Friday, January 12, 2007

the wrap up

I went. I saw. I'm back.

While gone, I was a bit afraid of missing my little blanky (this journal) and all the loveliness that goes with it (you guys) and I did. I've always been able to at least check email if "away" in the past and not being able to do that was like losing my right leg. But you know, in between the wine, the sun, the waves, the afternoon snoozes and the vodka, I survived. I feel - refreshed and ....excited. I don't really know what about - but there's this little tingle in my belly somewhere (let's hope it's not gastro).

While away I kept a little mini journal of my own. I shall share with you some excerpts (crap excuse for an entry I'm know).


Elated when I realise that I can take a shower outside in amongst the native grasses and serene surroundings of a landscaped garden. I immediately indulge myself while looking over my shoulder for the cheeky neighbourhood boys looking over the fence. No one is looking though. hmph!

Later, went for a leisurely walk down at the local beach (local for surfies, that is). I stood at the peak of the hill and looked down at the waves thrashing against the shore before making my way down. It's a little difficult navigating the sand dunes and grasses. Down below I watch the surfers from a closer vantage point and take a little stroll (read: stumbling near the shoreline, sinking into sand while waves crash against skirt getting it wet). The sea is truly a majestic beast - it fills my ears and my heart. I love this.

Three quarters of an hour later I hate this. I am strongly considering stabbing myself in the heart just so I don't have to face the pain of making it back to the car. My trek back consists of me clutching at the whethered fence posts every 3 meters like they are life preservers while I curse the Gods and breathe out the stitch in my side. Who knew walking up sandy hills could be so difficult? I consider crawling back to the car but that would be too embarrassing, besides there is a now a crowd gathering in the parking lot looking down in my general direction. I think one of them is pointing at me - oh god. I now know how Burke and Wills felt while on their epic journey. Maybe I could just live here..right here, on the shore. I'm sure I could build myself a little hut out of...um. hm. After what seems like forever I make it back to the car and sit (standing is too difficult) there a while looking down at the waves again. It couldn't have been more than a km up and back. I suck.

I have dinner at 11pm, after I realise that no, the stove doesn't work unless I actually turn it on first. I'm famished.


It's cold. I knew one cardy wouldn't cut it. Curse you four damn toiletry bags, when ideally I should have brought a winter coat instead!

Outside it is raining and torrential winds are blowing. I hope the house doesn't get blown down. How would I explain that? Obviously it's going to be an inside playtime. I examine the CDs left here for my use. The Ambient Sounds of Panpipes... Fuck me. I put the ipod on and listen to The Village People. Luckily some of us have taste!

For the first time in as long as I can remember my soul smiles - this is good. I feel...content.


Another school anxiety dream - something about problems with staff relations. It's 8.30am, I roll over and sleep 'till ten. Then a bath with face scrubs, face masks and other related relaxing things. Afterwards my skin feels smooth. I know it has little to do with the products and more to do with being totally relaxed.

I turn on the news and laugh at Tigger punching someone's lights out at Disneyland. Finally the Disney animals fight back. I groan, hearing of the news about a possible reconciliation between Shane and Simone Warne. Woman, have a little self respect - you should be putting prawns in his curtain rods not offering him any chances. This guy is a Loser with a capital L.

Outside the sun is playing hide and seek behind the clouds. I bring a soft blanket outside and arrange it on the ground so that lying down I can't even see the house. It feels like I've left civilisation behind. In a way I have. It would be night to get a slight tan but the sun keeps disappearing every 2 minutes. I guess not.

Two hours later I'm staring at a human impression of a beetroot in the bathroom mirror. I am actually generating my own heat. I could service a small third world village withe the amount of heat coming off my shoulders. I locate the vitamin E cream and use practically a whole tube on my shoulders alone. Sleeping will be an issue.


Time to explore beyond the beaches. I go to a local landmark. I survey the gentle sloping boardwalk from the top of the hill to the crashing waves below. Sure, there are a few stairs but I look around me and see a few older people comfortably laughing and carrying on while they make their journey down. Piece of cake.

Few stairs? Hundreds of stairs - maybe even thousands. I was lapped by an 80 year old and her husband (I think he had an iron lung too). Bastards.


There's a mouse! I think it might be trying to kill me with it's beady little eyes and twitchy paws. I saw it while I was eating dinner and it saw me at the same time - we stared at each other before I squealed and jumped on the chair I was sitting on. Meanwhile he gave me that "I kill you! I kill you and you whole family!" look (in my imagination the mouse has a Mexican accent). I retaliated in true menacing style by doing an 'ewwwww ohmygodohmygodohmygod dance' while balancing on the chair. Then it disappeared into the bushes - no doubt to gather an army of little foreign mice that will kill me while I sleep. I threw a chip into the bushes after it, in hopes of placating it. Please don't kill me Mr Mouse! I will pay you in homemade chips if you just leave me alone!

I just thought of something. Where there's mice, there's.....snakes! OH FUCK!


This morning I fell asleep in the sun while reading. Somehow, when I was asleep I must have bowed my chin downwards towards my chest. Now I have a delightfully sun kissed face, rosy shoulders, rosy umm..stuff and a TOTALLY WHITE NECK! I look like a zebra. I am so embarrassed. I'm going to have to walk around with my head bowed forward like some slave girl. Oh horror. I've heard of red necks but for fucks sake does shit like this happen to anyone else?

At least when the redness dies down I'm going to have a tiny bit of a tan though. This is good.


I wake up today and look in the bathroom mirror. A tiny bit of tan indeed...

I look like fucking George (LEATHER FACE) Hamilton!

And there you have the holiday.