Sunday, November 27, 2005

too far away

You worry about the walk back to your car because you are a girl and because you are alone.

Each step is a sharp staccato beat echoing through the back streets, rather than the lightfooted dance you usually perform. The short shallow breaths deep inside in your head overpower the sound of your heartbeat. Every few moments an occasional burst of laughter from a nearby establishment - still active at this late hour - interrupt your swirling thoughts, making you start and pick up pace. This cheery neighbourhood turns into a menacing shadow when darkness falls and you are not amused by your own fear.

You jump over the cracks in the sidewalk and you find yourself rushing through the spaces between well lit shop front windows. Expectation and paranoia has meant that you never been more alert and never more vulnerable. Your fear is both warranted and silly and you don't know which way to truly go with this, stupid feeling. Each step is a joke and a method of self-preservation. You don't know when exactly men became just a little frightening to you but it has fed your fear and your erotic fantasies for longer than you care to admit.

Why did you park so far away? This is your one thought as you grip your car keys tightly. That safe, happy feeling that you were talking about before is not applicable when you have parked too far away, it's night time in the urban jungle and you are a girl and you are alone.