Sunday, May 28, 2006

she's out in deep water...

I did one of these about a year ago, but it was lost when dx went down. I liked doing it so I'm going to do it again.

I am a challenge. I give a shit and that seems to come back to bite me in the arse. I am never ready on time. I am harder to get to know the longer you know me. I don't respond well to threats. I will slap back, but that may depend on the situation. I am pretty scared of falling in love (I mean really): I know that person will get everything of me. I find that terrifying. I'm a pessimiste, I can't stand people who are always happy and positive; sorry, it's just not real. I like kids and I'm scared that when I try to I won't be able to have any. I don't trust easily. I love sleeping in - a lot. I never get up on time. I don't understand people who like getting up early and "making the most of their day". What does that even mean? The concept of "most" is relative in this context - I hate going to bed early, are people who go to bed at 9pm making the least of their day? I like going to movies that I've heard are really, really bad: I can't wait for "Snakes on a Plane". I think everywhere takes 20mins to get to: my friends don't agree. I pretend to care about getting parking tickets but actually I don't. If it's a 1 hour park and I know I'm going to be 3 hours, then I'll take my chances. I get a lot of parking tickets. I'm not a planner. People who plan excessively irritate me. I'm not driven professionally by ambition or money - I can't think of anything worse than being the principal of a school. I'd rather be the lowly art teacher thanks. I am driven more by praise, making people happy and being proud of things I accomplish. In that sense I guess I'm a puppy - love me! love me! I despise chauvinists but I can handle a joke...well, mostly. I am a feminist. I get sad when women say that they're either not feminists or use the phrase "I'm a feminist but". To me that says they don't want to be labelled as ball breakers by men. I can't respect that at all. I doodle a lot, I doodle in meetings, when I'm on PDs, when I'm on the phone, when I'm thinking. It helps center my thoughts, but sometimes it can come across as me not listening. Truth be told I'm probably listening less when I'm staring right at you. I find it intimidating to look people right in the eyes. I will always be the one to look away first - it's probably worth trying to catch my gaze though, even though you will have a hard time doing it. I love my ipod - I've had a walkman of some description or other since I was 10. I couldn't live without music. Most of my tears are tears of frustration rather than sadness - though sometimes there's that too. I never cry in front of others. I have a lot of self doubt and rarely think nice thoughts about myself. I'm always surprised if someone says something nice about me - even though I tend to be so positive about things that other people do. I had a few experiences in my childhood that have scarred me for life - I guess everyone does. I usually wake up half way through the night and can't get back to sleep until 4am - then I'm tired for the rest of the day. I think about sex a lot even though I don't disucss it much. People call me for the guy perspective on things all the time. This disturbs me because if I really have an insight then... oh boy. I tend to play devil's advocate and make outlandish statements just to see what people will say when actually I am pretty sensitive, maybe I just don't want people to attack me instead. I like discussing 'dicey issues' but if I feel myself getting too emotive about it then I'll just sit back and listen instead. I love lounging around, reading the paper, having a coffee (or 20) and doing nothing of consequence. I like cuddles. I feel like my days are so hectic and my weekends are precious. If you say something I don't agree with I'll challenge you on it but I will rarely hold anything you say against you even if I don't agree with it. I have been described as laissez-faire, quirky, arty, nice, friendly, insular, funny... I don't really think any of them fit me particularly well, but then who knows? I pretty much always see the other side of the story and can sympathise with both. I'm not a fan of men who travel in packs. People who dress their dogs in clothes bother me. People who let their dogs eat from dinner plates or at the table really bother me. I don't like g-strings and don't understand why people wear them, they're not sexy, they're trashy, they're not fun, they're just a bit of bum floss. I'm pretty idealistic. I need to get out of my comfort zone more often. I think there is a glass ceiling in the working/living world and a double standard too for men and women. I think a lot of things are funny. I see the funny even when things aren't supposed to be thus. I am not impressed by cockiness in anyone. I want to know who you vote for and why. I don't subscribe to the 'keep it to yourself policy, if you support a political party then I need you to articulate why you support them. I am tied down by responsibility and affected by a lot of guilt that shouldn't be mine. There are a few things I don't/won't talk about. I get frustrated by people who don't answer my questions though. ha, serves me right. I don't respond well to the 'ignore the girl tactic'. If someone ignores me then I'm G.O.N.E; gone. I believe in karma. I value honesty, though I can't say I always handle it well - give me a moment and I'll come good though. I feel out of place in pubs and clubs - I didn't always feel that way. If you say tomayto I'll probably say tomahto just to see what you'll say. If you told me to shut the hell up I probably would. I'm looking forward to the World Cup. I was a teacher pleaser but I was never the teacher's pet - except in year 12 biology where somehow Mrs L let me get away with a lot. I always loved school. I miss studying though I was never really good at it. I'm a 'cross my fingers and hope it will happen' girl. I believe some people are lucky and some people aren't - that's not to say I don't think actions have consequences because clearly they do - just that there is always a bit of luck as well. I love a good laugh and will pick that over almost anything on the list of things to do. There are some people I just don't like. I trust my own instincts enough to know that they actually aren't good people, even though they may present themselves to be. I just know. I would really like some peace in my life; that's what I want most of all - in and out. I was constantly told I was never good enough growing up, as a consequence I don't think I'm good enough at anything and feel bad about most things. I hope I can give my own kids something more than that. I'm done with putting myself in situations where I end up feeling bad about myself, so now I don't do that if I can help it - but sometimes that limits me. I know it. I'm ticklish, anyone can 'get me' by tickling me - it totally disables me. I have excellent intuition and am not surprised by very much. My mother has dreams that come true. I think dreams are important. They are as important as anything you say or do in your waking life because they are a product of what you think and feel. People forget that and think that just because you are asleep you cease being you. ha! I believe in ghosts and will totally be taken in by any ghost story. I refuse to do a ouija board seance with any of my friends because I know that E, for instance, would move the glass and that I would totally believe it had happened for real. I used to read tarot for my friends. I don't do it anymore. I love the Vertigo tarot set - Dave McKean is a wonderful artist (he also did The Sandman covers). I love watching people. I love listening to stories. I am not always what I say I am.

And even though it's too early for Monday...I love this song.

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Getting away with it (all messed up) - James.