Friday, May 19, 2006


Oh look, here's something original; a meme! Mike over at I'm not Touching You appointed me the letter H, when I begged like a dog for one. 10 words beginning with H that mean something to me. If you trust me to appoint you a letter, let me know and I'll give you a good one. Well, I'll give you and English one anyway.

PS: sometimes Mike is NWS - both words and pics. Just letting you know in case..well you know!*


Holy water You want to know how fucked up catholics are? Here ya go: When I was little, mum used to steal it from the church in a little medicine bottle (yeah, you read right) and walk around the house saying the Our Father and blessing every room. Boy can you imagine the cold shoulder I got when I was sixteen and publically denounced God and the church? Woo, go me.

Hair It was blonde when I was a baby. Almost with a yellow tinge. I have a picture of myself in my christening gown sitting on my parent's leopard skin print bed spread crying my eyes out. The photo demonstrates the yellowy colour of my hair. Then it went dark in primary school, almost chocolate and then a light brown again by the end of grade 4. I remember my first hair cut at the salon - grade 2. My hair went from half way down my back to just below my ears. I cried so much when I saw the clumps of it on the salon floor. I still remember looking down at it and feeling so sad. When I was in year 10 I put "SunIn" - a bleach spray in my hair - It sort of went orange at first and then gradually lighter. Then in Uni I dyed it purple, during my Dr Martin boot phase. Bless Dr Martin 8 ups with pink laces! I used to spend a long time plaiting it or doing something interesting with it. I don't do that at all anymore, or really very rarely. It's been dark or red or natural or light. Right now, it's very light brown - which is not at all natural. I have no idea what colour it would go if I just let it grow now.

Hermit I like people. I like hanging out with people. But sometimes I just want to be alone - especially if I've been talking all day, all I want to do then is withdraw. If I'm left that way for a while though I turn into a little bit of a hermit. I just get caught up in my own thoughts and forget that there are other people around. It's easy to do when you've got an imagination like mine. When I'm in those kinds of moods I need to be tricked and teased out of my hiding places with a trail of biscuit crumbs until I'm normal and talkative again. Don't get me wrong, I can easily hold a whole conversation with myself. I can talk. I find it uncomfortable when people don't talk - in fact I don't handle that very well at all. But in my less gracious moments I think it would be nice to dissapear for a while and become a total hermit. There is peace in silence.

Hidden No, I'm not an open book - I don't really have any real secrets though. I'm just not very good at letting everyone inside to every thought I have about every little thing in my life. I don't mean to be evasive or anything - it just happens without me knowing. I guess I have trust issues. Okay, I know I have trust issues. I frustrate myself as much as I do other people. I know there are a couple of people who are reading this right now and just nodding. Yes, I know that you want to strangle me sometimes! At times though, I just don't know what else people want out of me.

Handbag I am known as the bag lady at school. I have one in the shape of a TV with a plastic sleeve at the front that you can slot in new pictures when you feel like it so they look like it's playing on the tele. I've been told it's very "me" - which says a lot about my trashy qualities. I had a myriad of handbags as a child. I used to put my pen and a notepad in there - also a lip gloss. How very apt, non? I don't have a whole heap of handbags but I have a few. I tend to carry my whole life in there, but I never intend to. Like all things in my life it just happens. One minute the thing is clean and minimalist, the next it's full of funny notes and other miscellany. At the moment I have 3 unbanked checks, digi cam, two necklaces, a bracelet, two pairs of earrings, a straw (?), a notepad and a whole bunch of other junk I don't actually need everyday. The other day I was looking for something for a grade 6 kid and he just looks at me all funny and says "..you know, Miss * you really should clean that thing out". Smartarse.

Hugs I love them. The good ones, I mean. None of those feather light touched by an angel hugs. I mean the heavy duty, rip the air out of your lungs type hugs. I've written a whole entry about this - you all know how I feel.

Hard head I was called that a lot as a child. It means I'm stubborn. As a kid I guess I was more stubborn than I am now. I mean, foot stomping - if you tell me to do it I'll do the opposite (and fuck you!) kind of stubborn. Maybe I'm just craftier and not so obvious about it now, who knows? It seems as thought I have to make my own mistakes or I'll never learn. Other times I just do things because I want to do them even though I've been warned a million times that it's the wrong path to take. If I have a notion in my head it's going to have to take a pretty sly and clever person to get me to change my mind about it. Otherwise I'll just tell you to go take a jump. Having said that, I really need people in my life who are also willing to clash with me on issues. I like a bit of spunk.

Head I guess this is where things are most sensitive. I probably think way too much and can be very insular at times. If I have an illness or a problem it goes straight to my head. I used to get excruciating migraines when I was a teenager and when I'm stressed out I still get headaches now. I build up tension around my neck and head and if I'm going to ask for a massage it's not going to be a foot, leg or back one. In fact they sort of creep me out to tell you the truth. A back massage won't do anything for me, but even a feather touch to the neck, nape or anywhere on my face will send tingles everywhere. God knows why.

Hypochondriac I'm not anymore, but I used to be. I remember how it all started. At home we had this medical dictionary from like the 1950s or something. It was my most favourite thing in the world. I read that book cover to cover. It had a section on curing as well - I liked that even more. when I was a teenager I found this lump on the side of my head (no, it wasn't a zit!) and it didn't go down for ages! Anyway, I finally got out the medical dictionary and after reading up on it I became convinced that my little lump was in fact a deadly tumour. At this stage I was also suffering debilitating headaches, so that didn't help confirm the symptoms either. I broke the news to my parents and presented such a firm case for having a tumour that they were also very worried. I went to the doctor and sat silently while he examined me. Finally, after sitting demurely and not saying a word for an eternity I suddenly blurted out (almost yelled, mind you) "tell me the truth do I have CANCER? I can handle the truth. It’s okay you can tell me!". He just looked at me and I don't think I've ever seen a more amused face and said "..it's a swollen lymph node. You'll live". I have to admit that before I go see the doctor I still do self-diagnose. Apart from that little tumour glitch, I've always been right about my illnesses.

Humble I almost never take credit for anything of value that I do. Part of it comes from thinking that everything I do isn't really that great and that if I can do it then anyone with half a brain can do it. Part of it also comes from not ever being given credit for things that I did achieve when I was younger. I was always told that I could do better. I probably could, actually. But sometimes you just want the cookie, you know? You just want to know that you're good enough and that everyone thinks you're okay. I remember winning a runner up prize in a drawing competition in Primary School. It was held by the local council I think, and there were many schools in the running. I drew a picture of an old Victorian house. It was okay. I was so rapt when I got runner up. I'm not the type of person that ever wins anything so this was pretty big in my little mind, even though it was nothing very special to anyone else. I won a book voucher (best present ever!). I brought it home and my parents congratulated me but wondered why I didn't come first. I pretty much kept all other victories to myself from that point on and don't ever make a big deal out of anything. It doesn't mean I don't have pride, becuase I do. I guess I just don't let anyone know anymore, there's a big part of me that thinks they might give me a big backhander about it all. The irony of it all is that I actually need people to praise me because I do such a good job of going the other way on myself. C'est la vie!

*ie: in case you want a perve or something (highly recommended).