Monday, April 04, 2011

All aboard!

MVOR, (being so much more reasonable than I) made an interesting remark the other day.

We were talking about personal relationships and I was relating a story about somebody that I was (am) on the verge of cutting out of my life. She interrupted my petty diatribe to tell me about the train theory - or rather, the train carriage theory of personal relationships.

Basically the people with normal personal relationships keep them organised in a kind of train carriage system. Some people are very close to us and we hold them dear - our immediate family or spouse, children etc and they go in the first carriage. The next carriage has our next closest people - our best friends, perhaps extended family etc. Then so on and so on as the carriages get further and further away from the funnel and down the track until you get right to the end where it's people you see every few years at a reunion.

Not everyone can be in first class you see - and you can't treat everyone like they are in first class either. It would tire you out and indeed they would take you for granted in the end - especially if you're right down the end of their carriage system. The people with successful personal relationships with others have different expectations and rules for the people who live in first, second, third or last class. If we are going to treat first class differently (by offering our most important asset - our hearts) then we should expect that they also behave differently toward us than those in 3rd or 4th class.

There are times though, in everyone's life where people can move between carriages depending on our personal needs at the time. For instance - perhaps you get married. Your spouse, being so close to your heart is in first class exactly where they should be. However, if you were going through a tough period and considered separating then they would move out of the carriage and into another one further down. Perhaps a few years later you get divorced or perhaps you decided you would never see them again. Well then they would move right back down and perhaps off the train altogether. That's life.

That's how things work for those of you lucky enough not to need an external voice of reason.

Apparently, I don't have a carriage system.
I have one carriage: First class.
Once people fuck with me - they exit first class and have nowhere else to go. I watch them tumble onto the tracks below as I speed on away. Sayonara!

MVOR says that I need a carriage system in order to organise people better. Apparently I don't need to execute everyone to hurts me. Instead I can move them down the carriage system so that my expectations of them change as well as my feelings about them - without having to feel angry or hurt for a long time etc.

Easier said than done.

What's your first carriage like?

Meanwhile Musical Monday comes in the form of a mash up. Usually I loathe Mash ups with a passion but this one is highly ace. It's Blondie's Heart of Glass and Arcade Fire's Sprawl 2. It's an excellent, excellent, excellent song made up of two stellar tunes.


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