[Miscellany]

In my younger years I spent a lot of time obsessively organising genre lists, composer lists and playlists in my iTunes folders.  However over the last 4 or so years my priorities have been only on a seemingly simple task of keeping my head above water.  Simple, yes, but all consuming too.  Things like playlists (and having a life) were low on my list of priorities and it's only now in the last couple of months that I have looked at compiling lists of any kind again.  It's a daunting task.  Music is an important part of my life.  In many ways music is the family I never had, the friend that gives advice and the hero that always comes along to save me when all hope is lost.  When people weren't there to pick up the pieces music always was and when I wasn't there for myself it was music that kept me sane.  Now, due to neglect in many areas of my life, my music is tangled up like a frustrating messy, knotted ball of string... and yes, I've only just noticed.  Since I can rarely find any song I want on command anymore I now tend to put the music on shuffle and pray that the Gods send me the music I need in order to feed those parts of my soul that need nurturing at that time.  I listen to my iPod most days, so I have a lot of music that shuffles in and out of my head through those ear buds.

Now I'm not going to lie, The iPod Oracle does unfortunately tend to think I need to listen a lot of Leo Sayer (downloaded in a moment of weakness folk), not to mention the audio of the trashy novel I downloaded and now can't get away from, but apart from that it's been scarily accurate in providing me the songs I need in order to keep going. Lately this song keeps popping up in random shuffles and randomly came up in conversation the other day too.





I've already written a post about Smashing Pumpkins and so I won't reiterate my sentiments but this song... Landslide, is a special one.  I was saving it for a future post about my all time favourite musical covers but today it must stand alone.  It's a special tune when the cover is better than the original (gasp!)

Thanks for the message oh Gods of the Universe, oh Billy Pumpkin, oh iPod oracle, oh Stevie Nicks and whomever and whatever else is involved.

I don't quite know how to turn the message into positive action but for now I'm listening.

Labels: change, message, music, musical monday, old, oracle, psychos, struggle

posted by M at 12:14 am 6 comments

When I was a little kid and morning television was filled with re-runs of old shows from the 50s an everyday run of the mill family looked like this:


There you have the quintessential respectable family. No messing around with mum and and dad here. No siree. These folks would ground you faster than you could say 'awww shucks', just for sassing your mother! Watch out.

Then by the time I was in Primary School in the mid to late 80s the modern family looked a little like this:


Again, perfectly normal looking family (even if there are a few tragic fashion mistakes). Can't mistake dad here! There he is in the middle growing enough facial hair to make a coat. Where's mum? Oh there she is, looking mum-ish. These are the folks you want to go see when your boyfriend breaks up with you and you don't know what to do or when you need help with your calculus final.


By the time I was a teen "mom and pops" looked more like this:



or this:


or this:

Yep, no mistaking in any way shape or form who mum and dad are in any of these families. Kinda weary. Kinda tired with a bit of grey creeping in. Looking like they've been around the block a time or two... as it should be. I mean, their kids are TEENAGERS! How fresh faced can you be?

Lately I've noticed that either I'm getting really fucking old or TV mums and dads are pretty much the same age as their kids!

We've got this from The Secret Circle:

and this:

They are apparently parents of 17 year old kids. What's that you say? How can these man-children have produced enough sperm to father anyone above the age of 7? I'm wondering the same thing folks. It's clearly a Christmas miracle...like Jesus!


Then we have the parent group from Life Unexpected:

this:

and THIS:

LIFE Unexpected? Parents unexpected more like it. But... but isn't that the guy from Dawson's Creek? The same Dawson's Creek that had Katie Holmes in it... the same Katie Holmes who now has a 3 year old daughter with a crazy man? Yes, 3 years old, not 17 years old! The mind boggles.

And what about these two knuckleheads from Awkward?:

They have a 16 year old daughter you say? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

And when I saw this recently I literally spit my coffee out at the screen;

Yes, that's right. That's the guy from Clueless - the one who left his Cranberries CD in the quad and wanted to go get it before somebody 'snagged' it.

