[Miscellany]

I have this friend who has been single for a good many years. No, it's not me - don't get me wrong, it could be - but it's not.

Anyway, in the last few months, out of sheer desperation (she's at that age... you know, MY age), she's developed a list of "romantic" things she'd like to do with her boyfriend once he materialises. By the looks of the list she's got the first years of their relationship pretty much mapped out with:

- midnight walks through the forest (???)
- antique shopping
- weekends away at a spa resort + antique shopping.
- row boating..

and the list goes on.

I laugh and nod and smile mutely when she tells me what's on the list. What can I say? How can I burst that bubble with the cold reality of summers watching cricket and winters being a football widow? I asked E's husband L what he thinks of antique shopping. He just laughed and implied that there was "payment" for things like antique shopping.

B is going to rack up quite a debt it seems.

It makes me wonder though, how girls make plans about their romantic lives. We plan our weddings when we're 8, we think about when we'll have children, where we'll live, what the husband will be like, what kinds of things we can do together. Not all girls do so in as much detail as B, but it's there nonetheless, in the back of the old mind when you pass a bridal gown hanging gloriously in a storefront window. Would I wear that on my wedding day?

But do men plan their romantic lives? Is there a list? And if so, what's on it?

Labels: to-do list, what men don't see, what men want, what women want

posted by M at 7:59 pm 4 comments

Dear Lady in the Next Cubicle,

You: Humming the tune to jaws.
Me: Listening to you, aghast that you are 1) humming in a public restroom 2) actually a GIRL, humming in a public restroom.

Love,

Surprised.



Dear World,

Everything at the moment points to me feeling sad, but it's just so much easier to just take it out on everyone else and be angry.

Forgive me, but you give the fucking shits.

Love,

Angry Girl.



Dear Parent of a child that will be in my grade next year,

When I say that your son was being silly and calling out (read: being a complete disruption to everyone, having no respect for authority and sometimes being dangerous) during our little orientation program I meant it in all seriousness. You looked surprised, don't worry, I'm used to that look from people like you - it's the "oh but they never act that way around me" look. Bullshit! I heard on the grapevine that you were in the yard complaining about me saying this to you and then laughing about it.

If you think you can try this shit out on me you've got another thing coming. You have met your match lady. This is my little promise to you: Every time your son fucks up I will be seeking YOU out to deal with it at home. If you don't deal with it then we're going to be having many, many after school meetings, behavioural plans, meetings with the principal etc. It's not going to be pretty. I have all night and I'm willing to spend it, with you, talking about the things you need to get sorted, because yes - it's your responsibility to meet me half way on this, not absolve responsibility just because they're at "school".

You think it's funny that your son is undisciplined? I don't. I think it's a reflection of your parenting. I'm not laughing.

Love,

Not Amused.



Dear Egan,

You want 3-5 things that women do/are, which keep them single? I'll take three from me and two from someone else.

According to Sam de Brito (renowned for writing and ill written, second rate Australian men's column usually agreed with by neanderthals with shit for brains, in The Age and SMH - but apparently these two traits are seen an universally true???)
1. not being young enough

2. not being hot enough.

And mine...
3. Being obsessive about spending time together and not letting their man have any time to himself. God goddsake just give the poor bloke a night or two off to watch porn or footy or to complain about you to all of his friends. He's earned it! Falling into this category is the old calling 5 times a day, just to see how he's going.

4. Making plans that are too far ahead, too soon. The second date is not a good time to plan a wedding - not in any culture. Scrap booking your future wedding/house/family is also not a good idea.

5. Only having one interest in life: him.


Love,

M.


Dear Random Reader,

You found my journal by searching "do men ever fake it?".

Do men ever fake it? pft. You know when you're talking about how your sister's best friend's hairdresser saw some D-grade movie actor at some incredible night spot and your boyfriend is all like "uh huh?" "sounds interesting" "mmmmm, wow" "yeppppppp"?

...he's totally faking it.

Love,

Boys just have a different way of doing it.




