Monday, September 03, 2007

In-Between Lives

The psychic is back in town. I know, I know - I'm flakey like that. I don't believe in psychics willy nilly, in fact I've never been to one before this one but this one had a family connection so I knew I could trust them - and then last year when I went she knew something about me that no one else knew - in such great detail mind you that I was left with no doubt in my mind at all...

Anyway - suffice to say, she's very good and now she's back.

I've decided to go again.

I've thought about the last 12 months since I saw her. I've thought about it a lot. I don't know if much has changed and I can't help thinking that's another year wasted. Since I'm breathing down the neck of 30 here time is the very last thing I want to waste. In the last year I've gone through a few really low lows and quite frankly I can't think of any high points at all. Most of all I feel like a year ago I was at a crossroad and now ...I'm still there! I was speaking to Fashion Cousin who since her visit last year has dramatically changed her outlook on life - the positivity there is astounding. She's had a lot of people believe in her as well and that has helped. As a contrast I'm feeling tired and really old. Not so much in years but something deeper inside me feels very old, like I'm at the end of my life or something - which is not a cry for help btw, it's just how I feel. I don't know what that means except that I've stopped trying and that's not good. I suppose I felt like all the efforts I *did* make have gone to waste. How does one get their mojo back I wonder?

All I know is that I'm feeling frustrated because I don't know how to make things happen. I know that I have certain abilities and talents but not how to make them work for me. It's like I am this unopened present. Until you get to see what it is and play with it a present is just a box wrapped up tightly. It has potential, sure - but what good is potential if it's never realised?

Maybe I should ask the psychic about lotto numbers - money changes everything, right?

The song today reminds me of my friend S - The Cure always reminds me of her. We sang them a lot when we were in school. Come to think of it - we were doing a lot of singing full stop. Nevermind the fact that I'm particularly bad at singing I just liked doing it. It's funny - back then I was probably truer to myself than what I am now. That's not how it's supposed to be - you're supposed to be truer to yourself as you leave your awkward teen years behind. I feel much more awkward now than I ever did back then.

Anyway, In-between Days, because it's a favourite, and because it feels like I am in-between days at the moment. In-between lives. In-between thoughts. In-between decisions. In-between everything but two hot men. What? Who said that? Anyway, I'd be willing to bet you're all familiar with the song and if not, then I have to ask WHY the hell not? It's a goodie.

In-Between Days - The Cure

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