. You'd think that yes - considering we're all inextricably engaged - men and women - with each other. Considering men father daughters, marry women, fall in love, care for in a platonic way and all are born from one (and too often, these days anyway - are solely raised by them). Well you think it would be relevant. But is it?
Is feminism dead and buried under the onslaught of differing opinions that never meet in the middle?
It was difficult to keep track of all the opinions and indeed while I was wary of some speakers (Catharine Lumby mostly) by and large there were many opinions from all women on the panel that I agreed with. It really brought home the diversity of the feminist opinion. Is there a unified goal or purpose? Perhaps, no. But does it make it an irrelevant movement that has reached it's end? Judging by the audience (yes there were men, only a few - but they were there) there are many who identify as one, even if we all don't quite agree with their opinions exactly. I think at the heart of it all - feminists are aware that all is not quite right and want to see change that drives our society forward into a more harmonious place. A more equal place. That's the way I read it anyway. Indeed, the way we humans live is not quite right for many people, many groups are marginalised by society - and indeed feminists fight not only for women but for pretty much all the groups that are maginalised because all of them are interconnected in some way with feminism. That's how broad it is.
Is feminism dead? What a hostile question! What a sensationalist question and example of lazy journalism. Like anything else, maybe it depends on who you ask, of course.
I'd like to see more bravery happening from women when it comes to feminism, but does that mean it's dead?
And if it is, what the hell does a girl with a blog and a voice and a job and a brain and who is not going to be duped by public opinion to the contrary about what a feminist is. Who believes that all things are not equal ...yet. Who feels there is room for change for both genders. Who understands that not all choices are created equal and the claim that "everyone has a choice" is one of the biggest myths that pervades our consciousness. If feminism is dead. What does that girl call herself?
It's a question that gets asked every so often, usually on a slow news day, or when a problem comes up that no one has the answer to (I know, let's blame feminism!) or when someone releases a new book on the subject. It's the question that was asked in today's Weekend Australian and the subject debated at tonight's forum From Friedan to Feministas - as part of the Melbourne Writer's Festival.
Is Feminism Dead?
Well, I don't know. I've heard asked so many times over the last 10 years (it's been over 10 years now that the famous article in Time came out) that I have to wonder whether feminism truly has 9 lives? It's dead, then it's alive and kicking and responsible for all the world's ills and then remarkably it's dead again and then...uh oh someone brings up maternity leave in politics and suddenly there it is - feminism - pounding down single buildings with its gigantic (hairy, un-pedicured, lesbian, dirty man-hating - no doubt-) foot and causing all the trouble again. Either it's dead or alive, let's decide on one and leave it at that.
Indeed if we really do pronounce it dead - who the hell killed it?
Was it the Paris Hilton wannabe internet porn stars? Is it the misplaced Spice Girls fans? Is it the "I take pole dancing lessons because it's a great way to keep fit" darlings of the night club scene? Is it the women who don't want to call themselves a feminist because they're "not lesbians and don't hate men" as if asserting somehow that all feminists are this. Is it the deliberate media bashing that feminism garners? Is it single mothers? Happily married mothers who decide not to work? Politicians? Prostitutes? Male opinions on blogs? Is it life after university? Is it the new feminists? Are they too different from the old feminists? What is it that pulled the trigger?
If feminism is dead, what killed it?
At tonight's forum, five women (Emily Maguire, Monica Dux, Catharine Lumby and Susan Maushart) from diverse social, political backgrounds came together to discuss the topic of feminism: Namely - Where are we now? What does it mean for us today? And quite frankly five different and dizzying opinions were put forth. From the rarely discussed silent prejudice against single mothers in the workforce who not only find it difficult in the work force but have also given up their superannuation to look after their children. What happens to them at 65? To "feminism is everywhere" - it's all around us. It's anything but dead - it's alive and kicking. It's still inspiring. It's still happening and though it's more diverse, it's still strong. To an assertion that we should give up the name as it is meaningless and an antagonist for negative opinion. And funnily, though she is often cited as an unrealistic role model - Barbie circa 1963 is the epitome of the modern woman today - bleach blonde, fake tan, fake boobs, brazillian wax, too thin, single and working.
Is feminism dead. Is it too exclusive? Too academic? Too middle class?
One brave woman asked about the elephant in the room. What about the men? Is feminism relevant for them - and if so, how? It was an important question that unfortunately came right at the end. You'd think that yes - considering we're all inextricably engaged - men and women - with each other. Considering men father daughters, marry women, fall in love, care for in a platonic way and all are born from one (and too often, these days anyway - are solely raised by them). Well you think it would be relevant. But is it?
Is feminism dead and buried under the onslaught of differing opinions that never meet in the middle?
It was difficult to keep track of all the opinions and indeed while I was wary of some speakers (Catharine Lumby mostly) by and large there were many opinions from all women on the panel that I agreed with. It really brought home the diversity of the feminist opinion. Is there a unified goal or purpose? Perhaps, no. But does it make it an irrelevant movement that has reached it's end? Judging by the audience (yes there were men, only a few - but they were there) there are many who identify as one, even if we all don't quite agree with their opinions exactly. I think at the heart of it all - feminists are aware that all is not quite right and want to see change that drives our society forward into a more harmonious place. A more equal place. That's the way I read it anyway. Indeed, the way we humans live is not quite right for many people, many groups are marginalised by society - and indeed feminists fight not only for women but for pretty much all the groups that are maginalised because all of them are interconnected in some way with feminism. That's how broad it is.
Is feminism dead? What a hostile question! What a sensationalist question and example of lazy journalism. Like anything else, maybe it depends on who you ask, of course.
I'd like to see more bravery happening from women when it comes to feminism, but does that mean it's dead?
And if it is, what the hell does a girl with a blog and a voice and a job and a brain and who is not going to be duped by public opinion to the contrary about what a feminist is. Who believes that all things are not equal ...yet. Who feels there is room for change for both genders. Who understands that not all choices are created equal and the claim that "everyone has a choice" is one of the biggest myths that pervades our consciousness. If feminism is dead. What does that girl call herself?
Labels: dirty femmo, girls and women, melbourne musings, real women, what men want, what women want
Thursday, March 27, 2008
buh-buh-buh-buh baby!
When I heard about Thomas Beatie, the transgendered man who is now pregnant, I didn't really even bat an eyelid. Well, maybe one eyelid..but it was only for a second. I probably have more of a problem with the traditional nuclear family than I do with gays, straights, transgendered people or even men giving birth. Why? Well, I figure that if you're about to go through hell or high water like that - with your every move under scrutiny - in order to have a baby, then that means you are really going to want one. People who really want babies are probably not going to end up mistreating them or using them in order to manipulate their partners. This is more than I can say for the love 'em and leave 'em scenario that seems to happen in too many so called traditional families. In any case - this Beatie baby (if it's even true) will be born into a nuclear family anyway - (mum and dad), so neh.Out of all the hoopla surrounding the issue it was really this quote from Thomas Beatie that made me stop and think
“Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire but a human desire.”