Dear Reports,

So I hear you're not going to write yourselves. Good one, but this means I'm still at square one.

Love,

Frustrated.




Dear Head Honchos at the Australian Football League,

You are shit.

Seriously, you are shit.

Ben Cousins is a drug fucked dickhead who is taking the piss out of everyone. He's had his chance and fucked up - BIG TIME and you are still going to let him play? I don't get it. The football world is not a good place for someone who can't handle the pressure. Any other athlete would be out on their arse by now and so should he.

Cut him loose - he needs to go find a real job and give a rookie a chance to get drafted instead.

Love,

Amazed.



Dear Tracie and Rich,

I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove pot psychology!


Do Guys Ever Taste Their Own Semen? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

You guys are so funny,

Love,

M.

PS: Hey boys, come (cum) clean (haha), have you ever eaten your own spunk? A lot? Regularly? Never but will do so now? Never and never want to? Cum on, answer!

Labels: letters, rant, relationships, stressed teachers, weird things, what men want, what women want

posted by M at 5:23 pm 27 comments

Is Feminism Dead?

It's a question that gets asked every so often, usually on a slow news day, or when a problem comes up that no one has the answer to (I know, let's blame feminism!) or when someone releases a new book on the subject. It's the question that was asked in today's Weekend Australian and the subject debated at tonight's forum From Friedan to Feministas - as part of the Melbourne Writer's Festival.

Is Feminism Dead?

Well, I don't know. I've heard asked so many times over the last 10 years (it's been over 10 years now that the famous article in Time came out) that I have to wonder whether feminism truly has 9 lives? It's dead, then it's alive and kicking and responsible for all the world's ills and then remarkably it's dead again and then...uh oh someone brings up maternity leave in politics and suddenly there it is - feminism - pounding down single buildings with its gigantic (hairy, un-pedicured, lesbian, dirty man-hating - no doubt-) foot and causing all the trouble again. Either it's dead or alive, let's decide on one and leave it at that.

Indeed if we really do pronounce it dead - who the hell killed it?

Was it the Paris Hilton wannabe internet porn stars? Is it the misplaced Spice Girls fans? Is it the "I take pole dancing lessons because it's a great way to keep fit" darlings of the night club scene? Is it the women who don't want to call themselves a feminist because they're "not lesbians and don't hate men" as if asserting somehow that all feminists are this. Is it the deliberate media bashing that feminism garners? Is it single mothers? Happily married mothers who decide not to work? Politicians? Prostitutes? Male opinions on blogs? Is it life after university? Is it the new feminists? Are they too different from the old feminists? What is it that pulled the trigger?

If feminism is dead, what killed it?

At tonight's forum, five women (Emily Maguire, Monica Dux, Catharine Lumby and Susan Maushart) from diverse social, political backgrounds came together to discuss the topic of feminism: Namely - Where are we now? What does it mean for us today? And quite frankly five different and dizzying opinions were put forth. From the rarely discussed silent prejudice against single mothers in the workforce who not only find it difficult in the work force but have also given up their superannuation to look after their children. What happens to them at 65? To "feminism is everywhere" - it's all around us. It's anything but dead - it's alive and kicking. It's still inspiring. It's still happening and though it's more diverse, it's still strong. To an assertion that we should give up the name as it is meaningless and an antagonist for negative opinion. And funnily, though she is often cited as an unrealistic role model - Barbie circa 1963 is the epitome of the modern woman today - bleach blonde, fake tan, fake boobs, brazillian wax, too thin, single and working.

Is feminism dead. Is it too exclusive? Too academic? Too middle class?

One brave woman asked about the elephant in the room. What about the men? Is feminism relevant for them - and if so, how? It was an important question that unfortunately came right at the end. You'd think that yes - considering we're all inextricably engaged - men and women - with each other. Considering men father daughters, marry women, fall in love, care for in a platonic way and all are born from one (and too often, these days anyway - are solely raised by them). Well you think it would be relevant. But is it?

