Thursday, April 27, 2006

love and marriage?

I was listening to the radio this morning, as I always do on the way to work in the car and Hughsey, Kate and Dave were talking about "why are men embarrassed by getting engaged". Not quite sure what brought on the topic. They outlined many a story about different men not wanting to talk about the engagement and even in one case not telling the parentals about it until 4 weeks later! Men were calling in from near and far to relate their embarrassment or just indifference to the whole concept of "ceremony". One said that "once you've made up your mind to get married that's just it - the rest is a bit of paper" and Hughsey and Dave agreed. Kate was bewildered by it all. Hughsey brought it down to the fact that each man is actually two personalities. There is the bloke you are with your mates and the romantic guy that loves his girfriend - and never the twain shall meet. So bloke will pretty much do anything to avoid letting mates know that romantic guy exists - because basically bloke is the antithesis of romantic guy. So when romantic guy gets engaged bloke will tell the mates that "oh yeah, btw got engaged..anyone got change for a fifty?" whereas girls have a whole different way of going about it that envolves analysing every single minute detail about fifty billion times until best friend mez wants to kill them..I mean..or someone totally unrelated to this entry might get a tad bored. That's because girls are ..well, girls are scary sometimes.

I find the whole thing interesting. The only girl I have known that hasn't been compeltely obsessed with her marriage and engagement was K - who ended up leaving her husband to be at the altar three weeks before nuptuals. I knew something was up - dur. So, as a general rule - do guys NOT care about any of the engagement/marriage plans or only not care when they are doubting whether they've made the right move? The whole thing is very perplexing.

Having said that, I feel that there is a bit of hammering the point home on the part of the girlfriends. As I have only ever known one girl who didn't get into the marriage preparations as was expected I have only known one girl who did not drive the poor bf crazy in the courting process before the ring was given (it was the same girl). I've had friends who upon hearing some nice news about a couple being recently engaged will lean over to their boyfriend and practically shout for everyone to hear - "gee that's nice - I wish I could get engaged!!!". I have known people who have left magazines open at the engagement ring page where they know bf will see them or make snide comments, pouty faces, embarrassing altermatums, and all of this publically shaming the guy until he has no choice but to relent. Or so it seems anyway. I'm amazed more don't walk away! So many times I have almost leaned over and suggested that I distract the girl and give the guy a sporting chance to get a 30 second head start on the run away. It's only fair after all - when you're being hunted...

All these girls, my lovely friends - who are all amazing catches and any guy should count themselves very lucky.. have done that strange "trying to convince the bf" dance like some sort of posessed zombies out for brains, and all of them, and I mean all of them have denied ever doing something so calculated after the ring is on the finger. It's a strange, strange thing. In fact, recently at a lunch - S (who was the WORST at publically shaming her bf until he proposed - so much so that he told her that he'd ask her in a month and everytime she mentioned the word engagement the month would start again, and again, and again) expressed displeasure at a friend of hers who would not shut up about getting her bf to marry her. Well, we all looked at eachother (funny how the 4 way glance can work) and started pissing ourselves "well you were pretty bad too S". And there sat S as we all outlined one particular story or another about her shameful acts in getting engaged and then she proceeded to deny them all! But all acts had already been witnessed. I'm not sure why that happens. Maybe that's why men are more embarrassed to admit they're engaged than anything else. Maybe it's the "being caught hook, line and sinker" thing.

I can't imagine ever, ever, ever being like that - who knows if that will ever change. I have never been so, anyway - couldn't think of anything worse, as a matter of fact. I mean, sure if you're together forever and there's been no mention of the big M then I figure there's something wrong and it's either time to have it out or call it quits. But if the guy can't ask by his own gumption then I know it could never work out for us anyway. I need someone a little more sure of themselves than having to be convinced or persuaded. One must have their own ideas after all - if not arrivederci baby. Then again, since I've never actually known any men who have had the marriage idea on their own or without any kind of exquisite twisting of the preverbial arm then maybe that kind of guy doesn't even exist?

Whaddaya reckon?