And I realised that no one ever really talks about children as something that men desire. Sure you hear about men who 'one day want a family' etc but I'm not talking about in these general terms - I mean the real deal; the desperate urge to have one NOW. Women (of a certain age) are consistently made fun of for having a biological clock or for being what we call "clucky" - really wanting a child. Since procreating is ..well the ONLY way of keeping our species alive and thriving you'd think it'd be a female AND male urge to want children, and I'm pretty sure it is* but it's rarely discussed in such terms. It's usually discussed more in terms of women desperately wanting a baby and trapping the poor husband/guy into being a father. It's seen as something that happens *to them* rather than something they desperately desire.
I'd like to think it IS something they desire as much as we do but I have to admit I know a lot of girls who really want babies, but not so many men who do. Maybe the guys just don't talk about it all that much. Maybe it's a big myth created by the media..to perpetuate an image of the sturdy bloke who is tough and strong and without desires that tie him down. I don't know. If this is the case, surely it's as damaging to men as much as it is to women.
Why do you think that men are not ever thought of as "clucky"? Do they have a biological clock and if so just how loudly does it tick? If the option was available would they want to "go it alone" like women sometimes do? Do you know men who are clucky (I mean who really talk about wishing they had a baby and wanting to find a girl and have one, not in some distant future but NOW, right NOW)? If you are a guy, are you clucky now, or have you ever been?
* I realise not all men or WOMEN want babies.
Labels: babies, blokes, men, pressure, questions, what men want, what women want, women, wonderings
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Babies and femmos.
Being a non-babied up person living in a world where it seems like everyone has spawned has afforded me the opportunity to observe things without being too emotionally involved. I have my pet peeves with how mums and dads behave just like I have my pet peeves by how ordinary everyday people behave. In fact, one might argue that I have a lot of pet peeves. Oh well, I'm peevey - you really got a problem with that?
A little issue has arisen lately in baby-land and I have to say, it's given me more peeves than ever thought possible. I'm talking about how people react to the weight of babies. Now I realise that weight is probably the most important way that one can distinguish how healthy a baby is but I'm not talking about that. It's the language that people use.
My friend S's little miracle (really, he actually is - spend first couple of months at the Children's hospital and really was touch and go for a while there) has been growing in leaps and bounds since he was released from the hospital. Really he is one of the cutest babies in the world. He's one of those babies that strangers will boldly approach and want to hold. Things started off a little rough for the poor guy but now he's doing well. In fact when people see him how they ALWAYS comment about what a big boy he is, and how chubby he is getting and ...hey maybe mum should be putting him on a little feeding restriction. The thing is little N is not like those big babies you see on Phil Donohue where the baby is actually half the size of mum at 1 year of age and looks basically like an adult in diapers (though, I might be confusing this with a whoooole other episode of Donohue). Little N is in fact precisely in the 50th percentile for his weight. He's the epitome of normality. He's not 1 percent below or above he's just right. Meanwhile mothers of babies born on the 15th percentile are commenting about what a chubbster N is - not in a nice way either - in an I'm slightly worried about your baby way - patronising, utterly patronising. Like as if being born thin and still thin is somehow better than than being normal and healthy.
The reason why it's a peeve of mine is that I can see where this is leading. We already have this preoccupation with children's weight and the so-called obesity crisis in children. I wish I could link to an entry that "pubby" wrote about this issue but he's taken his blog offline - but he also asked whether these figures were sincere because he hadn't noticed that suddenly all these kids were supposedly fat. I work with kids. I see kids everyday and there is probably 1 per class who is overweight. IF THAT. I don't have any this year at all. In fact I'm looking at all the children I know who started school this year and there is not ONE who would even be considered chubby - that's almost 100 new children! Figures point to something like 40% of children being fat but from what I've seen it's actually about 5% which is called a NORMAL DISTRIBUTION of fat folks. Maybe it's 10% in some areas...yes, more concerning but still, hardly an epidemic! I don't know if figures are being inflated or whether the way we measure fat is right off the scale (pun intended) but if it's an epidemic then I don't bloody see it at all.
The point is the weight obsession starts with babies. All these mothers (let's face it, mostly mums) are obsessed with talking about the weight of their own children but not only that, I sense some smugness and defensiveness about weight, depending on where on the percentile the baby falls. Once I commented on how F's baby J had grown into a big boy. I hadn't seen him in about 3 months and he was like a new child. So what, he got big! Big deal, it's great, it's called growing. But I got flicked with the end of the wrath stick quick smart by F who snapped that actually he's only on the 30th percentile now and not big at all. Ohhhhh kay, sorry didn't think I was suggesting that your baby was a sumo wrestler but hey, whatever.
Incidentally why is it so wrong to say that a female baby is a "big strong girl". Ever try saying that one? It's like you're saying "hey I've just noticed that your daughter is a big fat dyke. I can see that she's a breath away from letting her body hair get to unflattering lengths and start listening to angry girl rock" I thought, growing was supposed to be a good thing! Maybe not in girls.
In other news concerning dirty femmo stuff, I was intrigued by a column in Sunday's Age by Angela Pippos "What's Wrong with Being a Fashionista Feminist Anyway?" where she addresses just how diverse feminists are in this era. She also says
She goes on to list a few examples of questioning she is immediately dealt by affronted men "Do you expect men to open doors for you?" "Do you want a man to pay for dinner on a first date?" etc. You know the typical questions asked of femnos that makes everyone want to stab their eyes out. What really interests me about her column is the underlying question for me about feminism. Why is it still a dirty word? Yes, I'm being serious. In all my years of being a feminist I've never met one who hates men. I've never met one who burns her bra. I've never met one who spends all night planing to picket the local men's club or any of the other stereotypes that are prescribed to so called ..here is comes "feminazis". Do I know lesbian femmos? Of course. Does that mean ALL feminists are gay? Do I know femmos who are frustrated by the status quo and frustrated by some perceptions perpetrated by men. Hell yes, does that mean that they are frustrated with men in general? Pssssh, I don't think so. I hate that type of generalising of feminists that happens but actually has little grounds in reality.
I don't know about you but when I hear the old "you're a man hater" (often comes in a feminist type entry) and it's been written here on this journal as well me reading it on so many other feminist blogs that I've lost count - I often think that the person writing it either has shit for brains, doesn't actually KNOW any feminists or rather...doesn't KNOW any women AT ALL or that maybe..just maybe THEY don't really like women all that much themselves, or feel threatened by them expressing an opinion - whatever. The fact that I *am* a feminist and I don't actually know ANY feminists who hate men NOR do I hate them myself sort of makes me wonder why on earth that's a phrase that is so easily thrown around by others when confronted with someone who claims to be a feminist? I mean I always hear about these so-called feminists who are supposed to hate men, usually it comes in the form of "yeah I know a feminist who hates men" but you know..it's sort of like an urban myth to me. Have you heard the one about the lady with the boil on her face that exploded and 50 tiny spiders came out? Yeah, that common. If anything feminists have so much problem in appearing a unified group with unifying beliefs in the first place that *men* aren't even the issue. It's women and what women think that is more of an issue.
