Thursday, April 20, 2006

lesbian list

random random stuff.

- the other day I went out for mexican food with friend. Sitting behind us was a family whose kids belong on that show Supernanny. The spawns kept throwing their toys around the restaurant and then one of them got up and started screaming and carrying on in the middle of the restaurant before grabbing his crotch and shouting "my penis, my penis, MY PENIS!!!" at the top of his lungs.
Firstly) I know that I am a kind and caring teacher who wears a halo from 9am - 3.30pm but after that the shift is OVER, okay punks? I almost got up and bitch slapped the kid and roundhouse kicked his bloody parents.
Secondly) If your kids can't behave properly in public then why not leave 'em at home with grandma or you know...teach them some bloody manners? Why torture the rest of us who work with them all day? whyyyyyyy?
Thirdly) "My penis"? I've seen 27 year old men do the same thing. Boys, god love 'em for never growing up.

- With Easter behind us the talk in the staffroom has been on the subject of religious education in schools. I am opposed to the whole business since I feel that faith should be focused on at home, not school - especially not state school. But yes, I work in a state school and yes we have religious education. I wouldn't mind the teaching of religious education in schools if there was a different 'religion a week' focus coming from a historical perspective rather than a faith based one. Who knows, we may end up more tolerant of eachother? RE is taught not by teachers in a state school but by representatives of the local church (in our case, Christian). They have varied and bizarre methods of getting the point across. The whole concept of God can be a little too abstract for children who haven't been brought up in the bosom of the church and so when an RE rep says that "God speaks to each and every one of us" a child may answer "how does he make his voice loud enough? Does he have a megaphone?" with perfect sincerity. Kids are absolutely awesome. With regard to Easter one year an RE teacher recreated the whole crucifixion scene to a grade 1 class using a teddy bear as jesus wearing a crown of thorns and then proceeded to stab him in the side until tomato sauce came out. The kids were traumatised and crying. Poor teddy.

- Puncher is getting on quite well with me lately. He's been an absolute angel in Art for the past two weeks. Of course he had Prin chasing him around the school today because he refused to accept some sort of punishment. She was in the art room crouching down under the tables and trying to look for him through the windows. I had to try really hard not to laugh. Prins don't get paid enough, I swear!

- Now onto business. About a million years ago the always in demand by rather strange men at the gym and loving it Matt made a post about the top ten sexiest women list as voted by lesbians and then compared that to the list of sexiest women voted by men. I didn't like the guy list so much. It was just souless and typical. No surprises there - 'most sexiest men' lists are pretty souless too. I could understand the lesbian list a little more. The list here mostly had sexy women in the conventional sense but they were also quite strong, smart women (or where known to play strong/smart women on screen).

I pondered if there was a list of sexiest women that straight women would switch teams for ...but alas this was not to be found. I wonder if straight women have the same souless approach to "sexy lists of women" as men do. Anyway, Matt's little challenge to me was to name my list.

I've found this task a little difficult - the reason why is that I keep thinking of those darn tootin' women as real people even though I don't know them. This is annoying. I find people sexy for different reasons that don't necessarily all have to do with looks. For instance, I find slight lisps hot in men. Ususally someone who has a lisp either is shy about it (and this makes them more adorable to me), or they have had to come to terms with being teased over it and so they are incredibly strong people (which I admire and find sexy too). Now I'm not talking about the full blown freak-o-rama, can't understand what you're saying, speaka englisha, type of lisp but you know..a little one is cute. Also someone's voice will totally do it for me as well. A good voice will totally turn the sex-o-meter on for me. So will a funny little quirk like a funny facial expression. So yeah - little things like that that change a person totally in my eyes from 'normal to sexy' make a list like this hard when you're trying to be superficial.

Another thing is that I also tend to ask myself would I want to share a meal with this person. So yeah, not so good with the concept of meaningless switching from straight to lesbian if I'm not getting something other than sex out of it. Yes, that's right I'd want to be friends too. God, that is so lame - even as I'm writing this I keep thinking of how lame I am. Anyway, sorry for not being able to be totally superficial about this but here is my top ten list of cool chicks a straight girl like me would switch teams for.

Janeane Garofalo (funny, smart, sarcastic, great lips - the perfect combo)
Zooey Deschanel (totally quirky and I love that, beautiful eyes)
Maggie Gyllenhaal (does funny things with her lips and makes funny expressions with her face. She's also a little awkward which makes her all the more endearing).
Kate Langbroek(you either love her or hate her. I adore her. I've been listening to her on the radio since the Triple R: Breakfasters days. She's smart, funny and fearless - I find that a total turn on. John Laws called her ugly on his radio show and she rung up to tell him off. So. Much. Love).
Julia Zemiro (spontaneously hilarious - hello, theatre sports-, speaks French, great lips, knows her music - need I say more?)
Julie Delpy (it's actually mostly the voice, but she also looks rather angelic.)
Parker Posey (a little scary. funny. I like her).
Lily Taylor (awkward, seems a bit shy. you'd have to lean right in to hear her - I love that).
Scarlett Johansson (I loved her so much in Ghost World, but now she shits me to tears..and yet, I cannot resist).
Meg White (okay, it's the breasts).

(hon mention: Kat Bjelland (from band Babes in Toyland - she can totally wail)

It's weird, I already know this list (as a whole) would be totally poopooed by any living breathing straight male. I have nothing to compare it to, to see whether I'm normal or not..so straight girls, what is your list?

ohhhhh, you know what would be REALLY awesome to read? The list that straight men would turn gay for. PLEEEEAAAAAASE!!!