[Miscellany]

10 year old Kid: so Miss, ..What's a teacher taking home these days?
lol, obviously not enough if I'm fielding these sorts of questions.

crying kid: I have a big problem
okay..tell me the problem
I was playing with my brother and his friend and now they won't let me play anymore!
me: aw, I'm sorry. Where are they playing? Let's go see, maybe we can work something out.
crying kid: They're over there *points*. We were playing pirates - they were the pirates and they said I could be the parrot
me: ...

prin: okay we have some serious issues to discuss regarding JB. Any recent problems?
female teacher: he screamed continuously and when I tried to remove him from the classroom he lashed out further.
another female teacher: he threw things around the classroom and then ran outside.
female teacher: ..then he called me stupid.
young female teacher: he called me a dumb head.
male teacher: well he called me a silly bitch and kicked me in the shin.
prin: well, yes - he's quite a clever child.
rofl

office lady: I came home the other day. My son and his girlfriend were in my bed. There was a bottle of chocolate body sauce on the coffee table, a Newspaper cage on my front porch and the garden hose in my living room.
me: jesus christ...what the hell were they using the garden hose for?
office lady: ...that's the bit that scares me
this is surely why boarding schools were invented..

*sitting on shorefront with bro*
bro: I fucking hate sea gulls
me: me too, they're just so sqwalky and greedy.
bro: they should have cock fights but with seagulls instead
me: haha, that would be popular. Everyone hates seagulls!
bro: all you'd have to do is attach a piece of food to their heads with string, maybe roll them in bread crumbs and they'd go for it really quickly!
me: ... you are sick.

psychic: so, any other questions?
me: oh god, I hate myself for asking this..but will I EVER get married? EVER?
psychic: *tells me prediction*
me: ...okay, is this going to happen when I'm 60 or something? I'm getting a 60 vibe!
psychic: *laughing so hard she needs to take a break*
I need to work on my poise, I swear. Less is more. Less is more.


me: Today is your last day of working on your collages. *going on to make a detailed description of what needs to be done*
*3 minutes later*
does anyone have any questions?
little girl: ..how *do* you remember *all* of our names?
???

teacher: I'm going through some difficulties. I've found god and that's helped me but I'm also seeing a psychologist. I know people would be surprised to hear that, but it's helping me deal with some issues. I don't really know who I am. I want to find out about my life. I want to know if I'm living towards my potential
me: oh I know exactly what you mean. I'm dealing with those questions too. I think it's great that you are being proactive and seeing someone to help you forge a plan of how to deal with your anxiety about yourself. Good on you.
teacher: so, what are you going to do?
me: ...I'm seeing a psychic tonight.
*both of us holding eachother up and laughing*

me: so Australia/Brazil, whaddya reckon?
bro: we could be a chance!
me: yeah, a chance in hell
faith is a wonderful thing.

me: oops, I got lost! SORRY!
M: oh no, I was wondering where you were! Why didn't you ring?
me: I figured I'd find it eventually!
M: ...um, no - that's not how it works.
me: meanwhile *nice* neighbourhood!

E: I can't wait to get my little puppy!!
me: it'll be so cute! I love it when they're so little and they can't quite handle their paws being so big.
L: So, what are you going to call it? Do you already have a name picked out like you do for your future cat?
E: no, I'll just wait and see what'll look like.
me: call it "pooky"!
E: You want me to call a German Shepherd "Pooky".
me: yes!
E: ...You can't call a dog a name like that.
me: well *I* think you can't call a dog 'Kate' or 'James' or anything like that. THAT would be wrong. It's a dog not a kid!
E: ...good point.


I have a question for you. When you wear sneakers do you untie them so that when you put them on again they are ready for a nice new bow? Or are you like me, who slides them off, kicks them into the corner and the next time you want to wear them you stubbornly refuse to undo the laces so you end up on the floor with one leg in the air pulling on your shoes like they are a pair of galoshes? Just wondering.

Labels: quotegirl

posted by M at 1:29 pm 16 comments