Perhaps it's that feminist discourse is centered around the fact that things are not quite right in the world of woman. That there are certain issues that affect our gender and those issues maybe be life threatening or indeed socially confining to women. Maybe there's some resentment too, that women get the focus for this type of discourse? The fact that they are discussed might be a little too confronting for some people and confused with hate - when really it's not about hate at all, it's about getting answers and asking WHY does this happen to women? Is that a wrong question to ask? I certainly don't think so. It does NOT negate the FACT that things happen to men too and that is an important point. That in fact we are all individuals who have shit happen to us at some stage or another and that there are issues for men that are just as concerning that in fact SHOULD be discussed too. They should be discussed by the same people that are complaining that are sick of hearing about women's issues and say that yeah, men have issues too can't you see that? Well, dude, discuss away! Indeed, asking why the world is a certain way is not about hating anyone. It's about trying to get answers about how things are and perhaps start discourse that will affect change. One can only hope anyway.
I know that discussions about rape, prostitution, maternity leave and domestic violence gets a lot of backs up, especially with men but the fact of the matter is that these things DO happen and they DO happen mostly to women and the fact that we make up more than half the population means that it's something that everyone should be worried about. These are things that SHOULD be discussed widely and without refrain. It happens and the fact that it happens disturbingly often to one gender over another is a cause for feminist discourse. Live with it! I've read so many "anti-feminist" blogs (mostly written by anonymous people with anonymous comments - just goes to show doesn't it?) that will reference one article where a woman has beaten her husband in a show of domestic violence. Yes it happens and this is horrible. I don't want to diminish that - but the anti-feminist blogger will then say (and this happens in almost 100 percent of all anti-feminist bloggers) something along the lines of "and now you see why I refuse to get involved with all women. Women are evil etc etc". This is in direct opposition to most feminist blogs which takes issue on women's issues in society and how that affects us and in fact are a celebration of female achievement in the arts and culture. They are positive places that actually reserve any condensation of men to specific examples ie: THIS MAN said something not quite right about women. THIS MAN is wrong. Whereas the anti-feminist blogs that I've read are all about generalising one act to mean *all* women and being defensive about it too. Perhaps I've yet to come across a anti-feminist blog that is about being male positive instead of female negative. I'm know that there are some feminist blogs that really ARE venomous about a lot of things too, including men but definitely not the popular ones. The popular feminist blogs are generally very political places that invite discussion by men and indeed a lot of them have a dedicated male following too.
For the record I have read many male written gender positive blogs that have nothing to do with anti-feminism - they don't shy away from bringing up issues that are specific to men either! They are great and there should be more of them. They write about male and female issues with sex, violence and everything in between and they are so great because they don't fall into that age old trap of 'what I admire about women is their breasts, bum, legs, they look beautiful, they smell beautiful' - which is quite typical in what DOES tend to get written about women from a male perspective. I mean that kind of blog is great and all but male blogs that go beyond that REALLY need to be applauded for being so great - and they're not great because I agree with them, because I don't always, they're great because they are truthful without falling into "all feminists are bitches" type rhetoric.
Considering that not all feminists are the same, nor do any of the old stereotypes stand up why is it that the F-word is still a dirty one?
Anyway, on to Musical Monday in this haphazard post of mine. Of course, let's just complete the entry with a reference to Kat Bjelland; an artist I'm pretty much so in awe of I can't quite figure out the right words. She looks like an angel but has the voice of a terrifying demon. That's the best I can come up with. In the early days she cavorted around with Courtney Love and Jennifer Finch experimenting in a couple of bands before all went their separate ways and all became highly influential artists in their own right, with their own bands. I sigh here as I make the distinction and say they were 'female centered' bands - grrl rock if you will. Why? Oh because I've featured many, many bands who have all male members and sing about manly things but never distinguished them by saying 'all male' or 'male centered'. It's funny how these distinctions work in rock for women as opposed to men but there you have it.
Babes in Toyland had been around for a good many years before I got into them. I was completely taken with Kat Bjelland and in particular her rock operatic meets screaming banshee type singing voice.
She was a cheerleader in high school by the way.
A cheerleader AND a dirty femmo too. Oh my god, is your mind about to explode? Yes, it's true, us dirty femmos aren't just one type of person. I guess, that was my whole point. Mother's can be feminists. Hot girls can be feminists. Women who love men can be feminists. Scientists can be feminists. Radio personalities can be feminists. Men can be feminists. Cheerleaders can be feminists. It's not just one type of person. And for the record I've read many a comment implying that those people mentioned above CAN'T be feminists - like mum's can't be feminists. ha! Well I'm linking right here to a GREAT entry by a femmo mum who outlines some great points about how to raise your daughter a feminist and you know what? The initial question about 'how do I raise my daughter a feminist?' came from a bloke. How's that for breaking down a few barriers. Yes folks, it's not actually about man hating. Sorry to disappoint - on with the music.
Bruise Violet - Babes In Toyland (apparently not about Courtney Love..but I doubt it! lol).
Sweet 69 - Babes in Toyland
A little issue has arisen lately in baby-land and I have to say, it's given me more peeves than ever thought possible. I'm talking about how people react to the weight of babies. Now I realise that weight is probably the most important way that one can distinguish how healthy a baby is but I'm not talking about that. It's the language that people use.
My friend S's little miracle (really, he actually is - spend first couple of months at the Children's hospital and really was touch and go for a while there) has been growing in leaps and bounds since he was released from the hospital. Really he is one of the cutest babies in the world. He's one of those babies that strangers will boldly approach and want to hold. Things started off a little rough for the poor guy but now he's doing well. In fact when people see him how they ALWAYS comment about what a big boy he is, and how chubby he is getting and ...hey maybe mum should be putting him on a little feeding restriction. The thing is little N is not like those big babies you see on Phil Donohue where the baby is actually half the size of mum at 1 year of age and looks basically like an adult in diapers (though, I might be confusing this with a whoooole other episode of Donohue). Little N is in fact precisely in the 50th percentile for his weight. He's the epitome of normality. He's not 1 percent below or above he's just right. Meanwhile mothers of babies born on the 15th percentile are commenting about what a chubbster N is - not in a nice way either - in an I'm slightly worried about your baby way - patronising, utterly patronising. Like as if being born thin and still thin is somehow better than than being normal and healthy.
The reason why it's a peeve of mine is that I can see where this is leading. We already have this preoccupation with children's weight and the so-called obesity crisis in children. I wish I could link to an entry that "pubby" wrote about this issue but he's taken his blog offline - but he also asked whether these figures were sincere because he hadn't noticed that suddenly all these kids were supposedly fat. I work with kids. I see kids everyday and there is probably 1 per class who is overweight. IF THAT. I don't have any this year at all. In fact I'm looking at all the children I know who started school this year and there is not ONE who would even be considered chubby - that's almost 100 new children! Figures point to something like 40% of children being fat but from what I've seen it's actually about 5% which is called a NORMAL DISTRIBUTION of fat folks. Maybe it's 10% in some areas...yes, more concerning but still, hardly an epidemic! I don't know if figures are being inflated or whether the way we measure fat is right off the scale (pun intended) but if it's an epidemic then I don't bloody see it at all.