Is feminism dead and buried under the onslaught of differing opinions that never meet in the middle?

It was difficult to keep track of all the opinions and indeed while I was wary of some speakers (Catharine Lumby mostly) by and large there were many opinions from all women on the panel that I agreed with. It really brought home the diversity of the feminist opinion. Is there a unified goal or purpose? Perhaps, no. But does it make it an irrelevant movement that has reached it's end? Judging by the audience (yes there were men, only a few - but they were there) there are many who identify as one, even if we all don't quite agree with their opinions exactly. I think at the heart of it all - feminists are aware that all is not quite right and want to see change that drives our society forward into a more harmonious place. A more equal place. That's the way I read it anyway. Indeed, the way we humans live is not quite right for many people, many groups are marginalised by society - and indeed feminists fight not only for women but for pretty much all the groups that are maginalised because all of them are interconnected in some way with feminism. That's how broad it is.

Is feminism dead? What a hostile question! What a sensationalist question and example of lazy journalism. Like anything else, maybe it depends on who you ask, of course.
I'd like to see more bravery happening from women when it comes to feminism, but does that mean it's dead?

And if it is, what the hell does a girl with a blog and a voice and a job and a brain and who is not going to be duped by public opinion to the contrary about what a feminist is. Who believes that all things are not equal ...yet. Who feels there is room for change for both genders. Who understands that not all choices are created equal and the claim that "everyone has a choice" is one of the biggest myths that pervades our consciousness. If feminism is dead. What does that girl call herself?

Labels: dirty femmo, girls and women, melbourne musings, real women, what men want, what women want

posted by M at 9:01 pm 6 comments

When I heard about Thomas Beatie, the transgendered man who is now pregnant, I didn't really even bat an eyelid. Well, maybe one eyelid..but it was only for a second. I probably have more of a problem with the traditional nuclear family than I do with gays, straights, transgendered people or even men giving birth. Why? Well, I figure that if you're about to go through hell or high water like that - with your every move under scrutiny - in order to have a baby, then that means you are really going to want one. People who really want babies are probably not going to end up mistreating them or using them in order to manipulate their partners. This is more than I can say for the love 'em and leave 'em scenario that seems to happen in too many so called traditional families. In any case - this Beatie baby (if it's even true) will be born into a nuclear family anyway - (mum and dad), so neh.

Out of all the hoopla surrounding the issue it was really this quote from Thomas Beatie that made me stop and think

“Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire but a human desire.”

And I realised that no one ever really talks about children as something that men desire. Sure you hear about men who 'one day want a family' etc but I'm not talking about in these general terms - I mean the real deal; the desperate urge to have one NOW. Women (of a certain age) are consistently made fun of for having a biological clock or for being what we call "clucky" - really wanting a child. Since procreating is ..well the ONLY way of keeping our species alive and thriving you'd think it'd be a female AND male urge to want children, and I'm pretty sure it is* but it's rarely discussed in such terms. It's usually discussed more in terms of women desperately wanting a baby and trapping the poor husband/guy into being a father. It's seen as something that happens *to them* rather than something they desperately desire.

I'd like to think it IS something they desire as much as we do but I have to admit I know a lot of girls who really want babies, but not so many men who do. Maybe the guys just don't talk about it all that much. Maybe it's a big myth created by the media..to perpetuate an image of the sturdy bloke who is tough and strong and without desires that tie him down. I don't know. If this is the case, surely it's as damaging to men as much as it is to women.

Why do you think that men are not ever thought of as "clucky"? Do they have a biological clock and if so just how loudly does it tick? If the option was available would they want to "go it alone" like women sometimes do? Do you know men who are clucky (I mean who really talk about wishing they had a baby and wanting to find a girl and have one, not in some distant future but NOW, right NOW)? If you are a guy, are you clucky now, or have you ever been?


* I realise not all men or WOMEN want babies.

Labels: babies, blokes, men, pressure, questions, what men want, what women want, women, wonderings

posted by M at 10:37 pm 24 comments