[Miscellany]

Something has awakened in me this Spring, along with the blossoms.  It's an emotion, a frustration, an anger, love, a lust for life to take over and a feeling of inevitability that change will happen. 

There is a part of me that walks alongside me, behind me, above me, ahead.  My higher self I suppose.  I can see her silver rope in hand, attached through and inside me, pulling at the chord, she's running ahead, skipping forwards, pirouetting through the air, dancing a wild dervish while the physical me plods behind.  Higher self is quite a force, trust me.  She is beckoning me forwards through the wasted nights, wasted years, wasted life and showing me a future without despair.

I have waited for the epiphany.  I have searched for the synchronicity and explored all connections.  I've been misguided and walked down the wrong path many times but I've come to the realisation that sometimes people come into your life for one reason only.  You may share a joke.  Feel a connection.  See a spark.  Light a candle.  Carry a flame.  Are best friends.  But maybe that friendship of love or lust isn't why they are important.  That connection whatever it is isn't the important one at all. The important bit is the sentence they utter offhandedly one day.  The song you hear on their ipod when you borrow it.  The t-shirt they wear with that slogan.  The tweet you read by accident.  Whatever.  That little chaotic accident ..or twist of fate pushes you forwards and before you know it you're tumbling off the edge and into your future.  They will never know and never need to know that that their inconsequential little nothing turned into something marvelous inside you.

You came into my life to lead me here.

Despair - Yeah Yeah Yeahs



Seasons change, emotions change, the government changes, the waves roll in and out.
Good and bad, it's all change.
Everything has its day... and so will I.

Labels: about me, brain fuzz, change, change the colour of your day, choices, contemplation, daydreams, divination, endless summer lift the curse, fear, music, musical monday, personal, the circle dance, voice

posted by M at 7:08 pm 6 comments

Holding hands in a circle, a chain linked and strong but fluid, not stoic. Someone new enters and the link breaks to allow them in, again it closes. A smile, a wink, a knowing glance is shared and the dance continues, around at a frenzied pace. Another bond broken suddenly when two more hands slide in between the clasps and then another and another. The chain grows longer until the circle has no choice but to be broken and so it is - and the dance is lead in towards the centre. It swirls inwards like a pattern on a snail shell and curls around on itself like an twirling, vigorous whirlpool.

Around we all go interlocked hands all clasping, rough skin on smooth, sweaty palms on dry until there are circles within circles of people all laughing and singing and stepping in unison. Never mind a wrong foot, just hold on and keep going. At this delirious point you can't tell where the chain begins or ends and it doesn't matter.

This is a different kind of wedding waltz, a shared moment rather than private. It says that marriage is something that you share with the people who are important to you. Where it might be suffocating, breathless, sweaty and crowded it also promises to be uplifting, supported. Always there will be someone willing to clasp your hand, support your dance and hold on, come what may, until the very end.

Labels: aching feet, community, foreign weddings, smug marrieds, the circle dance, three cheek kisses

posted by M at 11:39 am 15 comments