[Miscellany]

The sun begins by creeping over the horizon, birds awake piercing the morning with their cheery calls... The light sees the sky turn yellow and blue and the colours fade from grey to a gradual brilliant. Flowers open, dew collects, the morning arises with a casual yawn. She does this every day, mother nature, with elegance and ease. Everything in its own time ...and place. And joining the dance, us humans - the morning traffic begins to make its cautious way into the day, rubber on tar snaking a trail around and in and out through the city and streets. The garbage truck creeps around the roads, stopping at every house with a loud hiss and bang while the rest of the city prepares to shake off that blanket of sleep..

beeep! Eyes snap awake, roll over, snooze, peel eyes open from the inside, roll out of bed, toilet, yawn, taps, warm water, wash, scrub, fingers find their way through the tangle in my hair, rub, rub, rubbing at the suds and the scalp, lathering rinse, repeat, puff - lather, bubble, repeat, bend at waist and shave legs, scrape, scrape scrape, think about the day, scrape - bleeding - keep going. Step out of shower, towel, rub, dry, moisturise, brush teeth - stroke stroke stroke, spit, smile, stroke stroke stroke, spit smile - repeat ad nauseum, hair dry, flip, comb, comb comb, flip, toss, brush, style, make up - cover circles, marks, imperfections, examine self in the mirror - self in parts never whole. Dress, run.

Check phone, contemplate breakfast, decide agains, apple? Maybe later, late, fuck breakfast, lunch? Maybe I'll grab something from the store, shoes, run. Keys turn, door slam, walk to car, juggle lap top, juggle keys, juggle bag, chuck it all in, chuck self in, keys, ignition, radio, seat belt, glasses, go - go - go - go - go - stop - shit - go - go - go - go - radio funny, laugh, repeat, laugh - stop, go quick go - go - merge - go park stop. Juggle bags and self, coffee, where's the coffee? Where's the fucking coffee? Morning, good morning, yes - I'll get on top of that, I'll get that done, Will talk to you about it later, how are you going anyway? Can't stop, on the go. Speak soon. Juggle bags and coffee - spill coffee, once, twice, thrice, sigh.

Breathe for a minute.

Bell. Fuck, go, roll, tell kid off, explain, discuss, interact, demonstrate, model, inspire, implore, impact, go, do it now, do it! You haven't got all day. Answering questions on the fly - feelings of inadequacies spring to the surface, help out, encourage, smile, counsel, assure, show, scaffold, joke, admire, not really listening, look outside window, blue skies, wonder for a moment, quick hurry, pack up, talk, stop everyone, discipline, back to clean up, evaluation, grade line up - and out.

New grade - go, roll, tell kid off, explain, discuss, interact, demonstrate, model, inspire, implore, impact, go, do it now, do it! You haven't got all day. Answering questions on the fly - feelings of inadequacies spring to the surface, help out, encourage, smile, counsel, assure, show, scaffold, joke, admire, not really listening, look outside window, blue skies, wonder for a moment, quick hurry, pack up, talk, stop everyone, discipline, back to clean up, evaluation, grade line up - and out.

Recess - quick coffee, wait in line, tap. Yep, hard morning, what about you? Little devils, little rascals, little somethings. This one did good, I was impressed too - good to know it's the same for all of us. Say, what are you doing about reports? Oh yes, horrible time. Here's me, catch you later. Coffee, sip, no biscuits again, sigh, rush back - spill coffee. Damn forgot to go to the toilet.

New grade - go, roll, tell kid off, explain, discuss, interact, demonstrate, model, inspire, implore, impact, go, do it now, do it! You haven't got all day. Answering questions on the fly - feelings of inadequacies spring to the surface, help out, encourage, smile, counsel, assure, show, scaffold, joke, admire, not really listening, look outside window, blue skies, wonder for a moment, quick hurry, pack up, talk, stop everyone, discipline, back to clean up, evaluation, grade line up - and out.

New grade - go, roll, tell kid off, explain, discuss, interact, demonstrate, model, inspire, implore, impact, go, do it now, do it! You haven't got all day. Answering questions on the fly - feelings of inadequacies spring to the surface, help out, encourage, smile, counsel, assure, show, scaffold, joke, admire, not really listening, look outside window, blue skies, wonder for a moment, quick hurry, pack up, talk, stop everyone, discipline, back to clean up, evaluation, grade line up - and out.

Lunch, fuck forgot it. No time. No time. Coffee - where's the fucking coffee? Too much work to do, back to the hole, clean, wonder, clean, prepare, think, sit - write, plan, devise, predict, assess child #1 - wonder, tick, cross, skill met, not met. Child #2 - wonder, tick, cross, skill met, above, way above. Stop, tell a child off for running the hallway. Sit down, another runs through, get up, tell off again, lunchtime detention. Coffee glup - cold, yuk. Time for new cup. Bell, forgot to go to the toilet again.

New grade - go, roll, tell kid off, explain, discuss, interact, demonstrate, model, inspire, implore, impact, go, do it now, do it! You haven't got all day. Answering questions on the fly - feelings of inadequacies spring to the surface, help out, encourage, smile, counsel, assure, show, scaffold, joke, admire, not really listening, look outside window, blue skies, wonder for a moment, quick hurry, pack up, talk, stop everyone, discipline, back to clean up, evaluation, grade line up - and out.

Bell, kids run out. Quiet. Assessment, child #3 - repeat - child #20 repeat - child #50 repeat - yawn, coffee, yawn, cleaners come in. You still here? Feel loserish, slink out. Juggle lap top and bag and assessment, keys open door and chuck everything in, chuck self in. Key, ignition, radio, belt, glasses, go - stop - go - stop - go - stop afternoon traffic is a bitch. Pull sun shield down. The yellow hues of the day are beginning to settle behind the trees on the horizon. The sun is low in the sky and it has it's pajamas on, almost ready for bed. Park, turn off ignition, breathe for a second. Juggle things.

Computer on, coffee, food, toilet (finally), email, read, laugh, blogs read, comment, laugh, think, breathe, food ready. TV, news, newspapers, catch up with the world outside. Look at face in mirror - always in parts, peel away at the make up. Scrub self clean, brush teeth - stroke stroke stroke, spit, smile, stroke stroke stroke, spit smile - repeat ad nauseum. Read, talk to friend, yes we'll have to get together soon - crap time of year...speak to you next time, music, wonder a bit, peel off clothes and settle into bed, set alarm, think about writing, must write, must, must, should, need.... Breathe slowly, heavily, sleepy - eyelids flutter closed, roll over, cheek presses into pillow, breathing becomes steady, muscles relax, breath deepens, sleep comes and so does sweet relief.

beep!

And it begins...again.

Sometimes the days don't feel like their bleeding into the next, but if I'm honest I have to say that mostly they do. Even when they are unpredictable with goings out and parties to attend and people to see it's still the same old rushed feeling. Is it just me that is frantic, or is it all of us?

Sometimes my life feels like a favourite Orbital song of mine. A perfect soundtrack really.

Halcyon & On & On - Orbital

Labels: and on and on, life

posted by M at 12:01 am 10 comments