[Miscellany]

Ways in which I am a typical camp gay male.

Ru Paul is kind of funny.

I knew every bloody song in Connie And Carla (every fucking song and more..much, much more).

again. step push step step right kick. again. step push step step strong arms. again. step push sharp pivot touch kick, good, love it, right. that connects with turn turn right left hop step pivot step touch kick and down, you got it? going on and turn turn right left chest step *clap* 5, 6, 7, 8. turn turn right left chest step *clap* 5, 6, 7, 8, turn turn right left chest step, pivot step walk walk walk. the last part is: pivot step walk walk walk - going to the end and 5, 6, 7, 8! [best (gay) friends forever if you actually know this sequence].

I like disco (yes, seriously).

Judy Garland, Bette Midler and Cher are all faaaaabulous, darlings.

John Waters is God (so is JP Gaultier)

oooohh Madonna!!!!!!!

penises are a-ok with me.

Will and Grace? Yes please.

When I talk there are a lot of hand movements involved.

oooh, those are pretty shoes!

I'm a tad melodramatic.

There should be more gay male sex on television/movies. Gay male sex is hot.

I am all for gay couples having children. Amen!

Broadway is my Mecca

Mantra: Never leave the house without mascara on.

Mantra: a stylish shirt never let a man down...unlike other men.

hm...I wonder what Britney Spears is doing?

hair be gone!

ewwww, no I'm not getting my hands dirty!

Ways in which I'm a (stereo)typical lesbian

I've read Andrea Dworkin. oh yes.

Go Fish? Great movie.

Dr Martin boots were once my shoe of choice (and comfy..and highly effective when kicking men in the shins).

Faced with 20 minutes extra sleep or 20 extra minutes in front of the mirror..I'll pick the sleep thanks.

Sperm doners are a-ok with me.

Vaginas are kind of cool.

Prisoner Cell Block H: world's greatest show!

hair?...I'll get to it later..


Like the Way I Do by Melissa Etheridge is an awesome song.

When I was a young girl like normal girls do. I looked to a woman's love to help get me through. I never needed anymore than a feminine touch. I hated the thought of kissing a man, it really was too much. I did not drink I did not smoke. I did not say goddamn. I was a polite I was sensitive before I loved a man. My family, they were proud of me. They were proud of what I am, but then along came Lester and my tale of woe began... I spent my last 10 dollars on birth contorl and beer. My life was so much simpler when I was sober and queer, but the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear and made me spend my last 10 bucks on birth control and beer [best (lesbian) friends forever if you know this song]

sometimes tracky dacks and a baggy top are okay.

motorbikes are cool.

Ways in which I am a typical dumb girl

ohh, the latest issue of Vogue is out!

oooooooo, handbag!

oooo, I carry my whole life around with me in my handbag!

ooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

I giggle a lot.

I flick and twirl my hair and swing my legs when sitting.

America's Next Top Model is a really good show (Australia's Next top Model is better).

Light a fire? hahahahahahaha, oh please.

change a tyre? hahahahhahahhaha, no really - you can't be serious!

oops, locked my keys in the car again!

Um let's just turn the Map around so we can see where we're going, okay?

Um..how does this (piece of basic technological equip.) work?

Bitching and gossiping is a valid pasttime dammit!

..I wonder what Britany Spears is doing?

oooo, those are pretty shoes.

Tori Amos and Kate Bush - yes please.

Why do men like football so much? They are soooo boring!

I don't drive a manual - no Sir.

You picked those flowers yourself? How romantic! (smiles girlishly)

I need some chocolate. I need some chocolate NOW!

oh my god, was that a spider? A SPIDER? Kill it! Kill it! ARRggghhhhhhh!!

Ways in which I'm a typical dumb guy

No, I know where I'm going. I don't need to ask anyone! No, we'll just go through this little patch of dry land first. The Nullabor? nooo, this ain't the Nullabor. We'll get to the next town and then you'll see.

In times of desperation have resorted to the sniff test on clothes.

DVDs are cool.

ooooo Mac has brought something new out.

