[Miscellany]

Being a non-babied up person living in a world where it seems like everyone has spawned has afforded me the opportunity to observe things without being too emotionally involved. I have my pet peeves with how mums and dads behave just like I have my pet peeves by how ordinary everyday people behave. In fact, one might argue that I have a lot of pet peeves. Oh well, I'm peevey - you really got a problem with that?

A little issue has arisen lately in baby-land and I have to say, it's given me more peeves than ever thought possible. I'm talking about how people react to the weight of babies. Now I realise that weight is probably the most important way that one can distinguish how healthy a baby is but I'm not talking about that. It's the language that people use.

My friend S's little miracle (really, he actually is - spend first couple of months at the Children's hospital and really was touch and go for a while there) has been growing in leaps and bounds since he was released from the hospital. Really he is one of the cutest babies in the world. He's one of those babies that strangers will boldly approach and want to hold. Things started off a little rough for the poor guy but now he's doing well. In fact when people see him how they ALWAYS comment about what a big boy he is, and how chubby he is getting and ...hey maybe mum should be putting him on a little feeding restriction. The thing is little N is not like those big babies you see on Phil Donohue where the baby is actually half the size of mum at 1 year of age and looks basically like an adult in diapers (though, I might be confusing this with a whoooole other episode of Donohue). Little N is in fact precisely in the 50th percentile for his weight. He's the epitome of normality. He's not 1 percent below or above he's just right. Meanwhile mothers of babies born on the 15th percentile are commenting about what a chubbster N is - not in a nice way either - in an I'm slightly worried about your baby way - patronising, utterly patronising. Like as if being born thin and still thin is somehow better than than being normal and healthy.

The reason why it's a peeve of mine is that I can see where this is leading. We already have this preoccupation with children's weight and the so-called obesity crisis in children. I wish I could link to an entry that "pubby" wrote about this issue but he's taken his blog offline - but he also asked whether these figures were sincere because he hadn't noticed that suddenly all these kids were supposedly fat. I work with kids. I see kids everyday and there is probably 1 per class who is overweight. IF THAT. I don't have any this year at all. In fact I'm looking at all the children I know who started school this year and there is not ONE who would even be considered chubby - that's almost 100 new children! Figures point to something like 40% of children being fat but from what I've seen it's actually about 5% which is called a NORMAL DISTRIBUTION of fat folks. Maybe it's 10% in some areas...yes, more concerning but still, hardly an epidemic! I don't know if figures are being inflated or whether the way we measure fat is right off the scale (pun intended) but if it's an epidemic then I don't bloody see it at all.

The point is the weight obsession starts with babies. All these mothers (let's face it, mostly mums) are obsessed with talking about the weight of their own children but not only that, I sense some smugness and defensiveness about weight, depending on where on the percentile the baby falls. Once I commented on how F's baby J had grown into a big boy. I hadn't seen him in about 3 months and he was like a new child. So what, he got big! Big deal, it's great, it's called growing. But I got flicked with the end of the wrath stick quick smart by F who snapped that actually he's only on the 30th percentile now and not big at all. Ohhhhh kay, sorry didn't think I was suggesting that your baby was a sumo wrestler but hey, whatever.

Incidentally why is it so wrong to say that a female baby is a "big strong girl". Ever try saying that one? It's like you're saying "hey I've just noticed that your daughter is a big fat dyke. I can see that she's a breath away from letting her body hair get to unflattering lengths and start listening to angry girl rock" I thought, growing was supposed to be a good thing! Maybe not in girls.

In other news concerning dirty femmo stuff, I was intrigued by a column in Sunday's Age by Angela Pippos "What's Wrong with Being a Fashionista Feminist Anyway?" where she addresses just how diverse feminists are in this era. She also says

I'm a feminist. Was that so hard?
It's really not a big deal. I simply believe that women should be given the same opportunities as men. Throw me in in the river and see if I float. It's hardly radical but, in my experience, any mention of the "f" word in male company can bring on a type of behaviour often seen in a David Attenborough documentary, followed by a sudden attack of mundane questioning".

She goes on to list a few examples of questioning she is immediately dealt by affronted men "Do you expect men to open doors for you?" "Do you want a man to pay for dinner on a first date?" etc. You know the typical questions asked of femnos that makes everyone want to stab their eyes out. What really interests me about her column is the underlying question for me about feminism. Why is it still a dirty word? Yes, I'm being serious. In all my years of being a feminist I've never met one who hates men. I've never met one who burns her bra. I've never met one who spends all night planing to picket the local men's club or any of the other stereotypes that are prescribed to so called ..here is comes "feminazis". Do I know lesbian femmos? Of course. Does that mean ALL feminists are gay? Do I know femmos who are frustrated by the status quo and frustrated by some perceptions perpetrated by men. Hell yes, does that mean that they are frustrated with men in general? Pssssh, I don't think so. I hate that type of generalising of feminists that happens but actually has little grounds in reality.

