Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Australian Idol

You have no fashion sense. You're not funny. You're not as mean or smart as Dicko and you fucking WISH! That's all.

Once upon a time you were Mary Magdalene in Jesus Christ Superstar. Once upon a time you were cool. Once upon a time you had credibility. Now you are the worst excuse for a judge I've ever seen. GET AN OPINION, WOMAN!

Quote from tonight's episode "you're a ziggidy boo from xanadu". Yeah, we realise the 60s were psychadelic man but you need to get another dealer - he is selling you some fucked up shit. PS: Get a life.

Australian Idol is back folks, this means I get to spend an inordinate amount of time bitching at the television set while simultaneously not being able to miss an episode. Do they pump crack through the speakers? Because every year I come back for more; hating on the judges and then wishing an audience member would blow the whole stadium up on the finale so noone can win. But hey, I still watch. It's like train wreck - can't tear the eyes away.

One of the contestants tonight

sang Under the Milky Way - by The Church. Great fucking song. Not a classic in the way that khe Sahn is because duh it's actually good - so a great choice really. Despite the fact that it looked like his skull vomited up some hair Bobby did an okay job of it. Well, perhaps okay is an overstatement. He did a job of it that was no better or worse than any of the other tripe on offer.

Kyle breaks out the old gem "great performance but a shit song". SHIT SONG? Mate, shit? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! Then Marcia and Mark both sing the "you're so ...unique but" vibe and Marcia even adds the old patronising "I really, really ..hope.. people vote for you". What is that? A pat on the back for the autistic kid? pfft. Okay, he did look a little...err..strange - but let's not try to pretend we're pushing for talent here. It's all about the face and chops! I'm not even sure why they keep letting people with a hint of a voice even go through the audition process - it's such a tease. In the end the finale is all bout Ocker "real Aussie blokes" who can't sing or dwarfs who can but are too ridiculous to ever have a real career.

Yay, Australian Idol is back!

I knew something fishy was going on!