Sunday, July 30, 2006


Women talk, a lot. We talk about what's on our minds. We talk about what's ailin' us and we discuss how we can solve our problems. When you talk, you come to understand things about eachother and you come to realisations. You may not always agree but there *is* always something you can take away with you. This is why they say the pen is mightier than the sword. Knowledge may not always bring swift change like cutting off a head would but it's always the better option...the more enlightened option. Women should do it more often, this getting together without men thing - I've said it before; it's important. Sometimes you hear women say "other women hate me. I get along with men better". I can only think of one reason why women hate them and that is; said woman flirts with her friends' boyfriends. Stictly a no-go. I feel sorry that these women who jeapordise their friendships with other women by only seeing girls as competition. Sure, all women go through a competetive stage with other women, but not 24/7 - unless you're a freak. My view is that - genuine friendship problems aside - women should generally support eachother cause men, god love 'em, won't do that unless they really love or care about you - and most don't. Also, men tend to complicate things highly. Not because they try to, but because they're just there and when they're there women go ga-ga and stop thinking.

So in a conversation at the bachelorette about how everyone is married now (argh) G said It's hard, this "looking for a man" thing. If you are committed to it, then everything you think and do becomes about that. They're everywhere! You can't even walk down the street without wondering whether he's out there somewhere and whether you look okay. You don't even want to think about it, it just happens - it becomes ingrained in everything you think about , well, something clicked over in my head. I just thought, I don't want to live my life that. So, you know what? I'm not. It gets you nowhere and you miss out on living because all you're doing is waiting and hoping. G is right. Finding someone is like a full time job. You are always on high alert. Not because you want to be. Not becuase you need to be - but it just happens. It's not even a wholey active process in your mind. It's just always a part of who you are. I don't want to be like that. I'm done with it. I feel like I've taken control again. Thank fuck - on with my life.

Anyway we started off with food, a belly dancing lesson (hence middle eastern theme: I can now belly dance folks - it's very cool) and much wine and merriment. By the time we got to the club S was tanked and the daggy dancing came out. I love me some daggy dancing. M (of the E and M fractured friendship ordeal) is also a champion of it so we broke out all the moves (I'm talking about the running man here folks - hardcore dork city!) - including making up specific moves to the lyrics of crappy songs which we all knew the words to (which is always interesting in a retarded fashion). 4 hours later without a break and feet practically bleeding I looked around and realised we'd even set off multiple daggy dancers in other groups to strutt their dorky moves. I mean, when it's 80s and 90s night at the club there is nowhere left to go. I haven't done that in ages - been to a club and just danced for fun. It's part of the reason why I find nightclubs so tedious now and tend to refuse to go more often than not - LOVE the dancing. HATE the boy games. Once you take the boy games out - it's back to the business of being a dork, my speciality, and having fun. It was like remembering the old me. There were many laughs to be had.

So, I stand by my not 'looking' resolution. Sure men are there but that's all they are. There. I'll keep crushing on them and if an opportunity comes my way, I won't say no, I'll keep musing about issues I have with men or women and queries I have too - but I'm done being on guard. This morning I'm still picking heart shaped sequins bits off me, but it's a good place to be. Me.