Saturday, March 11, 2006

This is a man's world.

I'm not PMS, so this is my real non-hormonal personality here. Turn and run while you can, I just happen to be in a ranting mood these days.

Dear Men of the world,

Poor you.

It must be very hard to be a man these days and have to deal with the crippling horror of not knowing how to act now that the new fangled women libbers (or should that be "womyn" eh, EH!) have come along and ruined life for your gender. Once upon a time it was okay to thump a girl on the head with a mallet and drag her off to the cave but gee, now it's there are all these damn rules like asking what she thinks and having to listen to her opinion and stuff. How can you keep up? I mean, what does it really mean to be a man these days?

You keep telling us how confused you are as to how to act towards women. Should you pay for dinner? Do you have to hold the door open? Ladies first or not? Are you allowed to cry and watch chick flicks? And most importantly, is it okay to say no, when she asks you to go to the shops and buy the supersize pack of tampax? This is a concern for you, we know! You keep reminding us of that fact again, and again, and again.

You know what my biggest concern is?
1) Getting to my car without being sexually molested.
2) men making laws that dictate what I can and can't do to my body.
3) once I have my sperm doner baby; being able to afford child care on my single teacher salary.

But yeah, I get it. It's just so hard to make those ground breaking decisions about holding doors open and stuff! It must be very confronting for you to decide how to deal with your new role in a changing world. Maybe you are turning into women and women are turning into men??!! omg! What will you do? Perhaps there is a self-help book out there for you to buy to get over it. Meanwhile I'm going to go enroll in a self defense class, okay?

mez XXOO

ps: Being a gentleman is a really nice way to go. Any chick who doesn't appreciate it is not worth your time anyway.