[Miscellany]

I had a mental breakdown at school today. Perhaps MB is a tad over dramatic - it was more a spazz attack. I tried to keep it private and civilised but when you work in the A.R. on the last day of school you end up dealing with a lot of people traffic and sudden intrusions on your time. Suffice to say, the overwork, underappreciation and knowledge that I simply cannot get the things I need to do done has finally caught up with me. Thank God, it's been a long time coming. It's about time I spazzed out.

I don't cry in public - actually I can count the time I have cried in front of someone else (as an adult) on one finger - but today I made up for it big time. I lost count of the people that saw what we shall now shamefully refer to as "my little episode" and quite frankly I don't care. I always said that if it was going to happen it would happen on a grand scale and involve a situation whereby people really should be worried. They were. Rightly so. I am not a girl who uses tears to manipulate any situation so it was extremely bizarre for other people to see me cry.

I always wondered what would happen if a teacher spazzed out at our school. You know what happens? Kids look worried and tell teachers. Teachers give you hugs, sympathy and promises of help. Management, on the other hand does nada except look at you weirdly and then impotently open their mouths so that no words come out and slink away back to their offices. They know why I'm overworked and they've known that I've been beyond stressed and unable to cope for weeks now but did nothing to help the situation by giving me the time I needed.

I am quite frankly too exhausted and half way through a nice bottle of red to care much now - but I was angry at first. I was frustrated that in knowing my impossible work load and the amount of work I've been putting in there was little acknowledgement of how overworked I've been and/or offer of help. I know of one other member of staff who is taking stress leave next term and another still who is strongly considering it.

It's one thing to manage a business but how can someone be a boss/manager if they have no idea of how to look after people?

Anyway it's a good thing I have two weeks to myself for school holidays. The worst thing I could do was to face everyone at school on Monday. I might not be a crier but I have a mouth that has a knack for hitting the nail right on the head when I feel I've been wronged. Sometimes it's better not to let people know how shit they've made you feel...especially when they pay your wage, ya know?

Labels: school, stressed teachers, trying not to cry

posted by M at 10:33 pm 22 comments