Saturday, July 07, 2007

The attack of the Viper Woman

She's that girl no one trusts with their boyfriend. Even she will even admit that girls don't like her but I just don't know why. I'll tell you why. She's the Viper Woman. You probably know her. She's competitive when it comes to men, she'll flirt with your boyfriend, hell - she'll flirt with any man you say you're interested in and in fact at a party she pretty much ignores all the women and makes a beeline for the men. She thrives on the attention. It would be fine if she wasn't such a destructive person. Bottom line - she's only in it for herself.

A few bottles of red into the evening conversation turned to her. We had already exhausted those well worn topics like: What the hell do men really want in a woman - and does she really exist? (more perplexed than ever), 'Why the hell don't they just ring when they say they will?' (The answer is fuzzier than ever), Where do they go when they disappear? (Narnia?), Stupid shit we've done while drunk (am incredibly good and never done anything stupid) and the ever glorious 'Why best girlfriends are so great' conversations - so it was inevitable that after we got onto friends that talk would quickly turn to enemies soon after. This is where the Viper Woman came in. The conversation took the dangerous journey into 'women you can't trust' territory. ooooo

*cue flash of lightning, thunder crash and spooky organ music*

C turned storyteller for a while leaning right forward into the Tim Tams as she related the tale of her ex-best friend. I grab a slightly melted Tim Tam (...for the road). The making of the Viper Woman started with simple game playing. C and her friends would walk into a bar and soon after Viper woman was making a beeline for all the men C happened to be interested in. I take a sip of my wine - the warmth filling my mouth (and mind). This is beginning to sound familiar, you relate a tale of a girl you know that did something very similar. C sits back and picks up her wine glass at the blub, she takes a gulp and then licks at the trickle of red on her lips. I always knew I couldn't trust her she says measuredly but I never thought she'd do it to me.

The story goes on, C explains how Viper Woman emerged when the men were around. She never talked to her friends when they went out together - she had a goal; men - lucky them, but not so lucky for the friends. After a while C began picking men at random in the bar and casually mentioning she thought they were lovely - even if she didn't think so - it was a test you see. Cue Viper Woman. Soon Viper Woman had slept with every boyfriend of all her so called best friends. She justified it by saying that if those men had been "good ones" they wouldn't have been tempted. Perhaps quite true, but that doesn't make her any less of a bitch now does it?

Before she slept with C's boyfriend Viper Woman made sure she told C exactly what was going to happen. After a night out together (VW, C and the boyfriend) she strolled up and told C that she was going to go home with him. C remarked that if Viper did this then she would be down a friend. C said that she would never speak to her again. Viper smirked, turned around and walked out of the club. C was true to her word. She never spoke to her again.

The last C had heard Viper Woman was unhappily married to a man who she was paranoid was sleeping around on her. Obviously a girl like this has no girlfriends to confide in and be supportive, and while the men loved her once upon a time, they only did so because they wanted to screw her - so no friends found there either.

C finished her tale and I am still holding the same Tim Tam that I was when she started. I take a bite and chew. So, these guys.. Did they have any idea of what a bitch she was? C shrugs, I doubt it, of if they did they certainly didn't care.


Have you ever been friends with or stung by a Viper Women? Are you one yourself?
Men: do you notice Viper Women in action, and do you actually care?
And is there a male equivalent of a Viper Woman*?

*I mean apart from Rick "Jesse's Girl" Springfield

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