Monday, January 03, 2011

Letters to the Editor

Dear Americans,

Why remake Death at a Funeral? Seriously, why?

We know you have an aversion to subtitles and foreign films and need to remake them immediately before they sully your shores with their "foreignness", but Death at a Funeral isn't subtitled. In fact, they speak English... REAL English! Proper English!

I don't get it. I didn't think the American version was funnier than the British version. I didn't think it was better. I didn't think anything worthwhile was added to the movie in order to justify a remake.

Love Movie Buff.

Dear Young Men playing Football in the Park,

Why must you kick so dangerously close to people who just want to have a picnic and a chat?

This wide brown land has enough room for all of us, even the ones kicking footballs. Where should you go? Okay, you see that spot over there? ... nope, keep going... keep going... keep going... keeeeeeeeeep going... right over THERE. Waaaaaaaaaaay over there. Yes, THERE. That's where you need to go.


Dear Drunktard on NYE in the City,

Your drunken bogan shout: 2011 show me what you've got has become my unlikely slogan for the year.

Who knew wisdom came from a bottle? Okay, yes I did know this..

Lover of the Bogan Slogan.

Dear Other Drunktards Laughing Outside my Window as I Type this at 12.30am,

I'm pretty sure you're smoking something illegal.

Carry on.

Amused but Won't be for Much Longer.

Dear Makers of the show Bret Michaels: Life as I Know It,

80s Has Been Rocker who can't come to grips with the aging process - CHECK
Long Blonde Wig and a Bandanna to cover up the receding hairline - CHECK
More Fake Tan than all the members of Jersey Shore combined - CHECK
Kids who are smarter than their Mother and Father - CHECK
Slutty ex-"dancer" - CHECK
Bullshit detector going off every 2 minutes - CHEEEEEEEEEECK!

All the elements are there. Congratulations on another piece of shit Television Show.
I couldn't be more thrilled.

Love, Addicted.

Dear Colin Firth,

You are full of awesome.
Seriously, you are - and this time you weren't even wearing a wet shirt and climbing out of a lake at Pemberley.

For the record, The King's Speech got a round of applause at the cinema - which almost never happens in Melbs.

You were magnificent!
Love, A Looooooooooooooooooooooooong time Fan.

Dear 2011,

Be Kind.

Love, Me.

Dear Nick Cave,

I love that you make music to be listened to with Headphones firmly plugged in and a glass of something that burns your throat on the way down.

"O Children" turned that scene in the new Harry Potter movie into art.
This is what you do...

Musical Monday

Love, Music Lover.

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