Friday, February 24, 2006

you must be my lucky star

It hasn't been the best day. I don't know, I've just felt very fragile and ...well, like crap. Everyone seems to have a big fucking problem with me at the moment. I suppose it was inevitable, since well...this is me we're talking about. I feel it coming on from from all angles though. I hate that, it's some sort of prime operation that has been planned for the past 27 (almost 28 mind you) years and now, suddenly they've all got their act together and are firing fast.

I swear I had 5 different comments today about my lack of "fella" - 2 from teachers, one from a friend, one from a parent and one from a bloody KID! Why? because I'm bloody teflon! argh! Then they all start up with what I'm doing wrong and how it would help for me to change my whole personality. Yep, I'll take that into consideration folks. Feeling really great about myself.

Then I was basically called a bitch (okay, I called myself a bitch and noone actually disagreed with me) for refusing to do something that someone offered my services for (no, I'm not a prostitute) but that I didn't want to do. The background story on it is that A has been bullying me lately to do things I don't especially want to do and I've been saying no a lot but it's just getting tiring now. I love A, but she's only 49 and I consider that a peer, not a mother.

That was just the begining of the day, but by the end I had been pulled so many different ways. I don't know if it's a full moon or what but I was offending people just by looking at them it seems. sigh

Just before lunch time we had a power surge and all the power went off. It was hot today; stinking, boiling, hot. Being in a small enclosed space with 24 11 year olds who are all singing "morning train" by Sheena Easton because it's an inside lunchtime (too hot to go outside) and they're bored is not exactly a fun way to spend your lunchtime when you're feeling like crap.

By the time it got to the end of the day I was sweating my head off trying to put up a display when a parent walked past and made some big ordeal looking for her kids' work and being all huffy when it wasn't there. I have space for maybe 20 or so pieces and in a level of 80 that means that most of the level isn't going to have their work up. Get over it! Prin has already made it abundantly clear that I am to only put quality up and not all work is going to be of standard. That was the end for me I stood there just blinking back tears willing myself not to bawl. I hate crying at school. I've done it a few times but it's horrible to lose it in public - especially since I'm *really* not a public crier (by public, I mean in front of ANYONE). It's such a dumb thing to get upset over, I know. But it's was the straw and all that. I just couldn't win today.

Maybe I'm pms or something. Do guys ever feel like just bawling their eyes out into their pillow until everything feels okay again?

oh yeah, I was in the art room and who should walk in but the cleaner carrying my ART ROOM BUCKET! I had no idea what to say. It seemed so petty to grovel over an 89c bucket (and besides, I was chicken shit). That bastard! In true passive aggressive stance I have taken his mop, and broom and placed it outside the art room. He can go to hell if he thinks that he's storing his shit in my art room if he's going to be stealing buckets. It's on! It is ON! I have scrawled ART ROOM on all the remaining buckets with waterproof black marker.

I went and saw Match Point with bro. We both enjoyed it though it lagged a bit in some areas. I think Woody's strength has always been the way he writes conversation. I enjoy conversation in film, especially if it's witty (Kevin Smith) or thought provoking (ie: Before Sunrise/Sunset). He wasn't so much witty this time but a topic that was brought up in the movie really caught my attention.

Luck. Hard work is one thing, but in the end luck has a lot to do with how successful one is at living life. I guess this has been on my mind for a while anyway because I see people trying their heart out all the time and lesser folk win out in the end. It happens all the time. It's kind of heartbreaking. If luck had nothing to do with it then bad things wouldn't happen to good people, and it is obvious that that is not always the case. Bad things do happen to good people sometimes. Why? Luck, fate whatever. How much of your life do you really think you control and how much is just pure dumb luck?