[Miscellany]

"We've all gone out with guys like you. Men like you think you were put on this earth to put us back in our place"*

I've been reading this blog out of ny for a while (about a year or so). It's about this 'nice guy' who can't get dates. He's supposedly good looking and moderately successful and all the rest of the garbage that women are supposed to go for. He's also supposedly a funny, lovely guy but he's perplexed at not being able to get dates. He is recently divorced and really wants to get back out there. Why would such a guy as me be dateless? He wonders about himself in a round about way. He constantly talks about wanting to find the right girl. Wanting to be in love again. cue audience: awwwww.

His blog attracts a cult of PUAs (pick up artists- for the uninitiated) who have all sorts of advice for him - the good bad and ugly. There's be confident, get a hobby, get a life, don't be so nice, you're too sweet, insult them (seriously!), bring up other women while you're chatting them up, don't tell them anything about yourself, don't be honest, don't, don't, don't be...you.

Some of the girls who vist his blog agree: yes, don't be nice, be meaner, don't be so avaliable! Some girls don't: be yourself the right girl will come along. Some girls think he's a dick: get a life first you idiot.

His basic mantra is that nice guys don't get the girls and I should know because I'm a nice guy. He argues that women say they want nice guys when they really want pricks. Maybe he should be more of a prick and then he'd get the girl. Einstein stuff. yep. I wish I had a farthing for every time I heard a man blame being nice for not getting the girl.

Here's the home truth. It's not being nice that's letting him down. It's that he's a sap. He would do anything for a lay and girls sense this and back off (obviously he doesn't approach drunk chicks, cause drunk chicks would be so totally into it). Girls get as horny as guys, you know. It's just that sometimes you realise that a guy is a complete dickhead because they couldn't give a shit if it was you or your friend or anyone else and that, Houston is the problem. In my opinion, being nice will not get you a girl but neither will being a prick. It's who you gel with.

Everyone seems to have a different definition of what makes a guy a prick and what constitutes nice. Is a prick inherantly sexier? Is he stronger? better in bed? Or is he an abuser? Will he always cheat on you? Will he treat you like shit? Is a nice guy always the perfect gentleman? Is he a loyal person? Is he commited to you? Or is he unable to make decisions? Is he boring? A nerd? Wear socks and sandles?

There are too many factors to ever get it straight.

I supose how you define a nice guy or a prick will affect whether you label yourself as finding one more attractive than the other. I guess there are people that would say that "nice guy" is the same as a "pushover". I totally dissagree. I can't respect a pushover (they need to be able to lovingly call me on my shit) but I am definitely someone who is attracted to the nice guy instead of a prick.

So I tried to think of a bottom line that would define a nice guy and a prick.

I came up with this: a prick doesn't care. He doesn't care how he treats you. He doesn't care about his family. He thinks of himself first in all situations including situations involving people you love and care about. If he doesn't care then it allows him to treat you badly.

A nice guy will always care...err, even if he's being a total prick ;)

All behaviours stem from that.

So when (certain ny blogger) argues that girls want pricks. I really wonder if that's true. I've heard it many a time being said in casual conversation over a drink. I actually had an argument about it with E one time. We went to see Bridget Jones' Diary when it came out at the movies. We laughed. We cried. We gushed. Okay, we didn't cry or gush, but you get the picture. Afterwards at the coffee shop we discussed the movie. We both loved both male lead characters in the movie but we were talking about who we'd actually like to end up with. E preferred the Daniel Cleaver character (quintessential prick) and I adored the Mark Darcy character (quintessential nice guy). After she mentioned liking the DC character I challenged her immediately.

Me: But he'd treat you like shit! He wouldn't even LOVE you! He can't love! There is no way you would stand for that
E: He's sexier. He's hot.
Me: They're both sexy
E: No, Hugh Grant is sexier!
Me: Are you being serious? You would seriously want DC as your boyfriend?
E: Yep.

You know who E married? L. L is almost a carbon copy of the Mark Darcy character, even down to the job. He's what I would consider a nice guy. Strong, funny, personable, knows what he wants and how to get it, responsible, cares. He's no pushover. Oh no.

I guess E is the perfect example of the girl saying one thing and doing another in the nice guy/prick choosing dichotomy. I sway less in that regard. I will call people on their prick like behaviour straight up - and while there is a myth of the prick having bigger balls, let me tell you, it's a lie - they run. heh. Here's another bottom line: the prick is okay on paper. He's okay if you don't ever want a strong committment (ie: kids, marriage, love). He's good in an open, casual relationship. Are there girls who want this? Yeah, heaps! He probably gets the girl quicker than the nice guy in that sense, because he's so immediate. He's just out there. But the nice guy is what I said to E when she said she loved L:

He's a keeper.

*Kate Langbroek talking to resident "prick" Chris from Big Brother on this morning's nova breakfast show.

posted by M at 7:53 am 24 comments