[Miscellany]

me - what did you think of dinner?
bro - this place is dead to me now
so....I guess he didn't enjoy dinner then

me - aw, look at that dog, it's so cute! It's a little sausage one! *making cutsey noises*
*silence for a while*
bro - AWWWW look at that derelict! He's so cute! awwwwww, it's a little hobo! *making sarcastic cutsey noises*
very funny

me - if you had a kazillion dollars would you buy a porsche?
D - yeah, why not?
me - what's the point?
D - ..no this is what I'd do - I'd buy one of those showroom cars the kind you can't get anywhere and it'd have some big feature on it.
me - like wings?
D - yeah, fucking wings. Big ones! And I'd had a personalised license plate that said "I am so much better than you will ever be".
me - you're an idiot - you can't even *get* license plates that big!
just an everyday conversation part 1

me - would you rather be butter boy every day for a month or fill every single salt and pepper shaker all the way up lygon st every day for a year?
D - what the fuck is butter boy?
me - butter boy is something I just made up.
D - .... and?
me - it's when you smear butter all over your naked body and parade around the streets and the only interaction you can have with people is to say "hi, I'm butterboy! Would you like some butter?" Then you scrape the butter off your body and smear it on them.
D - can I say "hi I'm buDDa boy. Would you like some budda?" instead?
me - *thinking* yeah, okay.
D - I pick the salt and pepper shaker thing.
me - haha, you chicken shit.
everyday conversation part 2

S - so, we missed you at K's party.
me - yeah I was at RO's going away.
S - why is she going away?
me - she's got spouse leave - you get up to 3 years...I wish I could take spouse leave. It sounds cool.
S - ...they keep the job for 3 years?
me - yeah, well it's up to the prin - and I think the spouse actually has to be in another state or living OS and you join them, but mostly yeah.
s - ... you should get a mail order spouse mez!
me - no fucking shit!! I want me some of that spouse leave!
when girls get together the logic astounds all part 1

S - how's F?
me - yeah, she's good. She's got a plan.
S - what's the plan?
me - she's going back to work 6 weeks after the baby is born.
S - that's the worst plan I've ever heard!
me - TELL me about it!
S - who the fuck wants to go back to *work*?
me - exactly!
S - we understand eachother so well.
when girls get together the logic astounds all part 2

S - I just hope we actually get to have sex on our wedding night.
me - yeah, you should both pencil that one in.
many couples don't, apparently

#1 - I'm going to J's going away party this afternoon.
me - oh yeah? ...oh WAIT?! He's actually GOING to meet the internet girl?
#1 - uh, actually he's *marrying* her!
me - but they haven't even met!
#1 - I know!
me - the thing about the internet is that you don't really find out about people's negative points. Those usually come out after someone's done something to annoy you and then you realise.
#1 - yeah, everyone's pretty worried about it.
me - she could be an axe murderer! How would J know?
#1 - oh, I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about *her*! Have you actually met J?
point taken

posted by M at 6:58 pm 12 comments