The point is the weight obsession starts with babies. All these mothers (let's face it, mostly mums) are obsessed with talking about the weight of their own children but not only that, I sense some smugness and defensiveness about weight, depending on where on the percentile the baby falls. Once I commented on how F's baby J had grown into a big boy. I hadn't seen him in about 3 months and he was like a new child. So what, he got big! Big deal, it's great, it's called growing. But I got flicked with the end of the wrath stick quick smart by F who snapped that actually he's only on the 30th percentile now and not big at all. Ohhhhh kay, sorry didn't think I was suggesting that your baby was a sumo wrestler but hey, whatever.
Incidentally why is it so wrong to say that a female baby is a "big strong girl". Ever try saying that one? It's like you're saying "hey I've just noticed that your daughter is a big fat dyke. I can see that she's a breath away from letting her body hair get to unflattering lengths and start listening to angry girl rock" I thought, growing was supposed to be a good thing! Maybe not in girls.
In other news concerning dirty femmo stuff, I was intrigued by a column in Sunday's Age by Angela Pippos "What's Wrong with Being a Fashionista Feminist Anyway?" where she addresses just how diverse feminists are in this era. She also says
I'm a feminist. Was that so hard?
It's really not a big deal. I simply believe that women should be given the same opportunities as men. Throw me in in the river and see if I float. It's hardly radical but, in my experience, any mention of the "f" word in male company can bring on a type of behaviour often seen in a David Attenborough documentary, followed by a sudden attack of mundane questioning".
She goes on to list a few examples of questioning she is immediately dealt by affronted men "Do you expect men to open doors for you?" "Do you want a man to pay for dinner on a first date?" etc. You know the typical questions asked of femnos that makes everyone want to stab their eyes out. What really interests me about her column is the underlying question for me about feminism. Why is it still a dirty word? Yes, I'm being serious. In all my years of being a feminist I've never met one who hates men. I've never met one who burns her bra. I've never met one who spends all night planing to picket the local men's club or any of the other stereotypes that are prescribed to so called ..here is comes "feminazis". Do I know lesbian femmos? Of course. Does that mean ALL feminists are gay? Do I know femmos who are frustrated by the status quo and frustrated by some perceptions perpetrated by men. Hell yes, does that mean that they are frustrated with men in general? Pssssh, I don't think so. I hate that type of generalising of feminists that happens but actually has little grounds in reality.
I don't know about you but when I hear the old "you're a man hater" (often comes in a feminist type entry) and it's been written here on this journal as well me reading it on so many other feminist blogs that I've lost count - I often think that the person writing it either has shit for brains, doesn't actually KNOW any feminists or rather...doesn't KNOW any women AT ALL or that maybe..just maybe THEY don't really like women all that much themselves, or feel threatened by them expressing an opinion - whatever. The fact that I *am* a feminist and I don't actually know ANY feminists who hate men NOR do I hate them myself sort of makes me wonder why on earth that's a phrase that is so easily thrown around by others when confronted with someone who claims to be a feminist? I mean I always hear about these so-called feminists who are supposed to hate men, usually it comes in the form of "yeah I know a feminist who hates men" but you know..it's sort of like an urban myth to me. Have you heard the one about the lady with the boil on her face that exploded and 50 tiny spiders came out? Yeah, that common. If anything feminists have so much problem in appearing a unified group with unifying beliefs in the first place that *men* aren't even the issue. It's women and what women think that is more of an issue.
Perhaps it's that feminist discourse is centered around the fact that things are not quite right in the world of woman. That there are certain issues that affect our gender and those issues maybe be life threatening or indeed socially confining to women. Maybe there's some resentment too, that women get the focus for this type of discourse? The fact that they are discussed might be a little too confronting for some people and confused with hate - when really it's not about hate at all, it's about getting answers and asking WHY does this happen to women? Is that a wrong question to ask? I certainly don't think so. It does NOT negate the FACT that things happen to men too and that is an important point. That in fact we are all individuals who have shit happen to us at some stage or another and that there are issues for men that are just as concerning that in fact SHOULD be discussed too. They should be discussed by the same people that are complaining that are sick of hearing about women's issues and say that yeah, men have issues too can't you see that? Well, dude, discuss away! Indeed, asking why the world is a certain way is not about hating anyone. It's about trying to get answers about how things are and perhaps start discourse that will affect change. One can only hope anyway.
I know that discussions about rape, prostitution, maternity leave and domestic violence gets a lot of backs up, especially with men but the fact of the matter is that these things DO happen and they DO happen mostly to women and the fact that we make up more than half the population means that it's something that everyone should be worried about. These are things that SHOULD be discussed widely and without refrain. It happens and the fact that it happens disturbingly often to one gender over another is a cause for feminist discourse. Live with it! I've read so many "anti-feminist" blogs (mostly written by anonymous people with anonymous comments - just goes to show doesn't it?) that will reference one article where a woman has beaten her husband in a show of domestic violence. Yes it happens and this is horrible. I don't want to diminish that - but the anti-feminist blogger will then say (and this happens in almost 100 percent of all anti-feminist bloggers) something along the lines of "and now you see why I refuse to get involved with all women. Women are evil etc etc". This is in direct opposition to most feminist blogs which takes issue on women's issues in society and how that affects us and in fact are a celebration of female achievement in the arts and culture. They are positive places that actually reserve any condensation of men to specific examples ie: THIS MAN said something not quite right about women. THIS MAN is wrong. Whereas the anti-feminist blogs that I've read are all about generalising one act to mean *all* women and being defensive about it too. Perhaps I've yet to come across a anti-feminist blog that is about being male positive instead of female negative. I'm know that there are some feminist blogs that really ARE venomous about a lot of things too, including men but definitely not the popular ones. The popular feminist blogs are generally very political places that invite discussion by men and indeed a lot of them have a dedicated male following too.
For the record I have read many male written gender positive blogs that have nothing to do with anti-feminism - they don't shy away from bringing up issues that are specific to men either! They are great and there should be more of them. They write about male and female issues with sex, violence and everything in between and they are so great because they don't fall into that age old trap of 'what I admire about women is their breasts, bum, legs, they look beautiful, they smell beautiful' - which is quite typical in what DOES tend to get written about women from a male perspective. I mean that kind of blog is great and all but male blogs that go beyond that REALLY need to be applauded for being so great - and they're not great because I agree with them, because I don't always, they're great because they are truthful without falling into "all feminists are bitches" type rhetoric.
Considering that not all feminists are the same, nor do any of the old stereotypes stand up why is it that the F-word is still a dirty one?
Anyway, on to Musical Monday in this haphazard post of mine. Of course, let's just complete the entry with a reference to Kat Bjelland; an artist I'm pretty much so in awe of I can't quite figure out the right words. She looks like an angel but has the voice of a terrifying demon. That's the best I can come up with. In the early days she cavorted around with Courtney Love and Jennifer Finch experimenting in a couple of bands before all went their separate ways and all became highly influential artists in their own right, with their own bands. I sigh here as I make the distinction and say they were 'female centered' bands - grrl rock if you will. Why? Oh because I've featured many, many bands who have all male members and sing about manly things but never distinguished them by saying 'all male' or 'male centered'. It's funny how these distinctions work in rock for women as opposed to men but there you have it.