I want to drive a manual but only if a guy teaches me. Sorry, I don't want to learn from no damn chicks. Chicks don't know how to drive.

Girls are sooo dumb.

oooo World Cup!

Porn...

monosyllibic responses are an acceptable form of communication before 9am and after a hard day at work.

why do people keep talking to me?

Married with Children? Fucking hilarious!

breasts are cool.

I know how to put the air in my tyres.

What am I thinking? lalalalalalalalala (something perverted) lalalalalalala (something else perverted).

Bunnings Warehouse is the coolest store ever.

Hammers are awesome.

Let's crank up the Nine Inch Nails and Tool! Yeah!

Ways in which I am a typical consumer capitalist dictator

ooh something new, I must have it!

People are sheep. baaaaa.

I've got an ipod.

I psychopathically kill women and work on Wall street (okay, not really).

Amazon.com is my God.

I'll just get a new one if it breaks.

I rarely look at the price..even though I probably can't afford it.

The US has the coolest new stuff!

Money is important it will pretty get you 90% of what you want - the other 10% can be forgotten by consuming expensive party drugs.

You will follow and do exactly as I say. What? You dare defy me? Off with your head!

America has good TV. I support good TV.

Ways in which I'm a typical dirty hippy

Is that a BMW? Keys out fellas (okay, I would never actually do it, but I have evil thoughts about keying fancy schmancy cars).

Is that a SUV on a city road that's never been driven in the outback? Fuel is not renewable and you use more per km than anyone else. Shame!

Money is the root of all evil.

why can't we just all get along? No, really..why can't we? :P

Green Party. But they'll never win, you're wasting a vote! I don't care, they're the only ones with a heart.

Free health and education for all regardless of socio-economic status - not negotiable.

War is always wrong no matter how you rationalise it (you war mongering bastards).

and eye for and eye leaves us blind.

Nature is beautiful.

Uranium mining is not cool - please stop destroying the National Parks!

Globalism is evil and wrong.

You know what? My mobile phone doesn't have a camera on it, or a cool ring tone and it's started blacking out at innapropriate moments..and I really don't care.

Sometimes it would be nice if the US had a big fence around it like Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory. Nothing goes in..nothing comes out (10 day amnesty where all the cooler people can come out and live somewhere normal).

The rain will wash my car, why should I?

I don't care how much money you have as long as you're a good person.

I'm a goddamn teacher!

Ways in which I am a typical daugther of immigrant parents

Never eaten baked beans, spaghetti, pasta sauce etc from a can/packet.

You want something to eat? Go out in the backyard and pick something idiot!

SBS is an everyday normal television channel.

Watched Eurovision even when it wasn't cool to make fun of the musical acts.

Was given many choices in life - you want this? (open palm) or this? (backhand).

"No you cannot go over to friend's houses for a sleepover, you have a bed at home!"

Outward bound? hahahahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHA

Vegetarians? hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Have never watched a game of cricket! I don't even understand how the hell they score it (what's with all those fractions on the TV screen?).

First Car; 1982 Holden Commodore, V8 - white, red stripe. Yes, was challeneged at many a red light to go drag racing.

Never had just a cheese sandwhich for lunch when I was at school..

Ways in which I am typically true blue Oz

colloquialisms are everyday language, mate.

Goon bag pillows are comfy.

Roy & HG are God (but funnier).

I shed a tear when bouncer from Neighbours died.

Have yelled out rude and disgusting things at an AFL match.

Have sung "he's going home in the back of a divvy van" along with the crowd.

Dim Sims and meat pies? Who cares what's in 'em? They taste good and I don't wanna know anyway.

Pronounce australia; ostrayla. Pronounce Melbourne: Melbin.

I'm a happy little Vegemite!

BBQs are always good.

Bloody mozzies, hate 'em.

Do not ever take offence at the words: wanker and bloody.

Thongs are not undies - they are wanky shoes maaaaaaaaaaate!





So, you see. Typical is as typical does - except that typcially, typical isn't always so typcial when you look at the whole picture.

posted by M at 11:06 am 16 comments