Tuesday, August 22, 2006


I haven't been feeling the best lately - not so much physically (though no coffee + period is not exactly the best way to live it up), but emotionally. I'm going through a bit of a self doubt phase. I feel like all my decisions are the wrong ones and there are few people in my life at the moment who are enjoying being emotionally manipulative about it. I don't really want to go into the details of it, but I don't believe you can be emotionally manipulated unless there's some truth in the matter. When does it become okay to just say fuck you all I'm going to do what I want! Is it ever okay? Is our first responsibility to ourselves or to the people who we love/love us?

If I look at it, I am typically selfish in some areas. For instance, my time is my time. If I don't want to do something I pretty much don't do it unless I feel like I *should*. On the other hand, sometimes when things I want to do inconvenience others I'll always be the one to step down and not do it even if it's something important to me. I tend to put other people's needs before my own and I do this to my own detriment. Unfortunately due to ..well a lot of different factors it can be damn easy to manipulate me into doing so. I've gotten better at being more kick arse but I've got a long way to go yet. Anyway, this general little fault about myself has been playing on my mind. I'm stressed. I'm sad. I'm stuck.

Also, I was talking to my mum the other day and she has sprung a little health concern of her own on me. It's stressing me out. I hate it when I can't fix things so that they work perfectly again. Why can't that happen?

Anyway, in order to take my mind off things I shamelessly stole this from enny.

Have you ever.....
Gotten stuck in an elevator? No - but I've always fantasised about being stuck in an elevator with some God of a man and then getting it on. Is that bad?

Egged a person? Yeah - muck up day was a good one for that. I was egged a plenty too. I remember when I was in year 9 at school and on their muck up day the year 12s got on the bus and blocked the doors so that they could get out first and egg us when we got off. I don't know how I escaped but I remember that feeling of terror really well.

Stalked someone to find out where they work or live? Nope. I never understand these people who can actually be bothered doing all that stuff. I mean, who cares? I have googled people though. Does that count?

Spent an entire day in nothing but your underwear? Yep!

Read some friends mail or other personal papers without them knowing? Not really. Oh okay, here's the confession. Quite a few years ago now, when I was in late high school. My cousin MT stored an old chest of hers in our garage. I went through that chest one summer and read all her teenage diaries. She wasn't that melodramatic. Mine however are full of woe and horror and bad depressive poetry.

Gone skinny dipping? Apart from as a kid? no.

Been in a fist fight? never! Lord, I wouldn't even know how excecute a fist fight. I've never been in a scrag fight - I'm more your "violence never solved anything" kind of girl. Though, if I was really angry, let me tell you none of those petty "not below the belt" rules would apply. I'm going for the family jewels!

Time you tripped? I pretty much go for a little trip every other day. I'm always carrying a coffee or something that spills delightfully all over me so that anyone who's watching gets a real good laugh. :/

Time you cleaned up the base of your toilet? Um...doesn't it just clean itself? eww. I dunno, but quite a while ago.

Gum you had? Extra apple flavour...before the dredded detox.

Pair of socks? I rarely wear sneakers so I rarely wear socks. I can't remember the last time. I think they were white ankle ones with pink on the heel and toe - how lala of me.

Beverage you had? ....green tea :(

Spur of the moment decision you made? This morning's lesson. lol.

Movie you watched? Thank you For Smoking It was a really good satire.

What would you.....
Say if your best friend told you they love you? As in romantic love? I'd say: I love you too hon but not in the naked way.

Right now.....
What are you wearing? oh god, great day for doing this. Little slip on shoes with ribbon bow (told you I like cute shoes), pants (um, sort of a cross between jeans and cargo I guess), a black 3/4 length sleeve top. Hair up with crocodile clips that prin said looked very beautiful and arty (read: shit).

What are you thinking? ...so much stuff yet to do *hyperventilate*.

What are you listening to? Sound of the heater blowing the oil pastel pictures to and fro on the wire in the AR.

What would you like to be listening to? You know, I'm actually quite content with that at the moment.

Are you annoyed by the length of this survey? Nah I'm procrastinating.

Are you tired? Dude, I've had no coffee or chocolate in the last 4.5 days, whaddya reckon?

How many people in the room? only me.

Any cuts or bruises on your body? surprisingly no.

Are there any animals in the room? no the kids left half an hour ago.

Are you eating anything? chocolate. no sorry, that was just in my DREAMS!