...Yeah, I remember the Cranberries. They were around when I was in high school. I also remember watching Clueless when I was a teen. Funnily enough, in Clueless the dad looked like this:

...which looks NOTHING like

and yet they are both supposed to father 16 year old girls. I'm sure it could biologically happen but that doesn't mean that it's NORMAL.

What is going on in TV land? Am I crazy or do modern day TV parents look completely unfit to be doing anything except navigating a hard day of doing beer bongs in the backyard while sitting on their outdoor sofa couch donated from grandma who also happens to slip them a $50 every now and again to 'tide them over'?

I really can't wait until Dakota Fanning's younger sister turns up as the mother of a 34 year old in next season's premiere of "Just a Normal Family".

I may have to stick to re-runs of The Beave..

Labels: family, old, rant, TV, wonderings

posted by M at 12:16 am 7 comments

The guy bagging my groceries referred to me as ma'am today.

DEATH.

Labels: old

posted by M at 7:55 pm 8 comments

I was reading through some of my old handwritten diaries and came across my first mention of cyberspace. It went something like this:

I'm finally on the internet and chatting to ppl [sic]. It's great to find other people as apathetic about life as I am.

Seriously.

Reading back over your old diaries is always a painful experience in some form or another. The online diary is a much more sanitised and pine-o-cleaned version of one's life. The written diary has guts and tears splashed all over it because, bottom line, you never think that anyone will read it. It's petty, it's raw, it's completely pathetic and always embarrassing. It's complete ego. Unedited ego at that. I've come to realise that the only online diaries that are true representations of ourselves are the whiny, badly written and always self-centered posts written by 16 year old Emo freaks who feature bad poetry (but think it's good). Sorry, but you know it's true.

Reading back over the unedited ego of a younger me I feel a small tinge of shame and also a strange urge for 30 year old me to reach out to 20 year old me and give her a hug. God knows she needed it. Who knew that such a boring life could have so many dramas? I dredged up a lot of memories about things I swore I would never forgive (but did) and events I told myself I would remember forever (but didn't) and pacts I'd made with myself (but broken, many times over). Funny how that happens.

Back then I was rather bitter about the blossoming relationship between my friend E and her partner L. I was quite happy for them to be in love mind you, but not of where that left me (ie: without my friend). I featured a good many entries on the subject of times that were supposed to be best friend time but were horribly ruined by the boyfriend tagging along. E was very fond of making plans with me and then changing them at the last minute to include L. I really resented it.

I wonder why he agreed to tag along? Do boyfriends really want to spend time with their girlfriend's best friends or are they just doing it because they were bullied by their girlfriends? These days the girls are dying for time out from the husbands and babies! I don't see the husbands all that often these days (unless of course I'm at their houses). It's funny how things change.

Maybe it was incredibly ego-centric of me to be so concerned about my own feelings on the matter of boyfriends encroaching on best friend time but I have to be honest and say that if it happened now I'd still be pissed.

Maybe things haven't changed all that much.