Babes in Toyland had been around for a good many years before I got into them. I was completely taken with Kat Bjelland and in particular her rock operatic meets screaming banshee type singing voice.
She was a cheerleader in high school by the way.
A cheerleader AND a dirty femmo too. Oh my god, is your mind about to explode? Yes, it's true, us dirty femmos aren't just one type of person. I guess, that was my whole point. Mother's can be feminists. Hot girls can be feminists. Women who love men can be feminists. Scientists can be feminists. Radio personalities can be feminists. Men can be feminists. Cheerleaders can be feminists. It's not just one type of person. And for the record I've read many a comment implying that those people mentioned above CAN'T be feminists - like mum's can't be feminists. ha! Well I'm linking right here to a GREAT entry by a femmo mum who outlines some great points about how to raise your daughter a feminist and you know what? The initial question about 'how do I raise my daughter a feminist?' came from a bloke. How's that for breaking down a few barriers. Yes folks, it's not actually about man hating. Sorry to disappoint - on with the music.
Bruise Violet - Babes In Toyland (apparently not about Courtney Love..but I doubt it! lol).
Sweet 69 - Babes in Toyland
Labels: babies, dirty femmo, girls and women, messy women, musical monday, real women, vicious women, what women want, why, why do people get so touchy when it comes to talking about these things?, women
Monday, January 14, 2008
Boys and girls - I'm talking about penis and vagina.
A friend of mine recently met a man online through a popular dating website. She's very thrilled with him and indeed from what I hear so far he sounds like a really good person. Yay, for good people! High Five!
Anyway, since I am a ball breaker from way back I was asking my friend every question under the sun about their relationship and it soon came out that though they had been dating for a while now they had still not made the leap into the bedroom. I was surprised, not because it was such a long time to date without sleeping with each other, but because it was a long time for this girl in question.
She explained that due to a suggestion she heard on a popular daytime TV talk show headed by a powerful woman (you know the one) that it was worth her while to wait. By worth her while, she meant that it would have more chance of succeeding past a few weeks than not. My friend is a wonderful person; she's funny as fuck, she's lovely, smart, gorgeous, bubbly and positive and yet she never seems to last long with men. She's not one of these ultra picky women either - she's just your normal everyday kind of girl. She decided that she wanted to give the relationship a chance to develop before they slept together.
I totally applauded the move and she told me that although they were both frustrated as anything that they are both glad they have waited. They have gotten to know each other really well, they really like each other - really, they've discovered a connection beyond "dating", they've met each other's friends and families, are very open with the fact that they are "in a relationship" (again, rather than just dating) AND have discovered something about themselves which is really nice: That they are both gagging for it. Not just for *it*, but IT with EACH OTHER. They're not just horny you see. It's personal. Sounds pretty cool.
You know, I do think that people jump right into sex sometimes. I am no prude but I don't know many people who enjoy *that* feeling of anticipation anymore. Sure anticipation exists with anything, including buying a pair of shoes and wanting to wear them but I mean this is a real anticipation, one that consumes you totally and one that is coupled with something substantial behind it.
In any case, though he is more than thrilled with my friend - her boyfriend still hates Oprah, lol. He IS still a man, after all.
But what say you?
Is there merit in waiting?
How long is too long?
Guys - do you ever put the lid on it or does waiting depend on whether the girl wants to (ie: you're always good to go)?
(I just realised that all my closest friends who are married did not jump into sex with their husbands. They all waited a good deal longer than is customary in this day and age. I *do* have friends who have married their "one night stand" however, even upon examining that I realised that for those that did, they went back and dated them for a good while without sleeping together - even though obviously they HAD already slept together. Funny how that turned out).
Thinking music today courtesy of The Chemical Brothers. This song is awesome and definitely one I have on repeat (along with much of their back catalogue actually) a lot.
Hey Boy, Hey Girl - The Chemical Brothers
Anyway, since I am a ball breaker from way back I was asking my friend every question under the sun about their relationship and it soon came out that though they had been dating for a while now they had still not made the leap into the bedroom. I was surprised, not because it was such a long time to date without sleeping with each other, but because it was a long time for this girl in question.
She explained that due to a suggestion she heard on a popular daytime TV talk show headed by a powerful woman (you know the one) that it was worth her while to wait. By worth her while, she meant that it would have more chance of succeeding past a few weeks than not. My friend is a wonderful person; she's funny as fuck, she's lovely, smart, gorgeous, bubbly and positive and yet she never seems to last long with men. She's not one of these ultra picky women either - she's just your normal everyday kind of girl. She decided that she wanted to give the relationship a chance to develop before they slept together.
I totally applauded the move and she told me that although they were both frustrated as anything that they are both glad they have waited. They have gotten to know each other really well, they really like each other - really, they've discovered a connection beyond "dating", they've met each other's friends and families, are very open with the fact that they are "in a relationship" (again, rather than just dating) AND have discovered something about themselves which is really nice: That they are both gagging for it. Not just for *it*, but IT with EACH OTHER. They're not just horny you see. It's personal. Sounds pretty cool.
You know, I do think that people jump right into sex sometimes. I am no prude but I don't know many people who enjoy *that* feeling of anticipation anymore. Sure anticipation exists with anything, including buying a pair of shoes and wanting to wear them but I mean this is a real anticipation, one that consumes you totally and one that is coupled with something substantial behind it.
In any case, though he is more than thrilled with my friend - her boyfriend still hates Oprah, lol. He IS still a man, after all.
But what say you?
Is there merit in waiting?
How long is too long?
Guys - do you ever put the lid on it or does waiting depend on whether the girl wants to (ie: you're always good to go)?
(I just realised that all my closest friends who are married did not jump into sex with their husbands. They all waited a good deal longer than is customary in this day and age. I *do* have friends who have married their "one night stand" however, even upon examining that I realised that for those that did, they went back and dated them for a good while without sleeping together - even though obviously they HAD already slept together. Funny how that turned out).
Thinking music today courtesy of The Chemical Brothers. This song is awesome and definitely one I have on repeat (along with much of their back catalogue actually) a lot.
Hey Boy, Hey Girl - The Chemical Brothers
Labels: love or lust, men, musical monday, oprah can turn anything into a best seller, relationships, sex, what women want, women
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Single meat.
I'm not even going to apologise for watching Oprah, but it IS the holidays folks. I've been an Oprah hater for many years, and so of course I watch her when I have the chance. Yes, I am a healthy and well adjusted person! Thanks for asking. Incidentally I'm under the impression that even O has pretty much just given up on the schmultzy TV she's producing. She's not even polite to people who have an opposing point of view these days. If Obama doesn't win that election I think she'll throw her hat in next time.
Anyway, today on Oprah was a doozy. Basically speaking it was about single women (and how many of us there are - again no distinction made between women who are thinking of marrying their cats and women who are in long term relationships with a man but just not married. Which in my view is a HUGE distinction).