I don't know about you but when I hear the old "you're a man hater" (often comes in a feminist type entry) and it's been written here on this journal as well me reading it on so many other feminist blogs that I've lost count - I often think that the person writing it either has shit for brains, doesn't actually KNOW any feminists or rather...doesn't KNOW any women AT ALL or that maybe..just maybe THEY don't really like women all that much themselves, or feel threatened by them expressing an opinion - whatever. The fact that I *am* a feminist and I don't actually know ANY feminists who hate men NOR do I hate them myself sort of makes me wonder why on earth that's a phrase that is so easily thrown around by others when confronted with someone who claims to be a feminist? I mean I always hear about these so-called feminists who are supposed to hate men, usually it comes in the form of "yeah I know a feminist who hates men" but you know..it's sort of like an urban myth to me. Have you heard the one about the lady with the boil on her face that exploded and 50 tiny spiders came out? Yeah, that common. If anything feminists have so much problem in appearing a unified group with unifying beliefs in the first place that *men* aren't even the issue. It's women and what women think that is more of an issue.

Perhaps it's that feminist discourse is centered around the fact that things are not quite right in the world of woman. That there are certain issues that affect our gender and those issues maybe be life threatening or indeed socially confining to women. Maybe there's some resentment too, that women get the focus for this type of discourse? The fact that they are discussed might be a little too confronting for some people and confused with hate - when really it's not about hate at all, it's about getting answers and asking WHY does this happen to women? Is that a wrong question to ask? I certainly don't think so. It does NOT negate the FACT that things happen to men too and that is an important point. That in fact we are all individuals who have shit happen to us at some stage or another and that there are issues for men that are just as concerning that in fact SHOULD be discussed too. They should be discussed by the same people that are complaining that are sick of hearing about women's issues and say that yeah, men have issues too can't you see that? Well, dude, discuss away! Indeed, asking why the world is a certain way is not about hating anyone. It's about trying to get answers about how things are and perhaps start discourse that will affect change. One can only hope anyway.

I know that discussions about rape, prostitution, maternity leave and domestic violence gets a lot of backs up, especially with men but the fact of the matter is that these things DO happen and they DO happen mostly to women and the fact that we make up more than half the population means that it's something that everyone should be worried about. These are things that SHOULD be discussed widely and without refrain. It happens and the fact that it happens disturbingly often to one gender over another is a cause for feminist discourse. Live with it! I've read so many "anti-feminist" blogs (mostly written by anonymous people with anonymous comments - just goes to show doesn't it?) that will reference one article where a woman has beaten her husband in a show of domestic violence. Yes it happens and this is horrible. I don't want to diminish that - but the anti-feminist blogger will then say (and this happens in almost 100 percent of all anti-feminist bloggers) something along the lines of "and now you see why I refuse to get involved with all women. Women are evil etc etc". This is in direct opposition to most feminist blogs which takes issue on women's issues in society and how that affects us and in fact are a celebration of female achievement in the arts and culture. They are positive places that actually reserve any condensation of men to specific examples ie: THIS MAN said something not quite right about women. THIS MAN is wrong. Whereas the anti-feminist blogs that I've read are all about generalising one act to mean *all* women and being defensive about it too. Perhaps I've yet to come across a anti-feminist blog that is about being male positive instead of female negative. I'm know that there are some feminist blogs that really ARE venomous about a lot of things too, including men but definitely not the popular ones. The popular feminist blogs are generally very political places that invite discussion by men and indeed a lot of them have a dedicated male following too.

For the record I have read many male written gender positive blogs that have nothing to do with anti-feminism - they don't shy away from bringing up issues that are specific to men either! They are great and there should be more of them. They write about male and female issues with sex, violence and everything in between and they are so great because they don't fall into that age old trap of 'what I admire about women is their breasts, bum, legs, they look beautiful, they smell beautiful' - which is quite typical in what DOES tend to get written about women from a male perspective. I mean that kind of blog is great and all but male blogs that go beyond that REALLY need to be applauded for being so great - and they're not great because I agree with them, because I don't always, they're great because they are truthful without falling into "all feminists are bitches" type rhetoric.

Considering that not all feminists are the same, nor do any of the old stereotypes stand up why is it that the F-word is still a dirty one?

