[Miscellany]

Dear Ikea shopper,

You are a big wanker. Wanker, Wanker, Wanker, Wanker, WANKER, WANKER, WANKER! ARGH!!

You've got your crappy do-it-yourself bed now MOVE ALONG CHUMP! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!!

No, you DON'T have to double check every single FUCKING package at the checkout! Just don't! DON'T! You don't say to the checkout lady "hm, I think I might have 8 items" when in fact she scanned 7 and then spend the NEXT FIVE MINUTES searching endlessly for this mystery 8th item THAT ISN'T EVEN THERE. She scanned 7, GREAT! You just count your lucky stars that you're not paying for 8 and MOVE THE FUCK ALONG! No, don't INSIST on looking for it! The only think I insist is that you are a GRADE A (in capitals) WANKER. You know when you SHOULD have done that shit? WHEN YOU AND WIFEY WERE GETTING IT OFF THE FUCKING SHELF. Yes, checking items when you get them off the shelf may be like inventing fire to idiots like you but I maintain that it's a GREAT time to make sure you have your shit together. Guess what? There's TWO of you. that means that one gets it off the shelf and the other one DOES NOT STAND THERE GIGGLING LIKE SOME MORON, it's her job to check the shit so that you don't embarrass yourselves at the counter. How's that for a plan, team USA? Why would that be a good idea? Oh I don't know, maybe it's because people like me who know what they want are standing right behind you with my 1 item that should me about 2 MINUTES to get through the register with.. but nooooooo you turn what should have been an easy 2 minute journey into a 15 minute HELL RIDE TO SHITSVILLE!

I hate you....wanker!

Love,
Ikea shopper who actually knows what they are doing.




Dear people in charge of my Education region,


That conversation we had the other day really depressed me. I really felt like that was the last thing I needed to hear about my profession that day. I'm already hanging on by a thread.

For the record, no I don't think that teachers get too much PD and no I don't think that we should be doing more in house PD instead of going out and getting trained by specialists. No I don't think we should be letting the information filter down from teacher to teacher. When exactly do you think we have time to do all this in house networking? Do you realise how exhausted a day of teaching makes you? No, of COURSE you don't, you're a paper pusher. I don't think you understand very much at all. If you stop training teachers to be BETTER teachers then you will get exactly what you foster: CRAP TEACHERS WHO NEVER LEARN ANYTHING NEW.

I feel sad. I feel abandoned by the very people who are supposed to represent my needs. But you don't. You represent the almighty dollar. I don't know if I want to be part of your organisation anymore.

You suck!

Love,

Disillusioned teacher.




Dear Parent who came into my classroom today,

Thank you for saying what you said. Yes I'm chuffed that my group of parents "feel very, very lucky to have Miss F as a teacher". I thought it would be the opposite because of the art room thing. Personally I think being in the art room for a couple of years has made me a better CLASSROOM teacher than I was before but I never thought that parents would give me a chance. I thought I would have been eaten alive without a trail. I'm so happy that you said that my reputation pre-art and in the classroom proceeded me.

Thank you!

Love,

Your Daughter's Teacher.




Dear Friend,

I love you, I really do but I think it's totally bogan to go to the bottle shop and buy one of those little bottles of bubbly and drink it at a restaurant without ordering anything else.

Sorry, no I won't join you in a glass - I'm going to actually order something off the menu.

Am a bit Shocked to tell you the truth.

Me.




Dear S,

No, updating your "status" as "moving house" isn't actually the same as letting someone know that you've moved. We've only known each other for ooo... 18 years so I thought I'd at least qualify for a text.

Access to technology is great but it's not a substitute for good old fashioned courtesy.

Love,

Well, Not Love...Obviously.





Dear #1,

Love Baby S. I really do. I will sit and listen to all the crappy stories about how he bumps into walls and won't fall asleep. I'll sympathise and empathise and other "ises" ...anything, you're my friend. HOWEVER, being at the 1st birthday party was excruciating! I hated every second of it. It's no place for a single gal. You babied up folk are ...well you're really down right scary sometimes. It's frightening and I wanted to leave about 10 minutes after I got there. I really don't belong and I'm not sure I want to belong either. You're all cuckoo for coco pops - sorry but it's true. I hope you're not offended. I DID buy a really cool present.

Love,

Weirded out by babied up people.



Dear Mazda Driver,

I have memorised your car. Get on the Freeway going 80kms again and I swear to God I will hunt you down and rip out your still-beating heart. You think I have anger management issues? Well you're quite possibly right but you STILL need to get the in the left lane and STAY THERE FOREVER bucko! Or better yet, take a taxi. I don't understand why people like you even WANT to get on the freeway in the first place. What's the attraction: Pissing people off? We have plenty of roads out there where you can go 60kms or EVEN 40kms on school days! Sounds like your kind of speed to me.

Love

Late for Work and other Appointments.

Labels: Crazy Nutters, crazy people, letters, rant, school

posted by M at 10:47 pm 11 comments