It was yet another typical episode of O: Blonde white chicks wearing Laura Ashley classics giggling hopelessly and taking the prudish high ground while O raises her eyebrows and says "riiiiight". Black women talking sense and O laughing while falling sideways off her chair. Fun!
The bit that got my attention was when in the context of 'there are a lot of single women these days' O says:
Personally I agree with Oprah (for the first time ever). I don't just think that only women do this though. Men are picky, picky, picky as hell these days. A lot of them are looking for 11s, or Jessica Alba (but like, thinner cause she's too fat). Likewise a lot of women are looking for Mr Macho but with secret sensitive side and the fashion sense of Armani meets Ksubi (but cooler). Why do we do this? My take on the matter is that unless you are an exact replica of Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie (WITH their bank balances) then you can't expect your mate to look like that or be as successful. The rest of us humans are going to have to make do with other humans, don't you think?
What do you think causes us to be so picky?
Is this new or an age old thing?
Have you ever been told you have unrealistic expectations?
Do you write people off because they don't immediately meet your criteria?
If so, are you going to stop?
Why?/Why not?
Anyway, today on Oprah was a doozy. Basically speaking it was about single women (and how many of us there are - again no distinction made between women who are thinking of marrying their cats and women who are in long term relationships with a man but just not married. Which in my view is a HUGE distinction).
It was yet another typical episode of O: Blonde white chicks wearing Laura Ashley classics giggling hopelessly and taking the prudish high ground while O raises her eyebrows and says "riiiiight". Black women talking sense and O laughing while falling sideways off her chair. Fun!
The bit that got my attention was when in the context of 'there are a lot of single women these days' O says:
Everybody's waiting for a certain cut of meat and that cut is NOT AVAILABLE!
Oprah
Personally I agree with Oprah (for the first time ever). I don't just think that only women do this though. Men are picky, picky, picky as hell these days. A lot of them are looking for 11s, or Jessica Alba (but like, thinner cause she's too fat). Likewise a lot of women are looking for Mr Macho but with secret sensitive side and the fashion sense of Armani meets Ksubi (but cooler). Why do we do this? My take on the matter is that unless you are an exact replica of Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie (WITH their bank balances) then you can't expect your mate to look like that or be as successful. The rest of us humans are going to have to make do with other humans, don't you think?
What do you think causes us to be so picky?
Is this new or an age old thing?
Have you ever been told you have unrealistic expectations?
Do you write people off because they don't immediately meet your criteria?
If so, are you going to stop?
Why?/Why not?
Labels: average guys don't get to judge women on their beauty, average women don't get to judge men on their salaries, men, relationships, what men don't see, what women want, women
Monday, December 03, 2007
Music is love
So many fucking posts out there deliberating what women want, and my posts have been among the inane out there I'm sure, but the true answer my friends comes when you least expect it. In fact I bring to you the supreme answer found in the most unlikely of places - the Australian polling booth just a short week or so ago. It might very well be illegal to take a photo while you are voting, and since I wasn't going to risk throwing my vote away by taking the form with me and running I decided a quick mobile phone photo while looking over my shoulder (hence the blurriness) was the best way to go.
So you want to know what Australian women want?
no. shit.
As for me. This quirkyalone has decided that music is love. And since we're talking about finding answers in the most unlikely of places, I found my Musical Monday today in the unlikely place of in a commercial on the tele. It was unlikely because I rarely turn on the television for any length of time anymore and I really don't watch adds if I can help it. You know, I'm glad I was too lazy to turn the mute button on because if I had I'd never have found this excellent song.
So while the rest of the Australian women out there wait for that love thing to come walking in the door with a big bunch of roses and open arms I'm just going to put in my ear phones and turn my kind of love way, way up. This kind of love really is forever.
Music is my Hot Hot Sex - CSS (Cansei de Ser Sexy)
So you want to know what Australian women want?
no. shit.
As for me. This quirkyalone has decided that music is love. And since we're talking about finding answers in the most unlikely of places, I found my Musical Monday today in the unlikely place of in a commercial on the tele. It was unlikely because I rarely turn on the television for any length of time anymore and I really don't watch adds if I can help it. You know, I'm glad I was too lazy to turn the mute button on because if I had I'd never have found this excellent song.
So while the rest of the Australian women out there wait for that love thing to come walking in the door with a big bunch of roses and open arms I'm just going to put in my ear phones and turn my kind of love way, way up. This kind of love really is forever.
Music is my Hot Hot Sex - CSS (Cansei de Ser Sexy)
Labels: musical monday, what women want
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
chronicles of a serial love rat dater.
You know what Kylie Minogue? I just don't get it. I just don't get you. You've got money, you have a bazillion gay fans, you can wear hot pants without a hint of irony and still make it work and you beat the big C over the head with spiky stick but you are still a magnet for deadbeat men.
There have been many though these were the lucky, lucky, lucky few that lasted longer than a few weeks.
1) Jason Donovan. Okay, there was nothing wrong with him except that he had a mullet but then again YOU had a mullet TOO! You were MFEO, goddamn you I'm still waiting for you two to walk down the isle while Suddenly plays in the background in a quaint little church in the Dandenong Mountains...fer real this time. I fully blame you for his addiction to drugs and foray into reeeeeally bad sappy pop music and finally into ugly land. Lady before you fucked with him he was every nice Smash Hits magazine reading young lass' wet dream. That is all.
2) Michael Hutchence. I totally get it - he was completely fucked up but sexy as hell. Maybe even being fucked up made him sexy as hell. It's a hard thing for a girl in her early 20s to resist, I know. Then again, he was a serial womanizer who was totally seeing other women the whole time he was with you. Then after dumping you the next thing you know he's married to a wacko and then...bam! Dead. I'm not saying you were to blame however, Jase up at #1 didn't fare so well after dealing with you either. Did I mention the words "serial womanizer"?
3) James Gooding - dude used you for sex and then sold your story to the tabloids in a simultaneous dump/humiliation move. Yeah, he was a real keeper. Again - serial womanizer
4) Pauly Shore - well I don't think he hurt YOU at all but my god woman it's PAULY SHORE, even Brendan Fraser in that cracker of a moive Encino Man was more articulate and 'human' like than him - what the fuck were you thinking? I mean jeez, I don't understand.
5) Olivier Martinez. Two words: Love Rat. Here's another two words: serial womanizer. Lady, every single person who has ever picked up a copy of NW while waiting in the check out line at Safeway knew that he was cheating on you and we all groaned simultaneously when we found out that you took him back...again..and again..and again. Okay, Frenchy stayed by your side during your battle with cancer but I'm a cynical bitch and I'm going to say what we we've all been thinking but were too nice to say: The man didn't want to be publicly known as the bastard who dumped Kylie while she had cancer. So..he stayed with you through that and then waited until you were well again before he took up with some young thing..just like he always meant to (or always was). This doesn't make him a "good person for being by your side" but instead a "dickhead that needs his nuts kicked in good and proper".
(honorable mention: That married guy who took you out on hit yacht for a "friendly" trip. Yes, married. No, no one actually believed you were 'just friends').