Anyway, on to Musical Monday in this haphazard post of mine. Of course, let's just complete the entry with a reference to Kat Bjelland; an artist I'm pretty much so in awe of I can't quite figure out the right words. She looks like an angel but has the voice of a terrifying demon. That's the best I can come up with. In the early days she cavorted around with Courtney Love and Jennifer Finch experimenting in a couple of bands before all went their separate ways and all became highly influential artists in their own right, with their own bands. I sigh here as I make the distinction and say they were 'female centered' bands - grrl rock if you will. Why? Oh because I've featured many, many bands who have all male members and sing about manly things but never distinguished them by saying 'all male' or 'male centered'. It's funny how these distinctions work in rock for women as opposed to men but there you have it.

Babes in Toyland had been around for a good many years before I got into them. I was completely taken with Kat Bjelland and in particular her rock operatic meets screaming banshee type singing voice.

She was a cheerleader in high school by the way.

A cheerleader AND a dirty femmo too. Oh my god, is your mind about to explode? Yes, it's true, us dirty femmos aren't just one type of person. I guess, that was my whole point. Mother's can be feminists. Hot girls can be feminists. Women who love men can be feminists. Scientists can be feminists. Radio personalities can be feminists. Men can be feminists. Cheerleaders can be feminists. It's not just one type of person. And for the record I've read many a comment implying that those people mentioned above CAN'T be feminists - like mum's can't be feminists. ha! Well I'm linking right here to a GREAT entry by a femmo mum who outlines some great points about how to raise your daughter a feminist and you know what? The initial question about 'how do I raise my daughter a feminist?' came from a bloke. How's that for breaking down a few barriers. Yes folks, it's not actually about man hating. Sorry to disappoint - on with the music.

Bruise Violet - Babes In Toyland (apparently not about Courtney Love..but I doubt it! lol).



Sweet 69 - Babes in Toyland

Labels: babies, dirty femmo, girls and women, messy women, musical monday, real women, vicious women, what women want, why, why do people get so touchy when it comes to talking about these things?, women

posted by M at 4:45 pm 23 comments

She's that girl no one trusts with their boyfriend. Even she will even admit that girls don't like her but I just don't know why. I'll tell you why. She's the Viper Woman. You probably know her. She's competitive when it comes to men, she'll flirt with your boyfriend, hell - she'll flirt with any man you say you're interested in and in fact at a party she pretty much ignores all the women and makes a beeline for the men. She thrives on the attention. It would be fine if she wasn't such a destructive person. Bottom line - she's only in it for herself.

A few bottles of red into the evening conversation turned to her. We had already exhausted those well worn topics like: What the hell do men really want in a woman - and does she really exist? (more perplexed than ever), 'Why the hell don't they just ring when they say they will?' (The answer is fuzzier than ever), Where do they go when they disappear? (Narnia?), Stupid shit we've done while drunk (am incredibly good and never done anything stupid) and the ever glorious 'Why best girlfriends are so great' conversations - so it was inevitable that after we got onto friends that talk would quickly turn to enemies soon after. This is where the Viper Woman came in. The conversation took the dangerous journey into 'women you can't trust' territory. ooooo

*cue flash of lightning, thunder crash and spooky organ music*

C turned storyteller for a while leaning right forward into the Tim Tams as she related the tale of her ex-best friend. I grab a slightly melted Tim Tam (...for the road). The making of the Viper Woman started with simple game playing. C and her friends would walk into a bar and soon after Viper woman was making a beeline for all the men C happened to be interested in. I take a sip of my wine - the warmth filling my mouth (and mind). This is beginning to sound familiar, you relate a tale of a girl you know that did something very similar. C sits back and picks up her wine glass at the blub, she takes a gulp and then licks at the trickle of red on her lips. I always knew I couldn't trust her she says measuredly but I never thought she'd do it to me.

The story goes on, C explains how Viper Woman emerged when the men were around. She never talked to her friends when they went out together - she had a goal; men - lucky them, but not so lucky for the friends. After a while C began picking men at random in the bar and casually mentioning she thought they were lovely - even if she didn't think so - it was a test you see. Cue Viper Woman. Soon Viper Woman had slept with every boyfriend of all her so called best friends. She justified it by saying that if those men had been "good ones" they wouldn't have been tempted. Perhaps quite true, but that doesn't make her any less of a bitch now does it?

Before she slept with C's boyfriend Viper Woman made sure she told C exactly what was going to happen. After a night out together (VW, C and the boyfriend) she strolled up and told C that she was going to go home with him. C remarked that if Viper did this then she would be down a friend. C said that she would never speak to her again. Viper smirked, turned around and walked out of the club. C was true to her word. She never spoke to her again.