Labels: boys, girfriend, memories, nostalgia, old, silly rabbit, wonderings

posted by M at 8:07 pm 19 comments

* Working too hard - begrudgingly.
* Planning a trip OS.
* Bought self outrageously priced piece of self indulgent jewelery. No regrets.
* Bored with ...most things.
* Not sleeping very well.
* Watching too much crap reality tele.
* Wondering what is going on with all those people on the BB forums who hate Dixie just because she's not a size 6? Shouldn't we instead be hating on the people who hate people for such superficial reasons? We have our priorities about hate screwed up. I say we should hate the people that are dickheads instead.
* Got a pay raise - but I'm in the bracket that doesn't benefit very much (no, it's not an equal pay raise for teachers..). Still a raise is a raise. Someone in the staffroom remarked "yes, I can almost afford to go on maternity leave now". That about says it all.
* Found myself stuck in the city during the taxi strike a couple of weeks ago. Why don't they also warn people who DON'T listen to AM radio talk back about these things?
* Got caught in the middle of a Scientology protest in the city a few days ago. Honestly, what is going on the city these days? I wonder if word got back to Tom.
* Am becoming anti-social. Some of it is intentional. I just can't seem to make myself care all that much about others lately and some of it stems because I'm not really getting anything by way of caring and sharing back from the old friends either.
* Music isn't really helping me any but old episodes of Prisoner: Cell Block H are. Weird I know.
* Popped in to see #1. Stayed for an a couple of hours. She never once asked me about myself. She just talked about her baby - on and on and on. This supports that part of me that is being intentionally anti-social.
* Finding myself running into road blocks every which way I go. It's like the world is conspiring against me doing the things I really want to do.

Stupid wondering for the day:

Can men ever get TOO old for Hollywood?

Harrison Ford is doing a new Indiana Jones movie. Honestly, the man is one ill timed leap frog away from a hip replacement and magnetic bed underlay for the rest of his (steak puree for dinner) life. I don't get it. I loves me some Indiana Jones, don't you worry and I did squeal like a little girl when I heard they were making a new movie. I still crack out the old movies when I need a little pep up - they are genius. I DO happen have a gigantic crush on Harrison ford circa 1980s so maybe I don't want my dreams shattered but surely there must be a limit on his adventuresome days. A girl can't get a job in Hollywood as a 40+ year old except as "grandma" lest they repulse anyone too much, but 70 year old men are still kicking it Leisure Suit Larry style? I don't understand how this can be. It's not even like he looks so good for his age that he's fooling us into thinking he can pass for 40 or 50. Pappy has NOT aged THAT well! He looks all of his 350 years! I wonder if the movie is going to have lots of "I'm too old for this shit" type jokes.



Having said all that. Still looking forward to it!

Labels: cinema, crap reality tele, media, men, old, women, wonderings

posted by M at 9:21 pm 9 comments

I remember when I turned 18 and it was very cool to suddenly be able to drink (like, legally!) I was also rather stoked at being able to vote. I know, I'm a dork like that but I was really looking forward to finally being able to have my say!

When I turned 21 I was pretty excited. I got that key thingy. I still have no idea what the key means but hey, I think it was something about all doors being open to me. On a personal level I saw myself as finally being old enough to call myself an adult but still being able to do crazy shit and not have anyone really judge me on that. That is a very cool thing, now that I look back.

Now that I'm 30 (no denying it by saying I'm 29.999999999). I really don't know what it is I'm supposed to be looking forward to. Yeah, yeah you hear all those feel good hippies who never wash who always say "I'm really looking forward to my 30s because I spent my 20s searching for my identity/not really knowing who I was and now I'm comfortable with who I am so I don't have to pretend anymore BLAH BLAH BLAH". But you know what? I hate those people (yet am insanely jealous)! How dare they have all their shit worked out by 30 and be able to settle down to a life that is completely free of societal pressure? Is that even possible? I highly doubt it. It's always people who are in love/have a job they're reasonably happy with/have a child or house or totally happening sex life/have travelled the world in style that ever say this. What about the confused 30-somethings who have no effing idea how this 30 thing sprang up on them? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were all 16? I'm approaching my 30s with absolutely none of those so-called feel good pleasures of being comfortable with who I am.

Thirty. God - do the numbers ever GO up that high? Maybe I should look at this like the kids in my grade do.
twenty-seven
twenty-eight
twenty-nine
twenty-ten

That's right. Twenty-Ten. Not thirty. Not yet ready to be thirty. Numbers don't go that high.

So tell me, what is supposed to be so good about 30 anyway?

Labels: birthday, life, old, questions, wonderings

posted by M at 12:22 am 24 comments