Girlfriend do I really have to remind you that you are rich, famous, gorgeous and un-wrinkly? What more could a man want in a woman (well so they keep saying anyway)? And this is coming from someone who doesn't even like you. I think you're a vapid attention whore who sings shit songs that are only good for a bout of retro dancing and nostalgia - but even I; a member of the ever hurtful Kylie critics can see that you are automatically five thousand per cent better than any guy out there that has the privilege of being on your arm.
Honey, it's time to go lez.
What is it with fabulous girls who can manage mammoth careers and have it all but can't resist the charms of dead beat idiots? I know so, so many absolutely wonderful (and conventionally beautiful) women who are surrounded by deadbeats! What the hell is going on?
There have been many though these were the lucky, lucky, lucky few that lasted longer than a few weeks.
1) Jason Donovan. Okay, there was nothing wrong with him except that he had a mullet but then again YOU had a mullet TOO! You were MFEO, goddamn you I'm still waiting for you two to walk down the isle while Suddenly plays in the background in a quaint little church in the Dandenong Mountains...fer real this time. I fully blame you for his addiction to drugs and foray into reeeeeally bad sappy pop music and finally into ugly land. Lady before you fucked with him he was every nice Smash Hits magazine reading young lass' wet dream. That is all.
2) Michael Hutchence. I totally get it - he was completely fucked up but sexy as hell. Maybe even being fucked up made him sexy as hell. It's a hard thing for a girl in her early 20s to resist, I know. Then again, he was a serial womanizer who was totally seeing other women the whole time he was with you. Then after dumping you the next thing you know he's married to a wacko and then...bam! Dead. I'm not saying you were to blame however, Jase up at #1 didn't fare so well after dealing with you either. Did I mention the words "serial womanizer"?
3) James Gooding - dude used you for sex and then sold your story to the tabloids in a simultaneous dump/humiliation move. Yeah, he was a real keeper. Again - serial womanizer
4) Pauly Shore - well I don't think he hurt YOU at all but my god woman it's PAULY SHORE, even Brendan Fraser in that cracker of a moive Encino Man was more articulate and 'human' like than him - what the fuck were you thinking? I mean jeez, I don't understand.
5) Olivier Martinez. Two words: Love Rat. Here's another two words: serial womanizer. Lady, every single person who has ever picked up a copy of NW while waiting in the check out line at Safeway knew that he was cheating on you and we all groaned simultaneously when we found out that you took him back...again..and again..and again. Okay, Frenchy stayed by your side during your battle with cancer but I'm a cynical bitch and I'm going to say what we we've all been thinking but were too nice to say: The man didn't want to be publicly known as the bastard who dumped Kylie while she had cancer. So..he stayed with you through that and then waited until you were well again before he took up with some young thing..just like he always meant to (or always was). This doesn't make him a "good person for being by your side" but instead a "dickhead that needs his nuts kicked in good and proper".(honorable mention: That married guy who took you out on hit yacht for a "friendly" trip. Yes, married. No, no one actually believed you were 'just friends').
Girlfriend do I really have to remind you that you are rich, famous, gorgeous and un-wrinkly? What more could a man want in a woman (well so they keep saying anyway)? And this is coming from someone who doesn't even like you. I think you're a vapid attention whore who sings shit songs that are only good for a bout of retro dancing and nostalgia - but even I; a member of the ever hurtful Kylie critics can see that you are automatically five thousand per cent better than any guy out there that has the privilege of being on your arm.
Honey, it's time to go lez.
What is it with fabulous girls who can manage mammoth careers and have it all but can't resist the charms of dead beat idiots? I know so, so many absolutely wonderful (and conventionally beautiful) women who are surrounded by deadbeats! What the hell is going on?
Labels: mean men, messy women, pop culture, relationships, what women want, wonderings
Sunday, August 19, 2007
I cannot compete with you Jolene.
sonnet cxxx
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
I've been thinking a lot about this sonnet by Shakespeare and of how beauty does not create love but that the opposite is true - love creates beauty. I truly believe that for both men and women. It's part of our complexity as humans that we don't see things as they really are all of the time. Then I had a conversation with my friend about post baby bodies and had no idea what to think.
F was saying that due to a number of factors her post baby her boobs aren't as big as what they once were. She and a similar post-breastfeeding friend of hers were wondering about having a boob job to you know..fill up again. I was dumbfounded by why someone who is absolutely angelic looking and in the prime of her life would want to have such a procedure done.
I'm going to go right ahead and make an explosive comment: Do women really hate themselves THAT much?
I know that women are the masters of their own bodies yadda yadda yadda and that if a boob job is actually going to make a woman feel better about herself then what's it anyone's business but her own? I have one word for that: propaganda!
I want to know WHY altering something that is already completely normal makes a woman supposedly feel better in the first place? It's not like an overwhelming amount of women are going into surgery to remove a third breast or something - it's usually to make something that is normal look totally generic. Why is it such a good thing for a women to look generic and why god help me I'm going to kick someone right now, do women totally buy into it? Are we completely and utterly SPAZZTICATED?
Women have boobs and they all happen to be different because duh, we women are all different. Women who have breast implants for themselves have really got to ask themselves why, if they want to do something for THEMSELVES they would want that particular something to look the same as everyone elses something? Where are these messages coming from that would cause women to think that our normal functional boobs are somehow inadequate? Why would we tell that to ourselves? Why aren't we up in arms saying 'fuck you!' about this? Furthermore the scores of women who actually say they're doing it for themselves but survey men on what MEN find attractive about boobs have totally lost me. Let me get this straight you need their opinion because you're ...doing it for...yourself? Riiight.
You want to see something a bunch of women did for THEMSELVES? These women here (click link) accepted that their breasts were completely fantastic because they were actually THEIRS. This is not a work safe site and shows normal breasts that are not pornified (made up word). I encourage you to read the submissions that the women have made about their own breasts and I encourage you to read the visitor comments at the bottom on the page too.
Surely we realise that a man who picks a woman over how perfect her breasts are is a complete moron who we don't really want anywhere near our reproductive organs in the first place. Right? I'm sure they're rapt if their lady friend has really nice ta-tas, don't get me wrong I get that much about men, but for normal penis sporting men in search of a relationship - this is not actually a factor in deciding whether they like you or not, right? If anything men are more contrary and fickle than not when it comes to the subject. They tell the small chested girl that more than a handful is a waste anyway (I hate that saying btw) and the ample bosomed girl that they love big ones. Why do they do this? Well 1) they don't want their arses kicked, 2) it's like my friend said: "the only real boobs are the ones I get to touch". Amen brother.
Basically breast implants are just a big bag of poison (okay, okay foreign matter) inserted into someone's chest. If by some grace of god you don't develop the big C from them then surely you've read the stats on how MOST implants go hard because having foreign material in your body causes your body to start attacking itself and to build a shell around the implant. Not to mention that MANY women have to go back and have them replaced anyway - if you don't your breasts will be deformed. Also it's no big secret that many of them leak and rupture or deflate.