The last C had heard Viper Woman was unhappily married to a man who she was paranoid was sleeping around on her. Obviously a girl like this has no girlfriends to confide in and be supportive, and while the men loved her once upon a time, they only did so because they wanted to screw her - so no friends found there either.

C finished her tale and I am still holding the same Tim Tam that I was when she started. I take a bite and chew. So, these guys.. Did they have any idea of what a bitch she was? C shrugs, I doubt it, of if they did they certainly didn't care.

Wow.

Have you ever been friends with or stung by a Viper Women? Are you one yourself?
Men: do you notice Viper Women in action, and do you actually care?
And is there a male equivalent of a Viper Woman*?


*I mean apart from Rick "Jesse's Girl" Springfield

Labels: flirting when you shouldn't, friends, hussy, men, Other women don't like you because you can't be trusted, questions, Rick Springfield, story, tim tams, vicious women, wine, wonderings

posted by M at 11:37 pm 21 comments

* Conversation: The other day I was eavesdropping on a conversation between two friends. They were discussing getting the flu and how shitty it makes you feel - you know mundane stuff. We've all had that riveting conversation I'm sure.

Then one girl brought up gastro - a painful and horrible affair it is. They started grumbling about that one but both admitted that they'd rather have gastro than the flu.

Why? Well to quote:

At least you loose a bit of weight! one proclaimed.

It's a kick start on the diet - the other readily agreed.

I'm not all that upset when I get gastro. At least it's doing something good for you she said.

I get secretly happy when I have it, even though it hurts the other finished up.

And there you have it. Conclusive evidence that girls are fucked up in the head and you know what? I couldn't in all honesty say that I totally disagreed with them either. I don't think it's a healthy way to think about ones body but it's how we do think about them nonetheless.

* In praise of good men: The other night I found myself in a spot of bother when I'd lost the lens cap of my camera in the middle of a pitch black park. Who forgot her torch I wonder? hmm. I made a comment about having to look for it when one of my fellow classmates gallantly braved the cold night air and boring conversation to stay with me and helped me look until I found it. Who else would do that? No one! This man; I've seen him do quite a few nice things for other people - including walking a woman to her car even though it was late and he must have been tired, and helping someone with instruction when no one else would and engaging in conversation with many different kinds of people - both men and women in a non-arrogant way. He's just a good guy and I'm sorry to say I haven't met a lot of those kinds of guys lately.

Some guys, are really nice sometimes. They're nice to only certain types of women or certain types of people. I don't want anything to do with those people. You can always tell the character of a person not exactly by how they treat only you but by how they treat all people and living creatures. Some people are just in it for themselves - I could say the same about women who are friendly and sweet to men but total bitches to other women. I've said it before but I'm extremely wary of women who don't get along with other women or who say 'I'm a boys girl'. Pfe.

In the same way, I'm wary of men who only treat certain women nicely and other women meanly or even ignore them - because they perceive these women as 'easy' or 'ugly' or 'dumb' or whatever doesn't make the grade. Some men treat women nicely only if they are the kind of women that man would go on a date with, even if they don't actually want to date them. You can smell the fake nice on these guys a mile away and it's not pretty. They will be friendly to someone because they want to impress them but not to another person because they don't care about impressing them. As humans we're all kind of selfish but this kind of behaviour is a bit rotten. We don't have to all be best friends but shouldn't we all be decent to each other?

So this good guy - wow. I had shamefully forgotten that some men are worth their weight in gold. Good men: Big tick!

Labels: bodies, good guys, mean men, men, vicious women, women

posted by M at 3:52 pm 24 comments

The reason why I like shows like Big Brother (shuddup) is not just because I happen to be a trashy person with no brainz (some may argue differently) but because for me, these shows bring up questions about social politics. I like the social experiment aspect of BB - rather than the shameless famewhores themselves. Where else do we get to see people in groups forming relationships without them calling in the cops for stalking? Does this make any sense?

Here are some things I have learnt from everyday life that has been confirmed by watching Big Brother, reading various forums and involving myself in discussion about housemates and about people in general. There is a lot of generalisation here but I'm talking under the bell curve not necessarily inclusive of everyone. I realise there are people that don't fit this stereotype so I'm not trying to lump everyone together. Having said that yes, I'm lumping a big proportion of people together.

1) Men in groups bigger than 2 sometimes act as bullies because they egg each other on.

2) Not all men get involved in the bullies thing - but the ones that do would probably be best described as "blokey" men (at their most innocent).

3) Girls are BITCHES mostly about other women rather than about men.

4) Men bitch mostly about women rather than about men.

5) Girls who are not bitchy are usually a bit older.

