Friday, March 24, 2006

looking forward

v. trav·eled, or trav·elled trav·el·ing, or trav·el·ling trav·els or trav·els
v. intr.

1. To go from one place to another, as on a trip; journey.
2. To go from place to place as a salesperson or agent.
3. To be transmitted, as light or sound; move or pass.
4. To advance or proceed.
5. To go about in the company of a particular group; associate: travels in wealthy circles.
6. To move along a course, as in a groove.
7. To admit of being transported without loss of quality; Some wines travel poorly.

I'm feeling uninspired lately. Or rather, I am feeling lethargic and low which in turn leads to apathy - which inspires absolutely nothing which then makes me feel low.

Cycles, eh?

I've been thinking a lot about escaping. It's been a long while since I travelled and I'm ready to do it again. As much as I can get used to the comfort of complacency I am a girl who is in constant need of newness. New places. New thoughts. New stimulation. I want rivers not pools. The thing is, most everyone has already paired up (people are having....families folks..FAMILIES!) or is completely engrossed in their careers. Noone wants to pack up and just leave everything behind, except me. I think about it all the time.

So, do it alone you stupid wench. God you annoy me so much. I wish I could strangle you and dump you in the Yarra where noone will ever find you except the radioactive eels, I hear you say...well, I'm at that stage where I've only just realised that I can go to the movies alone without freaking out. The thought of just leaving alone really terrifies me and yet I think about it a lot.

I know that it can be difficult for girls travelling alone as well and stories I've heard from friends about travelling alone haven't all been life affirming and happy. I'm not dumb. I know there is a double standard for men and women - travelling and otherwise. I don't want to get caught up in a stupid situation. I guess stupid situations exist in everything huh? I also know that I always think about changing my life when it's nearly my birthday and I get scared about things being so stagnant for yet another year. I genuinely love Melbourne. It's my home and my love - really, I've been to Europe and while many of the cities are more beautiful, have more history are colourful and inspiring they are still not Melbourne - which is where my soul lives. But, still something has got to give.

It's not Melbourne.
It's me.