Pro-boob job sites/articles always interview women who have had breast surgery within the last 1-5ish years. It's not to say that all post 5 year implants produce suffering but you rarely hear the success story even 10 years down the track. You hear a lot of 'I wish I never did that' 10 years later actually. I've read studies that show 1/3 of women who have surgery have two ruptured implants (or deflation or something like that) - and up to 67% have ONE implant that has ruptured and needs to be replaced. That shit is fucked up. Don't you think it's fucked up?
Anyway, I was lying in bed the other morning thinking about my friend F and her already lovely boobs and lovely life. I was thinking about her being successful in her career and how she already has the man of her dreams and a gorgeous child I just couldn't figure it out. I ultimately came to this conclusion - no women is ever beautiful enough because all beauty that is held up in consumerist society - by both men and women - is unattainable (I mean it's airbrushed for fucks sake of course it's unattainable). If no women is ever beautiful enough then she will always be vulnerable to feeling inadequate - enter boob job. Women who are totally immune to this either have a strong sense of self and trust completely that they are loved for who they are on the inside or ...I don't know, live alternative lifestyles on the fringe of society rather than the mainstream (?).
Then over the radio came the news that blew both the "doing it for themselves" and "men love all boobs because duh, they're boobs" theory out the window for me.
Zoo Magazine has a competition running, in case you hadn't heard. Male readers get to win fake implants for their girlfriend. Well, FOR their girlfriend... to UNDERGO surgery that is. Could you EVER imagine Cosmo or Cleo Magazine offering women the chance to get their boyfriend penis enlargement surgery? Could you even imagine a woman subscribing to this on behalf of her man? I really can't.
What say you - boob jobs; women empowering themselves or women duped into thinking that they are empowering themselves? What part do men and Zoo have to play in all this anyway? And with my musical Monday in mind - are all women threatened by Jolene and images of women who are perfect?
And now to a song that I only recently grew to appreciate and to a singer whose chest doesn't play even a part in what I think of her music. Funny how that works eh?
Jolene - Dolly Parton
Honorable mention to The White Stripes whom have done a BRILLIANT cover of this song.
Jolene (under the Blackpool lights) - The White Stripes
[I just need to clarify here that I'm not talking about post breast cancer mastectomy augmentation or any medical procedure to do with boobs like back problems or inverted nipples etc]
[I also know women who have had boob jobs who love them, I don't doubt that women love their fake boobs - you'd better love them after spending 10,000 on them, I just wonder why we have to have them in the first place!]
Labels: boobs, men, pop culture, pressure, rant, what men don't see, what women want, why, women, wonderings
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
What Women Want
I have this little issue getting up in the mornings. I hate the alarm, you see. So instead of the alarm beeping I have the radio come on instead. The problem is that when the DJs have something interesting to say I end up staying in bed and listening to them instead of getting ready for work. Lately I've been pushing that "late" button to work because the last week or so has seen Hughsey and Kate (I know, I KNOW I hate the music too - please someone stab Fergie and that Umbrella (ella, ella, ella eh eh eh) chick with a blunt butter knife!) talking about "what women want".
The whole discussion started with Hughsey arguing that women are too hard to figure out, they ask for too much and they've got it so good. Meanwhile Kate's angry schpeil on the radio show says it ALL about what we DO and what we PUT UP WITH when it comes to men in relationships. Sometimes men have no idea about these things that go on, even when they are IN the relationship! You need to go listen to it (ignore the interview with Kevin Rudd in the first few minutes).
Hughsey and Kate Podcast
She also goes on to say that we realise when we're loved by men but that it should be demonstrated because a lot of what we do IN relationships IS demonstrative of our feelings. Obviously we realise that there are men who do the right thing but they're not in the fat part of the bell curve at all. They're in the skinny end that tapers off around the 10-15% mark - just like the really horrid ones lay at the OTHER end in the bottom 10-15% mark. Just like we women are. So put down the angry "but you said that ALL men..." remark. I said nothing of the sort. :P
They've continued the discussion throughout the week with many a woman AND man ringing to confirm the truth of what goes on in relationships between men and women.
I think it was Hughsey who proclaimed "well what do women want anyway?" and that prompted the making of a list of "what women REALLY want" from men.
You want the list? I think it's pretty good. It's not filled with money, bling, and bullshit either - and it's endorsed by the women who rang up and the radio station.
All these were discussed in a lot more detail on the radio shows and all were brought up as points that we feel there is room for improvement. What do you think? Is this what you want? Is the list complete? I think it's spot on. It's not shallow or tongue in cheek. It cuts right down to the heart of the matter. We want you to respect us, acknowledge us, love us and treat us preciously. Shouldn't you?
Guys what do you think? Are you the perfect guy or is there room for improvement? I wonder what a list of "what men want" would look like? Really, what DO you want? How can we please you?
* I didn't explain earlier that this is NOT a list about what women *look for* in a man before they get him. So not just a random guy. It's about what we want WITHIN a LONG TERM relationship that already exists!
The whole discussion started with Hughsey arguing that women are too hard to figure out, they ask for too much and they've got it so good. Meanwhile Kate's angry schpeil on the radio show says it ALL about what we DO and what we PUT UP WITH when it comes to men in relationships. Sometimes men have no idea about these things that go on, even when they are IN the relationship! You need to go listen to it (ignore the interview with Kevin Rudd in the first few minutes).
Hughsey and Kate Podcast
She also goes on to say that we realise when we're loved by men but that it should be demonstrated because a lot of what we do IN relationships IS demonstrative of our feelings. Obviously we realise that there are men who do the right thing but they're not in the fat part of the bell curve at all. They're in the skinny end that tapers off around the 10-15% mark - just like the really horrid ones lay at the OTHER end in the bottom 10-15% mark. Just like we women are. So put down the angry "but you said that ALL men..." remark. I said nothing of the sort. :P
They've continued the discussion throughout the week with many a woman AND man ringing to confirm the truth of what goes on in relationships between men and women.
I think it was Hughsey who proclaimed "well what do women want anyway?" and that prompted the making of a list of "what women REALLY want" from men.
You want the list? I think it's pretty good. It's not filled with money, bling, and bullshit either - and it's endorsed by the women who rang up and the radio station.
What Women Want*
* Acknowledgement for what we do
* To be looked after when we're sick.
* The abolition of slavery (ours)
* To be listened to when we talk
* To be romanced (pash us passionately)
* Affection (without promise of result)
* Honesty
* Equality
* Security - to love and be loved without doubt
* Respect.
All these were discussed in a lot more detail on the radio shows and all were brought up as points that we feel there is room for improvement. What do you think? Is this what you want? Is the list complete? I think it's spot on. It's not shallow or tongue in cheek. It cuts right down to the heart of the matter. We want you to respect us, acknowledge us, love us and treat us preciously. Shouldn't you?
Guys what do you think? Are you the perfect guy or is there room for improvement? I wonder what a list of "what men want" would look like? Really, what DO you want? How can we please you?
* I didn't explain earlier that this is NOT a list about what women *look for* in a man before they get him. So not just a random guy. It's about what we want WITHIN a LONG TERM relationship that already exists!
Labels: media, men, what men don't see, what women want, women
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