6) Girls will play up being vacuous in order to not offend men because ...well because of point 7.

7) Girls who argue or who challenge men on their point of view are shunned by said men (and the public) and rarely seen as sexual beings.

8) Some girls will allow themselves to be bullied by men into ridiculous situations in order to avoid #7 happening to them.

9) It is a crime for a girl to be over a size 12 (I'm not being facetious) - you will be automatically shunned or even hated by some people. ed: In Australia a size 12 is "medium" in the shops. I think that's US size 8 (this is BEFORE zero came out - maybe it's a US size 6 now)

10) On the flipside - you can never be too thin. In fact if you have unhealthy eating habits in order to be that way..it's not questioned too much.

11) normal weight is seen as fat by the general public.

12) women are judged on their looks FIRST by men and by women. If they pass the looks test then personality will be next.

13) men judge women on their looks just as harshly as other women do. Maybe even more so.

14) Nerdy guys will get by on being intelligent BUT only if they are funny/likable as well.

15) Men are considered "hot" by young women if they are tall, buff and relatively blokey BUT if they are funny they get a wildcard.

16) Grid girls and promotions models are pretty much idiots or act that way (in order to avoid point 7).

17) It's okay if a girl is dumb as long as she's hot.

18) For women plastic boobs are the way to go if their boobs are "too" small. Plastic boobs are preferable to accepting yourself as how you are.

19) Mormons are annoyingly hyper (okay joking. I don't really know any mormons).

20) After a while the looks thing gets old and people begin to see each other for what they really are UNLESS you are really young/immature in which case you never get over the looks thing.

Not a pretty view of humanity eh? Maybe I'm reading it wrong. I know there is a good side to humanity okay. I'm not stupid but these all seem incredibly true to me. I realise they're generalisations - but I also think they're very true.

What do you think?

Labels: big brother, blokes, cynical bitch, generalisations, men, TV, vicious women, women

posted by M at 4:07 pm 48 comments

Dude, what the fuck?

Everyone has heard this story, right? Psychotic female Astronaut has a crush on Major Nelson. Psychotic Astronaut suspects that another girl (aka: clueless victim) might also be a chance with Major Nelson. Psycho Astronaut drives half way across the country wearing a trench coat disguise and nappies so that she can either kidnap/kill or "have a talk" (according to her statement) to the woman about this "situation". Psycho sprays clueless victim in the face with pepper spray, Clueless Victim gets away and Psycho is found a little while later stuffing black gloves, a folding knife with a 10-centimetre blade, rubber tubing and rubbish bags into the bin. Major Nelson is probably living it up dancing with Jeannie in her bottle or something while all this is going on - none the wiser.

I almost drove off the road laughing when I heard this one. Nappies? Knives? um...NAPPIES?

Is it just me or are girls the masters of making arseholes of themselves when it comes to men? Some will gouge out the eyes of any woman in their way and play dirty if it gets them what they want. I have always found that in a situation where there are two girls vying for the attention of one man it ends up being mostly about the relationship between the two girls rather than the guy. For one of those girls doing the vying, you could probably replace that guy with any slob stumbling out of a pub at 2am and they'd still fight tooth and nail. The other girl however might actually really like the guy and is caught up in the "competition" of it all even though they never intended it to be like that. It can be horrible if you're the girl who actually likes the guy and not really in it for the competition - that much is true.

I know that I can't stomach that kind of 'dirty play' for a guy. I have been known to step back in situations that I thought might develop into a competition because it's just too big a headache to live through just for *certain guy* who gets to sit back and watch it all unfold without doing anything at all (can't stand that) - only to find that the "winner" loses interest within a few days (or a night) because they were only ever in it for the win anyway. Games. Pride. Jealousy. These are the downsides of the male/female dating world. Games.

The way I see it: At some point the game has to stop for someone to win - and after that point the game is over. Finito, Fin, Adios muchachos. Both people can't win in a game. Both can win in a relationship though. There may be game like elements going on when dating but at some point but there comes a point in every relationship like every mature life where you have to cut the shit, grow the hell up and be prepared to stop playing and start bloody well living. I know there are a kazillion people that disagree with me on this one though - god knows I'm friends with most of them!

But this example of Psycho Astronaut is interesting. Obviously a woman driving halfway across the country in a nappy isn't ever going to be appealing to any man who isn't planning on being a guest on The Jerry Springer Show - but how much fight is acceptable and appealing? Or is it that the guy wants to do the chasing when it comes to matters of the heart?

Labels: games, lazy bastards, men, psychos, questions, vicious women, wonderings

posted by M at 11:06 pm 23 comments