[Miscellany]

Dear Ladies of Australia,

I realise it's exciting when a big name fashion designer finally decides to make a pair of pants that aren't going to set you back a cool thousand but really, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Descending like a pack of vultures on a pair of pants and a knit top is pathetic. I hate you.

love,

Me.


Dear Vagina,

I saw a tumbleweed blowing gently across your humble emptiness today. It didn't even bother me, I just stood by and let it roll past.

love,

Moi.


Dear Parent of that 18 Month Old Toddler Who Put The Car Into Gear and Ran Over You,

I guess when baby says he don't wanna go potty, then he don't wanna go potty. Capish?

Love,

Amused.

PS: No more 'Wiggles' music or dad gets it!


Dear Cleaner,

When you say you like me do you mean you like how anal I am about cleanliness around the art room or just sumthin sumthin ANAL?

Love,

Starting to Leave Before You Get There.


Dear Auntie T,

No, I don't think putting a sign across my chest that says "husband wanted" would work.

Thanks for the suggestion though,

Love,

Eternal Spinster.


Dear #1,

That conversation with you the other day made me feel less like a childless freak and more like the luckiest person in the world. I'm sad you have cracked nipples and a computer game playing husband that makes you feel like you're babysitting two kids. I love being able to squish my boobs without screaming in pain.

Of course squishing your own boobs is a bit pathetic.

hm.

Love,

Still thinking This One Out.


Dear Writers of the TV Show Scrubs,

I wish you would write me into your script. I would love to live inside you.

Love,

A Fan.



Dear Piece of Food on the Floor,

Was it 3 second rule or 30 second rule? Does it really matter, anyway? Starving children in Africa don't have any rules...or food.

Love,

Hungry.


Dear Bloggers,

You might not want to answer this but - right now you're pregnant do you Abort, Adopt out or just make it work hell or high water? Yes, boys, you get a choice too.

Love

Wondering.

Labels: letters, loony loony loony, questions

posted by M at 6:19 pm 69 comments